Summary: They harshly reject you before realizing later on that they had feelings for you all along... only that you have already turned over a new leaf.
Pairings: Ayato, Kaeya, Xiao, Alhaitham x (gn!) Reader - [separate]
Tags: Angst, Hurt/no comfort
A/N: Hi peeps! I'm back with a new fic. Perfect for the gloomy fall season I deliver you some angst that a nonnie requested. I also added Alhaitham despite not being in the request. This is my first time writing for him (and it's angst, haha! He'll also get some fluff soon, I promise!)
AYATO
You looked below yourself and started drawing circles in the sand on the beach you were sitting on with Ayato. Your heart painfully clenched in your chest as you were unsure whether or not now was the right time to pour your heart out to the man by your side. Would he feel the same or would it end up ruining the friendship you’ve had since your childhood days?
“What is troubling you?” There really was nothing you could hide from him, was there?
“Nothing.”, you attempted to reassure him but he didn't seem convinced and raised an eyebrow with worry flaring up in his lavender eyes. You sighed deeply, your mind and heart starting to race one hundred miles per hour, while trying to gather all your courage.
“Ayato, I… I think I have feelings for you.”
“Oh.”
A small frown played around his lips that looked more like he was pitying you and you could feel how your heart shattered into a million pieces. A mind numbing silence followed your confession that almost drove you insane.
“Oh? That is all you have to say?”
“I’m sorry... I won’t be able to give you the reply you’re hoping for... I do not reciprocate your feelings, I see you more as a part of my family. I've actually been meaning to tell you today, that I’m going to be wed soon”
“... a wedding?”, you asked in disbelief with a quivering voice.
“It has not been officially announced yet, but she is from an allied clan and it was my father’s dying wish that I’d marry her.”
You turned your face away from him, not wanting him to see how his words had crushed even the last bit of hope you've ever had. You could feel tears stinging at the corners of your eyes and a painful lump forming in your throat. You got up from where you were sitting, kicking off the sand that stuck to your clothes and sighed silently in defeat.
“Do you love her?”, you asked with a shaky voice, waiting for his answer.
“I will.”, he replied after a short moment of hesitation, as if he was looking for the right words in order to not wound you more than he already had, oblivious to the fact that your heart was already broken beyond repair.
You nodded in acceptance before you started to walk away without looking back, feeling his pitying stare burn into the back of your head.
Weeks turned into months and months soon turned into years but he never saw you again since that day on the beach. You didn’t attend his wedding, that he had attempted to invite you to again via numerous letters, either. But every letter he sent to you or spontaneous visits to your home, stayed unanswered, until he ultimately decided to leave you alone to allow your broken heart to heal at its own pace.
It wasn’t until he found a letter addressed to him on his desk one day, that made reality suddenly crash down on him.
Dear Lord Kamisato,
I am truly sorry that I did neither reach out for a long time nor that I could deliver this message to you in person. Shortly after our talk at the beach back then I realized that I needed to change something about my life and decided to leave Inazuma for good. By the time you will receive this letter I am already long gone.
I had realized that I needed to stop chasing impossible dreams and start focusing on my own goals in life and I knew that wouldn’t have been possible, if my feelings for you kept being an obstacle. It felt like I was drowning in a deep ocean, trying to reach the surface in order to be able to breathe again, but no matter how hard I struggled, it felt like it kept moving further and further away from me. Thus I took the next ship to Liyue and started to build a new life there. You’ll be happy to hear that I even met a lovely man that I married not too long ago.
I’m sorry I could not attend your wedding and I often miss the days where we hung out to talk or played chess together. I hope that things have gone well on your end and that you’re happy and doing well where you’re at now.
With Love,
Your old friend
He gingerly put the letter back on the table in front of him, tracing your penmanship with his finger as if he intended to feel your presence through it under his fingertips for one last time. He harshly bit his lip and felt a single tear rolling down his cheek. He wondered why your words caused him such intense grief all of a sudden.
It wasn’t until his eyes landed on the photo of him and his wife on his wedding day that he began to realize and a tidal wave of regret surged over him.
Back on that day on the beach he told you he would get married, he told you he would love her and he told you he doesn’t love you the same way you loved him. So why was it that only now he realized that it was you, that it had always been you, who he had been in love with all along? He had been a coward and pushed you away. Now you are gone, building a family of your own, far away from him, while he is trapped in a loveless marriage with a woman he has nothing in common with.
He had lied to himself all these years, convincing himself that he was happy with the way things were now - but the cold hard truth was, that he could not be happy if it wasn’t with you.
KAEYA
“And I won, again!”, Kaeya snickered, throwing his playing cards on the table triumphantly before downing the rest of his wine in one sip. It had been a cheerful evening that you and him spent together at the Tavern after work and you’d feel great, if only it wasn’t for your crush on the Cavalry Captain, which increasingly pushed itself in the foreground on your mind.
“I give up, you beat me! Drinks are on me tonight”, you chuckled and lifted your hands up in defeat before going to order another round of drinks for you.
Kaeya watched as you walked over to the bar, conversing with the familiar bard who seemed to be quite fond of the wine as well and often kept hanging around the Tavern. He watched as the young bard threw a quick glance over his way before leaning in closer to you and whispering something in your ear that seemed to fluster you quite a bit, making you shake your head quickly.
“Got a love confession from the little bard over there, sweetheart?”, Kaeya teased as you arrived back at the table with the drinks.
“No, no, nothing like that. Nothing important.”, you reassured him, but deep down you hoped that what Kaeya had just asked was a small sign that he was interested in you as well.
As the evening drew to a close, Kaeya and you walked home together until you stood in front of your door. The moment you took the doorknob in your hand you suddenly turned around again with newfound courage, determined to spill your hearts content out to Kaeya.
“Alright, here we are. See you tomorrow! We can–”
“Kaeya, wait…”, you interrupted him and grabbed his hand before he could leave. “Remember when the bard told me something earlier?”
“Yeah, I do. Need any love advice from yours truly?”, Kaeya teased.
“Kaeya, please. This is not about him… but about something he told me, or rather about something he told me to do.”
“Are you in trouble?”
“Tch, that’s one way to put it… Kaeya, listen, I think – no, I’ve realized you’re more to me than just a friend. I–I I have feelings for you.”
A long silence followed your confession. His expression remained unreadable until he eventually pulled his hand out of yours again, placing it over his stomach and starting to laugh. Your heart painfully clenched at the sound of his bellowing laughter echoing in your ears.
“Hahaha, sweetheart. I think you had a bit too much to drink tonight, hm?” He remarked and patted your cheek with an amused expression, wiping a tear out of the corner of his eye.
“I only drank grape juice, Kaeya!”, you exclaimed, slapping his hand away in frustration. “I meant what I said.”
“Oh.”, he paused, his amused expression replaced with one that essentially told you everything you needed to know. He did not feel the same way about you.
“You actually like me?”
“I do… quite ironic, huh? The first time I ever fall in love, it’s with the only person who doesn’t love me back.”, you directed your gaze at the ground, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you desperately tried to swallow them down.
“I-I guess I’ll leave you be… goodnight. See you tomorrow, maybe…” He turned around, quickly waving you goodbye and leaving you heartbroken.
In the following weeks he noticed that you were purposefully avoiding him but he couldn’t blame you for it. He tried to act as he normally would when he ran into you, in the hopes that things would go back to how they were before that night, but they never did. In fact the more he tried to act normal, the more he felt like you were pushing him away, until you ultimately came to his office, handing him your letter of resignation telling him that you couldn’t keep going as if nothing happened.
It wasn’t until he saw you walking around the Dawn Winery’s vineyard hand in hand with Diluc, when he was there for some official business on the Knights' behalf, that he felt something inside of him die. At first he shrugged it off as jealousy, until he wondered why he was jealous in the first place. He had told you he had no feelings for you, so why did he feel the way he did when he saw you so happy and in love with Diluc? Why was it only now that he realized that he was in love with you?
To shield himself, he had always been so used to lying and keeping his heart locked, even to the ones he loved, that he had become numb to its desires - running away from his own feelings, until it was too late.
In the end all he could do was ruin things and push people away. It’s what he was best at, it seems.
XIAO
Xiao and you had hung out at Wangshu Inn but as soon as you had gone home he found your backpack sitting on one of the chairs on the balcony. Surely you must’ve forgotten it.
He picked your backpack up before it slipped out of his grasp, spilling its contents on the floor. Among it was your diary, which flipped open and landed face down on the ground.
Xiao let out an annoyed sigh as he picked up the things scattered across the floor, until he picked up your diary and caught a glimpse of a page where you had stuck a picture of you and him together with some doodled hearts and a small note reading "One day I will tell him..." below it.
What did that have to mean?
As if prompted, out of the corner of his eyes he spotted how your familiar figure appeared at the entrance to the balcony again. You halted the minute you saw him stand there, backpack on the floor with all your things scattered around it and your diary in his hand - opened. You could feel panic well up inside of your chest and your heart dropped heavily.
“What are you doing there, Xiao?”, you asked with unease in your voice. Had he seen the picture with your notes?
“I wanted to bring you your backpack, you’ve forgotten it. I accidentally dropped it… what does this have to mean? What will you tell me one day?”
He turned around, stretching his arm out, showing you the opened book in his hand and your worst fears had become reality the moment you saw which page he had been looking at.
“Xiao, I–, archons why did you have to see this… I like you Xiao – a lot actually.”
He eyed you cautiously with an indecipherable expression in his eyes. Was it confusion, was it anger or maybe even lack of understanding? You couldn’t tell and the silence that followed your confession made your heart painfully contract in your chest.
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Why would you want to tell me this? What made you think I’d ever feel the same way? I’m not capable of feeling this way towards you, or anyone.”
“It’s not like I chose to.” Your voice was nothing but a mere whisper at this point and the lump in your throat became more painful by the minute. You took your last bit of strength to rip your diary out of his hands and quickly gathered your things together, that were still lying on the ground and stuffed them into your backpack. You flung it over your shoulder and left the adeptus without looking back once.
This was the last time Xiao talked to you. He convinced himself that he didn’t need anyone around anyway, he’d been alone for centuries already, he could do a couple more. That was until the Lantern Rite came around a year later.
He never had been the person to hang around big crowds and this year would be no different. He sat atop one of the buildings in the city, overlooking the harbor and watching the lanterns float into the night sky.
Suddenly his gaze found you in the large crowd at the pier and he watched you as you let your own lantern rise into the sky, but you weren’t alone. There was a man with you who kissed you tenderly as you stood there hand in hand, looking after your lantern with a big smile on your face.
Something inside of him stirred at the sight of you looking at another man with the same adoration you’ve had in your eyes for him back then. How often had you asked him if he had wanted to visit the Lantern Rite together with you as well and how often did you skip going because he refused to go?
The scene where you had left him on the balcony of Wangshu Inn, when he had found your diary, played in front of his inner eye again, evident hurt in your eyes, inflicted by his vicious words, when all you had ever shown and given to him was your time and love. He had yet again been too stubborn to realize what his heart wanted and fell back into old patterns of pushing anyone away who got too close to him. Maybe he had been scared of what it would mean if he had admitted he had felt the same for you – in fact, he still felt the same. But you no longer did.
He had pushed you away and you found happiness with someone else. Someone more deserving of your love and he had no one to blame but himself for that.
ALHAITHAM
The day you found out you and Alhaitham had been assigned to the same research trip for the Akademiya, you had felt your heart do a little jump for joy in your chest. Both of you had started studying together at the Haravatat and occasionally had been working on group projects.
The trip itself started well, you had been sent to research and gather information on some carvings found in one of the ruins of King Deshret in the desert. You had set up camp at the oasis nearby and working with him was going smoothly so far, as it always did.
On the second day you decided to venture deeper into the ruins together, to see if you'd find more inscriptions. As you took the lead, you suddenly felt one of the tiles below your feet sink down and before you could react you felt a strong arm snatch around your waist, pulling you to the side. Once you came to again you found yourself lying atop of Alhaitham, your back pressed against his chest and his arm still around your waist, in front of you a pile of rubble that had fallen down from the ceiling.
"Careful, there are traps here.", he rationally explained. Maybe a bit too rational considering you could have died. But you didn't give it too much thought, also because you were way too distracted by the pounding of your heart in your chest, and you knew it wasn't because of the triggered trap that it was beating so loudly.
"Right…", you huffed breathlessly, before slowly trying to wiggle out of his grasp again. Had the placement of his arm been intentional or did you interpret too much into it? As your thoughts spiraled off, you felt your cheeks heat up, looking down to the ground in an attempt to hide your flustered face from him.
"Are you hurt?"
"No. No, I'm fine. Thank you… for pulling me out of the way."
He looked at you with a stern expression, nodding in acknowledgement before brushing some sand off his clothes and returning to his studies wordlessly. He sat down on a huge stone in front of a mural, continuing to scribble notes in his notebook.
"Alhaitham?", you rasped with evident nervousness in your voice, gathering all your courage for what you were planning to say.
“Hm?”, he hummed, just briefly flicking his gaze up to you. You deeply inhaled beginning to feel your heartbeat pulsate in your temples.
"I think you're really great and–"
"Do you intend to ask me for help with your paper?"
"N-no, no that's not what I was going to say… uhm, I've been meaning to say that I really really like you.", you stammered, gesturing about wildly with your hands.
"I like you too, you're a great research partner and have great academic potential."
Ouch. Either he was completely oblivious or playing dumb, no matter the case, the lump in your throat became so big it started to hurt and at that moment you wanted nothing more than to cry and run away. Your confession had backfired even worse than anything you had imagined.
"I-I don't mean academically… or even as a friend. I like you… romantically, Alhaitham.", you coaxed out, using up all your strength in order to not start crying.
He looked up from his notes and put his pencil down, eyes now fully trained on you while furrowing his eyebrows.
"What made you think I have feelings for you?", he asked with an annoyed undertone in his voice. He slightly shook his head and devoted himself to his notes again.
He did not speak to you for the entire rest of trip afterwards, outside of the strictly necessary communication. Practically acting as if you didn't exist. Leaving you even more embarassed and heartbroken than you had already been from his original rejection.
Back at the Akademiya you immediately enrolled to change subjects and joined the Amurta for a short while, before deciding to quit your academic career entirely to become a Forest Ranger in Avidya Forest.
Alhaitham would lie if he had said he immediately noticed that you had quit, it had only occurred to him several weeks after you had been gone. It had gotten rather quiet recently and while he usually didn't mind being on his own and studying alone, he did miss your input on certain matters.
It wasn't until one day where he was tasked to bring an important document to Tighnari in Avidya Forest on the Akademiya's behalf, that he realized his grave mistake. It was then he saw you again for the first time. You stood on the gravel path in front of Tighnari's hut, both your hands interlocked with his, pressing a fleeting kiss on his lips. A smile brighter than the sun gracing your beautiful features before waving Tighnari goodbye and heading for the forest, together with a girl with green hair and purple eyes.
At that moment Alhaitham felt a wave of emotions wash over him, ones he, at first, couldn't quite place. You had never smiled at him like this. Was what he witnessed, what he could have had with you? He tried to ignore the painful knot in his stomach but no matter how often he told himself that he didn’t care what you were doing with your life now and who you were with, he had to admit that in reality he wanted nothing more than to turn back time to tell you he felt the same for you. It finally dawned on him that he had been blind about his feelings for you the entire time.
Why did he only realize it now? Only Archons knew.
He had learned the hard way that academic success wasn’t everything that was desirable in life. A realization that unfortunately came too late - you had already found happiness in someone else.
synopsis: waking from a wet dream about you!!! — kaeya, childe, ayato !!!! the blue men
cw; wet dreams, they have a crush on you
KAEYA!
his mind races as he hurries to his office, his face and neck heating up from the memories replaying in his head — you panting and gasping as he fucks himself into you, tears flowing down your cheeks at how amazing he feels, kaeya's name falling like a prayer from your lips
"kaeya!" you running over to him and throwing yourself into his arms is exactly what he was afraid of; he feels like he might pass out from being so close to you and is terrified of what he might unintentionally do that could ruin your friendship
the sweet scent of your hair reaches him, sending his mind reeling once more, and all the heat and blood rushes downwards as he pushes you away with a smile before shutting himself away in his office to calm down, cursing internally at those lewd thoughts
CHILDE!
you watch the dull weapon in childe's hands snap in half, the owner clearly not noticing that he broke it while sitting on the bench, deep in thought about something
that something is you — you in nothing but his shirt, on your knees with your hair in a ponytail, and your lips wrapped around his hard, angry cock as he pulls at your hair, fucking himself deeper into your throat
he's always been good at restraint, but how can he face you now after you appeared in his dreams the night before and "attacked" him with something so obscene and fitting for his dark desires for you?
AYATO!
he's staring at you as you and thoma clean the courtyard, both laughing at something you said, oblivious to the fact that someone is burning holes in your head, heart fluttering with desire
he thinks it's so crude for someone like him to have wet dreams about you, not because you're not good enough, but because he feels exposed, as if he's committed a crime because you think he's this wonderful and sophiscated gentleman
but you're wrong because he wants to see you fucking yourself on his cock, wants to feel your nails clawing into his skin as he hits your sweet spot, wants to show the entire world that you're his and his alone
Characters: Alhaitham, Ayato, Dottore and Pantalone
Requested by: anon
Dating headcanons for Pantalone, Dottore, Aihaitham, and Ayato please?
➸ 𝐀𝐥𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦
Alhaitham is the kind of guy that in public definitely doesn't show much affection, but in private he will never let you leave his arms
He loves to be by your side, doing something you two like, walking around the city or simply in silence as you enjoy each other's company
He likes to hold hands though, he will definitely hold your hands
Soft kisses, deep kisses, doesn't matter. He loves to kiss you and will take his time to do it, deepening the kiss and then kissing you softly on your cheeks
Be prepared to hear him complain about Kaveh something everyday, since he is this kind of guy
He is very supportive and loyal to you
To others, he might not say words of comfort or encourage them, but with you the situation is different
You're not feeling safe? He will do what he can for you to feel safe
You're not feeling encouraged? He will encourage you
You're sad about something? He will try his best to cheer you up
You're angry and want to complain about everything and everyone? He will listen
He is very soft for you and he likes to make sure you know how much he loves you
This soft side, a kinder side is reserved to you only
Also, brings small gifts to you every time he can
➸ 𝐀𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨 𝐊𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨
Ayato is a busy man, so unfortunately he does not have much time
But he will always manage to find time to spend with you
And even when he is too busy, he will make sure to check on you and see how you are
He cares deeply about you and loves you very much, the last thing he wants is making you feel ignored by him
He will demonstrate his love for you in every way he can
A hug, a kiss, an arm around your shoulders or just holding your hands
He likes physical touch, he loves to have you close to him and he is not ashamed of showing it
Ayato also likes to give you gifts
Something he saw and reminded him of you, a flower or maybe something bigger
He just likes to spoil you
He is also very fond of your smile and will do everything he can to see you smiling
He is very sweet, patient and calm with you, so if you ever need him, he will be there to listen to you and give you the best advice he has
Ayato is also very supportive and will be always rooting for you, as you do the same to him
➸ 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞
Anyone who knows Dottore will have a not so positive opinion about him
In general, people actually fear him and avoid at any cost
When others hear that someone managed to catch this doctor's heart is a surprise
It is clear how much he loves you just judging by his actions
He is very patient with you, kinder and you will be the only one who he will ever show his affection
Usually in private, he likes to hug you and keep you close to him
In public, he might hold your hands and soft kisses sometimes
He loves to talk to you! He will talk about anything with you and hears you
He likes to listen what you did on that day, what you like and dislike, what kind of food you love
Anything, he will hear anything you have to say and he is glad he can talk to you the same way
Mainly because he believes you're the only one who can be compared to him in terms of knowledge and etc
Also, even though it doesn't look like he would be the type to do so, he has words of affirmation as one of his love languages
➸ 𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞
Let's let aside a bit the fact that he is rich
Yes, he likes to spoil you and make sure you have everything you need
But he has other ways to show you how much he loves you
He always pays attention to what other may be a small thing, like an important date, anniversary and etc
He likes to celebrate them, since they represent a special moment with you
Actually, every moment with you is a special moment, so he treats this special dates as something even bigger
He loves to be by your side, talk to you, listen to you, laugh at something stupid or funny that happened
You two are definitely the couple that has inside jokes and looks no one else can understand
He just loves the intimacy and trust you two have, something he holds dearly in his heart
And if you don't wish to do anything, he will be more than happy to spend a time in silence with you
He loves to take naps with you! His arms embracing you, while you two nap a bit, forgetting the crazy things for a moment
He has no problems on holding your hands, hugging you or kissing you in public, though he prefers to do them in private with more freedom and no one to bother
He will always be there for you, supporting you and rooting for you
If you need anything, he will be there and will always make sure to let you and everyone else how much he loves you
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