The Happiest Hipster

What could be hipper than a Bob Dylan song? Some great Poetry perhaps? Well here is where you'll find it, along with a link to the best book of Poetry in this Hip World: Higgledy Piggledy Hie: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CK0FV5M.

[happiesthipster]

Followers 39 1/2

I keep losing Followers!  Why?  Because I keep Unfollowing those who either have nothing to say, or those who attempt to dominate the entire conversation here with their trite and cliché BS.  So do I care?  No!  Why? Because I determined long ago that tumblr was as superficial a place of talent as American Idol and The Voice.  The judges here select who they know and like, and anyone with better abilities is overlooked completely.  If Dr. Seuss was publishing here today, no one would read a damn thing he wrote.

So, this place reached its decision gate a very long time ago in my mind.

End of line!

[happiesthipster]

Achy Breaky Miley!

By

ST Halvorsen

*

I’m tellin’ all the world I’m sad I had a girl

She’s made me look like such a shitty Pa

Then I’m gonna tell my friends about the bitter end

When I swan dive from that cliff in Arkansas.

*

You can tell my daughter that I really should-a oughter

Kicked her little ass a whole lot more

Or you can all take pics as she’s showing you her grits

While classy folks are callin’ her a whore.

*

So don’t tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

I’m sure they’d really want to know

Cause if you tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

They’ll say my little sweetie is a hoe

*

~ Cowbell and Guitar ~

*

You can tell my Ma I was a lousy Pa

You can tell your friends to kick my ass

Or tell the President to have me prison sent

For raising up a daughter with no class

*

Or tell your Aunt Maybel that I should burn in Hell

I think that I’d agree with such a plea

Or you can tell my spouse that I’m a real louse

It might just be the time to lynch poor me

*

So don’t tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

I’m sure they’d really want to know

Cause if you tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

They’ll say my little sweetie is a hoe…

*

~ More Cowbell and Guitar ~

[happiesthipster]

Achy Breaky Miley!

By

ST Halvorsen

*

I'm tellin' all the world I'm sad I had a girl

She's made me look like such a shitty Pa

Then I'm gonna tell my friends about the bitter end

When I swan dive from that cliff in Arkansas.

*

You can tell my daughter that I really should-a oughter

Kicked her little ass a whole lot more

Or you can all take pics as she's showing you her grits

While classy folks are callin' her a whore.

*

So don't tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

I'm sure they'd really want to know

Cause if you tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

They'll say my little sweetie is a hoe

*

~ Cowbell and Guitar ~

*

You can tell my Ma I was a lousy Pa

You can tell your friends to kick my ass

Or tell the President to have me prison sent

For raising up a daughter with no class

*

Or tell your Aunt Maybel that I should burn in Hell

I think that I'd agree with such a plea

Or you can tell my spouse that I'm a real louse

It might just be the time to lynch poor me

*

So don't tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

I'm sure they'd really want to know

Cause if you tell the press the nasty, sleazy press

They'll say my little sweetie is a hoe. . .

*

~ More Cowbell and Guitar ~

[happiesthipster]

The Zonkey

By ST Halvorsen * My family and I took a trip to the zoo To see all the animals there We saw lions and tigers, and a hippo of course, And a big Kangaroo and some bears. * In the morning we watched as the elephants played, Twirling hay with their elephant trunks. My dad said they looked like a herd of dust mops, And my mom said they all smelled like skunks. * In a moat, like a boat, was a huge crocodile And he yawned as we all walked his way. And I thought to myself if he brushed all his teeth It would take him near most of the day. * The next thing you know some hyenas appeared, And they stared, and they sneered, and they laughed. Then a small herd of gnu — and a baboon or two — Ran and played right beside some giraffes. * In the midst of a sandlot some camels were out, Their legs were quite long, and their bodies quite stout. On the top of their backs a hump of flesh grew Some camels had one, while some others had two. * Along came a breeze and it whipped up some dust A few people sneezed, and a few others fussed. Then the dust blew far out and far over the zoo, Yet the smell lingered on for a minute or two. * Oh we had lots of fun on our day at the zoo. We laughed at the monkeys, and they laughed at us too. We saw panda bears, koala bears, raccoons and bats. We saw eagles and condors, and a troupe of meercats. * We ate a late lunch, then we watched the seals play. By now it was nearing the end of the day. We were all getting tired: it was time to head home. But just then we saw him standing there all alone. * He was not very old, but he was ever so cute, Standing guard near his bowl of various fruit. He had stripes like a zebra, and a short, blackish mane. His head was quite large, but not quite so his brain. * Just by chance his father had once pulled a cart     To bring fresh goods into the zoo. Then nature took over and his mother appeared     And love was the next thing they knew. * Not very long later their baby was born,     And the keepers were all quite surprised To see the young colt with the head of a mule     Wearing the stripes of a zebra’s disguise. * So they gave him a name, and though it sounds kind of wonky     It is still in use to this day: He eats hay like a horse.  But he’s not one — of course.     And you can call him The Zonkey! *

[happiesthipster]

Goodbye To Santa Claus! By

ST Halvorsen

*

Let’s say goodbye to Santa Claus, he’s leaving the North Pole.

He’s packing all his things and moving south to Muscle Shoals

The arctic ain’t the same no more, the ice is getting thin,

So Santa’s moving out to let the Exon Corp. move in.

What will the world become like when there are no Christmas trees?

Well I’m sure it won’t be a concern to the Arabs or Chinese!

Will Prancer never fly again; will Rudolph never glow?

In twenty years the poles will melt, and the world won’t have no snow.

The polar bears are getting scarce, and the Eskimos are mad.

But the Russians won’t need parkas, so I guess it’s not that bad.

A warmer world will help mankind to save on power bills

But with 3 more billion cars to drive they’ll be more oil spills!

So let’s wave goodbye to Santa Claus, he’s selling off his sleigh,

So much for our traditions and the New Old Fashioned Way!

In a hundred years the children will forget what we all knew,

But the New World Order will be right there to help to see them through.

So let’s say goodbye to the holidays, to our families and our friends

'Cause the folly of our species will surely bring about it's end!

[happiesthipster]

All Or Nothing At All

*

By

ST Halvorsen

*

Well you say you need some time to think, some time to get things straight

You've been living' in the same old rut, and the rut ain't been that great.

So if you want to know just where I'm at, take a look when you've come to.

There'll be seven days and a thousand miles separating me from you.

Believe me when I tell you I've got no one else in mind,

And my heart and soul will still be here when you've put your past behind.

Just don't expect a lovesick fool who fell out of the sky

'Cause I've had had enough of foolish games to last until I die.

[happiesthipster]

There's A Bridge

There's a bridge across the river, and it swings as you walk o'er.

When you've made it 'cross the river, you'll find a hidden door.

Into the world where magic rules you wander aimlessly.

Inside the depths of Netherhells none but the blind shall see.

You've come to find The Keeper of the Chamber Of The Night.

But you'll never see The Keeper unless you see It's light.

No pockets has The Keeper, and it's holding nothing more

Than a silver key that opens up another hidden door.

What is the Keeper's secret, and how will you get in?

Perhaps a clue would help you play a game that you can't win.

[happiesthipster]

I'm Not Amused!

By

ST Halvorsen

*

I'm slightly dazed and a bit confused,

But you won't hear me out singing the blues.

I've got a pocket full of money and some brand new shoes,

So now I'm here to spread this wonderful news.

Well I ain't the kind to just sit around

. . .to take your shit while I'm lying down.

I've had enough of all your bull, so I've got to cruise

. . .Sorry my dear, but I'm not amused!

I've paid my dues, so I'm not amused.

You just might say that I'm unenthused.

You were just a ruse, and now I see

I'm a different man, and you can't fool me.

Never more will I believe your lies.

Never more will I hang my head and cry.

So think it over; it's time to choose:

There's still some hope if you come through.

You can have it all and still not lose.

Just remember to back off those screws.

'Cause I cannot stand another bit.

My mind will break and my heart will quit.

So remember that I'm worn and thoroughly bruised,

And to top it off I'm just not amused!

So here's a clue, I'm not amused.

I'm uninspired, and I'm unenthused.

The last train's left, so it's time to choose.

You'd best hop on or you'll be screwed!

*

[happiesthipster]

It's Not Me, It Must Be You!

*

By

ST Halvorsen

*

I’ve tried mt best to understand all the inner secrets of the female mind

I’ve done my best to laugh and smile when I really felt this urge to walk away

My lips been pierced by my own teeth, at least a dozen times or more,

And my tongue has suffered quite a similar fate

But I’ve kept my anger in control, though I must admit that it’s taken a toll

I could pull out all my hair, but it’s too late

They tell you that they need their space, and that it’s not the right time and place for talking

So you hold your words until they’re lost ‘cause you know that you’re just not the boss

Then you stop to wonder where your courage went

The time comes for diplomacy, so you try your best psychology

But she laughs at you then storms out of the room

She’s calls you inconsiderate, and says that you’re just not “Getting It”

Right before she throws her ring at you and cries

So you tell her that you’re sorry, and you’ll try a whole lot harder

Then she rolls her pretty blue eyes back and sighs

You can laugh at this scenario, but my experience tells me I know that every man on Earth has heard the very same

And if it’s happened once, it’ll happen twice…

If you don’t believe me then roll the dice, and prepare to pack ‘cause you’ve just lost the game

Well it’s getting time to hit the hay, so have another stiff one

'Cause the couch just ain't that comfy anymore

But it beats the front seat of your truck, and if you had only acted like you gave a fuck

She might have let you sleep on the kitchen floor

I guess it was not the best of plans to act like such a real big man

And say “Honey, it’s not me, It must be you!”

But you knew that ploy was all you had, and after all you were getting mad,

But now you’re ass is cold and your balls are turning blue.

[happiesthipster]

A Time Without Christmas

*

There wasn’t any Christmas when the world was young and wild.

There was no love for Santa Claus in the heart of every child.

There were no Christmas stockings, and no gifts wrapped to surprise.

And a red nosed fawn named Rudolph was just a twinkle in his

mother’s eyes.

Today our world is changing fast; the Christmas spirit is now rare.

Will Christmas be just one more day when no one really cares?

And of all the things in all the world that should never ever fade

It’s the love for all creation, and for the Good Earth that God made.

So now the time has come for us to challenge our beliefs:

To put aside our differences, our anger, and our grief.

For if we cannot share this world with our neighbors and their friends

Then we’ll never make it down the road to see what’s at the end.

And a nasty world we’ll live in then, with so very few concerns:

A world without the Golden Rule, and all the values that we’ve

learned.

Then Christmastime will mean no more than another day gone by,

Just a day when we’ve spent everything, and we really don’t know

why.

*

[happiesthipster]

Goodbye To Santa Claus!

By

ST Halvorsen

*

Let’s say goodbye to Santa Claus, he’s leaving the North Pole.

He’s packing all his things and moving south to Muscle Shoals

The arctic ain’t the same no more, the ice is getting thin,

So Santa’s moving out to let the Exon Corp. move in.

What will the world become like when there are no Christmas trees?

Well I’m sure it won’t be a concern with the Arabs or Chinese!

Will Prancer never fly again; will Rudolph never glow?

In twenty years the poles will melt, and the world won’t have no snow.

The polar bears are getting scarce, and the Eskimos are mad.

But the Russians won’t need parkas, so I guess it’s not that bad.

A warmer world will help mankind to save on power bills

But with 3 more billion cars to drive they’ll be more oil spills!

So let’s wave goodbye to Santa Claus, he’s selling off his sleigh,

So much for our traditions and the New Old Fashioned Way!

In a hundred years the children will forget what we all knew,

But the New World Order will be there to help to see them through.

So let’s say goodbye to the holidays, to our families and our friends

'Cause the folly of our species will surely bring about it's end!

[happiesthipster]

Apparently

By

ST Halvorsen

*

A thousand times or more we've talked, not once you've spoke my name.

This makes me wonder if it's me, or do you treat all those you know just the same?

When the depth of feelings leave a shallow pool for all to see

There will always be the fool whose blind. . .apparently!

To take one's love for granted is a crying shame.

It leaves nothing but the memories of a senseless game.

Then all that's left are those who never realize

The love which they passed up to lead a life of lies.

And in the end they can't accept what's plain to see

The one and only soul that was their destiny.

So never ever look to solve this mystery

For you'll never see the obvious. . .apparently!

[happiesthipster]

My Meaningless Direction

By

ST Halvorsen

*

I was born in West Los Angeles on a sunny afternoon.

The world was all brand new to me, but I'd be jaded pretty soon.

I grew up in a whirlwind of a storm that never ceased:

My mother only paused to fill the bottle that she leased.

When the time came to escape it all I caught the morning train,

But all too soon my life derailed in a cold and endless rain.

So I'm wandering though Havoc now, looking for a place called Hell.

I think I've been through Omaha, but I really couldn't tell.

If you see me never wonder why I pass you without care,

I'd stop to ask you how you are, but I really just don't care.

So please don't think I'm angry, for that really isn't me

My mind is just hell bent on searching for my legacy.

Over and over I try to make some sense of all this bull,

But it never seems to add up to a pitcher that's half full.

I'm told that I should try to see the brighter side of things,

Even when I have to walk through webs, while cutting through the strings.

If I haven't made it up the grade it might be that I'm down,

It's really hard to be someone with so many else around.

I swear things will be different when I hit those Pearly Gates.

Unless my lack of caring makes me several hours late.

And if that means I rot in Hell for all eternity

I won't despair, long as your not there to prolong my misery.

[happiesthipster]

Eight Days Out Of Money, Nine Days Out Of Luck

By ST Halvorsen * I was ten days down the road, Driving that old pickup truck. I was eight days out of money, And nine days out of luck. I was heading west with the sun in my eyes, And a windshield covered in glare. But the only thing that I had on my mind Was my hope that you would be there. So I left my old rig on the side of the road Just the second he ran out of gas. Then I grabbed my gear and I put up my thumb, And I waved at whoever drove past. For life is a gamble, a roll of the dice. You could win big or loose every dime. And the only shame would be sitting it out 'Cause you thought there was plenty of time. Well I felt it come on – that chill in the air – As the sun faded clean out of sight. I was six hours out of Tucson With five more minutes of light. I was heading west by the light of the moon, With a light rain falling on me. But the only thing I had on my mind Was the one face I wanted to see. So I put on my hat and buttoned my coat, And I walked like my boots weren’t so tight. Then I thought of your smile and how it would look When I got to see it tonight. For Life is a gamble, a roll of the dice. You could win big or loose every dime. And the only shame would be sitting it out 'Cause you thought there was plenty of time. With my thoughts of you to inspire I walked every arduous mile. I had ten toes washed in my blood, Yet so many reasons to smile. My journey was long, but I thought of the tale Where the good guy wins in the end. Then I asked the one man with the glorious plan If he had any courage to lend. For freedom is priceless, but not always free. There are plenty of forks in the road. But the journey ain't bad when a man has someone To help him carry the load. For life is a gamble, a roll of the dice. You could win big or loose every dime. And the only shame would be sitting it out 'Cause you thought there was plenty of time.

[happiesthipster]

The Lover's History Book

By

*

ST Halvorsen

*

Ten years have passed since we first met, and the world has changed a lot.

But oh how I remember when your love was all I sought.

And the time has been quite kind to you, so thank the lord above,

Even though you’ve never known one day of good old fashioned love.

*

They say it’s hard to find someone who makes your world go round.

I’ll assure that it’s harder in such a lonely, one horse town.

But here I’ve been, and here I am.  All you had to do was look.

And the rest would be another page in the lover’s history book.

*

Well I’ve seen our daughter; she’s grown fast, and she looks so much like you.

But I wonder if she knows the truth, and if you’ll ever want her to.

Will you kiss her on the cheek for me when she closes her blue eyes.

Then tell her that I love her so, and I will until I die.

*

They say it’s hard to find someone who makes your world go round.

I guarantee you that it’s harder in such a lonely, one horse town.

But here I’ve been, and here I am.  All you had to do was look.

And all your days would be another page in the lover’s history book.

*

You went away, and you took your love, leaving this fool in despair.

I could say that I’ve forgotten. I could say that I don’t care.

Still here I am, and here I’ll stay.  It was my heart that you took

…To write another love-torn tragedy in the lover’s history book.

*

They say it’s hard to find someone who makes your world go round.

You should know it’s even harder in such a lonely, one horse town.

But here I’ve been, and here I am.  All you had to do was look.

And all your nights would be another page in the lover’s history book.

*

I’m sitting on a rainbow now, looking down on upon my past.

Time seemed to fly so rapidly, and so little seemed to last.

But the love we shared and the hearts that cared were like fragile, starlit streams.

And the girl that I remember is still the girl in all my dreams.

*

But you went away, and you took your love, leaving this fool in despair.

I could tell you I’ve forgotten.  I could tell you I don’t care.

Yet here I am, and here I’ll stay, though it was my heart that you took

To fill the pages with my memories in the lover’s history book.

*

Well the skies are getting hazy now, and winter’s here again.

There’s just so many lazy summers to find your special summer friend.

If you look out of your window now, you might see a memory.

Like the autumn wind it’s fading fast, but that memory is me.

*

They say it’s hard to find someone who brings your life some joy.

And for every special girl out there there’s a special little boy.

But here I am, and here I’ll be.  All you have to do is look.

Then your future will be one more page in the lover’s history book.

*

[happiesthipster]

All Too Soon

*

We shared the burden of desire in an anxious, dim lit room

Our better sense of judgment drowned by the spirits we'd consumed

Yet I was smitten by your looks. . .enchanted by your style

And I never ever will forget the beauty of your smile

When I look back now I wonder if the paths we took were right

Would anything be different now if I'd held you every night

But that's the past, and though it hurts I cannot turn back time

'Cause if I could I'd find a way to hear your heat beat next to mine

I guess I'll wonder what I've missed until the day I die

Then maybe I will get the chance to ask the good Lord why

He led me to my dream come true on a cold and dismal day

And before I knew what could be true He took my dream away

*

[happiesthipster]

Eddie And LeAnn

By

ST Halvorsen

*

Eddie said I’m really tired, and I don’t know what to do.

I’m not sure if this itch I have means that I’m in love with you.

But I’ll try my best to keep you at the top of my love list

Right before I find another girl to kiss…

LeAnn said Gee I’m lonely, and I need a hand to hold.

I’m not sure if you’re here for me, or if you’re just out digging gold.

But I’ll try my best to keep you in my heart for one more day.

Right before I laugh at you and walk away…

Romeo and Juliet were like two shooting stars.

Eddie and Leann were over once they left the bar.

But fate and destination play some really nasty games,

Now there’s nothing left but memories, and that’s a crying shame.

Eddie saw his chance for fame, but he wasn’t no Brad Pitt.

He did his best to act the part, but no one really gave a shit.

So he latched onto a shooting starlet, quickly spinning down

…They say that life is tough in this here part of town!

LeAnn saw a handsome face…features chiseled out of stone.

She did her best to act the part of the poor girl left all alone.

So she latched onto a dying star who never made it big.

Was it Eddie’s lack of boudoir skills…was he just another gig?

Romeo and Juliet were like a hurricane.

Some said they were invincible, some said they were insane.

Eddie and LeAnn will never make the history books.

I guess that says a lot for having nearly perfect looks!

Romeo and Juliet were like tornadoes in a jar.

Eddie and LeAnn were like just another couple at the bar.

*