The fact that he was in her arms, that her chin was resting above his freshly picked hair, was comforting to her, it made her squeeze her thighs which were locked on either side of his right hip. Even though the thick quit she could feel the soft rise and fall of his chest. It was even breathing, as if he was nearly relaxed even with all of the chaos that the outside world held. Maybe it was because the world, as disturbed as it may have been, was streets away. Because their family was locked behind the farmhouse doors without a real worry about what went on outside of them. “you’re worried” his melodic voice filled her ears and she shut her eyes for a moment, taking in the silence instead of responding. “everyone’s home safe, you don’t have anything to worry about.” she could have listened to him talk for hours. It felt like so long since she’d heard it. a caramel hue popped open as she looked down at him, his own eyes stuck on her, “this is going to be nothing soon, we’re all going to get through this.” Had he not learned that despite his smile, his gentle tone, she could see through him? she knew that he worried more than he’d let on. that he knew that the moment he stepped outside of the house for anything all of the devastation and loss would hit him like a ton of bricks falling off of a meek bridge. He always tried so hard to be the tough one. Tried to pretend like his gifts didn’t crucify him where he stood. she countered his words, “I’m okay” she replied softly, index finger reaching out to trace his bottom lip as she felt his arms tighten around her, slipping under the blanket as his rough pads grazed her skin just enough to sooth her. it was then that she exhaled a deep breath, the cool feeling of waves on the beach engulfing her, lulling her chest to unlock, her shoulders to drop as the feeling of sunshine kissed her forehead and the soft breeze of a tropical paradise balanced her out. when his touch left her she could see a dark taint to those coffee eyes. “I told you, nothing to be afraid of. i’ve got you squeak.” for years now she’d been trying to decide if the comfort that his gifts brought were worth the strain that it put on him, even when he argued time and time again that if it was relaxing her, it was worth whatever it might have been doing to him. she didn’t believe it. but if there was one thing she’d learned not to do through the years, that was argue with elijah. those were battles she’d always resoundingly lose. with a light laugh and a chin lifted to kiss the tip of her nose, she felt a burst of sunshine behind her eyelids for a fraction of a moment, “so what do you think? will your brother and key finally stop playing their game of hide around the hedge?” a brow quirked at his words, “first of all, you sound like an old man …and second I don’t understand where you ever get that from. if she had a thing for boston I’m pretty sure she’d tell me.” that was one thing that key had never mentioned to her, they told one another everything. “whatever you want to believe miss vee.” not that she would have had a problem with it …if it were a thing. because nothing would have been better than her brother and best friend being happy. If anyone deserved that it was the two of them. “you need to get back down there and check on them. before they start to think you snuck out squeak.” he was right and she didn’t want to admit it. she didn’t want to have to open her eyes. “can’t I just stay with you? They’re fine down there for a little while longer.” the difficulty she was having lately was growing increasingly worse. avelyn knew it was because the pills were beginning to dwindle. once the pills were gone she wasn’t sure how she was going to get the high that would take her away from everything, that would replicate the feeling of him being right there with her. she’d be in trouble then. “go ahead squeak, open your eyes. It’s okay.” although a stronger part of her wanted to relent, to hide in the moment with him longer and pretend that the world didn’t exist, she found her eyes slowly blinking open to the paint splattered walls of her bedroom, the sun kissing her cheeks from the windows. shifting from her position on the floor to sitting up straight against her bed took effort, bones cracking from stiffness. running the base of her palm against her eyes she heard the clatter of the key she used to crush the pills into powder clatter to the floor beside her. how long had she been out? cheeks were crusted with dried tears, sweatshirt was still damp with emotions …it couldn’t have been that long. with a final stretch she counted the pills in the bottle, 12 left. she could last 12 more days without losing her crutch, without the burning need eating her alive …12 more days that she could escape to find him in that lucid conscious. prying away the floorboard beside the window she dropped the pill bottle, straw, and key that were wrapped up in one of elijah’s old tee shirts. with so many knocks and cracks in the floor that space had become her hiding spot, the area that she figured none of her housemates would ever think to look for anything. avey stood up from the spot on the floor, running her hand through short matted waves. it was time to get back to the new normal of life, time to harass key into watching a movie or boston into ordering them dinner… or if she was real lucky getting maty into a lucky charm war with the neglected marshmallows she’d put aside from the morning in case a new game was needed for entertainment. anything to try and force a smile out of what was left of her family.