Hazwood Torchmat

remember that hazmat post? heres more. CREDENTIALS: can edit torchwood on hazmat suit, put glitter text, eat hot chip and lie. trusted merchants and purveyors of cursed content.

[timespace]

“before entering this area ensure that protective clothing is worn”

[bloodenjoyer]

#i just think torchwood would be 10x funnier if they all had to wear hazmat suits around the hub ( @toshsatos)

torchwood and theyre all wearing hazmat suits the whole time but its got the same amount of sexual stuff theyre all just horny but wearing hazmat suits

gwen has an affair with her coworker but theyre both wearing hazmat suits

[toshsatos]

,, that is EXACTLY what i mean

jack wears his coat over the hazmat suit 24/7

ALSO imagine Everything Changes when gwen walks in with pizza & they all look at her like

[bloodenjoyer]

allow me to introduce the shittiest thing ive ever created theyre all wearing the sunglasses because theyre extra and think theyre cool and of course torchood HAS to be printed on everything who cares that theyre a secret organization

[toshsatos]

my sincerest apologies to op for butchering this post but i made a poster 

[bee-haw-yee-haw-ah-deactivated2]

Okay but would Lisa need a hazmat suit too? Cover that Cyber Bikini.

[toshsatos]

ianto in the background, muffled from his suit: you’re still human……..you’re still lisa…………..

[bloodenjoyer]

IM FVNKFVNKB

they share one last tender kiss but theyre just knocking their hazmat suits together

[shanhelingmoving]

im so fucking sorry 

[the-horror-lies-within]

hazmat suit with boob window

[the-horror-lies-within]

i will be the most fuckable person on the cleanup crew

[the-horror-lies-within]

i have radiation poisoning

[hazmat-torchwood]

happy anniversary beloveds

here's to another year of cursed content 🎉💖

[homophobictosh]

ok no actually im going to need an explanation on what the fuck is hazmat torchwood

[hazmat-torchwood]

this is how it started and then it grew increasingly more elaborate. we at hazmat torchwood incorporated thank you for your interest

[hazmat-torchwood]

this could be interpreted as prophetic or retrospective!

[sarahconnorjr]

[hazmat-torchwood]

this could be interpreted as prophetic or retrospective!

[hazmat-torchwood]

say hello to the multinational corporate conglomerate of Hazmat Torchwood©®™ LLC Incorporated Limited’s new product line, the HAMPIREZ VAMPMAT™!!

have you ever felt like your vampire needs were being unmet? do you feel like there isn’t the right hazmat for you? well, today, we are launching the ALL NEW HAMPIREZ VAMPMAT™, the perfect hazmat suit for your undead needs!! included with every purchase is a FREE HAZWOOD SHAMPOO™ which will let you clean your suit with ease!! 

ORDER NOW!!! DM US FOR PRICES!! 🤩🤩🤩 

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Simulated picture. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Reproduction strictly prohibited. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. This supersedes all previous notices.

[hazmat-torchwood]

When Owen un-dies does he just like.,,. stop wearing his hazmat suit? like he may be dead but he can still flex on everyone else

this is a very interesting question

we know that owen was possessed by satan, and satan hates sex (see book one: genesis) so it stands to reason that he- well. hm,

owen wearing a hazmat would entirely depend on whether or not hazmat suits stop or encourage inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. that debate, at time of writing, has not yet been settled.

so we go to the next point of argument: what does the commandment say?

the words of mat the hazmat demigod (good friends call him haz) do not distinguish between the living or the dead, so it is reasonable to assume that yes, owen would still be wearing a hazmat suit. they are, of course, extremely fashionable

but the question remains: would owen have died at all in the hazmatverse...?

[hazmat-torchwood]

Hi! Not exactly a post tagged with this but a while ago I mentioned that I’d start dropping lil’ jokes and mentions of Hazmat suits in my fics (haven’t done it yet, writing harrrd 😩) what do y’all think?

------

that’s cool! none of us are on wattpad, but we’re honoured to be mentioned 

[hazmat-torchwood]

side note: tumblr’s awful tagging system means that we miss a lot of stuff in the tags, if you have a hazmat related post it’d be great if you’d submit it!

[less-amis]

sudden extreme need for a hazmat torchwood cosplay group

[hazmat-torchwood]

help we now have merch i dont know how we got here 😭 

https://teespring.com/hazwood-torchmat <3

[hazmat-torchwood]

so the hazmat discord discovered text to speech 

[hazmat-torchwood]

[hazmat-torchwood]

[javic]

[muffled flirting]