Chapter 5 - “ What makes a star?”
Your mother and mine Your mother and mine What makes mothers all that they are Might as well ask what makes a star
" Hey Mom. I know it's been a while since I've been around. I'm sorry about that but please, you gotta know that just because I wasn't here doesn't mean I forgot about you. You're on my mind all the time. It's always 'what would mom do ?' or 'what would mom say?'. I think about you every day. "
Lou spoke softly as the wind blew strands of her blond hair into her face. It was a particularly windy day but Lou was grateful the blistering heat had cooled down a little and yet there were no thunderstorms raging yet.
She felt a little silly, leaning against the smooth granite headstone and talking out loud to seemingly no one. But it wasn't 'no-one', really. It was her mother.
Lou wasn't a religious person at all, she hadn't seen a church since her mother's funeral and even back then she only went because she knew her mother had wanted it that way. But despite all that, Lou still wanted to believe that some part of her mother, her spirit or whatever one wants to call it, was still around.
She just had to believe in that thought, had to find comfort in it. The idea that every part of her mom was gone forever, was just too hard to bear.
" I see Elsa's been around plenty. I can tell by the sunflowers and the tulips. "
It was true. Elsa with her excitement for all the big, bright and colorful flowers had clearly left her mark here.
" I brought you Daisies. I know you like them best. "
The bouquet of white and pink daisies lay next to her jeans clad leg and Lou couldn't help but remember the times when she was very little, not even going to school yet, and her mom took her to this big clearing surrounded by the forest, where the ground was covered in a sea of little white daisies and the two would spend hours picking them and making chains and crowns out of the flowers.
" I don't know what to tell you. So many things happened since the last time I've talked to you. I don't know where to start really, so I'll start with the most important part of my life right now. Mom, this is my son Michael Jeffrey Gilbert. He's 7 months old and he's perfect. "
Lou lovingly glanced at her little boy, softly stoking the fuzz on his head. He really was her world, her entire universe.
" His dad's in heaven too. Or at least I hope he is. I hope he's with you mom. Jeff was the most wonderful person and he loved me so dearly and he was so excited for our baby you have no idea. I hope he's with you and you guys are watching Mikey grow up into a little person. I miss you both so much. Life sucked for so long but I think moving back home might've been the right move. I'm feeling a little better, slowly but surely my chest doesn't feel so tight anymore, doesn't feel so heavy anymore. "
It was true. Despite how much she hated to admit it, Lou felt at home for the first time in a long time. Maybe she would just have to see this as a completely new start instead of a step back into her old life. Yes the town was still the same but she wasn't and her family wasn't and maybe that was the one thing that had to change for her to feel at peace with her situation.
" I wish you guys could be here. I hope you are, somehow. Gotta go now, Mikey has a playdate. I will come back though. And it won't take me several years this time, I promise. "
And this time she meant it.
" She is so precious"
Lou cooed as he softly stroked the bright ginger locks on little Sofia's head. She had finally given in on Molly's wish. Every time she had lunch at the diner Molly would tell her to give her daughter Carley a call and arrange a play date for Michael and Carley's little one.
Though Molly always liked to point out how beneficial it would be for the kids to meet each other, Lou had the slight suspicion that this meeting was more about herself and Carley then it was about the kids who were far too young to properly play with each other anyway.
" Thank you. She's just turned 5 months and honestly she's the best thing to ever happen to me."
Carley's eyes were sparkling with motherly pride and Lou could relate oto well. She had never know a love like the one she held for her son, never.
" I feel you. Mikey has been the honest light of my life. He really put things into perspective for me."
There was a moment of silence before Carley cleared her throat and spoke up but keeping her eyes fixed on a loose thread at the bottom hem of her shirt.
" I uh —I don't wanna overstep any boundaries here but uh, there's talk in town you know...? "
Lou knew very well. There was always talk. About everything. One person picked up pieces of a conversation and told them to someone else who told that to someone who told it to more people and in the end the whole town knew an exaggerated and completely wrong version of the initial story.
" Talk about what ? " she asked wearily, having a suspicion what the talk was about.
" Your uh— your child's father. " and there it was. She knew this was gonna come up sooner or later and she also knew the people in this town would just love this. It was a mystery, a story they hadn't figured out yet, so naturally they started their gossip and assumptions.
" What are people saying ? "
Carley looked uncomfortable, nervously tugging the sleeves of her cardigan over her hands.
" Ya know. They heard he's not around and Connie who works at the gas station said she heard someone say that he died in a gang war. Was shot over some drugs. I don't believe that and you don't have to tell me. Just wanted you to know what people are saying. "
For a moment Lou was outraged. A gang war. Drugs. Who were these people thinking they could come up with a shit story like this ? Turn Jeff, the most genuine and wonderful person into some disgusting and vile drug lord character in their ridiculous gossip stories.
But then she remembered what her mom had tried to teach her. Tried remembering that those people, the one gossiping about her life, probably had a really boring life of their own. That they must be really sad people if making up rumors about her was the most exciting part of their day.
Her mother was very big on the whole "kill 'em with kindness" deal.
" Well that ain't true. " Lou scoffed and placed little Sofia back in her crib. " Jeff was shot but he wasn't in a gang and it wasn't about drugs. I don't really wanna go into detail if that's okay."
Carley quickly waved her off. " Yeah, no, of course. I didn't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything. "
" No, it's not your fault Carley. It's the town. Nothing really happens, so they gotta come up with some bullshit to keep things exciting. "
And really, Lou didn't blame Carley. In fact, Lou was quite grateful that Carley had the decency to ask her about her late husband and not take the town's gossip for a fact and spread it even further. It seemed that some people in Colton Creek still had a dash of common sense.
Carley used to go to school with Lou, they both had geography with Mr. McAinleigh and the both hated it a whole freaking lot. Though they hadn't been friends back then, the did talk from time to time.
" Okay, cool. I hope I didn't scare you off. I don't really have any mom friends so when mom told me you're back and with a baby too, I got really excited. I honestly hope we can be friends, and the kids too at some point. "
Lou couldn't remember the last time she had a proper friend. Jeff was her best friend but he was also her husband so that didn't really count. Elsa was a friend, but also a sister.
It must've been back when she was a kid and that was a sad epiphany to her.
" I didn't really have any friends in Florida either. I think this could be real nice. I hope we can make this friendship work. "
And the smile that spread on Carley's face after Lou said those words, made her believe that she was taking a step in the right direction.
It was about two hours later that Lou had her son securely strapped into his baby carrier, ready to leave.
" Carley, it's been real fun and I honestly hope we can do this again but I gotta go. Gotta pick up some take out for me and Daryl. "
Carley's eyes widened in shock. " Daryl as in Daryl Dixon ? "
" Yup, the very same. " Lou confirmed.
It was funny to see Carley's face of disbelieve, and really Lou couldn't blame her. Everyone knew Daryl was kind of a loner, liked to be by himself. If someone had told Lou a few days ago that she'd plan on having takeout with him she'd have called that person crazy. But here she was and she would definitely keep her part of the deal.
" You're having dinner with Daryl Dixon ? "
" Mmmh. He's fixing my car and I'm repaying him with takeout meals. "
Carley nodded and her surprise seemed to settle a little. " Okay that makes a little more sense I guess. Daryl sometimes helps out at Rodney's garage in Ramona so I guess he knows what he's talking about when it comes to fixing cars. I'd trust him with that."
That was new information to Lou. She had wanted to ask what it was Daryl was doing for a living these days but didn't wanna pry. So finding out from someone else was working just fine for her.
" Oh he does ? Didn't know he worked there. "
" Yeaaah " Carley replied dragging the word a little which told Lou there was more to this story and she honestly hoped this wasn't another Colton Creek gossip tale to come.
" Yeaaah ?"
" Well, you know Rodney's kid ? Caroline ? She was about our age. Long black curls, gorgeous green eyes. She always spent the summer here with her dad. Had boobs way before any of us, whole highschool was lusting after her. "
Lou's memories of the girl were foggy. She didn't really care for her a great deal back then but she did remember Rodney talking about her from time to time when him and her dad played cards in the living room until the early hours of the morning.
" Name rings a bell but don't really remember much about her. "
" Well, she came back a few years ago. 3 maybe 4, don't really know. Got real cozy with Daryl real fast. Which we all thought was kinda weird cause she's so—" Carley exclaimed and flattered her lashes with a dizzy grin on her face. " — and he's so — " she continued, pulling her lips into a frown that did resemble Daryl's quite a bit.
" They were dating ? That's cute. Can't really imagine Daryl with a girl. Don't think he dated anyone in high school. Good for him. "
" Yeah well, no one really knows what they had going on. They hung out a lot. She stayed at his quite often when Merle was — well when he was doing whatever Merle does. Daryl changed, actually started talking to people, got more sociable. She even brought him around to attend church one Sunday. "
" Hold up. Daryl in church ? Wow that girl really had him wrapped around her finger, huh ? ".
It was a funny mental image, Daryl going to church. Lou had to suppress a smirk as she pictured him in a Sunday suit too big on him with a shirt full of creases and a lopsided tie.
" It seemed like it. Then at some point it all stopped, Caroline moved away and Daryl went back to being the loner he always used to be. I had really high hopes for those two, kinda bummed out it didn't work. Whatever it was they had going on. "
Lou couldn't remember ever seeing Daryl with a girl during their teen years. Then again, she couldn't really remember seeing much of Daryl in general.
" That's actually really sad. "
" It is. And no one really knows what happened. Seems like Rodney still kinda likes Daryl though. Let's him work at the body shop every now and again when Daryl needs money. Guess sometimes things just aren't meant to be. "
" I guess. "
It was sad though, Lou thought, that Daryl had given up on trying to fit in with the locals after whatever realtionship he had had with the girl went south. He could be real nice sometimes, if he just decided to show that side more often.
The side that picked her up at the side of the road and gave her a ride home, the side that offered to fix her car.
That side, Lou decided, that side should make an appearance more often and she hoped that maybe during dinner it would.
Judging by the grumpy expression on his face, Daryl hadn't expected Lou to go through with her promise of bringing him dinner.
" What are ya doing here ? "
" Told you we'd bring you food. Hope Spaghetti are okay with you ? " she said and walked past him straight towards where she knew the kitchen was. After placing the bag containing the take out on the kitchen counter, Lou unbuckled a smiling Michael from his baby carrier.
" Can you hold him for a second while I put the food on plates ? Thanks. " Lou rambled, placing her son in a dumfounded Daryl's arms.
" Make sure to hold his head a little. " she exclaimed while unpacking the styrofoam containers from the bag.
Opening the cabinet above the sink Lou was not met with the plates she had hoped to find, but 3 mugs and a campy iron beer stein. " Where do you guys keep your plates ? ".
No answer.
" Daryl where are your — " Lou couldn't hold back a smile at the picture that greeted her as she turned around.
Daryl held Michael steady in his arms as the little boy reached out and patted the man's face with his tiny chubby baby hands.
There was an expression on Daryl's face Lou couldn't decipher completely. It was a mix of confusion and awe.
" You guys alright there ? "
Daryl glanced at her before focusing back on the child in his arms.
" Ain't held a lil one in a long time. " his gruff voice exclaimed and Lou swore she saw his lips twitch into a little smile.
" Well seems like he likes you. Stubble's not something he's used to. Ain't hanging around much with men. "
Daryl locked eyes with Lou for a moment and bit his lips nervously. Lou knew he wanted to ask her, wanted to know about Jeff, maybe even inquire if the stories he heart through the grapevine were true.
" His dad bailed on you or what ? "
That's what a lot of people assumed and Lou honestly wished that was the case. A life without Jeff would've been so much easier if he had just left them. But this wasn't just a life without Jeff this was a world without him and Lou couldn't help but feel like the world had lost a little light and happiness when Jeff died.
" Nah. He died. Surprised you didn't know, seems to be the talk of the town"
" Aw shit, sorry. " Daryl exclaimed before looking down at the baby in his arms " ... sorry didn't meant to swear in front of the kid. "
" That's okay. It's not like he understand or is able to repeat your words yet. " Lou reassured him which earned her a nod from Daryl.
" But uh ... yeah I don't talk much to the people around here so I don't really get to hear their bullshit gossip. Plates are in the cabinet on your right. " he told her and focused back on Michael as Lou turned around to put the food on the plates.
" That who you visited at the cemetery today ? "
Lou stopped shoveling the spaghetti onto the plate and looked at him over his shoulder.
" You following me or what ? " it was a joke but she was a little curious about how Daryl knew she had been there.
" Nah. Went to see my ma. She hasn't been the best person but it'd be her birthday today. "
Lou had no proper memories of Mrs.Dixon. She could remember that the woman always seemed far older than she was and that little Lou always wondered why she looked so tired all the time. Other than that Lou couldn't really remember Mrs.Dixon.
" Sorry about that. Know how it feels though I actually went to see my mom too."
Daryl let out a scoff. " It ain't the same, trust me. I go see my ma cause I feel guilty if I don't, not because I miss her that much. Hardly remember her. Your mom though, she was a fine lady. A good person. Put me back together more than once. "
" Yeah well, she was a nurse that was her job. "
Strands of shaggy hair fell into Daryl's face as he shook his head. " That ain't what I mean. But it don't matter now. It's in the past. "
Before Lou could investigate further in what those words meant, Daryl spoke up again.
" Go get the food ready before it gets cold. Ain't got all time in the world either. Gotta finish up your car. "
And though Lou did as he said, she couldn't help but hope that it would take Daryl some time to get her car fixed. The longer it took the more time she could spend trying to find out what in the world Daryl had meant with those words he had said about her mother.
Maybe though, maybe she also wanted to learn a bit more about Daryl in general. Didn't seem like many people gave it a shot and Lou was never one to back down from a challenge.
And if Daryl Dixon was one thing, it was a challenging.