Mysterious Insanities Of A Twisted Mind @hannibaltheloyal - Tumblr Blog

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ritualsoftheindigosunset

I’M IN DESPERATE NEED OF WITCH FRIENDS

Just reblog and I’ll dm you!

hannibaltheloyal

I know just the people

I guess I want what everyone wants; to be discovered...

Grandfather

Recently I found out that my grandfather is basically on his death bed, and I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Some of my fondest memories of him are that of our family sitting around his living room during the holidays while he sang and played on the guitar.

One of his favorite songs to sing was cat's in the cradle, and as the days go on, my mind has been tearing itself apart, all the while my grandfather's voice plays in the background, and it's brought me to tears every time. I finally understand what that song means, because he was once the son, and now he's the father, at the same time, I see myself becoming the father, where I was once the son. This breaks my heart because I love my grandfather very dearly, and I feel that I have let him down by putting work before family, like he once did. I feel as though I am living the nightmare that once did. I wonder if he smiles upon those old memories, of sitting around, I wonder if he dreams about my daughter, and all the memories he could have had with her in another life, or the memories he could have shared with me. I feel so ashamed, that I have even written this down and I STILL haven't contacted him out of fear for his disappointment of me. Shame on me.

hannibaltheloyal

Daddy

-4-

“Daddy?”

Yeah son?

“Why is your arms all lumpy and purple?”

Son, I have a secret. I can change colors, like a chameleon. One time, I changed for so long that now a part of me is always stuck like that.

“Hehe, you’re silly Daddy. I love you.”

I love you too munchkin.

-5-

“Hey Daddy? Why do you have lines and stuff on your arms?”

Well kiddo, once, a very long time ago, I was a wrestler. And I was pinned so hard one time, that the lines on the ground came off onto my arms forever.

“Wow, did you win though?!?”

Of course little buddy. No one can take me down.

-10-

“Hey dad? What happened to your arms?”

Well, bud, I was camping, before you were born, and a huge bear attacked. I fought it off, but he got me good.

“Wow dad, you’re so strong!”

I try to be, son.

-13-

“Hey dad, why do you have so many scars on your arms?”

Well son. When I was young, I was a trouble maker. I got into many fights, ad a lot of those fights had knives in them. I got hurt a lot.

“That’s scary dad, but I’m glad you’re okay.”

Me too son. I love you.

-16-

……… Hey son?

“Hey”

Do you mind if we have a talk?

“Sure, I guess”

Hey kid, I noticed your arms. What’s up with that?

“I don’t know, I just did it. I’m sorry. But I can’t explain and I don’t think you would understand.”

Actually son, I would understand more than most. You see, those scars of yours look an awful lot like mine.

“But I thought you were a trouble maker.”

I was. But the biggest fights I had were with myself. And I never fought off a bear. I was no wrestler. And unfortunately, all my big lumpy chameleon stripes are never going away because of me.

You see, I hurt myself badly. And wen you started asking about the scars, I was afraid that you would be scared of me, hate me, or even get ideas. I didn’t want you to look at me any different than you did when you were so little.

It seems that unfortunately, you inherited a couple of problems from me, and I should have been better at being there for you.

I wish you would have come talk to me. And I hope that’s what you’ll do in the future. Just know that I’ve been where you’re at, and I love you, and I understand. So please come and talk to me.

“I love you too dad.”

-12 years later, the son had a kid who is now 3-

“Daddy?”

Yeah baby girl?

“Why are your arms funny?”

Well sweet cheeks, one time long ago, we had a heck of a storm…….

I Want Her Happy

But there's no way to do that because as I lay next to her, she calls the name of another, wishing him undead. So I slit my wrists once more. I bleed for two hearts now.

Explaining True Sorrow

I've heard that cry before. From my own throat, it reached from hell to find love, yet succeeded only in filling it's shadowy hands with an ashy darkness that clung to everything. My heart and soul were pushed through my lungs and rolled off my tounge as I filled the empty sky with such volumes of sorrow that it shook loose tears of every man, woman, and child nearby. And I dropped to my knees and kept wailing, at that point there was nothing else I could have done. Completely paralyzed by misery and anguish. And even as pain flew throughout every inch of my body, such a lovely passion flowed through and lifted my shattered soul.

#lonely #broken #lovely #soul #cries #insanity #depression

poemsaboutyoubaby

Is this what love is? Taking sixteen shots because you broke my heart?

// A.S.B (via poemsaboutyoubaby)

THAT

I used to cut. A lot. A lot more and worse than anyone else I've ever known. One day I just gave up on it because it wasn't doing anything for me anymore. I still have the desire to slice my arms and my belly and my legs, I have an insatiable, unquenchable bloodlust, and even right now there are two razor blades in my pocket beckoning me to carve my skin like a thanksgiving turkey. And at the very thought, my mouth is watering, so much so that it physically hurts. And then I go onto Facebook to talk with friends and get the thoughts away from my mind and I see THAT. Is there really no escape? Is it wrong for me to be angry that I see those images? Wrong to be upset? Disturbed? Tell me. And tell me how. And if you are found right then I will back down and give the most sincere of apologies.

#suicide #cutting #psychotic #help #dangerous #writing

fomysquad

I'm actually thinking about ending right now, not even kidding. It would be so easy. So simple.

have--not-deactivated20160117

hannibaltheloyal

Make me

wordsnquotes

I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving.

Frida Kahlo, The Diary Of Frida Kahlo: An Intimate Self-Portrait. (via wordsnquotes)

depressionruinedme101

I’m putting myself through emotional torture for the one I’m fighting to keep.

(via depressionruinedme101)

jennstarkid

About a week ago I posted this.

I’ve been getting horrible messages like this in my ask for months, including:

and my personal favorite

After getting the message saying “Just go kill yourself” I was completely done dealing with this person’s horrible messages and replied with just an “Okay.” and logged off tumblr.

About a week later I logged back on with 17 messages in my ask, most of them from the anon. I scrolled down and at first when I logged off, the anon messaged me things like

I scrolled up more and all of a sudden they started sending me more and more messages like

This was extremely surprising to me. I thought “After all those horrible messages you sent to me for MONTHS about hating me and wanting me dead, you say ‘sorry’ and that you ‘cant be responsible for someone’s suicide’?”

But I guess the lesson goes like this:

DONT TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED FOR WHAT MIGHT ACTUALLY HAPPEN

galaxywarrioress1234

DON’T TELL ANYONE TO KILL THEMSELVES EVER.

red-rioter

THIS POST IS SO IMPORTANT I WANT EVERYONE ON TUMBLR IN THE WORLD TO SEE IT

serenityhayashi

This needs to be reblogged. I couldn’t scroll past this if I tried, I got a message like that but not for me, it told me to my friend to kill them self, I was livid! I didn’t answer it because a message like that doesn’t deserve an answer but I don’t see what is so funny about telling someone to kill them selves! I really don’t! It’s sick and it’s wrong. This person though, I take my hat off to you. You taught that bully a lesson.