Flutters of crisp white fall past the window, their icy bodies sitting gently atop the black asphalt. One after another they flurry from the ivory sky, landing on the nose of the man he watches; he can feel the way it tickles before melting into the warm, sun-kissed skin. It evaporates. Obliterated in an instant, the beauty and delicacy of the snowflake is overpowered by the winsome male.
‘Does it make sense to try hard for love?’
Kyungsoo’s heart jumps in his throat, the sight before him is both captivating and harrowing and yet his eyes cannot stray far from the slope of that nose, those plush and smiling lips, the crinkle of the man’s eyes as he laughs and jokes with a taller companion.
That companion, the one with jet black hair which is now dusted and speckled with the feathery flakes. The man with ears protruding just a little farther forward than normal but in an endearing sort of way that makes him interesting and attractive. Kyungsoo thinks the tall man is handsome, well dressed, has a kind smile and gentle eyes. He’s perfect, and everything Kyungsoo is not.
Where the giant has; height, well proportioned limbs and a toned but slim figure, Kyungsoo has a short and stocky frame, sturdy, built, dumpy. His ears are small and in no way is he endearing. To onlookers he isn’t wearing a gentle gaze but rather a more stern look that is void of emotion. He doesn’t have a friendly smile for his lips remain fixed in place. No, this tall, raven haired man is everything Kyungsoo isn’t. And his name you ask? Chanyeol.
Park Chanyeol, a man whose social standing is impeccable and his disarming personality allows him to be the guy who everybody likes, the guy who likes everybody. Forgiving, non judgemental. The kind of guy who just gets along with everyone without problem or drama. This man, is the man who holds the heart of his tanned skinned friend.
‘Trying hard for love; some things just don’t work.’
Kim Jongin. The man emits sunshine everywhere he goes, his skin glowing like shimmering waters beneath the blazing sun. His smile radiates a boyish charm that can be viewed in no other manner than relaxed and innocent. This bronzed adonis is the one who holds Do Kyungsoo’s heart. A man he will never be able to have, for the shining male only has eyes for Park Chanyeol.
He sees it now, in this fleeting moment as the two friends engage in a conversation of wits. He can’t hear them through the glass of the bus window but he knows that Chanyeol is telling the younger man a cheesy joke by the way Jongin snorts unattractively - and yet he is still beguiling - into the palm of his hand.
He sees it in the small shift of Jongin’s feet to get closer to the object of his affection whenever the two are together. He notices it in the way a tanned hand clasps just a little firmer and lingers just a little longer against the tall man’s shoulder. He should know these small tell tale signs because he also deliberately lingers his hands upon Jongin’s skin, he finds his body shuffling closer, unconsciously, towards the younger man. He can recite for you the number of golden flecks in the other’s irises for he drowns easily within those eyes whenever Jongin looks at him with that warm and inviting gaze. The annular windows to his soul reflecting nothing but a kind heart and sincerity in whatever words are being spoken from between velvet lips.
It kills him every time. Each time his eyes meet with Jongin’s warm, caramel, gold-mottled orbs because when that gaze shifts from Chanyeol to himself, he sees the admiration, the awe, the infatuation and possibly the love - leave his eyes and become replaced with something friendly but somewhat detached. It kills him that he won’t look upon him with that same gaze, with those same emotions.
With the emotions that he now sees clearly in his own reflection through the window; his mind springs back into motion. The sight of the two men has vanished and the bus window now faces a black void as it sits beneath the Goyang bridge in rural traffic, all daylight banished. The sunshine diminished into the abyss. Kyungsoo has the look of beguilement, adoration, love and infatuation etched into the very depths of his eyes and every crevice of his face before he watches himself, or a reflection of himself slowly crumble. The light in his eyes dimming, the creases of his smile dropping and the curve of his brow resettling into a firm line. A lone tear escapes each eye, rolling swiftly down to the edge of his chin before journeying into the crease of his neck. Jongin will never look at him in the way he looks at Chanyeol. He will never see Kyungsoo for more than the friend that he is. The realisation, although not a recent revelation, is still as poignant each and every time. With each acceptance of the truth it seems to hurt more and more, his heart slowly crumbling each time and he hates himself. He hates that he allows himself to be ignorantly happy when he is alone with Jongin, that he lies to himself with false hopes and underlying meanings. He hates that he can’t let the other go and that despite the slow, crumbling pain, he still needs Jongin in his life because having him around and being in pain is better than never seeing him again.
‘I feel sorry for saying ‘I love you.’’
He will take those fleeting moments of happiness and live within them because right now, the reality is more painful than this torturous state.
‘Like someone holding onto a dream that won’t come true’
And as the wheels resume their revolving cycle, the bus propelling forward, Kyungsoo’s mind and heart remain at the previous spot. Frozen in time where the bus had stopped beside the aching sight. Immobile as Jongin’s frame had filled all of his senses in one fell swoop and captured him there, all encompassing, forever.
Kyungsoo has no will, no desire, to break free.
A/N: Iv'e never had an ask request on tumblr like this for what I am assuming was a fic you wanted, anon :) If not, I’m sorry. Anyway, thank you to whoever this wonderful Anon was because the song is beautiful and though I took a bit of a different twist on the prompt I hope you still like it.
Also, check out Park Won’s 'Try’ MV here: (X)
