/ Son of Darkness /

kylo ren / ben solo ind. rp blog .. mun and muse 18+ .. please READ RULES before interacting

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archiving this blog. Im done.

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can I delete this blog? can I be done with Tumblr? I’m apparently invalid and don’t matter, so... 

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Her fingers felt ice cold as they remained gently over the glass prison he was kept in, as if he were some animal to be showcased and is capture to be reveled by his captors. This wasn’t what Rey fought for, not anymore. “I came to see you,” she said timidly, her voice meek and small as the emptiness of the room swallowed her voice. He looked roughened - the image of a man of what once was, and Rey felt a pang of guilt prod at her in growing pressure against her spirit she observed his living space. It was hardly a living space with just a small cot and the bare necessities to keep him alive, and though he wasn’t shackled inside he was still imprisoned in the small space the was allowed to have. “This wasn’t what I wanted for you,” Rey finally broke, her glossing eyes reaching their pent up restraint from breaking like a dam. ‘For us…’ she thought.The salty tears flowed down her cheeks in wet cascades as she curled her hand into a fist over the glass that separated them. She couldn’t lie to him anymore, not when he knew the inner workings of her mind better than she seemed to know herself. “The Council sent me here to see if I could….” she began while shifting uneasily and breaking his gaze. “…If I could get information from you,” Rey finished as if her admittance to him was her idea, though it was far from what she had wanted to do. She simply agreed just for the chance to see him, and as she looked to him she immediately regretted lying to them to do such a vile thing. Rey wouldn’t pry into his mind again, not when it was the only thing he had left kept securely away from the Resistance, and she refused to be a tool used by them to get information through such a horrid tactic. “I came to see if you were okay. I thought it would be different. I was wrong,” she cried as she broke pressed her forehead on the glass and closed her eyes. It seemed her heart broke for Ben Solo, and for a moment she wish she had taken his hand in the throne room to avoid the grief she felt for him now. 

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He’d known this wasn’t her idea. In her mind, everything would have gone perfectly. He’d have been welcomed back to the Resistance with open arms and forgiveness. What she needed to realize was that the Resistance was not her. They held so many grudges against him. Not that he really blamed them... he’d done enough to ruin their lives.

As soon as her hand touched the glass, he approached and lifted his own hand. Maker, if only there wasn’t some sort of field that prevented him from using the Force. He’d reach out to her and actually be able to feel her touch. Unfortunately, he was left to imagine it. And so, remembering back to the day their bond had once let them feel one another’s touch, he closed his eyes and imagined her soft fingers against his rough ones.

“Information on what?” he finally responded, opening his eyes and looking into hers. There was so much regret behind her eyes. He recognized that instantly. If anyone understood regret, it was him.

Kylo knew the Resistance wouldn’t allow her to come back empty handed on whatever it was they were searching his mind for, and because of that, he curiously asked for their intentions. Whatever it was they were hoping to find... it could only be useless anymore. Did they think he had a secret army? One that would storm through at any moment to rescue him? No. No one wanted to rescue him. Even if the Order was still around, he’d be left on his own.

“I’ve got a bed.. food.. and some water. What more could I need,” he responded softly, though his stomach betrayed him by growling in response. Barely anything was brought to him. Not even enough water. Surely they were giving him just enough to survive but nothing beyond that. It was a cruel form of torture in and of itself, but Kylo couldn’t exactly see the Resistance members caring much about the way they were treating him. Especially since he didn’t seem to care much when it would be them in the position he currently found himself.

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The corner of his mouth lifted some at her question. “Still innocent, I see,” he teased slightly. He wished he could say the same. “Yes. I mean just.. stay with me. Nothing more than that.” It made her nervous, he could tell. He didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable or like he was asking for sex. Because he wasn’t. He was merely asking not to be alone. 

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Seeing her smile at him only caused him to look down shamefully. He didn’t know why he was even thinking of giving up those books. They were the only thing that had gotten h through his childhood. And even more so when he was old enough to comprehend the stories fully, they gave him something to focus on that was not his duties as prince.

When they finally reached his room, he set the books down and dropped the bag. He didn’t know if it was the first time she’d been in his room or not, but he gave her a look. A small, shy one that wondered how she’d react.

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The corner of his mouth lifted some at her question. “Still innocent, I see,” he teased slightly. He wished he could say the same. “Yes. I mean just.. stay with me. Nothing more than that.” It made her nervous, he could tell. He didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable or like he was asking for sex. Because he wasn’t. He was merely asking not to be alone. 

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She supposed she didn’t have to be. She had a title and a family name now. Losing her virginity wouldn’t have ruined her. But Rey hadn’t wanted to. “I was…I was waiting for you…” She admitted with a blush, but now she felt utterly stupid and defeated for doing so. Clearing her throat she nodded. “I’ll stay with you. But we have to be careful not to be caught.”

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He probably should have found that amusing with her response but it only made him feel sick. He’d given himself up because he was hurting. Because of his hurt and pain, he caused others the same. It wasn’t fair. And it seemed he’d hurt her the most out of everyone, and he hated himself for it.

Stopping suddenly, he turned to his right. “Wait,” he said, glancing over to the doors. Dropping the bag again, he entered the library. A few moments later, he came back to her, books in hand and picked up the bag again.

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The corner of his mouth lifted some at her question. “Still innocent, I see,” he teased slightly. He wished he could say the same. “Yes. I mean just.. stay with me. Nothing more than that.” It made her nervous, he could tell. He didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable or like he was asking for sex. Because he wasn’t. He was merely asking not to be alone. 

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Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to truly grow up. Time to be a prince and someday… a king. Somehow she seemed to get through to him more than anyone else. That could have been because he loved her. He’d never loved before really. For a long time, he was silent. Just thinking everything over. Until finally, he nodded. “Okay,” he said, barely audible to even himself.

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Rey practically threw herself at him, hugging him tightly. Thank god. He wasn’t going to leave her. He wasn’t going to leave everyone. Pulling back some, she offered him a smile. “Now come on.” She said gently, “Let’s get fixed up before anyone notices,” He needed to get his things back in his room and she needed to fix her hair and makeup from falling asleep on the floor.

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His arms did not fully go around her, but his palm gently touched her back. Why had she given him another chance? He didn’t deserve that. Maybe it was just selfishness in wanting to have him there so she didn’t have to rule alone, but he didn’t want to think that. Besides, she wasn’t that kind of person. 

Nodding, he stepped away from her and grabbed his bag. Staring down at it for a moment, he threw it over his shoulder and continued back up the hallway. “Will you stay with me tonight?” he requested softly, glancing over at her as he walked. He did not want to be alone. Especially after that conversation. But he wasn’t sure she wanted to stay the night with him after learning his truth about what happened after she left. 

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Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to truly grow up. Time to be a prince and someday... a king. Somehow she seemed to get through to him more than anyone else. That could have been because he loved her. He’d never loved before really. For a long time, he was silent. Just thinking everything over. Until finally, he nodded. “Okay,” he said, barely audible to even himself.

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What she’d said moments ago was that he was no longer that man. And yet there she was claiming he was. Giving a look of confusion, he shook his head. “But.. you just said….-” The prince stopped himself. Words had been said out of anger from the both of them. They needed to look beyond that. 

“I don’t think a kind man would have done the things I have after you left, Rey,” he muttered softly. “You don’t know what I’ve done. If you knew…. you wouldn’t be asking for me to come back.” 

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Her free hand to moved to hold onto his, giving it a little squeeze. He needed someone. Clearly. He needed someone to be there for him. “Try me,” She whispered softly. If she didn’t know what he’d done she could never help, she could never ultimately forgive him. “What happened while I was gone?”

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Why was she suddenly being so kind? Looking into her eyes, he pondered what her reaction could be. Preparing himself for the worst, he took in a deep breath. “I didn’t just hurt you,” he said softly. “You’re the first woman I’ve ever loved. But… you’re not the first one to love me. I made women believe they had a chance. I’d give in to my own desires.. and make them think they were everything to me only to break them the next day.” 

She’d said he was kind, but he certainly did not feel kind any longer. “I’ve said things I shouldn’t. To my parents.. and the servants… I treated the horribly. I’m pretty sure they all hate me by now….” 

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Rey swallowed thickly as he explained, and dropped her hand from his cheek. He really had changed, and it broke her heart. How could he have been so cruel? She wished that she could go back, and have warned him about her leaving. But it hadn’t been possible.

“It’s not too late.” She said softly. “You can still find your way again. Make amends.”

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“How?” he asked softly. Did this mean she believed in him? How could she have believed in him? Ben had expected her to be angry with him and decide to turn away from him. But it seemed she just wanted to understand, and he supposed it was high time he gave her that chance. 

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What she’d said moments ago was that he was no longer that man. And yet there she was claiming he was. Giving a look of confusion, he shook his head. “But.. you just said….-” The prince stopped himself. Words had been said out of anger from the both of them. They needed to look beyond that. 

“I don’t think a kind man would have done the things I have after you left, Rey,” he muttered softly. “You don’t know what I’ve done. If you knew…. you wouldn’t be asking for me to come back.” 

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Her free hand to moved to hold onto his, giving it a little squeeze. He needed someone. Clearly. He needed someone to be there for him. “Try me,” She whispered softly. If she didn’t know what he’d done she could never help, she could never ultimately forgive him. “What happened while I was gone?”

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Why was she suddenly being so kind? Looking into her eyes, he pondered what her reaction could be. Preparing himself for the worst, he took in a deep breath. “I didn’t just hurt you,” he said softly. “You’re the first woman I’ve ever loved. But... you’re not the first one to love me. I made women believe they had a chance. I’d give in to my own desires.. and make them think they were everything to me only to break them the next day.” 

She’d said he was kind, but he certainly did not feel kind any longer. “I’ve said things I shouldn’t. To my parents.. and the servants... I treated the horribly. I’m pretty sure they all hate me by now....” 

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What she’d said moments ago was that he was no longer that man. And yet there she was claiming he was. Giving a look of confusion, he shook his head. “But.. you just said....-” The prince stopped himself. Words had been said out of anger from the both of them. They needed to look beyond that. 

“I don’t think a kind man would have done the things I have after you left, Rey,” he muttered softly. “You don’t know what I’ve done. If you knew.... you wouldn’t be asking for me to come back.” 

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That silenced him a bit. It wasn’t fair. To either of them, really. “Do you see what they do?” he questioned lightly. “They make things so difficult for everyone around them. It’s always about them. Never anyone else. I’m sure that Skywalker’s offer was just an attempt to make him appear as a good Samaritan.” 

Taking a few long moments to stare at her, he took in what she looked like now. For the very first time since she’d changed everything about her, he noticed her. Slowly, he dropped the bag to the floor. “I still… love you, Rey,” he said sadly. His gaze fell as he considered his words carefully. “This isn’t about you. Alright? It’s them. I can’t… I can’t be who they want me to be.”  

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Whatever it was, it had given her a family for the first time. Didn’t he understand and see that. It’s why it was so important for her. Because no matter the reason, she had a father now. Which was something she’d never had before, and she didn’t want to lose that.

But then those words came. He was in love with her still. It wasn’t the past tense anymore. He loved her. “Then just be you.” She begged softly. “Because that man would have been the greatest king. I knew that. Even as a maid I knew that.”

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What she didn’t understand was that it wouldn’t be as simple to just go back to how he used to be. Especially after actually being the way everyone thought he was instead of just letting people talk. Taking in a deep breath, he shrugged. “I don’t think I can,” he said. It was then that he realized... 

“I don’t know who I am,” he confessed in a whisper. He’d lost himself completely. Even with trying to keep up his supposed image, he lost himself. The prince had only really felt himself when with her. But he wasn’t sure he could do that anymore after everything.

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That silenced him a bit. It wasn’t fair. To either of them, really. “Do you see what they do?” he questioned lightly. “They make things so difficult for everyone around them. It’s always about them. Never anyone else. I’m sure that Skywalker’s offer was just an attempt to make him appear as a good Samaritan.” 

Taking a few long moments to stare at her, he took in what she looked like now. For the very first time since she’d changed everything about her, he noticed her. Slowly, he dropped the bag to the floor. “I still... love you, Rey,” he said sadly. His gaze fell as he considered his words carefully. “This isn’t about you. Alright? It’s them. I can’t... I can’t be who they want me to be.”  

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“I’m starting a new life for myself,” he explained simply as if it should have been obvious. “I don’t need this. All this royalty and politics. There’s nothing here for me.” 

Maybe he was looking for a life like one of the character in his books had. Maybe he wanted something new. But he wouldn’t say that. He couldn’t be that boy anymore. “Give me one reason I should stay. And don’t say my so called family because trust me, they act more like their political positions to me than parents. If I’m no son of theirs, then they are no parents to me.” 

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“What about me?” She asked through her tears. “I came back and you instantly try and run away. If I hadn’t caught you now you would have left without me. You were not even planning on asking me to come.”

She hated this. She had loved him. She’d give up everything for him. And all he had done was throw himself at other women and now tried to run away. Again. “You’re a coward, Ben. You have responsibilities, not just to your family. But to your people. But you don’t care. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, you selfish coward!”

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Her accusations made his blood boil. “I am no coward!” he denied. Oh but he was. He knew he was. The prince stepped up to her and stared down her, the annoyance clear in his eyes. “How was I supposed to know you were coming back? The last thing I saw, you were riding off with my uncle! I didn’t receive any word! No goodbye! Nothing to explain to me what was going on! You just left! So forgive me for feeling somewhat abandoned!” 

He had no idea she was going off to learn and train to become a noble. How was he to know? “You...! You were the first woman to ever know the truth. I told you... everything! And then you just leave. How do you think that makes me feel!? You know! You’ve felt it!!” By this point, he was almost shouting. He was thankful that no one seemed to be awake or around. Still, he lowered his voice again. “I didn’t know you were leaving to learn. I thought you’d chosen to leave...me.” 

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“I’m starting a new life for myself,” he explained simply as if it should have been obvious. “I don’t need this. All this royalty and politics. There’s nothing here for me.” 

Maybe he was looking for a life like one of the character in his books had. Maybe he wanted something new. But he wouldn’t say that. He couldn’t be that boy anymore. “Give me one reason I should stay. And don’t say my so called family because trust me, they act more like their political positions to me than parents. If I’m no son of theirs, then they are no parents to me.” 

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“No,” he shook his head some. “They don’t.” Pausing a moment, he tried to think on what to say next. “Do you know what my father said to me? He said I needed to sort my shit out and start acting like a man. He said I wasn’t acting at all like a prince and because of that? I wasn’t his son. Do you know how that feels?” 

Realizing what he’d said, he stopped himself. Of course she knew how that felt. She’d told him her parents had sold her into slavery for drinking money. She knew exactly how it felt to have parents that didn’t want her. Looking down, he took in a deep breath. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean…..-” 

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Her heart dropped when he asked her that. And while he was apologizing it was too late. The damage was already done. He knew the truth about her, but it seemed he didn’t care. Not when he was angry.

“Don’t…” She said softly. Either she didn’t understand. Or she was just a filthy little maid looking to social climb to him when he was mad. And she didn’t like it. “What happened to you?” She asked sadly. “You’re not the man I remember.”

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No. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be that man anymore. Maybe it was cowardly, but he couldn’t. “Rey.....” he said softly. That was horrible of him to say. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know what you’ve been through.” She’d trusted him enough to tell him. And here he was throwing it in her face. Cursing himself, he gave her a sad look. 

“I can’t be who you want me to be,” he explained. “That man you remember... It’s not me anymore. What do you want from me? To run around and act like a child again? I can’t, Rey. I have to grow up.”  

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“No,” he shook his head some. “They don’t.” Pausing a moment, he tried to think on what to say next. “Do you know what my father said to me? He said I needed to sort my shit out and start acting like a man. He said I wasn’t acting at all like a prince and because of that? I wasn’t his son. Do you know how that feels?” 

Realizing what he’d said, he stopped himself. Of course she knew how that felt. She’d told him her parents had sold her into slavery for drinking money. She knew exactly how it felt to have parents that didn’t want her. Looking down, he took in a deep breath. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean.....-”