hello vonnie
titsay
if i look back, i am lost
occasionally subtle
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Kiana Khansmith
DEAR READER
Kaledo Art
shark vs the universe
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Jules of Nature
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
JBB: An Artblog!
One Nice Bug Per Day
tannertan36
⁂
trying on a metaphor
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@headcombatmedic
hey im asia and welcome to the product of my mental instability and severe inability to move on from childhood hyperfixations :]
likes, follows, replies, etc from @/diegoshargrieves
im aspec, my pronouns are she/they/he (i vibe with pretty much everything tbh), & im desi.
incest/pedo shippers, racists, transphobes, homophobes, ableists, terfs, radfems, misogyn/misandrists and anyone else who falls under the category of generally gross and bigoted- hard dni. i don't want you here.
baby will what r u even doing can u stop bothering mama
grumpy x sunshine solangelo except will is the grumpy and nico is the sunshine send tweet
luke from tlt musical my beloved. will there ever be a shred of foreshadowing more gutting than that one backing vocal in pick a side about how he'll never help his father?
Been back on my pjo stuff with the launch of Fates. Go check out the fanzine @twofoldzines and fill out our interest check!!
Will and Annabeth friendship except it's just Will going insane because why the fuck is Annabeth trying to boil an egg by putting it into an airfryer
Will Solace who genuinely doesn't believe he's ever going to leave chb. He's the head medic, the counselor, the one people rely on. If he ever tried to leave for college it would mean one of his little siblings would have to take over. One of his little siblings. And, yes, Kayla would be 16/17 at that time but Will spent so much energy to keep her out of the infirmary, to let her live her life without being tied to the obligation to help others, that to let her take over would be a loss to him. No, Will thinks it's better for him to never leave chb, for him to always be the medic, so his siblings can carry on with their lives. He's an older brother; of course, he's willing to sacrifice his life for theirs. Of course this place that was once a safe haven is now a cage. Of course only death can part him from this life. Will Solace is never going to leave it, not alive. He was never meant to. None if his older siblings did. It is a curse, and he can't change it.
day 10: ship dynamic ft solangelo (pjo)
grumpy x sunshine!!
“elevate necromancy to an art form” he is the most insufferable motherfucker in the world im gonna kill him
THEMMMMM <33333
they are best friends they are worst enemies they are narrative foils they are family he is the primary cause of his problems he is the primary source of his guilt they want to protect each other they want to escape each other they will always find each other he loves him he hates him. do u even hear me
i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:
You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.
You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.
You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.
You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.
You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.
You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.
You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.
Real British rep
Calypso I hate you but I love you but I hate you but I love you but I hate you but i love you but I hate you but I love you but I hate you
Current mood: drawing my emo son in every AU known to man
Solangelo hair kiss ❤️❤️
mentally I'm still here:
Nico insisting that neither of them are going to be sacrificed/left behind to satisfy the prophecy is a perfect encapsulation of his growth over the series and it makes me SO soft to think about
Nico as a character - particularly in BoO - doesn't have a lot of self-preservation. He doesn't really care what happens to him as long as the mission gets done. We see this most explicitly after he almost fades into nothingness after the Bryce Lawrence incident:
And again when he considers shadow travelling into Octavian's tent to assassinate him:
(Nico himself notes here that it was unlikely he would survive another jump. If Will hadn't stopped him, he probably would have died.)
In both cases, Nico was willing to risk death for the sake of ending the war. He puts very little value on his own life, and repeatedly argues to Reyna, Hedge, and Will that the possibility of saving camp (a place he never felt welcome at, might I add) is worth the risk of losing his life.
Even before Nico went on the quest with Reyna and Hedge, the others were concerned about his safety. Percy tried to remind him how unpredictable his shadow travelling could be, and Hazel notes that he has been acting strangely lately:
It's not quite clear what Hazel is worried about here, but my interpretation of this scene is that she's concerned that Nico isn't thinking - or perhaps, isn't caring - about what effect the constant shadow travelling will have on his wellbeing. Between Tartarus, the jar, and the Cupid incident, Nico's mental state is at its worst at this point in the series, and I think Hazel is worried he'll do something reckless - something he can't come back from.
And so in TSATS, when Nico is told that he's going to have to leave something of equal value behind in order to save Bob, the old him would have had zero issue sacrificing himself if that's what it took to ensure Will and Bob's survival. This version of Nico, who's been going to therapy w/ Mr D and opening up more and built a little support system for himself, can't fathom it.
Nico in BoO did not have a future. He had fully convinced himself that nobody cared about him or would miss him if he was gone - not Percy who fought for him at every turn in PJO, not his sister Hazel, not his new friends Jason and Reyna. He was ready to leave both camps behind because he couldn't see himself ever being happy there. He couldn't see himself being happy at all.
But now, in TSATS, he has a boyfriend that he loves, he has friends that he loves, and he has a community in Camp Half-Blood. He has experienced so much loss that losing someone else is his worst fear. The old Nico would have considered sacrificing himself to protect Will and Bob. At the very least, he would have kept that option in his back pocket as a 'just in case'; he wouldn't have sworn on the Styx that he wouldn't stay behind.
This Nico, however, is doing much better - not perfect, but better. He loves Will, and he wants a life with him, and he's not willing to give that up for anything. Nico has hope for the future, and he's clinging to that hope with everything he has. He sees a light at the end of the tunnel, and he wants to reach it. He's not willing to sacrifice himself because it means losing that future.
Gone is the cynical pessimistic Nico who assumes the worst because the worst is all he thinks he can have. Here is the Nico who has had a taste of happiness and is willing to fight to keep it. He's not going to sacrifice himself because he wants to live. He's not just fighting for Will here; he's fighting for himself too.
And seeing him go from "if it kills me, it kills me" to "it's not going to be me" makes me so ASDFGHJKL
fam HOW COULD YOU LEAVE THIS IN THE TAGS!!!!!!
I'd argue at times Nico *did* want to die- there's textual support for it- specifically in BoTL when we hear that he's been offering to exchange his soul for Bianca's but Minos and Hades aren't going to let him and in TLO when he's going "do it, bitch!! Prove everyone right!!" to Hades who looks like he is literally about to smite his son for disobeying him - and Nico has no reason at that point to think that his father will back down. (I also have Thoughts™️ about how getting Percy to swim in the Styx may also have been indicative of Nico setting himself up to be sacrificed as per The Great Prophecy, but that's another post...)
Jason and Reyna (and also Hazel) absolutely were key people in getting Nico to understand that by not caring about himself, he hurts the people around him who do care about him- that he does have people who see him more as just a pawn or a strategic ally. Honestly it's so much easier to convince yourself that you have a reason to live if you know there are people who care about you- often that comes before wanting to live/get better for your own sake.
In the treatment of suicidality + eating disorders- at least in my personal experience- the "you have worth! you deserve to be happy and get better!" rings incredibly hollow until you're much farther along in treatment. It's kind of impossible at that point to see that perspective as anything other than bullshit. When you're really in the thick of it, your brain convinces you that you're so lacking and so broken that there's no way you'll ever be able to be okay or be worthy of help. You push people away - and people often let themselves be pushed because it is hard to watch someone visibly hate themselves to the point where they're destroying themselves and/or don't care if they live or die. And you get angry and lash out at the people who do try to help because it feels like they just. don't. GET IT.
So, how does anyone come back from that- especially when it's been all you know for so long? I guess some people do just wake up one day and go "y'know what, I don't want to do this anymore," but I don't know them. Certainly wasn't me. What did do it for me- and I'd argue did it for Nico- is 1) a close call/near-death experience and 2) having someone depend on you. He very nearly dies in the pithos- he says he'd given up after he's rescued, but he now has at least temporary purpose. He wouldn't have been able to get the intel about the Doors of Death back to the Seven had he died, so he makes sure they get it. Then, he's suddenly responsible for leading everyone to Epirus (and you know he's not breaking a promise- but that's yet another post). On the way there, that's when Jason shows he cares - he shows it at a moment where it would be easy to kick Nico when he's down. Instead, Jason offers him support- but Nico doesn't quite take it. He's still combative, almost testing to see where Jason's breaking point is (because you can't trust that someone both understands/sees what you're going through and still likes you - been there), but he's fairly stable until they get Percy and Annabeth out of Tartarus because he has an objective - he has a reason that doesn't inherently have to do with himself. As soon as they're back- objective reached- that's when his mental health takes a dive. He gets another thing to do immediately- even if it is kind of a suicide mission- and that keeps him somewhat afloat because he doesn't have time to spiral. He has to succeed- not for himself, but for Hazel and Jason and the rest of the Seven and the world. If he's collateral damage, oh well- as long as he succeeds. The (arguably stupid) stunt with Lycaon is emblematic of that (and was also intensely relatable...oops.).
He sets aside a lot of his pain during that journey for the sake of Hedge and Reyna. He's gotta get Hedge back safely to his wife and kid, and Reyna becomes so important to him (just by being there, by being someone he can lean on) he trashes Barrachina after he thinks the Hunters are going to take her from him. The love and care he has for them are powerful enough to enable and allow him to set his pain aside. He sets it aside until the Bryce Lawrence incident when it all comes out and he fully expects Hedge and Reyna to abandon him as a result. He's no longer useful to them and he's shown them just how broken he is- and they care about him more for it. Honestly that scene in BoO gets me every time because it's so real- it really is a paradigm shift when you have people say "nah, I'm staying because I care about you" even after they've seen how much pain you're in and how "broken" you are.
Mine wasn't nearly as cool but it followed the pattern. Less Greek mythology, more cardiac arrhythmias and rescue kittens and ND kids and their parents at my summer job, but the framework remains: I had to 1. feel that panic of almost actually dying when I had expected to feel peace instead and 2. allow myself to care about others- others who showed me they wouldn't cast me aside for hurting- more than I could manage to hate myself before I actually felt like I wanted to get better. The mentality shift takes time- and having a ride-or-die who cares about you intensely and wants to see you get well/be happy definitely helps the process (granted you have to be in a place to let them in first)- but it can start outside yourself by being known and cared for by others.
