The Open Eyes Project

An organization dedicated to depression awareness and suicide prevention. You are not alone. Instagram: @theopeneyesproject Twitter: @projectopeneyes

[theopeneyesproject]

It was one o’clock on a school night, and I was still up. The fridge door being opened by my trembling hands only for me to shake my head and shut the door. I hadn’t eaten all day. My insides echoed the sounds of the cupboards being softly shut. In the very back of a cupboard I found a can of chicken broth. Only 5 calories a serving with two servings in the whole can. Finally something I could eat. I ripped open the top not even bothering to heat the broth up. I felt like I couldn’t slurp fast enough to satisfy my angry belly. Seeing the bottom of the now empty can, I was filled with regret. Stepping on the scale was how I punished myself. As the numbers rose so did my hatred. “Worthless piece of crap,” I whispered. “You can’t lose weight even when you’re not eating.” -Excerpt from my personal story

[namakte]

You have permission to eat. Even if you:

haven’t exercised

eaten too much yesterday

eaten too much today

don’t know the exact nutritional value of the meal

have gained weight

aren’t feeling hungry ‘enough’

feel like you don’t deserve it 

[twloha]

“An Open Letter To Suicide” - Victoria Zamora

[theprettylittleblogger]

Even when darkness consumes your mind, you are the light in other people’s lives.

Things that I wish that I could tell my younger self (via theprettylittleblogger)

[theopeneyesproject]

To Be Honest...

To Be Honest, there are still times when I look at a sharp knife or a pair of scissors and wonder what it would be like to drag them against my skin just one last time

To Be Honest, I still pull the sleeves of my sweaters down to cover the non-existant scars that I think cover my wrists

To Be Honest, I still wonder if I should eat this or that or if I should eat at all

To Be Honest, deciding to recover was the hardest but greatest choice I ever made

To Be Honest, I've never been happier in my entire life 

And To Be Honest, I’ll never go back

[theopeneyesproject]

deciding i was pretty was the best thing that i ever did one day i  just looked in the mirror and was like  screw this im pretty and just like that i was

I can’t remember 

[michellekpoems]

I still can’t believe I survived myself.

Michelle K., What Keeps Me Up at Night #131 (via pipedreams-)

I’m pretty sure everyone who recovers can’t believe they actually did it. I promise you that anyone can recover, as long as they want to. Make the choice to recover and you will receive the happiness you’ve been looking for. I promise. 

[theopeneyesproject]

Why did you self harm?" "I wanted to feel in control of something, anything in my life." "So why did you stop?" "Because I decided I wanted to control my happiness."

Me

[blvkvholic]

[theopeneyesproject]

I will become the best I can be

[darlingletsrecover-deactivated2]

*sprays it all over you all*

[gettingahealthybody-deactivated]

here’s your daily reminder that

you aren’t worthless

you’re worth more than you think you are

you mean a lot to someone

you’ve done something to make someone laugh or smile

you’ve laughed and smiled

you’re good enough

you deserve to be happy

you’re allowed to be sad

you’re you and nothing can change that

and there’s no one else you need to be

This

[theopeneyesproject]

and I said to my body, softly. 'I want to be your friend.' it took a long breath and replied, 'I have been waiting my whole life for this.'

Nayyirah Waheed

[theopeneyesproject]

How I Finally Fell in Love....... With Myself

This is a paper I wrote for my Writing 150 class. It’s my story of how I came to love myself.

Username: Chlojoe1234 Password: Monkeys1

Welcome to Tumblr.

           Tumblr was supposed to be a fun website with funny posts and cute pictures. I scrolled past gifs of adorable kittens playing with yarn, beautiful paintings of sunsets and mountains, and hilarious jokes about America. Then I came across a picture of a boy looking down at his arms, which were covered in scars. Instead of scrolling past it I clicked on the blog. All the pictures and posts were like the boy. I found it incredibly interesting that people could mutilate their own bodies.  Blog after depressing blog I got deeper until I decided I was just like these people or at least I could be.  

Username: life-sucks_untilyou-die Password: Ihatemylife

“Why do you have those scars?” “I’ve been fighting” “With who?” “Myself.”

-Anonymous

           A dried cherry stem. That’s how it started. A stem that I forgot I had left by the computer one night. I found that cherry stem a few days later, when it was dried and rough. It felt nice, almost calming when I dragged it across my skin. Only a little freshman, I didn’t know what I was doing. A dried cherry stem turned into tacks and safety pins. Tacks and safety pins turned into a pair of scissors. Small and sharp, I kept the scissors on my dresser within arm’s reach of my bed. They waited there patiently, until I needed them.

Cole is a boy who happens to be obsessed with me. He also happens to be the only one who has noticed my change in behavior. He happened to text me last night asking if I was ok and if there was anything he could do for me. I happened to reply telling him I was fine, just tired. But I happened to be etching ‘fine’ up and down my arm all night. Things happen my darlings, and you must be prepared for them. I’ll post more updates about Cole soon.

           April 7th, 2012 was my fiftieth birthday. It was also the first day that I had to alter my outfit to hide my marks, which were puffy and red; they also stung. Walking to school I held my sleeves down, the fabric balled in my hands. “Happy birthday to you” floated down the hall as I trudged to my locker. When I rounded the corner I saw all my friends singing with smiles that looked too big to be real. A handmade birthday card was taped on my locker. They must have spent hours on it. There were drawings of each member of my friend group and they all wrote “happy birthday Chloe!” and “You’re awesome! We love having you as a friend!” I rained on my own parade, believing they were all lies.

September 10th, 2013 was NSP (National Suicide Prevention) Day and it happened during my sophomore year. So I wore yellow and wrote LOVE on my wrist with a pink pen. If anyone looked close enough they could see little dots of red, where I had broken skin for the first time earlier in the week. I didn’t think anyone would notice under the pink writing. During lunch a boy named Will did. “What’s that on your wrist?” “Oh, it says love, it’s for National Suicide Prevention Day.” “No I see that, it looks like you cut yourself.” “What? No, that’s just sloshes of pink from the pen I used.” I know he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t talk to me about again. In fact, he never talked to me again. That night I switched from my wrists to my thighs and stomach. I hated them anyway.  

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” 

― Simone de Beauvoir

It was one o’clock on a school night, and I was still up. The fridge door being opened by my trembling hands only for me to shake my head and shut the door. I hadn’t eaten all day. My insides echoed the sounds of the cupboards being softly shut. In the very back of a cupboard I found a can of chicken broth. Only 5 calories a serving with two servings in the whole can. Finally something I could eat. I ripped open the top not even bothering to heat the broth up. I felt like I couldn’t slurp fast enough to satisfy my angry belly. Seeing the bottom of the now empty can, I was filled with regret. Stepping on the scale was how I punished myself. As the numbers raised so did my hatred. “Worthless piece of crap” I whispered. “You can’t lose weight even when you’re not eating.”

The third Thursday in November is Thanksgiving, everyone knows that. What everyone doesn’t know is that to me, this day is known as hell on earth. Fortunately for me, my family was fighting to the point where no one saw me slide my untouched food into the trash can. Stay strong my darlings, I will post again soon.

It was midnight on a school night, and I was still up. This time my bed frame penetrated the tops of my feet while I counted 75, 76, 77, sit up after sit up in my room. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I read the words fat and ugly that were carved into my stomach. My grandpa, having seen that my bedroom light was still on, came in to check on me. Our eyes locked and for a second I thought I was caught. Instead he just told me to get to bed and shut my door. Part of me wanted him to see the pain I was in. He could’ve helped me.  

Oh well, I wasn’t doing anything I didn’t deserve.

“Did you really want to die?” “No one commits suicide because they want to die.” “Then why do they do it?” “Because they want to stop the pain.” – Tiffanie DeBartolo

 It was a wet and rainy Saturday. My family had been fighting and didn’t even acknowledge me as I floated by. It had been almost a year and no one seemed to notice my weight loss, change in appetite, how I could hardly focus, or my consent need to always be covered in layers of clothing. I felt neglected and unneeded.

I’ve always loved the quote, “And the ravens had come for her, for the ravens loved dying things.” Well my darlings, I’m afraid the ravens are coming for me. Stay strong, I’ll post again in 3 days….if they haven’t reached me by then.

No one would even miss me I thought. I glanced around my room and my eyes rested on the bottle of Zzzquil I kept by my bed. I had always had a rough time sleeping so I took some from time to time. The purple liquid seemed to speak to me “Drink me” it said, “You’ll feel so much better.” I stepped closer to the bottle. “No one wants you around.” The bottle was in my hand now, my eyes locked on it. “No one loves you.” I took the cap off. “You’d be better off dead.” I drank. The thick liquid burned as it cemented in my throat. I managed to get half the bottle down before my stomach did a flip and I thought I was going to throw it back up.

I felt my insides shutting down. This is it, I thought, I’m finally going to escape this tragic thing they call a life. I wrote my note and left it on my dresser. Content in my decision until panic seized me as I realized what I had done. I had an amazing mother, a slightly annoying yet loveable older sister, other incredible family members, caring friends, good grades despite everything, and the Gospel. Tears sprang to my eyes as I came to understand that this isn’t what I wanted. Thoughts raced through my mind as I slipped into the unknown.

I woke up several hours later. It was still Saturday and my family was still fighting. I could hear my mother’s slightly raised voice as it drifted under my door, “I don’t know what Chloe’s doing. Last time I checked she was sleeping. All she’s done today is sleep!” And then it hit me, I was still alive. Relief washed over me, I wasn’t dead. I picked my note up and reread it. Those nasty feeling and thoughts started creeping back into my mind, Wow, I thought, I can’t even kill myself. It’s not even hard to kill yourself. Right when I decided I would have to try again, a calmness wrapped around me almost as if I was being wrapped in a blanket. This blanket of love, understanding, comfort, and most importantly, forgiveness. In that moment, I came to the conclusion that not only did my family love me but so did my Heavenly Father and what I was doing wasn’t just hurting me, it was hurting Him. I dropped to my knees and offered up a prayer of gratitude to my loving Heavenly Father. He knew what I was going through and decided that enough was enough. And so did I.

I crinkled up my note and buried it with my tacks, safety pins, scissors, and everything else I had ever used to hurt myself in a wooden box in the depths of my closet. I was starting to realize that I was better than those things. I was a beautiful daughter of God and if he loved me, why shouldn’t I love myself?

“We regret to inform you that we are deleting your blog. It appears you are promoting self-harm among many other things that we can’t allow. If you need help, reach out to the numbers listed below.” –The Tumblr Staff

           My blog was deleted somewhere in the midst of all that was happening for promoting self-harm as well as eating disorders and suicidal thoughts. Things went down before they came back up. I hated that something I cared so much about was being taken away from me, but on the other hand it was for the better. I was on the road to recovery. Without my blog to encourage me to hurt myself, I was able to surround myself with things and people who encouraged me to love myself.

“Deciding I was pretty was the best thing that I ever did. One day I was just like, screw this I’m pretty. And I was.”

-Anonymous

I woke up to my late alarm blaring in my ear. It was my first day of my senior year and I was going to be late. I sprang out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I took a minute to stare at myself in the mirror. The girl peering back at me had bed head and mascara dripping down her face and yet, she was still pretty. Why? Because she knew she was pretty and she was so confident in herself that she glowed and I strive to see that girl in every mirror and picture I come across.

“and I said to my body, softly. ‘I want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this.’” – Nayyirah Waheed

           I folded and refolded my sweaty hands it my lap. These girls were my friends, they weren’t going to judge me. I hadn’t eaten in front of people for almost three years. The chatter in the restaurant continually grew until I could hardly hear my friends anymore. Just when I thought I was going to have to pretend I was sick, the smell of pizza wafted from the kitchen. I took my first bite as soon as the hot plate was placed in front of me. My taste buds were flooded with gooey cheese and crunchy pepperoni. I finished my slice in three quick bites. I expected regret to hit me like a brick, but it never came. Instead of being filled with regret, I was filled with happiness. I had finally come to terms with my appetite and my body. I’d never weigh a hundred pounds again, have a “thigh gap” or a flat stomach. But I’ll have my pizza and my sweets whenever I want. Heavenly Father gave me my body. It’s the most precious gift I have ever received and I will never hurt it again.  

[ohwinter]

[lovbun-deactivated20180210]

Ok so this post is extremely long and I put it all together for my blogs Feeling sad page but as I don’t have a huge amount of followers I realize so many people are not seeing this information so I’m posting it here too!

alternatives without harming yourself:

holding/squeezing ice.

splashing your face with water.

getting a rubber band and snapping it against your skin (this could hurt, though it’s better than other ways that people usually choose to self-harm).

take a hot shower or bath.

eat something sour. it will take your mind of the urge. (lemon, sour lollies)

massage where you want to self-harm.

get a red pen or red paint and draw/paint over where you usually self-harm.

remind yourself as to why you shouldn’t do it. (scars, harms organs, leave memories etc…)

describe what you are feeling. (is the urge/pain in your chest, fists, legs, arms, head).

killing yourself will not help. it is not a solution.

you have your whole life ahead of you. you have so many more years that you can accomplish things in. for example;

having a family.

getting married.

to watch the sun rise.

to watch the sun set.

to save someone else’s life.

finish school.

get your dream job.

to laugh.

to smile.

to go camping.

travel to new places.

to wake up every morning to the person you love.

friends.

family.

to keep that promise you made.

to accomplish a goal.

to meet your idol.

to listen to new music.

theme parks.

video games.

chocolate.

to be able to look back and say “i made it”.

what you’re going through is temporary.

in case you need to hear this:

you are loved.

you are wanted.

you are needed.

you are beautiful.

you are handsome.

you are important.

you are not alone.

you are okay.

you are strong.

you are worth it.

you are smart.

you are not a failure.

you are useful.

you are going to be okay.

———————————————————————————————————

abuse

coping

caring for yourself

domestic abuse

chat rooms

survivors chat

fort refuge

pandy’s

add/adhd

coping

coping tips for attention deficit disorder

12 best tips for coping with adhd

50 tips on the management of adult attention deficit

medication

adhd medication chart: compare drugs for add and adhd

drugs used to treat adhd/add

add/adhd medications: are adhd drugs right for you

adhd medication side effects, drug types, precautions

addiction

coping and recovery

tools of recovery: addiction coping skills

5 ways to deal with urges and cravings

after rehab: 5 ways for addicts to cope

addiction recovery

coping with urges

dealing with cravings

anger

coping

strategies to keep anger at bay

anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

anger management: tips and techniques

feeling angry

controlling anger — before it controls you

dealing with anger

how to cope with anger

anger management: what works and what doesn’t

ten commandments of anger regulation

anxiety

coping

a list of stress relievers

identifying and managing anxiety

11 assorted anxiety tips for anxiety sufferers

how to work through feelings of isolation

tips and tricks for dealing with anxiety

anti-stress breathing tips

how to stay under control with severe social anxiety

coping with social anxiety

managing stress

how to help a friend with anxiety

help guide (therapy)

half of us

job interviews and social anxiety

dealing with anxiety

coping with test anxiety

tips for flying anxiety

grounding techniques

more grounding techniques

even more grounding techniques

mindfulness

belly breathing

living with anxiety

social anxiety disorder self help tips.

coping with flashbacks

what anxious racing thoughts are like for me

using a thought diary

panic attacks

how to handle panic attacks

exploring and coping with panic attacks

10 rules for coping with anxiety and panic

tips to cope with panic attacks

rules for coping with anxiety and panic

understanding and coping with panic attacks

understanding and helping panic attacks and panic disorders

help guide (panic attacks & panic disorder)

coping with panic attacks workbook

rules for coping with panic

panic attack workbook 2

medication

help guide (anxiety medicine)

common medications for anxiety disorders

guidelines for medication use

bipolar disorder

coping

bipolar disorder and self-help

living with bipolar disorder

how to deal with bipolar disorder without medication

10 ways to cope with bipolar disorder

coping skills

help guide (self help)

bipolar support tumblr

medication

help guide (bipolar disorder medication guide)

help guide (treatment)

chat rooms

healthfulchat

bipolar world

healing well

depression

coping

how to cope with depression

how to cope with depression 1

natural depression treatments

ways to deal with depression/stress

tips to help overcome loneliness

10 tips on how to work through feelings of social isolation

8 tips to overcome loneliness

ways to deal with depression/stress

having a bad day?

make a comfort box

10 things to do when you feel like crap

how to find a new normal in the middle of depression

you are not alone in the way you think you are

reasons to stay alive

how to stop trying to think yourself into happiness and actually arrive there

cheer me up

help guide (dealing with depression)

help guide (helping someone with depression)

medication

what to expect with antidepressants

finding the right anti-depressant

chat room

healthfulchat

healing well

eating disorders

recovery

281 reasons to recover

eating disorders and emotional eating test

relapse prevention

bloating, indigestion, & feeling too full

why you must eat

learning to love your body

tips to stop restricting

dealing with weight gain

10 steps to bulimia recovery workbook

coping with exercise addiction

tips to help with bulimia recovery

help guide (emotional eating)

help guide (binge eating)

help guide (bulimia)

help guide (helping someone with an eating disorder)

help guide (treatment and recovery)

stop hating your body

body positive zone

self care 101

self esteem

30 day self esteem challenge

developing positive self esteem

learning-to-love-yourself

something fishy

ways of coping with eating disordered behaviors

the addiction help center

friends with illness

how to deal/talk with bipolar and depressed people

what to do when your friend is talking about suicide

what to do if someone you know is overdosing

what to do if your friend is hurting themselves

how to help someone who is suicidal

here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide

tips for looking after someone with depression

friends with metal illness?

what to do when someone is suicidal

help guide (helping someone with depression)

grief and loss

help guide (coping with a breakup or divorce)

help guide (coping with grief & loss)

help guide (coping with pet loss)

help guide (supporting a grieving person)

help guide (the five stages of grief)

ocd

coping and treatment

natural treatment options

treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)

additional treatment options for ocd

residential treatment for ocd

medications for obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd)

a new relationship to your obsessions

how to find help for ocd

ocd: exposure therapy versus medication

cognitive therapy for ocd

chat rooms

healthfulchat

ocd-uk

perfectionism

coping

how to overcome perfectionism

learn to manage perfectionism

how to overcome perfectionism & procrastination

perfectionism - stress management

10 steps to conquer perfectionism

perfectionists coping with failure

ptsd

coping

coping with flashbacks

self help strategies for ptsd

coping with traumatic stress reactions

post-traumatic stress - self-help guide

understanding and coping with ptsd

coping with ptsd

schizophrenia

coping

living with schizophrenia

coping with schizophrenia

schizophrenia coping and recovery

schizophrenia: coping with delusions and hallucinations

paranoid schizophrenia coping and support

treatment

an introduction to the treatment of schizophrenia

treatment of schizophrenia

drugs to treat schizophrenia

common drugs and medications to treat schizophrenia

treating schizophrenia successfully

self-harm

cut something that’s not real skin

half of us

help guide

recover your life

self-injury outreach & support

how to care for cuts

resisting cutting

25 ways to avoid self injury and prevent self harm

tips to help stop cutting

99 coping skills: things to do instead of cutting

what to do when someone sees

how to fade/cover scars

alternatives for cutting 1

alternatives for cutting 2

alternatives for cutting 3

alternatives for cutting 4

alternatives for cutting 5

self-love

how to stop putting yourself down

self confidence

how to improve your self-esteem

how to be ok with yourself

tips on self-love

confidence

learn to love yourself

when told you are not pretty

emergency compliment

lessons for self-love

suicide

coping with suicidal thought

what to do when someone is suicidal

how to help someone who is suicidal

here’s what you tell someone who wants to commit suicide

help guide (suicide prevention)

help guide (dealing with suicidal thoughts & feelings)

therapy

how to get free therapy

getting a therapist - a brief step-by-step

psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?

50 signs of good therapy

50 warning signs of questionable therapy

———————————————————————————————————

the quiet place

things to do when you feel bad

when you’re not having a good day

reminders

self care suggestions

take a break

the thoughts room

90 second relaxation

the dawn room

the comfort spot

control a rainstorm

calm

how to make changes in your life

imalive

crisischat

7 cups of tea

kids help phone

positive love network

trans lifeline: 877-565-8860

depression hotline: [phone]

suicide hotline: [phone]

lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

trevor project: 1-866-488-7386

sexuality support: 1-800-246-7743

eating disorders hotline: [phone]

rape and sexual assault: 1-800-656-4673

grief support: 1-650-321-5272

runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

exhale: after abortion hotline/pro-voice: 1-866-439-4253

[turnabout4what]

This is the most useful reference I’ve ever seen and I need it on my page. 

[briawanderlust]

[haunting--thoughts]