don't touch me

Poltergeists are an unmitigated affliction. Gef is an asset.

[energyprison]

We gotta do something about the way dog owners behave. No other pet owner is just bringin the pet wherever the fuck they go all the time but for some reason with dog owners they think its fine if they bring their dog to the gym and taco bell and whatever. And you invite a dog owner to your house where youve got your own pets youve got your dog and your cats and whatever it is you have and this dog owner shows up at your door like "oh i brought my dog i hope thats okay hes so sweet youll love him" and it is always the most untrained poorly behaved agressive animal that has ever lived. And we all have to pretend like its acceptable behaviour well im sick of it

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

have you ever met a celebrity irl?

yes

no

microcelebrity

kinda?

results

Remaining time: 4 days 21 hours

[hauntingofcashensgap]

my hardest challenge yet in my journey to be more prosocial: reading my friend’s substack.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

really don’t know how you can be a misanthrope when there are speed puzzling cruises out there

[hauntingofcashensgap]

first of all DO go gentle into that good night. get on a morphine drip and peacefully slip away.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

as soon as i see someone say “NPC” i’m out. you have the superiority complex of a middle schooler in the gifted program.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

you know how in romance novels they’re driven to distraction because of how desperately they’re pining over their lover all hours of the day and night? that’s me with phone

[hauntingofcashensgap]

i have the exact type of intelligence tested by IQ, the SATs, and new york times puzzles. by which i mean white middle class suburbanite who specifically watched every episode of king of queens.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

the idea of banning videos of people having sex is bonkers. bro they’re just having sex. relax.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

they fucking banned porn in north carolina? what am i supposed to jerk off to now?? this is a public health emergency i’m not kidding

[hauntingofcashensgap]

i’ll send someone a correction for a claim i casually made two weeks before because the idea of someone finding out i was wrong and being like “oh so she’s untrustworthy and speaks out of her ass. i’ll never listen to her again” is so devastating to me

i also can’t have people repeating it and attributing it to me. for my reputation.

[hauntingofcashensgap]

every time i pack for a trip i’m like “wow i’m packing really light this time” and then i try to lift up my suitcase, and it’s over 200lbs

[hauntingofcashensgap]

i heard from people that kids get worms all the time?? just looked it up. HALF of all children in the US get pinworms at some point. what the fuck is going on.

i guess i knew parasites are common in kids in other places, but i’ve never even heard of it being so common here. my friends were like “yeah you know it’s like when lice goes around” bro i never had lice either 😫

[the-lumpfish-queen]

[hauntingofcashensgap]

the character i most related to as a teenager was jerry seinfeld

[hauntingofcashensgap]

i missed the conflict of an everybody loves raymond episode and it just seemed like a loving couple giving each other really thoughtful christmas gifts but someone kept accidentally playing the laugh track

[hauntingofcashensgap]

they must have done some corn gmo development lately because it’s sweet as pie these days. it’s dessert corn. i could eat 10 ears.