Ryan's Secret Weeb Land

He/Him, 22, Vintage Shoujo/Josei, Rozen Maiden, BJDs,

[heartofthomas]

Greetings, everyone!!!

Starting this tumblr because I want someplace to talk about manga, anime, and BJDs. Usually I can't really stick to tumblr pages, but this is something I don't really talk about much in real life, despite it being one of my biggest interests. I'm mostly into shoujo/josei, particularly Year 24 Group stuff, but any shoujo or josei.

My favorite manga of all time is A Cruel God Reigns, followed closely by Kaze To Ki No Uta, The Heart Of Thomas, Claudine, and Mars.

Some outlier-non-shoujo/josei favorite anime would be Rozen Maiden, Clannad/Afterstory and every entry into the Neon Genesis Evangelion franchise. I'm a huge Hinaichigo-stan.

I own one BJD currently (though I collect other dolls too, mostly kitschy vintage ones), he is a Doll Leaves Matthew I've named Lucian after the artist Lucian Freud, and he makes me feel rather paternal.

Last, getting to know me.

I'm 22, a man, he/him, gay, I'm an art student currently. I've been into anime/manga/otaku-shit since I was 7, so 15 years now! Unfortunately I took a break from it for a while in my early teenage years because I was going through some abuse and completely reinvented myself but in the past few years I've gotten into it again.

Strawpage, if anyone cares:

[heartofthomas]

if someone tries to talk to me about JJK or Frieren I start convulsing and if they try to tell me "The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity" or "My Dress Up Darling" are shoujo I just pass out on the spot

[heartofthomas]

One time I was reading KazeKi on campus and some guy walked up to me who was obviously a Freshman and asked where a building was, so I told him, and he was like "what manga are you reading?" And I didn't want to tell him it was BL so I was like "oh, just some 70s Shoujo" and he goes "you should really read Sakamoto Days it's such a funny manga" and that's when I realized I might be an elitist 😭

[heartofthomas]

I feel so insecure whenever I post my manga art here because my usual art style is so much better, but I'm very committed to keeping my fine art practice separate from my manga stuff at the moment because I am trying to make a name for myself as a painter 😭

[heartofthomas]

I can't follow the Den Of Angels drama because I don't really have any friendships with other BJD people but whatever it is I'd imagine it's not as bad as the website earlier this summer made by the trump-husband or whatever?

[jujutsukaisen0]

[heartofthomas]

TW // CSA discussion but it's just in relation to manga

Whenever people talk about Midori/Shojo Tsubaki/Mr Arashi's Amazing Freak Show like there's no artistic merit and it's just depicting rape for no reason I question if they've actually read it. (I see this a lot in Instagram comments.) I've never seen the anime, to be fair, but I've read the manga and I thought it was very intentional the way her reality spiraled into horror and surrealism, and how she wasn't sure what was real anymore. It is a very violent depiction, and it can be hard to read at points, but acting like it condones it is kind of wild to me.

I felt it captured that feeling of being trapped and dissociated pretty well in an abstract way. Though I completely understand why people stay away from it, I just find it kind of frustrating when people write off things like they couldn't possibly have any purpose but shock value or something.

I guess my issue is looking at people's opinions in instagram comments though!

[heartofthomas]

I'm not sure if this is from tumblr or twitter (assuming tumblr) but he's a Doll Leaves Matthew-Sculpt, and he was pretty expensive, around $300 once shipping was factored in. I got him from Denver Doll Emporium.

[heartofthomas]

I realize I only have photos of him on my strawpage, so here is my little son if anyone cares!

[heartofthomas]

I'm not sure if this is from tumblr or twitter (assuming tumblr) but he's a Doll Leaves Matthew-Sculpt, and he was pretty expensive, around $300 once shipping was factored in. I got him from Denver Doll Emporium.

[heartofthomas]

They've really gotta invent a version of me whose back doesn't hurt all the time!!!! People have been saying...

[heartofthomas]

Playing a dangerous game drinking coffee while working on my comic. I had about 10 pages but lost them, because it was all digital. I've committed to just doing text and cleanup digitally and using dip pens and screen tone for my actual comic. I haven't bought screen tone yet but I used to use it in middle school, which was a decade ago for me. It's so expensive 😭.

[heartofthomas]

Cass is so empathetic towards Jeremy from the start, it's so heartbreaking.

[heartofthomas]

I have a healthy relationship with my mother and don't feel smothered and sheltered by her at all and that is why I relate to characters with such healthy relationships with their own mothers like Jeremy Butler, Erich Frühling, and Sebastian Flyte

[heartofthomas]

If the Natsu e no Tobira anime is anything like the KazeKi one I should just assume I should read the manga as my first introduction to it instead of watching the anime? I kind of want to watch the anime first though....

I haven't explored Keiko Takemiya's entire body of work yet because I have only been specifically interested in Year 24 Group manga for about a year (As I said, I loved the KazeKi OVA as a 7th grader despite knowing nothing about it. And I tended to gravitate towards older shoujo before that, so I was aware but not ENLIGHTENED.) But anyway, in this year I have been very very very very very very very obsessed with Moto Hagio (I still haven't read everything she has done, unfortunately!) so every Takemiya thing that isn't KazeKi went to the backburner until recently.

[dallycola-aka-rome]

Chibis

[heartofthomas]

CUTE

[heartofthomas]

The only good thing about being a trans man that rarely passes (unsupportive environment to be on HRT right now, so I'm not yet. Though I will probably risk disowning soon for this purpose) is that sometimes when I haven't had any social interaction in a while I can delusionally convince myself I have a little bit of 70s bishonen swag because of my unfortunately feminine features.

[heartofthomas]

TW // vaguely mentioning sexual abuse

I first learned what Kaze To Ki No Uta was about a little less than 10 years ago, the summer after 7th grade, because the OVA popped up on my Youtube and I thought it looked pretty. I remember being sort of uncomfortable with it because I was kind of naive and couldn't really understand the extent of the trauma Gilbert was going through (Despite that time being the worst of sexual abuse I was going through, ironic) like I remember feeling like people would be upset with me for watching it. Also because there was a lot of rhetoric those days about how liking BL was "fetishizing gay relationships."

But anyway, it really made an impression on me even though I barely understood it. And, to be fair, without reading the manga the OVA is pretty hard to understand. My point is, I guess, that it's kind of a crazy thing to stumble into on Youtube.

It's also kind of crazy to be an abused 13 year old feeling like you've done some kind of huge moral failing for liking an anime adaptation of arguably one of the most influential shoujo manga of all time