safety tips for victims of abuse that’ve helped me
safety plans are essential when dealing with abuse and although not everyone has the same level of situations, i make this post to share what i did that helped me get through and hopefully help you or even give you ideas.
while you are still living with your abuser(s) + preparing to leave:
get an envelope or folder that holds all of your important documents and items:
proof of pet care/ownership.
a usb with evidence of abuse, receipts of animal care (more info in respective categories below) *
look up trusted homeless shelters. write down the phone numbers and addresses. if you have a pet, there are shelters who support domestic violence victims and take pets in while you take care of yourself first. keep this paper in the envelope.
paper is important. your phone may be out of battery or when you’re far from home, you have no service/data.
note: dialing 911 is always free at pay phones
- prepare a bag for an emergency escape
keep the following items:
extra pants, shirt, undergarments for you and the children
medication for you and your companions
the papers with written resources we prepared beforehand.
if you have pets: water bottles, food in a carryon, collar, leash!
- keep your safety bag in an easy access place so you can grab it in a hurry. in a car, in the backyard, a friends or neighbors house, workplace, gym locker, etc. if this isn’t possible, don’t worry. getting out safely is much more important.
things to record for evidence of abuse:
photos of inflicted wounds
photos of items damaged by abuser
a journal where you wrote about your experiences
screenshots/saved text messages, voicemails, letters, voice recordings, emails of threats
if you were treated at a hospital for your injuries, keep a copy of those records.
* keep these on a usb or online drive so that it’s easily accessible for the police to have.
- tell someone you trust about what you’re going through. ask if their place is always opened to you in situations of distress. don’t be scared to ask for help especially when it comes to your safety. i was afraid to open up as well but once i did, i felt better because i was seen and felt secure. it was nonsense to feel that way. they will be really happy to help you.
- in situations where the abuser has a hot and cold, unpredictable behavior:
try to make sense of their abusive patterns and triggers. take notice of the signs so you can get yourself and others to safety.
make sure you develop coping skills that work for you, know where to be in the house, away from any stashed weapons.
avoid the kitchen, garage, backyard— any rooms where there are hard floors & table corners.
pitch in an idea to get a carpet in the main room just in case a violent situation occurs.
when you’re at home, take off any restrictive clothing & long, easy to reach jewelry so your abuser won’t use it to hurt you.
protect yourself without fighting back. make yourself small. curl up into a ball, in a corner: put your head into your knees & arms, block your temples.
try your best to not run towards the children and animals as their next target will be them too.
create a code phase like “did you call earlier? i’m sorry i missed it.” or “i made your favorite. would you like some packed?” with a trusted neighbor if you need a hand calling for the police. try to make it look like you call them time to time in leisure so that it doesn’t seem off to your abuser(s).
- if you have left and your abuser is on your tail, dial the police and ask them to stay on call with you in case you need help.
- when escaping, try to be unpredictable; leave when your abuser least expects it
be sure to not leave any hints of where you will be going,
go to a place where they wont be likely to find you but is also a place where you feel safe and comfortable.
- if your abuser was arrested, ask if they will be held in custody + expected release date. give the police any information so they can make use of it for the release conditions. keep a copy of this information.
abusers can also threaten your animal(s) to hold leverage over you & further prove that they’re in control. there’s a chance where you may have to prove ownership and care of the pet,
gather: bills and receipts (grooming, vet appointments, emergency visits) that you have paid for under your name, photos, videos of training, caregiving and place them on a USB or an online drive (google drive, email, etc) *
in this usb you can also have your resume, working permit, any other important things on your devices.
if it’s possible in your state, try to get your animals under your protection order.
read this article for more information on animal and family violence to help you out more.
create a code word with them so they know when to call for help. review this with them frequently in private so that they remember.
teach them how to use a phone and what number(s) to dial + what to say. for other contacts, keep a paper with the numbers in handy. again, review this procedure with them frequently.
make sure they know to keep the game/procedure between you and them!
tell them that it’s not their fault this is happening. educate them on why the behavior they receive is not right.
if you have a car, make sure you always have at least a half tank of gas.
consider buying safety/medical alert alarms, defense kits, portable door locks, a security door alarm wedge for when you reach your temporary safe place or live alone.
find out ways you can pull out of the driveway easily, make sure you aren’t blocked by any chance.
make use of the speed dial options on your phone.
make it a habit to delete your browsing history of anything that will rise suspicions
if you find this post helpful, review this post frequently so you can remember the information and be well prepared and bookmark/print this post and store it under a false name or the envelope.
open up a bank account in your own name to increase independency.
you are not obligated to stay with anyone / in any situation where you are emotionally/physically abused no matter how long you’ve known them and the bond you used to have.
no one deserves to be abused. nothing is ever your fault. you’re seen. you are so much more than how you are treated. i love you. you. are. loved.
don’t condition or down play your trauma and experiences. don’t compare yourself to others. no one’s situation is “worse” than another’s — all and any forms of traumatic experiences are equally important and deserve undivided, careful attention.
listen to your gut. if you feel the sudden, most important urge not to enter a room, say the next thought, or that you should leave, do it. don’t hesitate. you can figure out the reason later.
gracieabrams
stormborns
vaporwave
jimmyeatworldofficial
tangentwithtanner
origamiaround
