LaurenLately

Digital diary || 22 || Confessions & wl « ✦ —⋆——― ꒰ঌ·✦·໒꒱ ———⋆— ✦ »

[headofposion]

~Introduction~

❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀ Hi! My name is Lauren. I am using this blog as a personal little diary of sorts and to help keep myself accountable!

Little about me: ~ I am 22 ~ Currently relapsing ~ University student ~ Love watching early y2k tv shows and films ~ I like to crochet and craft when I am not studying 🙄(I love it. I promise) ~ Avid coffee/energy drink consumer ~ Average white girl autumn lover

My stats: ~ CW [111.4(50.3kg)] ~ HW [220(100kg)] ~ GW [105(47kg)] ~ UGW [95(43kg)] ~ Current BMI [21.7] ~ Height [5'1 (154.9cm)]

[headofposion]

Friday July 17th, 2026 🪽

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I was doing so well up until dinner. I did not do too bad; I still ate under maintenance. But I still feel so guilty over the amount of food I ate.

Breakfast/Lunch: ~ Coffee = 30 • 1c almond milk, unsweetened [1c/30cals] • Sugar free vanilla • Sugar free salted caramel ~ Seven Brew = 10 • 1 Large sugar free seven energy w/ sf strawberry & sf coconut syrup [1drink/10cals] ~ Royo bagel [80g/70cals]

Dinner: ~ Salad from Costa Vida (not pictured) = 675 • Tortilla, lettuce, mango, guacamole & salsa (Luckily this restaurant has the estimated calories on their website) ~ Daring chicken, original = 300

Food Log: ~ Breakfast = 100 ~ Lunch = 0 ~ Dinner = 975 👎🏻(everyone boo) ~ H20 = 120oz [Daily total = 1075]

Thoughts: I should have done better today, but I am trying not to feel too guilty since I got KITTENS! I adopted two little kittens today. They are siblings named Toffee and Midnight. They are so adorable! We set up a little safe space in our spare bedroom in the apartment. But they seem to be adjusting really well! They are playing with each other and us. Currently, I have little Toffee on my lap. I will do better tomorrow. I have to go grocery shopping for next week but I think I am planning on having a salad or some wraps.

Anyways, goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

I weight less than I did yesterday and yet my jeans are tighter…… make it make sense

[headofposion]

Thursday July 16th, 2026 🪽

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Today was a pretty good day! I thought I would have felt really guilty about eating the wraps I had for dinner, especially since I had a bagel and seaweed for lunch. But.... the wraps came out pretty low cal. For the two wraps it was only 367! I think I am going to add this in rotation with my salads. I am glad I found a new safe meal that doesn't make me feel guilty for eating it! Breakfast: ~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 =60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar Free Vanilla [0cals] • Sugar Free salted caramel [0cals] Lunch: ~ Royo bagel [83g/73cals] ~ 3 Ocean Halo seaweed pkg. [3pkg/45cals] Dinner: ~ Two Wraps = 367cals • Xtreme Wellness Tortilla wrap [1wrap/100cals]x2 • Plant based mayo [4.3g/22cals] • Mustard [26g/0cals] • Arugula [50.1g/13cals] • Shredded lettuce [130.9g/18cals] • Carrots [44.3g/16cals] • Tofurky deli slices, peppered [46.2g/98cals] ~ Cherry tomatoes [100g/27cals] ~ Pickles [2.5/13cals]

Food Log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 118 ~ Dinner = 407 ~ H20 = 164 (I have been spamming water into my body lately. Like im starting to crave water) ~ Total steps = 9k [Daily total = 585]

Thoughts: Its been such a hoa hoa hoa (twilight) day. Its been raining all day today, which made me tired. However, instead of being a lazy p!g I did a core workout and walked on my walking pad for about an hour. I will probably walk some more before I got to bed tonight since I am not at 10k steps yet. For most of the day I re-wrote my notes from the last semester of uni. University starts in one month and I am not mentally prepared. I have to order my books and do my loan this week as well 😩😩. I love student debt! I have done really well this week with staying in my calorie count! I have stayed under 700 all days this week. In fact, yesterday after my coffee, I fasted until lunch today! It was a 28 hour fast and I felt really good, but I was craving a bagel soooo bad. So, like a fat@ss I caved and ate it. Luckily it was only 73cals. This is why I only buy safe food when I am at the grocery store. Cause I have no self-control apparently. Anyway, enough about my sad little life. Goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Wednesday - July 15th, 2026 - Breakfast🪽

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Breakfast:

Once again for breakfast I had two cups of coffee. I got a new Nespresso pod flavor. It's called 'Strawberry & White Chocolate' and y'all.... it's so fucking good. I added sugar free vanilla and sugar free salted caramel syrup and holy fuck that was delicious😝.

~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 = 60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar free vanilla [0cals] • Sugar free salted caramel [0cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ H20 = 72oz (so far)

Thoughts: Sorry I was so inactive these past few days. I was placed in the ICU for the past two shifts so when I got home, I crashed. (For reference, I work in float pool at the hospital I work at.) A good thing about my shifts being so busy was that I didn't eat breakfast (besides my coffee) or lunch while I was at work. Also, side note, whoever said hospital coffee is terrible was flat out lying. I literally had 3 cups of black coffee during my last shift. As I was hanging on for dear life. But their coffee has some hazelnut flavoring, and it was pretty good. Anyway, I have already walked 7k steps today, thanks to my new walking pad. And I am about to leave to go pick up a Facebook marketplace find. Let's pry I do not get 'napped.

[headofposion]

I don’t even want to know how much I ate.

I was doing so well. I walked 14k steps at work. I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch but when I came home I just…caved.

My fiancé made me dinner and I do not even want to know how much oil or butter was in everything. I know I ate a whole block of tofu and god knows what was in the radish salad he made.

My only saving grace might be that it was my only meal and I walked a lot today. But still I know that the progress I’ve made this week will be gone by morning.

And I fucking hate myself for it. I’m going to fast all of tomorrow and hope dinner isn’t waiting for me after work like it was today 😫

[headofposion]

Saturday July 11th, 2026🪽

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Breakfast:

For breakfast I just had two cups of coffee, per usual. Since I knew that my fiancé was planning on taking me out to dinner, I avoided food as much as possible.

~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 = 60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar free vanilla [0cals] • Sugar free brown sugar cinnamon [0cals]

Dinner:

My fiancé ended up taking me to this really nice Thai restaurant in the city. I was going to get a salad they had on the menu, but he convinced me to get this tofu stir fry instead. I felt so guilty after eating this. I knew I should have gotten the salad. I shouldn't have let him convince me otherwise. We also ended up sharing some mango fresh spring rolls, which only had mango, cucumbers and lettuce in it, so I was pretty happy about those because they seemed to be low calorie.

For dinner the calorie amount is just estimated. I tried my best to do some research about the food I consumed and even cross checked 'my fitness pal' and 'lose it' to try and get the most accurate macros for this meal.

~ Fresh spring rolls [1/2 of shared plate (about 2 full rolls) = 160cals] • Rice paper wraps [2wraps/88cals] • Mango [Approx.50g/32cals] • Cucumber [Approx.50g/6cals] • Carrots [Approx.70g/24cals] • Lettuce [Approx.50g/8cals] ~ Tofu stir-fry w/ white rice [1meal/592cals] • White rice, cooked [1cup/242cals] • Tofu & vegetables [350cals?] ~ Coke zero [1/2glass/0cals]

(I didn't eat all of my meal but since I do not know the exact calories, I am just going to track like I did. I would rather overestimate than under)

Food Log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 0 ~ Dinner = 752 ~ H20 = 96oz (I need to drink more before I go to bed) [Daily total = approximately 812}

Thoughts: I love the restaurant he took me to. It was decorated with lots of flowers and cute decor. We needed up splitting some fresh spring rolls and I was feeling alright up until my entree came out. I didn't know it would have come with rice, so I was internally freaking out. I only needed eating about 1/2 the rice and all the veggies and tofu. After eating I felt so fucking stressed and guilty. I sort of shut down while my mind was screaming at me for eating. Sorry I was so inactive today. I was around the city and with my fiancé, so I barely had time to post this morning. I will unfortunately be inactive for the next few days. I am working two 16-hour shifts at the hospital I work at tomorrow and Monday 😩. I will try to post at the end of the day, like I did today. I am hoping I can stay under 500 tomorrow. My fiancé is celebrating his brother's birthday with his family while I am at work tomorrow. Which luckily means that I am on my own for dinner when I get off. I am going to take that opportunity and skip dinner ☺️. I also found my old apple watch, and I am charging it right now. Now I can track my steps! I am aiming to walk at least 10k steps a day, especially now that I have that walking pad.

Anyways, I have talked about myself way too much. Goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Friday July 10th, 2026 - Dinner/End of Day🪽

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Dinner:

I decided to have a salad for dinner along with the side of my trusty mini bell peppers. I honestly love this salad. It is sooo filling and so good😛☺️. It also takes me a while to eat since there are a lot of different vegetables and like a psycho I like to 'search' for each veggie at a time.

~ Salad [total = 300cals] • Shredded lettuce [202.5g/34cals] • Kale [51.5g/17cals] • Arugula [32.8g/8cals] • Carrots [128g/45cals] • Sugar snap peas [75.8g/30cals] • Broccoli (ive been loving broccoli recently!)[184.3/63cals] • Tomato (not pictured)[247.1g/44cals] ~ Plate of veg [total = 61cals] • Mini bell peppers [174.2g/61cals] • Mustard {62g/0cals] ~ Dt. Dr Pepper (not picture)[1bottle/0cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 274 ~ Dinner = 361 ~ H20 = 144oz {Daily total = 695]

Thoughts: My goal was to stay under 600 today, but obviously I did not do that. For some reason, unlike the other day, I do not feel guilty about it. I think right now I am just feeling a lot of emotions, especially with the death of my fiancés grandfather yesterday. I am a bit nervous for tomorrow. I was planning on only eating about 400 but my fiancé just told me that he wants to take me out to dinner 😩. He's so sweet but it's stressing me out because he wants to 'surprise' me which means I cannot stay under my calories or look at the menu beforehand. I am going to plan on just getting a salad at whatever restaurant we end up going to. Cause I mean....every restaurant has salads. Right?

Anyways, goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Hey, I was wondering if you knew how to avoid getting severe migraines from not eating? I've been at it so long my body just will not let up.

I also suffer with severe migraines, even before I relapsed. I have noticed that drinking a lot of water does help me a lot. I try to drink around 120oz a day. For extra hydration, I also use sugar free liquid IV to help get some sodium and electrolytes in. I also try to carry around some ibuprofen or Excedrin with me at all times just in case I get the feeling of a migraine attack coming on. Also, if you get migraines often, I highly recommend Be Kool migraine patches. They are like a walking ice pack. You look a bit ridiculous with it on, but they do work wonders.

Hopefully this helps💕 Migraines are the absolute worst

[headofposion]

Friday July 10th, 2026 - Breakfast/Lunch 🪽

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Breakfast:

Like always I started off the day with my two cups of coffee. I also was practically forced to have lunch, peep the bagel, baby bell and protein bar. The protein bar was actually pretty good and only 160

~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 = 60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar free vanilla [0cals] • Sugar free brown sugar cinnamon [0cals] ~ Royo cinnamon raisin bagel [84.5g/74cals] ~ Plant based Baby Bell cheese [1peice/35cals] ~ Frosted strawberry protein bar [1bar/160cals] ~ Alani, pink slush [1can/5cals] Food log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 274 ~ H20 = 72oz

Thoughts: I am kind of annoyed at my fiancé atm. Around 2pm when we were leaving to go visit his family, he noticed that my hands were shaking so he made me eat in the car on the way there. I tried to get away with only eating the keto bagel and cheese but that obviously didn't work😒. On the brighter side, I weighed in at 111.4 (50.3kg) this morning!! I am only 6lbs away from my goal weight! Hopefully I hit it soon and I don't fuck it up (im known for doing that) I'm probably going to end up eating one of my salads for dinner tonight so that I can be under 600cals today.

[headofposion]

Thursday July 9th, 2026 - Dinner/End of Day 🪽

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Dinner:

I thought dinner would have been worse than what it was. It was.... okay. Wasn't the best dinner I've ever made but at least it wasn't a salad. Don't get me wrong, I love salads, but they get old after a while.

~ 'Pasta' with veggies [total=248cals] • Heart of palm angel hair 'pasta' [267.6g/63cals] • Onion [41.6g/17cals] • Broccoli [189g/64cals] • Carrots [46.3g/16cals] • Spinach [71.8g/14cals] • Tomato & Basil marinara sauce [151.8g/71cals] ~ Dt. Dr pepper [1bottle/0cals] ~ Alani, pink slush (not pictured) [1can/5cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 314 ~ Lunch = 0 ~ Dinner = 253 ~ H20 = 192oz [Daily total = 567]

Thoughts: I would have liked to hate eaten less today. I wanted to keep my intake under 400 but since I ate that fruit earlier today (witch I regret) that wasn't fully possible, espcially since I am expected to eat dinner with my family. I hate that I ate that bowl of fruit. I regrated the fruit while I was eating it. I should have thrown the food away or just not have decided to eat it to begin with. For dinner I decided to have something other than one of my salads. Since I made my fiancé spaghetti I decided to have some heart of palm pasta instead. It ended up working out great since he didn't notice that they were not pasta noodles! After dinner I was still hungry for some reason. I decided to just chug a shit ton of water instead of making a coffee or something. But it has not worked. But I will not eat. I refuse. Today ended up being a really bad day. Not due to the amount of food, I consumed, but my fiancés grandfather died this afternoon, so we quickly had to pack up and go over there. I feel so bad for my fiancé and his family. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

Anyways, goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Thursday July 9th, 2026 - Breakfast 🪽

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Breakfast:

I decided to have breakfast today for the first time in a couple of weeks. I usually only eat breakfast before one of my 12hr shifts but, I noticed that the fruit I bought last week was about to go bad. And as a broke college student (and due to the fact that fruit is so expensive atm), I decided to eat some of it along with a keto bagel.

~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 = 60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar free vanilla [0cals] • Sugar free brown sugar cinnamon [0cals] ~ Fruit bowl [total=174cals] • Strawberries [267.2g/86cals] • Plum [56g/26cals] • Peach [159.3g/62cals] ~ Royo bagel [91.1g/80cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 314 ~ H20 = 72oz Thoughts: I thought it would be fine.... eating breakfast. I thought I would be fine. However, I am honestly feeling so guilty at the moment. Like, why did I eat that? I could have easily let it go bad and not eaten, but I did. Is it really that bad for fruit to go bad? I already spent the money whether if it went bad or not. If I knew that this was the only thing I was going to eat today, I wouldn't feel so guilty. But I know that I have to eat dinner with my family tonight. I always do. If I do not, I know they will get suspicious and ask questions. Hopefully this feeling goes away soon. On sort of happier news. I weighed in at 112.8lbs (51.1kg) this morning. Which is another reason why I feel so guilty. I lost three pounds and now I am going to fuck it up 😑. Why am I like this.

[headofposion]

Wednesday July 8th, 2026 - Dinner/End of Day 🪽

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Dinner:

Ladies and gentlemen once again......this fuck ass salad. I honestly really do love salads. They can be made pretty low calorie for a lot of food. Hence my love with them. I also decided to have some sweet mini peppers and pickles along with the salad since this was the only food that I had today 😊. I know it's weird, but I like to use the peppers as 'chips' and dip them into the mustard. Don't knock it till you try it.

~ Salad [total = 272cals] • Shredded lettuce [160g/27cals] • Kale [40.3g/13cals] • Arugula [33.8g/8cals] • Carrots [178.3g/62cals] • Sugar snap peas [44g/18cals] • Broccoli [84.4g/29cals] • Tomato [260g/47cals] • Trader Joe's Vegan dill dressing [34.1g/68cals] ~ Small plate [total = 55cals] • Peppers [154.7g/55cals] • Mustard [48g/0cals] • Pickles [55g/0cals] ~ Alani (not pictured) [1can/10cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 15 ~ Dinner = 337 ~ H20 = 120oz [Daily total = 397cals]

Thoughts: I am honestly so proud of myself today. I thought I would have done worse today since my fiancé had off work and was home all day. Thank God I had that dentist appointment because I think it saved me from eating more than I should've. I'm hoping that I eat around this same range tomorrow 🤞🏻. Also, I bought a walking pad today! I had some gift cards to Walmart and one of the walking pads I was eyeing was on sale, so I got it for free. I am honestly so excited. 15k steps a day here I come. I am going to be on that thing all day! Anyways, I am very tried.... like I think I'm gonna fall asleep right when my head hits the pillow.

Anyways, goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Wednesday July 8th, 2026 - Breakfast/Lunch🪽

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Breakfast:

For some reason when I woke up this morning, I was very hungry. However, instead of eating and feeling guilty, I decided to curb the hunger with some coffee. I have noticed that hot coffee works best for me when I am trying to avoid hunger (hence why I am having scolding hot coffee in 96F) .

~ Coffee [1cup/30cals]x2 = 60cals • 1 cup almond milk [1cup/30cals]x2 • Stevia [0cals] • Sugar free vanilla [0cals] • Sugar free brown sugar cinnamon [0cals] Lunch:

For lunch I was out in town as I had a dentist appointment (which I have to go back tomorrow since they fucked up 🙄). So, I decided to stop by 7 brew... again. But unlike yesterday, this one is lower in calorie since both syrups are sugar free.

~ Seven Brew [1drink/15cals] • Large sugar free seven energy with sf strawberry and sf coconut syrup ~ Dt. Dr pepper (not pictured) [1bottle/0cals]

Food Log: ~ Breakfast = 60cals ~ Lunch = 15cals ~ H20 = 96oz

Thoughts: I am honestly so annoyed atm. I have to drive into town again tomorrow to go see the dentist again. Which in hindsight is not that big of a deal, but it's just annoying. While I was in town, I did some grocery shopping. I originally went to get some unsweetened almond milk (I go through so much!) and mustard. However, I ended up getting my spiral notebooks and pens for the next semester of university (MY LAST FALL SEMESTER!). Also, yes, I use pen and paper over taking notes on my iPad. I have an iPad, that I got to take notes in uni, however, I noticed that I retain the lecture information better when I am writing on paper.... so, paper it is. Also, yes, I religiously use spiral notebooks to take notes. I have an iPad that I got for university to take notes, but I noticed that I do not retain the information as well if I use the iPad. I know.... weird.

[headofposion]

Tuesday July 7th, 2026 - Dinner/End of Day🪽

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Dinner:

I once again had one of my salads. I honestly love them. I use dill pickle seasoning on top of the tomatoes to make them taste even better. I also enjoyed an Alani and Dt. Dr pepper (not pictured). ~ Salad [total = 275cals] • Shredded Lettuce [162.2g/28cals] • Kale [44.1g/15cals] • Arugula [35.8g/9cals] • Carrots [170g/59cals] • Broccoli [94.8g/32cals] • Sugar snap peas [52.6g/21cals] • Tomato [300g/54cals] • Trader Joe's Vegan Dill Dressing [28.3g/57cals] ~ Dt. Dr pepper [1bottle/0cals] ~ Alani, pink slush [1can/5cals]

Food log:

~ Breakfast = 130 ~ Lunch = 130 ~ Dinner = 280 ~ H2O = 144oz 😊 [Daily total = 540cals]

Thoughts: I am honestly so tired. After dinner I played the Sims 4, which honestly was frustrating. My game kept crashing and I had to one by one go through my mods to see which one was corrupted 😒🙄. I do not know why but I am severely bloated at the moment. Like it physically hurts. I took a Midol, but it's been useless. Hopefully it goes away tonight. I should have done better today. I had the perfect excuse to give my fiancé. Could have just said I ate at my mom's house, but no. I had to be a fat ass and eat dinner with him. I feel so guilty about eating dinner. Like its eating away inside of me.

Anyways, enough about me. Goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[headofposion]

Tuesday July 7th, 2026 - Lunch 🪽

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Lunch:

Like I said.... here is my coffee I promised myself. I seriously have like a caffeine/drink problem. I cannot go more than 30 minutes without having a drink in front of me. Whether it is water, diet soda, coffee or an energy drink - some sort of drink is In front of me at all times. I decided to also have a snack in the meantime while I waited for my fiancée to come home from his job. Also, these fuck ass bagels have been my hyper fixation recently 😛. Like I love them. I get them at Whole Foods, and they are only about 70cals for 1 bagel (give or take with grams)

~ COFFEE! [1cup/30cals] ~ Oceans Halo seaweed, wasabi [4g/15cals] ~ Oceans Halo seaweed, Thai spice [4g/15cals] ~ Royo cinnamon bagel [80g/70cals}

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 130 ~ Lunch = 130 ~ H2O = 48oz → 96oz

[headofposion]

Tuesday July 7th, 2026 - Breakfast 🪽

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Breakfast:

I wasn't planning on having breakfast this morning, but I stopped by my mom's house and I do not want her to catch on that I am relapsing. Surpassingly, I did not have any coffee this morning before leaving my apartment. But I will have some later tonight. ~ Seven Brew [1 drink/55cals?] • SF seven energy w/SF coconut and lime syrups ~ Freeze dried strawberries (ft. my mom's cat) [1bag/35cals]x2 = 70cals ~ Sprite + tea, zero sugar [1bottle/5cals]

Food Log: ~ Breakfast = 130 ~ H20 (so far) = 48oz

Thoughts: Good morning!!☀️ Today I woke up pretty early (5 in the morning to be exact😒). I weighed in at...once again 115lbs (ima kms). Even after a 48hr fast and eating about 600cals yesterday. Make it make sense. I ended up wanting to get out of the house, so I stopped by Seven Brew (I am a s!ut for 7brew) and Hobby Lobby to get some craft supplies. On my way home I stopped by my mom's house and she made me try those freeze-dried strawberries. I was not going to eat until later tonight, but I do not want my mom catching on that I am relapsing, so I just ate it. Even though I did not want to. However, they were pretty good and low calories. Only 70cals for 2pkgs. I am once again, going to be re-writing my notes from one of my uni classes until dinner time, which I plan on having a salad again (wish me luck!)