Being mommy is easy peasy ;)

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My baby was born a healthy 7 pounder. After 1 week he was supposed to have increased in weight by a little bit to show that he is breastfeeding well. But he did not, he remained a 7 pounder even after a week. The first week of his birth, we both were learning to breastfeed. Who ever said...

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Feeding Frenzy

My baby was born a healthy 7 pounder. After 1 week he was supposed to have increased in weight by a little bit to show that he is breastfeeding well. But he did not, he remained a 7 pounder even after a week. The first week of his birth, we both were learning to breastfeed. Who ever said breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world .. has  not tried to breastfeed. The baby and the mother need to learn this art. The baby needs to latch and suck. The mother needs to know how and when to offer to feed. Feeding positions are very important as well. All these tricks of trade were not so easy to learn during the first week. We both failed at it multiple times! The result my baby did not get enough milk and did not gain weight.

The pediatrician I had in US was a kind lady. She attributed my baby's non-weight gain to my milk supply, while being good in quantity was not good in quality. What she was meant was I was producing enough milk but it was not of calorific value. For the baby it was like drinking water. He felt full but did not help him build muscle.Since I wanted to join back work,she suggested we start the baby on formula milk. She wanted him gain the calories through this. The idea was simple breastfeed him for as long as he wants and immediately follow it up with a few ounces of formula milk. This way he gets the best of both. This routine was a blessing from heaven. We both loved it. My baby slept well, thrived on this for 3 months of his life. Everything in the universe seemed to be in perfect harmony.

Then came our Big Move. Our move to India involved a lot of stress, both physical and mental. Unknowingly I must have passed on my stress to my baby too. Add to this, the fact that I had to be away for a few hours a day for a week to run all the errands. My boy was in care of my mother. My poor mother did her best she could. But how could she replace mother's milk. The baby took to formula majorly. In this time he realized that drinking through the bottle was much easier than suckling at the breast. Less work and more milk. Boys are born lazy I tell you! So eventually towards the end of the week he started to refuse breastmilk. I pumped and gave it him in a bottle. My mother and husband decided this can be set right as soon as we settle in India.

Once we arrived in India for us it was homecoming. But for the baby it was an alien land. The air, the weather, the people everything for different for the little baby. He refused to breastfeed again. Each time I would offer he would scream. This was the most trying time for as a new mother.

I had a C-section, the pain of the surgery still raw. The physical stress of the move was horrible. My knees would ache at each step I took. My back would hurt even if I sat for a few minutes. The emotional stress was all bottled up. I left a beautiful country where I had created my own world which I loved. I had my friends,my job, my interests torn from me.I never even got a chance to understand that am leaving it for now, that I may never come back. I could not even say a proper good bye to the place I loved so much. It was the place I had imagined my rest of the life to be in. I wanted that closure. It never happened.I could not even share it enough with my husband or mother. Each was busy with other tasks which had to be done.

When my son refused to breastfeed it was difficult not take it personally. I was very aware of it. I wanted him to at least feed on the formula milk, which he did happily. This helped me quell my insecurities. But what I could not shut out was the constant nagging and advice of the good people around who told me I was being mean to refuse breastmilk for my baby. That I was not trying enough to feed him well. That I was not eating enough produce milk for my baby. I was asked to hide the fact that I formula feed him. In the humble 600 sqft house where the space is shared with parents, sisters, grandmothers, I was supposed to hide it from the ever present cook too. I did not know the tricks. I did not know that I was putting my baby in harm's way if the cook happened see me washing his bottles.My baby did not relent, everytime I put at him my breast hoping he would feed this time. But he would scream and cry murder. I was drained of any energy to try again, but that only fueled my mother's insistence to try again.

I tried to breastfeed him when he was half asleep. That seemed to do the trick.Eventually I was asked to stop the formula feed altogehter and offer him only breastmilk, because in India its breastmilk all the way upto 6  months. Doesnt matter if the baby is getting enough or not. I tried to stop, but my mother's good sense prevailed and she asked not stop it completely. I took her advise but reduced the formula feed. Once again the baby did not again enough weight as expected and the pediatrician gave up and asked to continue formula. But by now the damage was done, my baby was not such a great eater anymore. He learnt the art of refusing food.

In India pregnancy,delivery,feeding and the baby is everybody's business. Everyone was has an opinion. Later when I discussed with a cousin who didnt even produce a drop of milk and had to depend entirely on formula feed, I realized people can be very insensitive.She was told she did not produce enough milk because she wore salwars and not sarees !!! Women around you keep telling how they had so much milk that they even distributed it to neighbors or threw it away. Stories like this wont stop once they hear you formula feed the baby.To the point that producing enough milk and more is the ultimate signature of complete women. If not you are something less of a women. Keep aside the fact the other achievements in your life they mean absolutely  nothing. Even the lady who could not even build a decent life for herself with her husband's help, because she produced enough milk, she somehow becomes a Goddess.

Notice the men have nothing to say in this. They do not care how the baby is fed, as long as he is healthy. Its crazy world out there for women. To be pregnant and deliver and bring up babies in this world is a tough job. This world of women is challenging because of other women. I hope one day women realize that supporting each other is when they can create a better world for themselves.

[hauntedbouquetinfluencer]

The Big Move

After living in the US for 4 years I had to shift back to India within 10 days notice period. Being a new mother of a 3 months old baby boy, my life was going to change as I knew it.

As my body and me were trying to adjust to a new routine, we had to make this sudden move. The euphoria of going back to my home country was too much handle. But at the same time to wrap up a life I had come to love in the US was not so easy. It was like ripping a bandage off a new wound. Quite literally as I had just delivered a baby through C-section. But things, were screaming for my attention.

Being 31 year old, this was not my first move out of any country. I got into the Planner-me mode. Create the to-do list, sell the car, end the lease, sell the house stuff, call the movers and packers, close the bank accounts.. check check check. Things got sorted quite effortlessly thanks to my husband who took care of each task on the list meticulously and my mother who held the baby fort while my husband and I were away axing  the to-do list.

Bang! Just a like a flash we were on the flight to India. The baby's diaper bag was packed like a superhit survival kit in any zombie apocalypse. Each item was carefully labelled and placed in an easily accessible section. I was quite amazed with myself for having executed it so well. The plan was for my mother and husband to be able to locate anything the baby needs without my assistance.The planned helped me more when I had to look for that diaper cream or that rattle with one hand while the other held the baby.

My baby boy was such a trooper. He blissfully slept through the whole flight. The airlines were kind enough to accommodate us with a bassinet, although it was a last minute ticket booking. Please ask for the bassinet while travelling with the infant they are a blessing. The  baby will sleep peacefully nestled inside it. And you can rest a bit. We had checked with the pediatrician about the do's and dont's while travelling with a 3 months old.Luckily, he was too young to experience pressure changes in the atmosphere.Doctor said the baby this young will sleep through the ordeal.

After 21 hrs we were at the immigration desk in the Indian airport being welcomed in our local language. What a pleasure that was.. it washed away all the tiredness.

And so began my journey into a new motherhood in India.