3 September 2025
I need to stop doing this, but I think it is necessary. I will do anything to go through this madness that in my head.
I was watching a korean drama, after a long hiatus of not watching any. it was a fantasy-romance, a friend to love trope. classic, isn't it? it was only 6 episodes, yet successfully captured the beauty of friendship that turns into love story.
I cannot help but reminiscing, back then, when I had my time with dvb, it was probably me longing for a friendship that I didn't have throughout my time at the office. I was starving for someone that can be my friend, be my "us against the world" thingy. I was wrong, obviously, but I kinda glad it was not romantic (by the time I wrote this, at least). I knew I didn't want a romantic relationship.
I keep reminiscing how he was attentive, in a way that I never experienced before. He kept doing things that I probably needed at the time, and when he stopped, I crave for more.
I never had the kind of attention he gave me. It was not flirty, it felt like a bread that just came out of the oven. It was warm and was given to me almost daily, I was fed well.
I still kept all the things between us that happened, just to remind myself that it was not a just a dream. This chronic delusion disease of mine sometimes get in way of reality that I had.
He was probably right, I did expect something from him, when I shouldn't.
I didn't blame him tho, I am blaming myself, as always.
It is still hard for me to look at him everyday at the office. I kinda want to forget that we shared something special (for me only, I doubt he felt the same) back then.
I wonder when this is all ends.















