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@hardskeptic
i go to home depot
i eat the tools
Stop it
crumch
when i make an important phonecall
gundham but his scarf is worm on a string
@circuitloving
Bigfoot is fake
he only calls me when he needs money or snacks or a place to hide
#strangerville
hi i’m peter man i mean i’m spider parker i mean fuck
imagine reading a book with the name of all the guys that ever had a crush on you
why would i want a book with blank pages in it
HMU if the book isn’t blank
weird asks that say a lot
in
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
7. earbuds or headphones?
8. movies or tv shows?
9. favorite smell in the summer?
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
12. name of your favorite playlist?
13. lanyard or key ring?
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
16. most comfortable position to sit in?
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
18. ideal weather?
19. sleeping position?
20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?
21. obsession from childhood?
22. role model?
23. strange habits?
24. favorite crystal?
25. first song you remember hearing?
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
28. five songs to describe you?
29. best way to bond with you?
30. places that you find sacred?
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
32. top five favorite vines?
33. most used phrase in your phone?
34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?
35. average time you fall asleep?
36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
38. lemonade or tea?
39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
41. last person you texted?
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
44. favorite scent for soap?
45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
47. favorite type of cheese?
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
51. current stresses?
52. favorite font?
53. what is the current state of your hands?
54. what did you learn from your first job?
55. favorite fairy tale?
56. favorite tradition?
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
62. seven characters you relate to?
63. five songs that would play in your club?
64. favorite website from your childhood?
65. any permanent scars?
66. favorite flower(s)?
67. good luck charms?
68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?
69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
70. left or right handed?
71. least favorite pattern?
72. worst subject?
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?
75. when did you lose your first tooth?
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
80. earth tones or jewel tones?
81. fireflies or lightning bugs?
82. pc or console?
83. writing or drawing?
84. podcasts or talk radio?
84. barbie or polly pocket?
85. fairy tales or mythology?
86. cookies or cupcakes?
87. your greatest fear?
88. your greatest wish?
89. who would you put before everyone else?
90. luckiest mistake?
91. boxes or bags?
92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
93. nicknames?
94. favorite season?
95. favorite app on your phone?
96. desktop background?
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
98. favorite historical era?
HMU with yo questions! :D
i just farted and burped at the same time life is beautiful never stop dreaming
whom posted this? i don’t recall
me: i wish someone liked me
someone: [likes me]
me: i must fake my death and lie low for ten years
I think one of the funniest things I’ve accidentally taught my parrot is yelling “WHAT?” The best part is that if he says something weird and and someone else says “what???” he usually repeats what he just said. Like just now, I was cooking in the kitchen and he heard me boiling water so he asked “you wanna noodle?” but I couldn’t quite hear him so I yelled “WHAT” and he repeated “you wanna noodle?”
Mostly he just likes yelling it, though.
Less funny things I’ve accidentally taught my parrot:
to make the smoke detector noise every time someone makes toast
to make gross eating noises at us when he wants us to share our food
to announce that he is about to poop just about every time he poops
to demand payment in the form of peanuts for every instance of good behavior
no seriously he says “I get a peanut” every single time and gets VERY MAD if not given a peanut
……LESS funny??!??????
I’m reading that in a “oh god what have I done” kind of way.
if you’ve ever had a crush on me god bless your poor misguided heart
Writing your own world’s mythology sounds hard until you realize most mythologies are created on the “oh, haven’t you heard?” principle
Some ancient Greek dude: hey why are you pregnant? You aren’t married
The lady about to come up with zeus: oh haven’t you heard?
“short people stick together” how about we stack together. if enough of us unite we can be the ultimate tall person
What I’m doing for Valentine’s Day
(Fucking around because I have nothing to do)