[heartalter]

𖥻 HEARTALTER, MUTUALS ONLY & HIGHLY SELECTIVE PORTRAYAL OF CAIN SATO, AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER FROM COLLABRATIVE LORE WITH KANIA ( SOULALTER, DOOMEND, VERMIRO ). CAIN'S STORY IS DEEPLY INTERTWINED WITH KALEB KAPLAN. WITH THAT BEING SAID, CAIN IS NOT OPEN TO NEW SHIPS. HE IS SHIP EXCLUSIVE WITH SOULALTER. THIS BLOG WILL FEATURE HEAVY MATERIAL! TRIGGERS THAT WILL BE TAGGED: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, ALCOHOLISM, BROKEN FAMILIES, NEGLECTED CHILDREN, ABUSE: PHYSICAL & MENTAL, AND BRIEF MENTIONS ABOUT DISORDERS. YOU WILL FIND THESE TAGGED AS BOTH TRIGGER TW + TRIGGER /. THIS BLOG RARELY FOLLOWS FIRST. ALL OF THE GRAPHICS ON THIS BLOG ARE MADE BY KANIA!

▍ ㅤSIDEBLOG. ✶ PINTEREST. ✶  PROMPTS. ✶  CARRD. ✶  PROMO.

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[heartalter]

cain + stage presence. sometimes, he looks like a sad wet dog.

[heartalter]

cain practically raised his youngest sister from infancy. skyler, for as long as she has been alive, has been attached to him. whenever cain left his mother's house to survive, it killed him to not be able to take sky with him. the pair still talk, but... it's not the same. there is a gap, a long period of time where cain missed out on her life, and during that time there was scarcely ever good in his siblings lives. they try to come back to how things were, but there is distance. the pain that now lives in her eyes kills him. and honestly? a part of him blames himself for that being there at all.

[dearavonlea]

⚘. LYRICS FROM NOAH KAHAN'S ALBUM THE GREAT DIVIDE. CONTENT WARNING: ALCOHOLISM, DEPRESSION, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, ABANDONMENT, SELF-SABOTAGE, LONELINESS.

i can't recall the last time that we talked.

we got cigarette burns in the same side of our hands, we ain't friends. we're just morons who broke skin in the same spot.

i've never seen you take a turn that wide, and i'm high enough to still care if i die.

so i tried to read the thoughts that you'd worked overtime to stop.

you know, i think about you all the time, and my deep misunderstanding of your life. how bad it must have been for you back then, and how hard it was to keep it all inside.

i hope you settle down, i hope you marry rich.

i hope you're scared of only ordinary shit.

i heard nothing but the bass in every ballad that you'd play.

the world is scared of hesitating things.

i'm finally aware of how shitty and unfair it was to stare ahead like everything was fine.

did you wish that i could know that you'd fade to some place i wasn't brave enough to go?

i hope you threw a brick right into that stained glass.

i hope you're with someone who isn't scared to ask.

i hope that you're not losing sleep about what's next.

i stretched my arms real wide, tried to break your fall...

you got up, mad as hell, and told me that i had it all.

 i tried to heal your wounds just to say i helped.

it ain't a high road now, it's just uneven ground.

you ain't a goddamn hero now 'cause you cry on live TV.

at least i got a soul still, even if i'm in a bad place.

i'm happy for your haircut, i'm glad you got your act clean.

you're showin' up like bad news and leavin' like a bad dream.

help me if it helps you sleep.

you grew your hair out long, now you think you're jesus christ.

there ain't nobody mistakin' your guilt for some great sacrifice.

drove your ass home. you walked into a haunted house and got angry at the ghosts.

oh, when my weight left the room, did you take a deep breath?

i stole a beer, drove home; there was only one left.

when i make my flight, i'm the devil, but when i stay the night, then we drink.

we stay up and fight 'bout the childhood lie that we both had the courage to leave.

i'm willing and able. if you wanna kick this rock around, if you've got a bone to pick with me, if you've got a flag, plant it in the ground.

i'll stay here 'til mornin'. we can fight like we used to fight.

look at you leavin' again; it's all you know how to do.

go ahead, take the last of the drinks; the world belongs to you.

they all say you're a light; all i see is a shadow.

'cause if i call you out, i'm an asshole.

i tell the truth when i drink.

so come home; let's fight 'bout the childhood lie.

we don't care what the other one thinks.

i wish you could know me, and i wish i could know you much more sometimes...

wish i could do nothin' with you. sit in the yard while the day dies.

leave it all on the table.

i'll say, "i love you," and mean it this time. say, "i'm sorry,” for everything else, if we found a way to the other side.

if you're willing, i'm able.

you always went lookin' for an easy way out.

and you tell yourself lies and disguise them as facts.

just when you think that the road's straight ahead is when the devil shows up on your dashboard again.

all your new friends look a lot likе your last, i wonder why.

it ain't our fault that you aren't suddenly somebody else.

you're an asshole after all.

half as drunk as i thought i'd be by now, that's good.

i can still see the people around me change shape. speak their minds and pretend they were misunderstood.

preachin' 'bout sin over lines of cocaine.

even when you're not here, it becomes about you.

they all want me to tell 'em your story.

you stand over half a foot taller than me.

naïve to believe you would come back.

stay gone. won't you stay gone?

tattooed your initials into my right arm.

there ain't nothing else here worth catching up on.

so, i hope that it's warm wherever you sleep.

i've got a feeling that won't go away.

i still ball up my fists when they mention your name.

no one gets to talk shit but the ones you've shit on.

well, i'll beat your ass in the morning.

you know i've been running all this time.

'cause if i never see you again, you could be anything i want.

i would ask you how you've been, it's all over the internet.

but, hey, i mean, you knew that after all.

if you're looking for an autopsy or a half-assed half-apology then i think you picked the wrong time to make this call.

it is not irrelevant that you stopped taking your medicine but i'm giving you the benefit 'cause it's raining out.

i'll tell you how the weather is.

i should shut you down.

but it's cold, and it's cold, and it's cold, and it's cold, and it’s cold.

i don't know, i'm alone, i'm alone, i'm alone, i'm alone.

i hope you tell me that you're winding down, that you lost thе taste to face the crowd, that whatever made you famous made you sick.

you can only do what pain allows.

it ain't up to you to make it out.

there ain't no shame in callin' this thing quits.

you're a ghost, you're a ghost, you're a ghost, and you're—

poison spreading to my lungs.

i ain't holdin' breath, ain't holdin' any faith at all.

and i'll pray for you, be in pain for you.

i'll leave the porch light on.

heartbroken, each morning when it's me that turns it off.

i try to drown out all the talk, the eyeballs in the parking lot.

i wanna drop the gloves, but you're far too patient.

i wanna see you lose it, i wanna hear you say it.

do you still have a heart or has somebody stole it?

i'm far too tired to watch you lie, so let's just watch TV.

another thing we don't talk about anymore.

don't worry, i won't bring it up.

you can scream at me when i come home drunk.

when i ask about the past, you deny-ny-ny.

we're both exhausted for different reasons.

i used to care to know your secrets.

you said you got a guilty conscience, but i ain't ever seen it.

i'm well-prepared to never meet him.

[heartalter]

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[ivynightshade]

fatima aamer bilal, from we were put on this earth desperate, hungry and willing.

[text id: you get nervous when someone holds your hand, you wonder if they can feel the rot.]

[heartalter]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO, HAUNTED BY THE GHOST OF YOU. OH, TAKE ME BACK... @soulalter

[heartalter]

tag drop!

[heartalter]

forming genuine friendships is not the easiest for cain. in life, he has always struggled with feeling like he is enough. he feels as though he is the 'new flavor' in people's lives for some time, and they enjoy him during those phases, but then they grow comfortable. his energy comes in bursts, he can often be bad at replying, he doesn't like to go out a ton, etc. there are always lingering thoughts of when he's going to be phased out of someone's life, or when they'll disappear without a word. he has become somewhat used to people leaving. while he does not let it show, he is more sensitive than he wishes to be. the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but wishes to guard it.

[dearavonlea]

⚘. LYRICS FROM NOAH KAHAN'S ALBUM THE GREAT DIVIDE. CONTENT WARNING: ALCOHOLISM, DEPRESSION, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, ABANDONMENT, SELF-SABOTAGE, LONELINESS.

if these trees started talkin', i bet you they'd only talk shit.

i thought getting older meant knowin' it's too late to try.

i tried getting sober, i swear i did better this time.

anythin' you need, i will provide. a ride home or an alibi.

the minute september hits i'm goin' off my medicine.

late august angst and a pointless night.

oh, and the feelin' of being alive for the first time in a long time.

it's a place where most kids just grow up and have kids who grow up, and have kids who build homes for the rich.

oh, everythin' you see out here will die. it's a matter of time.

 i grew up pretendin' sticks were little guns, i would point 'em at my dad, and he'd get mad...

'cause god forbid i hurt someone.

i'd hurt anyone i could. anyone who got too close, and anyone who wouldn't look.

i was born into a one-hundred-year storm.

you were unsuspectin', not unwarned.

you're puttin' money on red, i'm a sure bet at a losin' streak.

it gеts harder to see me the closеr you try to look.

i just live here, babe, but you're the one who decided to knock.

have you ever stared directly at the sun?

have you ever shared some closeness, so exposed... to have it spit back by someone?

so, forgive if i jump at the rattle of your keys.

i'm left starin' at the ceilin', listin' reasons you should pack all your shit up.

oh, how I hope you're moving on.

i was workin' on a plan to disappear completely.

gaslightin' my friends into thinkin' i was busy.

'cause if drinkin' was a day job, i'd be askin' for more money.

'cause you're gonna fix it, you're gonna patch it up.

'cause, honey, we're fragile, you've always been so tough.

you know that i miss you, you always come runnin' back.

i hate to drag you back here, but I think he's really lost it...

i can't stand the nights, yeah, that dinner time silence.

i cut the tension with a knife, and i pray you started drivin'.

oh, we're drownin' here, i've gotta stay for mom.

well, you did back then, we would talk so much...

and it's fine we don't, but can you come home?

there's somethin' 'bout the window seats got you feeling like a poet.

the way you've got your hair up straight makes you look real californian.

you know you never really could quite place when i'm angry, and i'm jokin'.

i'm cursin' every exit sign and my damn christ-like devotion, to hopin' you might change your mind, and to hatin' you for goin'.

you state a feelin' like a fact.

i'm glad you lеft, but you'll be back.

so, call me when it goes to shit.

i won't rub your face in it. i swear, i won't tell anyone.

i don't mind being your dead end. i think it's fine to never move on.

and i'll keep rootin' for your downfall.

i'm hoping that the view ain't nice, that the streetlights bleed into your bedroom.

that you open up to someone kind, and they hold it all against you.

hoping you might return to the fog 'round here.

i curse 'em all out when they fuck up your story. i tell it the way that you told me.

you had something misplaced that you'd spend your life tryna find.

i still hear your name from some of the local guys. said they always placed you for the leavin' type.

i comb the lighthouse and hope you're there in the morning.

i called you, but i'd run out of words.

your love is like an open flame, I'm a runnin' car, and you're a closed garage.

someonе once told us there's a world out thеre, but we don't care enough to drive that far.

it's been a damn near-perfect day, just gettin' high at the outlet mall.

lately, i've been lookin' at you harder, just takin' you in. at the callus on your finger from the handbrake grip on your junkyard bike, and your boots so filled with water, i mean, soakin' wet...

you could punch me in the gut and it would hurt like watchin' you go smaller on the backroad.

i never ask too much.

i can't keep on starting over.

sleepin' in a bed half empty, daydreamin'.

all love must leave, oh, but search for it i will.

honey, tell me, are you good at staying still?

well, will you up and lеave or will you be therе in the mornin'?

i always hated the sunlight at 3 p.m​., where it's too soon to quit thinkin', too late to change anythin'.

i'm racking my brain for the one line that would change your mind.

[heartalter]

always in my head about my character portrayals. i hope that, the blogs of mine that you guys do follow, you enjoy them 𖹭

[ohisms]

✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊.    (  a collection of various  location prompts centered around time & weather.  feel free to adjust as desired.  )

[ 1AM ] the stoop of a brightly lit psychic shop, pondering haven from the rain. [ 2AM ] the [ lobby / room ] of a run-down motel during a tumultuous storm. [ 3AM ] a dark graveyard thick with petrichor, well beyond visiting hours. [ 4AM ] an empty, rusty gas station nearly flooding with rainwater. [ 5AM ] a cabin in the frozen woods, large fire raging under the hearth. [ 6AM ] a bus stop hazily lit by the rising sun, earth smelling of petrichor. [ 7AM ] a crowded coffee shop, patrons in a rush to escape the morning rain. [ 8AM ] a serene camping site overlooking a valley, air humid & fresh. [ 9AM ] a diner smelling of breakfast food as rain patters on the window. [ 10AM ] a walled-in garden full of flowers, just as the afternoon heat sets in. [ 11AM ] an empty public playground, equipment hot from the sun. [ 12PM ] the middle of a sweltering outdoors shopping center. [ 1PM ] the side of the highway after your car breaks down from the heat. [ 2PM ] a bustling farmer's market ripe with produce, unhindered by the rain. [ 3PM ] a city sidewalk gloomy with mist & countless puddles. [ 4PM ] the forested perimeter of a vast lake, cold from snow melt. [ 5PM ] a [ restaurant / diner ], interior lights flickering under a fierce storm. [ 6PM ] a car interior, passengers stuck on a dangerously snowy & dark road. [ 7PM ] an outdoors event as the heat backs off, full of laughter & live music. [ 8PM ] the long queue of a club, impatient patrons stuck in the rain. [ 9PM ] the threshold of an apartment, knocking to be let out of the hailstorm. [ 10PM ] a windy beach past public hours, grains of sand mimicking the stars. [ 11PM ] the backseat of a car parked in the pouring rain on a lonely road. [ 12AM ] a pier on the cold, misty waterfront as fireworks are let off.

[heartalter]

cain is the frontman for a band called carrion. originally, carrion was kaleb's dream, and cain supported him in it. kaleb was ( is ) his muse, his reason to want to thrive. and then he left the band. all cain wanted was to give up, to follow him in his choice, but he pushed for him to continue with carrion. push the band further. despite losing his muse, he pushed forward... continued to expand his vision, helped it grow. the band is now widely known. to this day, an evident space for kaleb remains. a place for him to be able to return to.

[heartalter]

ily 💗

ilym. did you know? 𖹭

[schnoobums]

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) dir. Francis Lawrence

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