My Escape

Han | '93 liner | CHS 270 | Penn State 2015 | EXO | Kpop | Don't be afraid to message me!

[hanniebunbao]

12/17/2024 - 10:03pm

你剛剛離開的時候，這張床感覺好像很大。

沒有你和aang，我還是睡在左邊，右邊是空的。

現在的我是睡在中間，不知不覺這一張大床變小了。

不知不覺 我已經習慣沒有你的日子。

[hanniebunbao]

12/15/2024 - 10:41pm

I think about reaching out to you sometimes,

my heart whisper “just do it”

say something

what’s the worst that can happen?

But my mind always stops me

My mind reminds me of the million ways it could go wrong

what if it hurts you to hear from me? What if I’m reopening a wound you’ve already healed

Or worse, what if you don’t care at all? What if my name popping up on your screen means nothing to you now? Do I listen to my heart and take the chance? or listen to my mind and leave the past where it belongs? I will leave the past where it belongs.

Leave “us” in the past.

[hanniebunbao]

漸漸我再不記得需要你

漸漸我已經決心刪去你

我對你已經死心了

希望你會過得好

以後再沒有「我們」

Goodbye Victoria

[hanniebunbao]

October 9, 2024

we’ve been together since 10/04/2020 to 09/01/2024, almost 4 years, and the one year before, total 5 years together. We’ve been living together for 3 years, one year at the Darley green apartment and two years at our house. The past 4 years I have changed so much. You made me a better person, you helped me grow as a person, and made me who I am today. I don’t regret anything, I wish I did more and tried harder. I do love you, a lot, but it wasn’t enough. I did not love you enough.

I ask myself, how did this happen? What was the downfall of this relationship? What could I have done better? Was this really not meant to be? We tried so hard to get to where we are, we tried so hard, and in the end, it still didn’t work out.

[hanniebunbao]

I could just take medicine and be better. But I don’t want to. I want to feel like shit cause I deserved it. Everything is all my fault. When I feel so heartbroken by one person. And I just want attention from that one person but so many people care about me. But I just want to keep being sick cause I don’t give a shit. I’m such a failure. If my parents knew they would be so heartbroken by how I don’t take care of myself. I just want to stay broken for a while. I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry dad. I’m a failure. I let you guys down.

[hanniebunbao]

I wish you knew how much I’m forcing myself to not talk to you. Maybe you do know cause from the moment you told me you were talking to a guy, we both knew something was gonna change. But as long as you’re happy that’s all that matters.

[hanniebunbao]

Is it wrong that love is all I think about? How I think about you cuddling up in my arm or how we held hands in the car? I know we didn’t talk that much and I probably don’t even like you but just the idea of you. But holy shit I miss that feeling. I just want to be loved so badly, it’s annoying. It’s not helping me, in any way. Just get out of my head. All I can think about is you. I don’t get it. Why? We barely even know each other and I can’t stop thinking about you. Tell me what’s wrong with me? I just gotta let go. Forget it.

[hanniebunbao]

There’s so many things I don’t know about and would love to try. I hope my future significant other would like to try things out with me too. Or be the knowledgeable one on things idk. Like I wanna go watch a broadway show but I have no idea what anything is or where to even start. Just like something small like that. Or if she doesn’t listen to kpop I would like to introduce some kpop into her world. Cause I like to a lot of those and it’s a lot better than cpop lol for cpop it’s harder to understand the lyrics and meaning behind songs. Yeah would love to learn new things through people I meet.

[hanniebunbao]

What is your purpose for waking up everyday?

I wonder how many people wake up and go on with their day with no purpose. I just want to find a purpose.

[hanniebunbao]

How do you even find happiness? What make me happy? I don’t even know anymore.

[hanniebunbao]

I really just want to ask how your day was and if you're feeling better but I shouldn't. It hurts when something so simple doesn't have any meaning anymore. When two people just turn back to strangers who cared so much about each other just a month ago. Not talking to you may be better for you, since it's what you want.

[kuulam]

[frauleinninja]

this post has fucked me up more than any other on this site

[orangevelvetspacequeen]

Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it’s in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That’s right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.K.A. not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its shit together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can’t even remember where I put my damn phone.  

[softheartedsuggestion]

remember that you’ve made it through even your worst days

[hanniebunbao]

What are you to me? I really don't know. It's been so long. Whenever we hang out it's just relaxing and fun. Idk if I even feel any romantic feeling towards you anymore. I guess I'm just comfortable with where we are as friends. Being your friend is really all i can be. I'm done crying over it and being sad over it. I've accepted the fact that you'll never like me and this is our friendship. Am I upset? No. Am I happy? Yes. Do I want to be with you? I honestly don't have those thoughts anymore. I guess I'm just comfortable.

[gentle-reminder]

gentle reminder

you’re not the same person you were in the past - you’ve grown, and will continue to grow; you are constantly changing, so don’t feel bad if who you are now is not who you want to be, you’ll get there 

[ashawol-deactivated20240605]

[letstalkaboutjinki]

SHINee renewed their contracts + members’ heartfelt words