Texts I Couldn’t Send

A tumblr for all the things I wanted to say; but couldn’t

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I have an insurmountable amount of love for you but I’m not going to put myself on the streets when you literally said your rich and can afford anything. Well I’m not since I stopped working. So how would that seem fair? It wouldn’t. It isn’t. But you don’t care about me or love me. You just want to get what you want. I know that. Why do you think I didn’t want to hug you at 7 eleven. I know this game. Us , our love, friendship, it’s all the last thing that matters to you. You say you hate K and you love me? Lol if that were the truth you would have me there but you don’t. You have Kendra. Just like when you cheated. Just be a man and stop lying and the games would stop. My feelings have always been 100% honest. Have I been wrong about my thoughts regarding them? Sure . But the way I felt was never ever a lie

[hardheadedheartbroken]

You remind me why I was obsessed with love in the first place. The warm feeling I get when you call me babe…nothing will ever compare. If you only knew how truly sorry I am. I hate myself for hurting you. You didn’t fucking deserve to be hurt again. I’m so sorry. I’m damaged and broken. I don’t know how to love. I’m learning and I’m trying. I will be better for you, just give me a couple years to become everything you deserve. Please don’t settle down and find someone else. I’m praying in years from now I can get another chance to love you. If anything is said of me when I die, it will be that i was a better person because of you. I love you bubs, you were my fairytale. I just broken it because I’m broken.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

Resentment has gone to far. There is no going back. He won’t be able to love me again even if he thinks he will be able to. I fucked it up for good. I can’t believe I did this. I will never forgive myself. I ruined my life. I pushed away the love of my life. I pushed away my husband and the person who is supposed to be the father of my children. I hate myself & this is the worst thing I have ever done.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I promise to make you the center of every love poem

[hardheadedheartbroken]

Have you ever had a miscarriage and felt guilty?

Like… you did something wrong. Or you failed as a mom. Or maybe your body is broken. I can’t help but say sorry to my boyfriend for taking his choice to have a baby away from him.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

“Don’t leave it laying around”

Maybe it’s wrong of me to be so angry about something that could be deemed as little. Little to him, little to anybody but me. It is the last thing I have that my papa gave to me. I moved the guitar away from the bedroom closet because it was constantly in the way of his clothes and side table. I put it in a place that has the least traffic. He was cleaning the house and he was banging it around a bit so I said “could you please be careful with that.” He said I’m sorry and i told him that it has sentimental value. He responded with “ maybe don’t leave it laying around then.”

So, where am I supposed to put it?

1: back in storage

•where I don’t see it, play it or value it

2: Anywhere but with me

•where I don’t see it, play it or value it

It’s not like I haven’t told him before. Everytime I tell him to please be careful because it means a lot to me. He knew how much papa meant to me. The man I fell inlove with wouldn’t say that to me, so why did this person.

Did he just forget?

Was he tired?

Was he frustrated about something else?

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I did the thing that I swore I wouldn’t do.

I hurt you. I made you feel like you weren’t good enough. I made you upset.

I reminded you of your ex and I fucking hate myself for doing that to you.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

For the first time I tried to do something romantic. I put on a slow song to dance to because you were in a bad mood. You shut me down and said no.

For the first time I tried to do something sexy. I put on lingerie to wear for you. You shut me down and said no.

For the first time I was open about my feelings, I asked for Help because I was insecure. You told me to stop asking you over and over again like you were annoyed..’

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I’m starting to feel like just your business partner

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I’m gonna marry the fuck outta him

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I love you.

I love you I’m so much that it is overwhelming.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I knew that it would be this way but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. I want to love him

[hardheadedheartbroken]

When I think of life with him…. Fuck. I don’t know how I lived without him. I don’t know how I would.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I look for songs that describe what I am feeling because I don’t even know what i am feeling

[hardheadedheartbroken]

Everything I did for you… I’m going to do for him. Difference is… he deserves it. He earned it. He appreciates it. He loves me the way I love him.

[hardheadedheartbroken]

You make my heart feel whole…in everyway

[hardheadedheartbroken]

I fell out of love with you but I still care. Just not enough to stay around.