Per Kristian Røkkum Berget 23rd October, 2011
Utøya, Norway – 22.07.11
Three months have passed since July 22nd this year.
A day I, and many, many others, will never forget…
I was on the island of Utøya in Norway that day.
A few weeks ago I decided to write down my story from the terrible happenings that took place there.
And recently, I decided to translate it to English and share it with you.
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, here;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ut%C3%B8ya … a_massacre
I was there.
I’ve made this text somewhat shorter to make it easier to read, but it’s still quite long.
It describes what I went through from the moment I first heard about the Oslo bombing,
until I was safe. There may be a few strong scenes.
I wrote this text mainly for personal reasons, as part of a therapy,
but decided to share it with you, in case any of you were interested.
If you don’t want to read it, just leave it. (And for the record, I know my English isn’t perfect…)
If you do want to read, then here’s my story:
It was raining, and me and some friends were sitting inside, listening to a speech about experiences with right-wing parties in the Swedish government.
It was one definitively one of the most interesting speeches I had heard the last days,
and that says something. When the man finished talking, we applauded and cheered
for many minutes. He smiled and thanked.
”Now, are there any questions?” he asked. No one said a word.
But suddenly, a boy raised his hand slowly, staring at his cell phone in despair.
”I just got a message. There’s been a huge explosion in Oslo!”
The following silence was almost touchable. Everyone looked at each other in disbelief.
”WHAT?!”
”What are you talking about!?”
One of the camp leaders, who were in the room, interrupted us;
”Take it easy! We’re about to gather for an informative meeting about that!”
We didn’t understand anything, but suddenly we found ourselves sitting on the floor
in the main hall of the building, where we just a few hours earlier had been listening
to a renowned Norwegian politician, Gro Harlem Brundtland.
The room was being filled with people. It seemed as if everyone on the island
were on their way in. I found a boy I knew in the crowd, and sat down next to him.
”What’s going on?” I asked. ”Haven’t you heard? There’s been a bomb in Oslo!
In the Government’s quarter! The prime minister’s office and the surrounding buildings are completely destroyed!” I stared at him, completely shocked. A bomb? Here? In Norway?
It couldn’t be possible!
Soon, Eskil Pedersen (the leader of AUF, our political youth organization, arranging the camp)
walked up on the podium in front of us. Everyone became quiet, and he started talking.
There had been a big explosion in Oslo. Several people were hurt.
It was most likely a bomb. The prime minister could have been the target.
That was all they knew at the time. He advised us to call our families, just so they wouldn’t worry.
The camp program was cancelled for the rest of the day.
“Take care of each other. We’ll meet here again at 8 pm.”
That never happened.
I’ll never forget his last words before we left the room;
“Luckily, we’re in the safest place in the world.”
So he thought. So we all thought.
It had stopped raining, but the clouds were still lying heavy over the lake and the island.
People were upset and frightened. Some were crying, others were trying to comfort them.
I walked through the tent camp, towards my county’s delegation.
Some of my friends and some other people were standing around a radio hanging in
a branch we had stuck into the ground. They were trying to catch up on the latest
news about the bombing. I joined them.
”… Several people are confirmed injured… Huge material damage… Oslo downtown is being evacuated… We repeat: At least one person is confirmed deceased…”
I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my chest. We all feared to hear those exact words.
And now it was a fact. There had been a bomb. Someone was killed. I couldn’t believe it.
It could not be true.
When the reporter on the radio had repeated what she was saying 2-3 times,
I turned around and went over to my tent. I took out my cell phone. The battery was very low.
I called my mom and crossed my fingers that it would be just enough for a short call.
My parents had been at the mall and hadn’t heard anything about the bombing.
I assured them that we were safe on Utøya, and told them that I love them.
They said they would go home to watch the news right away.
I hung up and went back to the others by the radio.
”… We repeat; 2 people are confirmed deceased in Oslo… Several people are injured.
Firemen are working hard…” I was even more shocked. This couldn’t be happening.
I tried to clear my head, and remembered that I should charge my cell phone.
I turned around and was about walk back to tent.
That’s when it all started. When hell came over us.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, we heard several loud sounds. It sounded like gunshots.
Everyone reacted, but no one moved. We didn’t really understand what it was.
One of the boys around the radio raged out; ”I knew it! I knew some asshole would try to
scare us! Who the HELL are fucking around with firecrackers now? Don’t they understand
that people are SCARED? There’s been a BOMB in the capital for fuck’s sake!”
I didn’t know what to think. I really didn’t understand what was going on.
I wasn’t the only one. The others looked just as confused as me.
There were more loud cracking sounds. They were coming closer, towards us.
What on earth was going on? I had to check. I was just about to walk up towards
the main house on the island, when the sound of dozens of screaming people filled the air.
From the area around the main house, young people came running, screaming and yelling.
They were panicking, no doubt. They ran everywhere; out in the woods, into the tents,
through the camp and into the buildings. Yet all the screaming didn’t drown the sounds of
the gunshots. A girl I know came running out of nowhere towards us who were standing
around the radio.
”RUN! COME ON, RUN!” she bawled. We stared at her in disbelief.
Her eyes were wide open, and tears were running down her cheeks.
She looked absolutely terrified. ”Do you hear me?! I SAID RUN!!!”
We didn’t move, we just stared at her. Thousands of thoughts filled my head,
and the confusion made it impossible to think clearly. I still felt an urge to walk up to
the main house and see what was happening, but before I could move my feet,
the girl became hysterical.
”LISTEN TO ME, FOR FUCKS SAKE! WE HAVE TO RUN!!! NOW!”
She grabbed those who stood closest to her, and ran as fast as she could down through the camp.
Suddenly, the sound of shooting was a lot closer, and everyone around the radio reacted.
We ran after her, towards the edge of the forest, and the path that would lead us to a
dormitory cabin on the other side of the island.
I ended up being the last in the row as we ran.
We had almost reached the forest and the path, when I turned around and stopped.
I saw a girl I recognized. I had spoken with her several times the last days.
She was standing up by the main house. She didn’t move, she just stood there, staring.
She was barely 30-40 meters away. My first thought was to turn around and run back
and make her come with us. I never got around to that. All of a sudden,
a tall man dressed in dark appeared around the corner up by the house.
He was wearing a police uniform.
All thoughts in my head stopped. I didn’t move. Then, my world was turned upside down.
Without warning, he lifted a gun and shot the girl in the head.
All reason and sense disappeared. I had no control over what I did.
My first thought was hiding in my tent, but suddenly,
I found myself running on towards the forest. My heart beat rapidly.
As I ran onto the path in the forest, I turned around again, without stopping.
He was walking down the path from the house down to the camp.
People were running and screaming, and some threw themselves into the tents.
I ran as fast as I possibly could along the path. Behind me, I heard screaming, yelling and shots.
At the end of the path, near the far side of the forest, I spotted the dormitory cabin.
A few adults were standing outside the only door, trying to gather people into the cabin.
“Hey, you! Get in here!” a small, blonde woman cried out to me. I hesitated for a second,
before I ran towards her and into the cabin. There were already 30-40 squeezed together
in the main room of the cabin. We could still hear the shooting near the camp.
Everyone in the room were talking, each more hysterical and confused than the other.
I found some of my friends who had been standing around the radio, and joined them.
A girl who was bleeding a lot from her right shoulder came in.
There was little doubt that she had been shot. One of the adults took her into one of the other rooms in an attempt to prevent panic. A few seconds later, the short, blonde woman ran inside and locked the door. “Everyone listen to me!” she shouted. Everyone was quiet.
”There is a man with a weapon on the island. He is dressed as a police officer, and he is shooting!
Just stay calm, and we’ll be fine! Just do as I say!”
We were all still confused, but we listened to her.
“Pull all curtains together, cover the windows with mattresses and barricade them with chairs
and tables. Kill the lights and lie on the floor. And for God’s sake; be quiet!”
We worked together and did our best to cover the windows and barricade them.
A few minutes later, we were done. I and one of my best friends, who had been
standing with me by the radio, ran into a nearby bedroom and lay down on the floor,
next to the barricaded window. There were 3 other people in there.
We lay down and tried to be as quiet as possible.
I grabbed my phone, knowing that the battery would likely die any second.
I wrote to my parents and some close friends that I love them and never
could have asked for better. A tear ran down my cheek when I got a loving answer
from my parents, who didn’t know anything about what was going on. Everywhere in
the cabin, people were calling friends, lovers, parents and the police.
No one dared to speak loudly or for long.
5-10 minutes later, the sound of shooting came closer. Then, suddenly, everything was quiet.
All of a sudden, I heard someone grab the door handle of the outer door, followed by gasping and
muffled yells from the room next door. The next second, there was a series of extremely loud banging sounds. People screamed and yelled out loud, and two more people came running into
our room.
I was certain the killer was coming inside now. He had destroyed the door window,
and could easily open the door from outside. Any second he’d be inside the cabin and start shooting again. Or was he already inside? Perhaps he was just reloading? I waited. And waited. And waited. Had he already killed everyone in there?
Was he just deciding which bedroom door to open first?
I breathed heavily and stared at the door. Time went by slowly.
I kept staring at the door, waiting for it to be opened. My head was in a complete uproar,
and it actually felt as if my life was filing past me; thoughts and feelings about everything and
anything flew through my mind faster than ever. Everyone I cared for, everyone I didn’t care for,
everything I loved and everything I hated, absolutely everything in my life filled my thoughts.
Time kept passing by, and my heartbeat slowly began to calm down. He wasn’t inside.
He hadn’t entered the cabin. Or had he? Had he killed someone or everyone in the room
next door and left? We didn’t dare to open the door. We just sat there, silently. Was he outside?
Would he shoot through the windows? Was he going to lure us out? Force us out?
What if he set fire to the cabin? Had he gone after someone else, just to come back to us later?
My heartbeat was still uncomfortably fast. Time went by slowly. Maybe 20 minutes, maybe 30.
My phone was out of battery. Every now and then we could hear shooting and screams from different places on the island (later, I would learn that I had heard two good friends of mine
getting shot and killed). It was not until we could barely hear anything that we dared to make
the slightest sound.
People carefully got up from the floor and under the beds. I focused on breathing calmly.
“… This isn’t possible. It just cannot be happening. Not here!” someone whispered.
More time passed by. Sometimes we would whisper to each other, but mostly, we were just quiet.
Someone in the room got a message on their phone, and read it quietly to the rest of us;
“5 persons shot and 1 killed on Utøya. Police and ambulances are on the way.”
My heart sunk to the bottom of my chest. This couldn’t be true. Someone was KILLED.
This simply couldn’t be true. Another 30 minutes passed by, and after what felt like an eternity,
we finally heard sirens from the main land, followed by a helicopter.
“They’re here! They’re coming with helicopters!” I felt hope rising.
But the sound of sirens died out. The helicopter flew away. The silence returned.
Another long, intense half an hour passed by.
Then, after a while, we heard yelling some distance away. “Halt! Police!”
Chills went down my spine. Was it him? Was he trying to trick someone?
I’m not sure how much time passed after this, but it felt like ages.
Then, out of nowhere, came the most terrible moment of my life.
The sound of shattering glass filled the cabin, mixed with the intense screaming and yelling
that followed. I and my friend grabbed each other. My heartbeat went through the roof.
“This is it” I thought. “This is the end. I’m finally going to die”. He had kicked in the door,
or broken a window, and now he was coming in. I closed my eyes.
Soon, I would find out whether or not there is a life after death.
Soon, everything would be gone.
We heard more screams. I opened my eyes again. They weren’t screams of fear.
They were screams of joy. And we could hear several deep, male voices shouting;
“Hands over your heads! Keep your hands visible! Keep calm! No sudden moves!”
I crawled over to the door and opened it carefully. 7-8 tall men had stormed the building.
They had machine rifles with laser sight, and full body armor with bulletproof vests and helmets.
They opened all doors and tried to gather everyone in the main room.
We ran out into the room and lay down with our hands over our heads.
I used quite some time to convince myself that these were real policemen.
They searched the building, and asked if anyone with weapons had been inside,
and if anyone was hurt. After a while we were allowed to sit up calmly and use our phones.
4 of the men took the girl who had been shot outside and down towards the quay area.
Some people asked the policemen how many were killed. Their eyes turned dark,
and they said they couldn’t answer that. Suddenly, I remembered my parents.
They hadn’t heard from me in one and a half hour.
I borrowed a friend’s cell phone and called them. I will never forget that conversation.
They had been sure that I was dead, and could barely talk when I called.
They immediately began driving the 5 hour trip down towards Oslo.
Luckily, they were visiting my aunt down south at the time,
and the trip was a lot shorter than if they had been at home.
Another 1,5 hours we sat there in the cabin with police protection, waiting to be evacuated.
Finally, they told us to get dressed, put on our shoes and follow them calmly in a row down to the quay.
I put on my shoes and followed the row down towards the quay area,
where the island ferry stood ready to evacuate us.
We walked through the forest. Countless helicopters flew over our heads, and we could hear an
incredible amount of boats out on the lake. Down by the information house near the quay,
there was a lot of police people. The door to the house was open, and as we walked by,
we could see four police men keeping a tall, blonde man in a police uniform in handcuffs.
Chills ran down my spine. It was him. The killer.
A large, grey van stood down by the quay. The back doors were open, and inside lay a girl.
She was bleeding a lot. Blood flowed out of the car and down on the ground. I felt sick.
Some distance away, someone was lifting a boy on a stretcher into a boat.
His face was completely covered in blood, and his left eye seemed to be gone.
We were led onto the ferry that would evacuate us. Some policemen counted us,
and gave the ferry driver signal that we were ready to go.
Countless boats swarmed all around the island.
A girl who had been hiding in the same room as me began crying.
It seemed as if she knew the boy with the bloody face. I hugged her,
held her tight and tried to comfort her. The ferry didn’t go straight across the lake
to the usual quay on the other side. It turned left and drove north. It was a long trip.
The roaring sound of helicopters and boats filled the air all around us.
It was a surrealistic, unbelievable feeling.
20-25 minutes later, we approached land on the other side.
Police, ambulance personell and firemen had set up a base by the shore.
There were maybe a hundred of them. As we approached land,
a girl screamed out loud. I turned around, and I could see why.
By the shore, a short distance away, there were eight body bags. And they weren’t empty.
My jaw dropped. I didn’t know what to think or believe.
We were helped onto land by police and firemen. They helped each of us up a steep hill,
up to the road, where several buses were waiting for us. Ambulance personnel gave us wool
blankets to keep us warm. A doctor checked us gently before we were allowed onto the bus.
Helicopters kept landing nearby. We sat in the bus, not knowing where we were going.
It was a long, strange trip. We barely said anything.
We arrived at a hotel, not far away, which spontaneously had been turned into a refugee center.
We were told that there was food, clothes and anything else we needed inside.
We went inside and met many others from our region. Many of them were my friends.
And everyone had a different story. Someone had been hiding in dangerous places for a long time,
others had swum, someone while the killer tried to shoot them.
Someone had been lucky enough to find a boat, but the engine wouldn’t start, so they had to row.
And the killer had shot after them, too. Many had barely escaped with their lives.
I could barely believe it. It sounded like a terrible horror movie. But it was all true.
We soon realized that we lacked four people from our county.
We told ourselves they had to be in a hospital, or somewhere else. We hoped for the best,
but I felt uneasy. I had become good friends with all of them during the week.
Many hours later, we would learn that they were all dead.
We gathered in a room to watch the news.
”10 young people confirmed dead in the Utøya massacre! The number is expected to rise.”
I stared in disbelief at the screen, and didn’t know what to do. Tears silently ran from my eyes.
I went for a pointless walk around the hotel, trying to keep a clear mind.
Then I met a 15 year old kid, who I had befriended three days earlier. His brother was missing.
I sat down next to him and tried to comfort him, saying that I was sure he was just somewhere else.
Maybe in a hospital. I wanted so badly to believe my own words, but I had a terrible feeling.
And I would later learn that I was wrong. He was dead.
I stayed at the hotel for nearly 5 hours, wandering around aimlessly, unable to eat, drink or
think clearly. As time went by, more and more people were picked up by family,
friends or relatives and left the hotel. The 9 hour long trip home was not very tempting.
I phoned my parents again. They had been talking to my (adult) cousins,
who lived just outside Oslo.
They would come and pick me up, and my parents would come to them and join us.
Eventually, my cousins came to pick me up. I said goodbye to the others,
and went with them. I stayed at their place a few hours before my parents came.
I had never been happier to see them. We stayed up ‘till nearly 6 am,
talking about what had happened and how I was.
Just as I was going to bed, my father came into the room, sat down, looked me in the eyes
and told me that 80 people were killed on Utøya. It was the worst massacre in the history of
Norway since World War II. I was shocked. I could barely breathe.
It just wasn’t possible.I so badly wanted to sleep, but I lay awake for several hours.
Finally, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep. The worst day of my life was over.
A day I will never forget.
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