Hear The Symphony

Welcome to my blog! I'm a recent university grad with a degree in behavioral sciences. Follow me through my journey of faith and discovery of Christ in me.

[hearthesymphony]

hello again

always weird revisiting a blog you’d forgotten about. A peek into a prior self. The one who was sure about everything and felt she knew at least some of the answers. The older I get, the more I feel I don’t know. Anyone else feel like that?

this year, I’m trying to move towards what inspired me, whether that’s art, friends, film, etc. and that includes jobs. Jobs that don’t inspire me can leave and ones that give me a sense of purpose and pride can enter. Although I’m moving with less energy these days, it’s still there, and I want to use it wisely.

keep swimming, y’all.

[hearthesymphony]

how do I experience god?

While I’ve forsaken many of the identities I used to hold in my twenties I still whole heartedly believe in a Creator, in God. In creation and creating. There’s the insatiable thrill of holding charcoal in my hand behind a blank sheet of paper and beginning something new. I feel like God looks at us like we look at our art. Sometimes it’s chaos. But more often it’s beauty from chaos. Heart and soul from little blobs.

I think god speaks in the words of friends, especially the ones who are willing to be honest and open and hold boundaries. Through therapists and medication. And through silence and beauty and nature. Through sheer honesty and determination and standing up for the lives of others.

intuition, beauty, strength

let’s find those things together

grab a fresh page and start again

[inkskinned]

when someone loves you - really loves you - treat them gently. text your best friend back when you can. tell your mother you noticed her haircut and that she was right about that recipe. tell your grandfather that the boats in his bottles are the best things you’ve ever seen. be good to the people who are good to you. it’s the least you can do.

[runnin-onfaith]

“Sometimes changing the world means getting quiet enough for God to change me.”

— Lysa TerKeurst (via faithful-forever)

[hearthesymphony]

What does seeking God practically look like?

I’m still trying to figure that out. What I’ve been learning recently is that change and progress is slow. Like crazy slow. It’s made out of of little habits spanning months or years. And right now, I feel like God is working that way too. It’s only after an extended period of several months where I’m seeing God move. I don’t necessarily get how other people listen to God for every day. Maybe it’s different for me.

I rarely read my Bible. I find more inspiration from other forms of literature, like sermons or where verses are illustrated through a book. I still sense God, though it’s not as intense as it was before. I thank him often for the quiet moments in the midst of the craziness. I guess I find that I experience God more in the passage of time, in seasons, as opposed to daily. In time, my heart is more open to things, and I see God in that. 

I don’t want to measure God’s presence in my life by my daily ups and downs, but by the slow and gradual shifts and changes. By new thoughts and ideas that spring to mind.

[hearthesymphony]

I want to listen to that voice. The one that spews frustration and condemnation and comparison. Not the other voice that speaks of life and gratitude and humility. It is so much easier to just give up and stop hoping and praying and being positive that something will come along. A lot harder to keep rising amidst crushed hopes and deferred dreams. And it's hard to keep asking for prayer for the same thing over and over until you're sure everyone else is as sick of hearing it just as much as you're tired of asking for it. They say it's not till you compare yourself to where you were a year ago that you see how much you've grown. Sometimes it feels like regressing. And sometimes you feel like you haven't moved at all. But maybe you have. Maybe in small, significant ways you're still moving forward.

[hearthesymphony]

We sang along to this at my small group today...it was so moving.

[hearthesymphony]

"I won't let the rocks cry out for me...I will give You glory, for You gave me my own song to sing."

[hearthesymphony]

If a man walks away from God, where else is he to go?

Touched by an Angel

[hearthesymphony]

"There is a difference between being afraid and living in fear." - Jenny Simmons

[hearthesymphony]

When I can't hear [God], I confuse my not hearing with the idea that God is momentarily not present with me.

The Road To Becoming, p. 114, Jenny Simmons.

[hearthesymphony]

I'm blogging over at Amy's blog! She has been featuring a number of guest bloggers to talk about how they've changed their mind on various issues surrounding faith. Read on to find out about my experience with social anxiety and how I'm dealing with it. And how I feel about cafeterias.

[hearthesymphony]

Vulnerability isn't all about warm fuzzy feelings and hugs. It feels messy and awkward and maybe even a bit embarrassing. It may occur at unexpected moments and feel completely out of the blue. But it is healthy and can help bring about wholeness.

[hearthesymphony]

On optimism and being a child

I love being around children. Their joy and excitement for life is so contagious. Everything is new for them, and they are experiencing situations for the first time. I was recently supervising a roomful of grade one's as they watched a movie. My favorite part was watching their expressions. They would cheer and yell along with the characters in the movie, and this one girl was completely in awe during one particularly suspenseful scene. She was the most expressive out of the bunch, the first to laugh and giggle, as well as randomly burst out singing "Head, and shoulders, knees and toes" at various points during the movie. I couldn't help but think that she would keep those expressive and outgoing traits with her as she grew up. There was another little girl I got to talking with during the evening. Her and I agreed that it was very frustrating to be short some of the time. At one point, she said, "I only know two people here. Wait, I actually know one more," she amended to add the girl beside her she'd just met. It's their innocence and creativity and expressiveness that I enjoy. It speaks to my inner child, that part of me that gets excited about snowflakes and hot chocolate and building snowmen in the winter. Yes, growing up does also mean facing icy roads, dangerous drivers, and other stressful situations, but ultimately I want to retain that child-like heart. The one that isn't afraid to be silly and goofy and worry about what others might think. That is honest about their feelings and doesn't try to stuff them all inside. The heart that is energetic and hopeful and eager about the future, not scared of it.

[hearthesymphony]

Tonight was fantastic. Being able to partner with the Holy Spirit and have some divine encounters is so cool. God, you are incredible and awesome and we really need to give you more credit. Thank you for the people we got to meet tonight and the hearts we were able to touch. Continue to pour out your spirit in this city. Amen.

[hearthesymphony]

And I will lock eyes with the One who has ransomed me, the One who gave me joy for mourning.

We Dance - Bethel Music

[fabafter40]

Snapchat & the Social Media Hierarchy of Needs

My nieces introduced me to Snapchat the other weekend, because apparently that’s where all the younguns are hanging out now. 

Although I probably need another social network like I need an extra 20 pounds on my hips, I was curious about it, both as a marketer and a wannabe young/hip person. So despite a slow and surprisingly insecure start (especially considering I only have like, SIX friends or something)… 

And the fact that I’m totally using it wrong.. 

I tried Snapchatting all of last week, and here’s what I learned. 

Snapchat is nothing like SMOLDIES (Social Media for Oldies)… 

If you - like most people of a certain age - hang out primarily on Facebook and maybe Instagram (which you probably think of as “Facebook Lite”), Snapchat will definitely throw you for a loop, because it’s just not at all like the platforms we’re used to.

First of all, anything you post on Snapchat will EXPIRE. If you send a Snap to someone, it’ll expire after they see it, or after 10 seconds - or something like that. If you post something to “My Story” it’ll expire after one day. 

Given that, I find that there really is very little an older person (especially a nostalgic one, with a progressively deteriorating memory) will find attractive or useful about this app. In fact, after my week of Snapchatting I’ve found only 2 potential applications for older folks:

The second thing you’re going to need to know straight off is that there are no likes on Snapchat. That’s right, my dopamine-fueled like addicts. No fix to be found here. 

No sharing either, or comments. You can message the poster after viewing a Snap but whatevs, what for, it’s not as if this thing will exist/matter in 10 seconds, right?

And you know what? That’s kind of a wonderful thing.

I think we’re all familiar with Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Human Needs", right?

Anyway it occurred to me as I was being all needy on Snapchat (”Hey… Who’s seeing my stuff? Where are the likes? Where’s the love, y’all?”) that social media has actually created a whole new hierarchy of needs – and the picture ain’t particularly pretty.

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, I think Facebook and Instagram likes have ruined us. They’ve made us so dependent on the affirmation of others that our posts are so rarely real or spontaneous anymore. 

We create instead these carefully curated and filtered versions of our lives, caring more about admiration than authenticity. Fakebook and Impressagram. It’s quite sad. 

And this is why I think Snapchat is awesome. Because it takes our need for affirmation and attention and curation, and decent photo filters and whatnot and says “OMGLOL! Whatever the heck for?? Just enjoy the moment, weirdo!”

It’s liberating, really.There’s a lot that goes into play when you know that what you put out there won’t last. Striving for the perfect shot is a waste of time. Impressing people is unnecessary. So you’re free to just be. 

Like I said, a wonderful thing.

I doubt I’ll be abandoning my other platforms anytime soon (I do need some of my posts not to disappear into thin air). But I think I’ll hang on to Snapchat for a little while longer… because I need that reminder, as I think we all do… to keep it real and remember not to take ourselves too seriously. 

If you really think about it, everything is temporary. So just enjoy life’s moments as best you can, without needing be or appear perfect. Life is too short to waste on the opinions of others anyway. :)

Cheers!  

[hearthesymphony]

Definitely a good read on social media and psychology!