good enough.

HAZEL MARIE MACDOUGAL twenty two. pureblood. former hufflepuff. owner of sky high clothing. "am i still not good enough? am i still not worth that much? i'm sorry for the way my life turned out. sorry for the smile i'm wearing now. guess i'm still not good enough."

[freycmccdougcl]

"I don't know about new me but a new start is always a nice thought." It'd ended up being a tough year for Freya and whilst there were plenty of highlights, one moment in particular managed to sour how she viewed the entire year. "I want to put the past behind me and just start over again."

[hazelmacdougal]

"Put the past behind you?" Hazel asked with eyebrows raised. "I figured you were having a good year. I mean, you and Damien seem to be doing good an everything. You tend to be smarter and handle everything else way better than I do." Hazel paused lightly. "I don't want to make assumptions or offend you but I feel like I should ask, things are good between you and Damien, right? He's treating you right, right?"

[galemacdougal]

"No lying, I can promise that," Gale agreed, nodding, "And the big things, I'll tell you the big things no matter how much I don't want to. I am hoping there aren't too many more bad big things though."

[hazelmacdougal]

"There better not be," she said. "I only have so much in me to fight with you. Also, sorry if Maddie was sicked on you. She has to see the aftermath from me of our fights and be the sounding board for it all."

[galemacdougal]

"I would never leave," Gale said, "I hope you know that. I know you know that. I also know it doesn't stop the voice in your head that tells you otherwise but it is the truth," he paused. Freya leaving had hurt him too but he had gone the opposite way, believing she would come back and having full trust in her when she did. It was why they had fought before. He had thought they would never fight like that again until this one, "I'm not. I won't. I've done enough of putting myself in bad positions. I won't do it again," he paused, "I trust you and I want you to trust me but I can't promise I'll talk to you about everything. I know you would listen and take it all in and try to help but I think sometimes, I need to talk to someone who didn't get messed up in the same way I did, in the same place I did. Hence the therapist. I can promise I won't keep anything bottled up anymore and I'll talk to someone," he smiled, "I've always trusted you to look after yourself, you're a badass. Now you need to trust that I can do it as well."

[hazelmacdougal]

Hazel let out a soft sigh, hating that she knew her sister was right. She didn't need to know everything, and she hated that. She felt like she could be blindsided at any moment, but she knew that was life. "Okay, as long as you talk to someone," Hazel replied. "Just don't lie to me again, okay? Even a lie by omission."

[freycmccdougcl]

❄️ - our muses get some fresh air from the celebrations together

"You're looking happy tonight." Freya spoke softly when she exited the building and came across her younger sibling. She held out the bag of sweets she'd managed to collect along the way, already chewing on one herself. "Are you glad to see the back of this year and have a fresh start?" She knew in many ways, she was.

@hazelmacdougal

[hazelmacdougal]

"Well I'm pretty tipsy right now, so that helps," Hazel said, taking a sweet and opening up the wrapper. "I don't really believe in new year, new me ideology. It always just pisses me off in the end."

[aliceofthelongbottoms]

"Wait, you've n-never seen the Flintstones before?" Alice asked, furrowing her brow a little, "How is that po-possible? It's a cl-classic."

[hazelmacdougal]

Hazel shook her head, "Let's just say my childhood wasn't exactly filled with that kind of stuff."

[galemacdougal]

"I was thinking it was more of a peace offering but I guess it could be both," Gale replied with a small laugh. At this point, he was happy she was even letting him in, let alone trying to make jokes. He shook his head, "No, it definitely needed to be me. I'm sorry I took so long," he said. Once they had settled, Gale took a deep breath and met her gaze, "I'm not going to stand here and come up with a bunch of excuses. All of them were stupid and bullshit anyway and I need to own up to the bad decision I made," he said, "I also don't want to sit here and just apologise for it - though I am sorry - because you deserve more than that," he continued, "I started seeing a therapist and work through my... well, my shit seems like the best way to phrase it. I think the most obvious thing is that I'm not properly dealing with my trauma and what our mother did made me feel like a burden any way I turned. That combined with the chronic illness and basically being raised and protected by you and Freya my whole life that is. Not that I'm blaming either of you but my therapist thinks at some point everything you did for me made me think it was too much and it was my turn to take on the load, my own load that is."

Gale sighed, "On the other side of things, I have a serious case of co-dependence. I care fiercely which isn't a flaw but I attach myself to a small number of people and then when those people are taken away, fights, break-ups, whatever, I become really helpless and aimless and then the whole burden thing comes into play," he paused, "I am working on it in and our of sessions. I have moved every single possession out of Mum's house and I will not be going back. Ever. Not even to check on her. I've been branching out and making new friends and I haven't completely shut out the old ones, just making sure I don't get too attached... for the most part," he thought about his fight with Alec. He needed to fix that one too, "I know that's a lot about me and I don't want to go on and on about it, I just wanted to show you that I'm trying to get better and I won't make stupid decisions, at least not big ones like moving in with Mum, again," he paused, "Oh, and I got a new roommate. Max McCormack. Definitely real and if you want to meet her, Freya is going to come over for dinner one time and you can too."

[hazelmacdougal]

"It's okay," she said, knowing that she hated that they had been angry at each other for so long, she hated she had been angry at him mostly for so long. "I knew you would come when you were ready." Hazel nodded lightly along with his words, letting out a slight sigh at him when he was finished. "I understand that, when Freya left, a part of me felt like I was responsible for you then, and I definitely may have been a bit overprotective... or well, a lot. I was triggered myself, especially when Freya left, because I felt like no one wanted to stay and maybe if I just forced it, there wasn't a chance you would leave, and that carried over to when she came back because well, I didn't trust her to not leave again. I didn't think about what I was doing to you when I was trying to ease my own anxiety. I guess maybe I'm co-dependent in my own ways." Hazel leaned her head on his shoulder. "You're going to make stupid decisions," she said, "so am I. All I ask is for you to talk about it, and I could probably do better at that too, and even asking about it. I get so angry at that and I need to be able to trust you because you're important to me Gale. Can we at least trust each other to take care of ourselves? I promise to try to be less overbearing if you promise not to purposely put yourself into harms way. And when we're feeling a certain way, trust that we can come to each other about it."

[hazelmacdougal]

closed starter - hazel & maddie ( @madeline-brcwn )

"We should've won," Hazel huffed, throwing her little bag of candy down on the counter after they got home from the Halloween party. "Blades of Glory was amazing."

[hazelmacdougal]

closed starter - hazel & alice ( @aliceofthelongbottoms )

"I meant to ask you the other day, but what the fuck even was your costume?" Hazel asked. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, mostly just curious."

[galemacdougal]

Gale probably should have been getting ready for Halloween but he couldn't go to the party and see Hazel there without making up with her, or at least trying. He tried to smile when he opened the door but it felt weird to do so when they weren't on good terms. He held up a bag of her favourite Halloween sweets, "To talk, if you're willing," he said, "I should have been here sooner to be honest."

[hazelmacdougal]

Hazel opened up the door more to let him walk inside. "I mean... you did come here to bribe me with my favorite sweets, so I guess I have to be willing," she tried to joke, but it was hard, it had been a while since she spoke to Gale, and she was still a little angry with him. However lately, and after talking to their sister about it, she missed him more than the anger. "I guess it could've gone both ways," she replied, which it could've, but Hazel sometimes felt she was the one to always put it back together and let him ignore his feelings. This time, she knew she had to let him come to her when he was ready, let him work it out for himself instead of her trying to fix it, and she definitely knew that he couldn't keep holding it all in and ignoring the bad parts.

[galemacdougal]

Gale knew it was long overdue to speak to his twin. After being convinced by their sister her girlfriend and other friends, he finally reached her door. He made sure that Maddie was out so they could talk alone. His heart was pounding with nerves, with fear of rejection. Freya was right. He needed to make the first step. Upon arriving at her door, he took one more deep breath before he rang the doorbell. He suddenly felt like he was holding his breath as he waited for her to answer.

@hazelmacdougal

[hazelmacdougal]

Hazel was in the middle of getting ready to go out for Halloween, mostly waiting for Maddie to get back. "Why are you knocking?" Hazel said, thinking it was Maddie at the door, but she was surprised when it turned out to be her twin. "Gale? What are you doing here?" she asked.

[madeline-brcwn]

"I know. And, like, from a fiscal point I get it, wider customer range means more money, but you can't please everyone." Maddie turned to look at Hazel. "Your designs are fantastic, babe. I don't want you to be beating yourself up if not everybody wants them. Fuck those guys, y'know?"

[hazelmacdougal]

"Those guys would be out customers, babe," Hazel replied with a small laugh.

[freycmccdougcl]

"Perhaps not but you understand my meaning, Hazel." Freya responded softly. "I don't know what you or him are going through, but sometimes hard decisions have to be made and you have to think about what they are worth to you. Both in gain and loss." She finished in an understanding tone. "Shall we finish this here? We could go and get some lunch if you would like?"

[hazelmacdougal]

"I'm giving him the space he obviously wants, and I'm okay with that, and if he's not, he can tell me like a big boy," Hazel replied. She let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, we should, on both those things."

[madeline-brcwn]

"Well, I'm hardly complaining, so clearly you've got enough." Maddie laughed. "Who cares about trends? You should do it however you want to."

[hazelmacdougal]

"Yeah, but I want something for everyone, y'know?" Hazel replied. "Even the trendy people, though I'm not sure why people want something everyone else has."

[edenloves]

Magische Momente mit Milena Tscharntke

[madeline-brcwn]

Maddie pulled the shirt on and turned to look in the mirror. "I mean, it's a bit of a weird fit on me, but that's because I don't have the goods to fill it out. But the style is nice, and it'll definitely fit someone."

[hazelmacdougal]

"Well you have more goods than I do," Hazel replied, moving the shirt on her. "I'm trying to keep up with some trends, but I don't know, maybe I didn't pick the right shirt to do this style with."

[freycmccdougcl]

Freya sighed at that and leaned lightly against her sister. "Haze... I don't think anyone is going to care about his life more than you do." The blonde spoke in tender humour. "And that's not an insult, that's just clearly how much he means to you. You'd do anything for him." At least that's how she had always perceived it. "Tell me though, when has saying 'I told you so' ever really helped a situation or even continuing on when you've told someone once already? You can warn someone yes, but they have to make their own choices despite how we feel about it. All we can ever really do is make sure they know we are there to help when they inevitably need us. Pushing something too much can actually push them away even if the intent is good." And she knew that Hazel had such good intentions.

[hazelmacdougal]

"Well I wouldn't tell him I told you so, I just don't want to be the first person to bridge the gap. I'm not forcing it on him anymore. If he wants to talk to me, he's going to have to come to me when he's ready. I told him, I'm tired of caring about him more than he does himself. He needs to value his life more, and I can't keep enabling him."

[aliceofthelongbottoms]

"Food, alcohol or en-entertainment?" Alice asked, "Or a combination?" she added after a moment, "I c-can provide any of the three."

[hazelmacdougal]

end