[imposterogers]

every once in a while I remember that hannibal lecter would show up at crimes he committed and be like “girl WHO did that???”

[horreurscopes]

i dont want to be an adult i want to go to the shiny secondhand trinkets store and spend seven hundred dollars

[horreurscopes]

god is hiding somewhere in here and he is only $4.99

[omghotmemes]

Gotta make money somehow

[superiorjello]

The older this gets the funnier it is

[funnytwittertweets]

[sociallinkmax]

i love games that encourages multiple playtroughs where u can make different decisions and i just make the same goody two shoes choices all over again excpet i romance a diffeent person. im so good at this

[randomidiocyncrazies]

“i love exploring different branching narrative paths” i say, as i pick the same choices all over again

[excitementshewrote]

[hellenhighwater]

I'll admit that this one has cemented itself in my psyche

[hilariousgrindr]

You were closer the first time

[hannamatronic]

@horrorshowgirl

[turnways]

Every day the idea of just fucking off to go live in the woods becomes more and more appealing

[turnways]

Btw this isnt in a “uwu i want a cottage in the woods/homestead” sanitized living in nature way i mean i wanna be a feral little freakish man living in the woods

[thebigbiwolf]

I don't make love. I don't fuck. I serve my pussy like Chili's fajitas: loud, sizzling. I want everyone in the restaurant to stare at us and think, "Damn, I should have ordered the pussy."

[ribghoul]

hate shopkeeps in skyrim that follow you around like they don’t trust you. leave me OLONE dude i’m trying to steal from you

[anxietyproblem]

[probioticstan]

The vaccine didn’t give me a fat ass

…that was a preexisting condition

[insomniac-arrest]

I think a lot about that Fruits Basket story where the onigiri (rice ball) thinks its plain and bad with nothing special about it

but everyone else actually admires it because of the delicious plum on its back that it can’t see

anyway, I’m going on a second date with a girl soon and couldn’t help but think “Why would she want to keep going out with me?? I’m like, so weird and a little crazy.”

but then I remembered that there is also a plum on my back that I can’t see and that people often like others for reasons we don’t recognize in ourselves. Be kind to yourself. There’s always something good about someone– however little we remember it.

[paeshi]

can’t believe it took me this long to realize that the reason ppl like me is because of my fat juicy ass

[brndnslvra]

im not wastin anybodys time cause thats my time too

[twitterlols]

[baby-keem]

friendly but not your friend

[ruinedchildhood]