we need to talk about self inserts in roleplay.
if you’ve ever come across a roleplayer who gets passive-aggressive or angry with you when your muse doesn’t react the way they want them to react, who constantly centers the plot around their muse, who gets personally offended when you don’t see their muse the way they want you to see them … you’re probably dealing with a self-insert. i’m gonna point out the problem with self-inserts, then the way you can handle them.
the problem with self inserting:
manipulation. not a one should feel pressured to write a certain plot, or make their muses feel & act a certain way toward someone else’s muse. if your character doesn’t like a person’s character, is suspicious of them, doesn’t click with them — that’s fine! that’s you staying true to your muse. additionally, self inserts take their muses abnormally seriously, to the point that they try to manipulate everyone else’s feelings about them. they may become hostile or mopey or passive-aggressive that your muse doesn’t jive with theirs, or that you don’t see their muse as special, unique, disenfranchised, powerful, sweet, perfect, etc …
disrespect. self inserts do not care about you, your muse, your rules, or your headcanons. your muse is simply an instrument for their muse (and subsequently, them) — a means to an end. a way for them to get their emotional fix. you’ll be expected to bend to their every desire, and bend your own rules while you’re at it. nothing is more important in roleplay than mutual respect and appreciation between rp partners.
clinginess. when you get into other threads & ships, possibly to the neglect of theirs, said rp partner will get personally offended (note: i’m not talking about simply missing the thread or ship, i’m talking about feeling personally upset, as though they themselves are being neglected). the tea is, no one’s emotional needs should hinge upon a rp — especially unless both partners agree upon that.
how to deal with self inserting roleplayers:
hard boundaries. set your boundaries and don’t budge. i mean it. don’t budge an inch. your rules are your rules, your headcanons are your headcanons, your muse is your muse – and most importantly, your time & energy is your time & energy. do not let anyone coerce, manipulate, shame, or bully you into writing a certain way, or devoting your energy to them.
talk to them. if your boundaries cause an issue, talk to your rp partner about the situation. be clear about your boundaries and your feelings, and assure them that the writing has nothing to do with their personal validity.
if they persist, stop writing. it’s a shame to lose a writing partner, but facts are, we’re all just here to have fun and unwind and enjoy ourselves. most of us have a decent head on our shoulders, and can differentiate rp from reality, and our muses’ emotions from our own. it is not our mission to stay in an emotionally parasitic relationship with a self-inserting rp partner. remember to always take care of yourself, first and foremost!
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