Today, I woke up to something amazing:
Lilly Singh came out to the world as bisexual. Which is so, so amazing.
Obviously, she received a lot of love and support from the internet. But another of the most common replies she received was how they “always knew” and how “obvious” it was and how they had “seen it coming for the longest time”.
While I really appreciate all this acknowledgement and the fact that she was accepted nonetheless – as a bisexual woman myself – I cannot stress enough what it really means to come out.
Coming out is a result of a journey that involves a lot of soul-searching, self-acceptance, and finally feeling safe – physically, psychologically, emotionally – with oneself and the people one chooses to come out to.
So, if any person comes out to you, it is because they have been able to accept themself and have begun to live their truth freely, and doing so without the fear of judgement, prejudice, discrimination, and even violence.
It is much less about you coming to know that they’re not straight or cis-gender or binary.
By saying that you have known it all along and that it was “so obvious” and asking them what took them so long to “admit” something as “obvious” to you, you are (surely unintentionally) kind of trivialising the journey the person has gone through before coming out to you.
I’m sure you don’t mean to do it, but maybe don’t say such things to the person who has just come out to you?
Things you can say, though – if you really want to show how supportive you are – could be:
“I’m really happy for you.”
“I’m so glad you can finally live your truth!
Or just give them a hug! Educate yourself. Ask for clarification.
(Fellow-queer folk, add on!)
Please keep in mind, guys, coming out is a lot lesser about the person to whom one comes out, and more about the person who IS coming out.
So, don’t question their orientation. Try not to overwhelm them by insisting that they answer certain questions that they may not be comfortable answering, or by rushing to apply stereotypes (intentionally, or unintentionally).
Just offer them your unconditional love and support in any form. That’s all one needs.
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