Title:Happily Divorcing You
Summary: No matter how bad Ivar thought the morning would go…it went worse.
Pairing:Not telling
A/N: So the last part came with a trigger warning and I told you that you could skip it if that bothered you. I made sure this chapter was up soon because I didn’t want to make anyone feel left out for too long.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
(Y/N)’s POV
The sunlight assaulted your eyes through the curtains, an annoyance that was far too common to make you as annoyed as it did this morning. When your eyes open you realize three things in a matter of two seconds.
You were hungover, you were in a guest room and you were going to throw up very soon.
Quickly you jump out of the bed, the fast movement made you even dizzier but you kept going. Making it to the door, throwing it open and running to the hall bathroom to empty your stomach. In the mad dash to the toilet you only vaguely notice the human body you trampled on in the process, and you didn’t think back on it until you were gurgling mouthwash.
Your head was throbbing and the memory of last night was still hiding behind the veil of your hangover, then a faint groan came from the hall and startled you. Hastily you finish up in the sink and peep your head out to see Ivar sitting on the floor in front of the room you woke up in.
He was rubbing his back and looking just as bad as you felt, he paused then seemed to feel you watching him so he turned and met your eyes.
All at once you remember last night; the argument, the club, Margrethe, the knife, the breakdown and the kiss, it all came back to you.
There was nothing to say, or at least nothing you could think of, that would make moving on from this painfully uncomfortable moment any easier so you just closed the bathroom door and locked it for good measure.
God, all you wanted was to have a good night, just one good night and now you were afraid to look at him or even yourself for that matter. You turned off the light and showered in the dark so you wouldn’t have to see yourself in the mirror, something you’d done too often to be considered dangerous.
The shower was quick and thankfully there was a robe for you to wear when you got out, but you didn’t turn on the light or open the door. You just stood there in the dark swimming in the shame from last night, and praying that Ivar wouldn’t be waiting on the other side of the door.
There was a whirlwind of negative emotions in your chest, you felt so ashamed of yourself for falling to pieces like that, for losing your temper and actually considering…
Jesus, you had actually considered just doing it, and that terrified you more than anything. You remembered the feeling of the knife in your hand, the texture of the handle and the thought that all you had to do was close your eyes and just keep swinging until your arm ached.
‘You fucking idiot.’ you whispered to yourself, as you furiously wiped watery eyes.
After what felt like a long time you finally opened the door, he wasn’t there.
You waited and listened closely to the general hum of the house, you heard the shower in the master bathroom running. If you were fast you could grab some clothes from your room, get dressed in the guest room and then go downstairs for your phone.
The plan went smoothly, four years had made you an expert at moving in silence through this house. The steam was coming from under the bathroom door and you knew you probably had more time but you grabbed a random hanger from the closet and hurried back to the guestroom, making sure not to step on the creaky floorboards.
Inside the guest room you put on the usual ensemble of a tee shirt and pajama bottoms, you moved towards the door to go downstairs but you stopped when you noticed something out of place.
A torn and folded sheet of notebook paper was on the floor in front of the door, unable to ignore it you picked it up and your heart froze as you immediately recognized where the page had come from.
The journals.
‘You fucking idiot!’ you hissed to yourself as you rushed down the stairs, nearly falling as you did so but your fears were confirmed.
Neat stacks of your journals sat on the table where you knew you had left them in a messy pile, meaning he had organized them
He read them.
You clenched your fist and remembered the paper when you heard it crinkle, still cursing your drunk self you unfolded the page.
(WE’re Going to sEe Floki when we wake up. I promis)
It was almost impossible to read between the bad penmanship and grammar mistakes, Ivar must have been pretty drunk himself last night.
Why else would he have kissed you?
You threw the note in the trash bin and started putting the journals back on the shelf, you would reorganize them properly later, for now you just had to get them out of his sight.
Ivar’s POV
If asked, he would say it was because his muscles were sore after sleeping in the hallway, but it was a lie. He was hiding; hiding from whatever discomfort waited for him when he saw (Y/N). So he stood under the steaming water and took his time showering, but eventually his fingers became a bit prunish so he cut off the water and got out.
He listened to the house as he got dressed and he could hear her moving downstairs, of course the sound of her footsteps alone couldn’t tell him what she was doing, but at least she wasn’t hiding in the bathroom.
Like he had.
He got dressed in casual wear for the day, which for him meant slacks and a button up, and he walked into the hall. The clock in the hallway showed it was ten in the morning, later than he could recall ever leaving his bedroom for the day.
He looked over the railing of the stairs and saw her hurriedly putting away the journals. She moved efficiently, but he could tell she knew he was there by the way she deliberately didn’t face his direction as she worked.
‘Did you get the note?’ he asked as he finally worked up the courage to speak.
He watched (Y/N) freeze, her back still turned, but she nodded.
‘I’ll get dressed after breakfast.’ she said plainly, almost formally even.
‘We’ll stop for something on the way, I’ll be in the car waiting for you when you’re ready.’ he said as he gave in to his cowardice and made his way straight to the door without another word.
He just didn’t know what to say and he knew she probably didn’t either, so he would do what he could. That meant getting her in front of a doctor as soon as possible, hopefully having a trusted professional would make her feel comfortable enough to start this terrifying conversation.
Or at the very least Floki will be able to give him some kind of advice on how to keep things together. After all, the doctor seemed to have been treating (Y/N) for a long while so if anyone could fill him in on what she needed it would be him.
Ivar sat in the car for about five minutes before (Y/N) came out wearing a very simple blue sundress and she climbed in without speaking or looking at him.
He started the car and tapped at the steering wheel as he pulled out of the driveway.
‘Where would you like to stop for food?’ he asked.
‘It doesn’t matter.’ (Y/N) mumbled back.
He sighed, and pulled into the parking lot of the nearest cafe, he got out and ordered himself a coffee and two raspberry danishes. The service was quick so he was back in the car within four minutes, he offered her one of the pastries and she looked at it.
‘I’m not hun-’ (Y/N) began to decline but she was interrupted by her stomach growling loudly.
He raised his eyebrows and again held out his peace offering, for her part she turned to look out of the window, but she took the danish.
The drive was still silent, of course, but it felt just a bit less tense for the time being. Still, as he drove he noticed she wasn’t actually eating the danish at all, just holding it near her mouth and looking out the window.
Why? She’s clearly hungry and if she threw up like he had this morning she needed to eat something to settle her stomach. He stopped at a red light, and turned to ask her about it when he saw what she was looking at out of the passenger side window.
An old woman was at the crosswalk, she was dressed casually, and gathering a few shopping bags. It looked as if she had walked to a shop and was currently on the walk back home. She offered the couple a polite wave as she crossed, the light stayed red a few more seconds before it turned green and he drove on.
(Y/N) twisted in her seat to keep watching the old woman and she didn’t turn back until the woman was no longer visible, she had lowered her untouched danish and closed her eyes.
‘Did you know her?’ he asked.
She kept her eyes closed and turned back to the window.
He was becoming frustrated, he was trying, he really was but she seemed determined to stonewall every attempt. She wouldn’t speak with him, wouldn’t eat the food he offered her, and refused to even look at him now.
When he at last pulled into the parking lot of the Private Practice Hospital he took a great sigh of relief, because he had done it this time.
Kept his word and taken the first official step towards repairing things.
(Y/N) didn’t wait on him, she opened the car door and headed toward the main entrance, leaving the danish behind, she wasn’t exactly speedwalking but she was definitely walking faster than she usually did. He didn’t chase after her, he kept his usual pace so by the time he had made it to the desk the nurse had informed him that she had signed herself in and she was in the waiting room.
The young woman was professional but she was very direct and quick in her way of speaking, leaving no invitation for him to ask any questions.
Ivar didn’t say anything, but he suspected (Y/N) had hurried to make sure he didn’t hear anything about her regular visits.
For a few minutes Ivar and (Y/N) sat in the mostly empty waiting room, sitting across from each other but avoiding eye contact.
‘Ivar, (Y/N).’ Floki greeted as he entered the waiting room.
(Y/N) stood and walked right up to the old doctor, who opened his arms and took her up in an almost fatherly embrace. It was so strange to see her seek any sort of comfort so openly, and it stung him deeply that she had never sought it from him.
Ivar stood and joined them, upon hearing him approach (Y/N) quickly pulled away from the hug and wiped at her eyes which he could see were teary. That painful sting in his chest again, he didn’t want her to shut him out like this, to hide how upset she was.
‘We’ll have this meeting in my office, unless either of you is feeling any physical discomfort.’ Floki said as he began to escort them through the hospital.
‘Just a couple of hangovers, but we won’t waste the resources.’ Ivar replied.
‘Would you like any treatment (Y/N), have there been any changes with your medication routine?’
‘Yes…I tried to stop taking them.’ she mumbled.
Floki stopped walking.
Ivar watched the two of them have this silent moment; the old man staring at her in such a concerned way and her not meeting his eyes. It was so similar and yet so different from the way she didn’t meet his own eyes, but he couldn’t articulate exactly how.
‘Is that why we are having this visit… or did something happen?’
‘Something happened.’ Ivar spoke up when (Y/N) opened her mouth but no words came out.
The doctor nodded and kept on walking, after a silent elevator ride in which Ivar saw his wife wipe away her own tears again without looking his way, they finally made it into Floki’s office.
Everyone took their seats and gave the silence just a few more seconds before Floki pulled a file from his desk drawer.
‘Okay, where would you like to start?’
‘I would like to know when exactly she was diagnosed.’ Ivar began.
‘Ivar, with all due respect, I need to check on her. I am your family’s Primary for everything and yes that makes me your therapist, but right now I need to know how she physically responded to tapering.’
Ivar felt as if he had been scolded, but he nodded and waited for the doctor to continue.
‘When did you decide to do this?’
‘Last week, I had…I thought I wouldn’t need it anymore.’
‘Your last episode?’
‘Last night, I went out drinking with my sister and…’ she looked over at Ivar then back down to her hands.
‘I couldn’t handle it.’
Floki sighed and sat back in his chair.
‘(Y/N)...’ the doctor said with raised brows.
‘Could he step out, please?’ she asked.
‘No, I need to know and I’m tired of not knowing what to say or do to make things better. I am not leaving.’ Ivar said firmly.
‘Floki…’ (Y/N) pleaded.
‘I know this is a very difficult situation for you, and as your therapist I wish I could accommodate you more, but I cannot force him to leave.’ the doctor apologized.
‘However, I can try to wear two hats at once, not the first time I’ve done something off the books for your family.’
‘What do you mean?’ Ivar asked, sitting up once more.
‘Are you both open to me offering marriage counseling, under the table if you get my drift boy.’ Floki clarified and Ivar understood.
The old man was a genius and a jack of all trades which is why he was so successful along with the financial support that the Ragnarsons provided. With that being the case he occasionally bent the rules for his sponsors convenience.
This was one of those times apparently.
‘Do what you have to do to help her and keep me in this room.’ Ivar said as he did the bravest thing he’d done all day.
He reached out to hold his wife’s hand, but she moved and he ended up just holding her wrist.
‘(Y/N) are you comfortable?’
She looked away from Ivar’s hand on her and nodded.
‘I just want to get this appointment done, as fast as possible and I never want last night to happen again.’
‘Okay, we are going to try an exercise while I try to get the answers to my questions. That way he can stay and be informed and you can hopefully speak freely.’ Floki explained as he reached in a different drawer and pulled out a long black piece of fabric.
‘A blindfold?’ Ivar asked.
‘I think not seeing you will make it easier for her, we can unpack why and how to fix it later.’
The doctor didn’t wait for any response before he stood and walked around his desk to approach (Y/N).
She looked skeptical but didn’t protest as the blindfold was tied over her eyes, she sat straight and rigid once Floki sat back in his seat.
‘Can you see anything?’ he asked as he scribbled a note.
She shook her head no.
The doctor held up the paper for Ivar to see what he had hastily written.
(QUIET!!!)
‘What are your primary concerns?’ Floki asked.
She took a deep breath and still turned her body away from her lawful husband before she spoke.
‘I…I almost did something really bad…something really fucking scary. People who don’t need meds-’ she paused and swallowed hard.
‘Last night doesn’t happen to people who don’t need meds.’ she finished.
‘What triggered the episode? Do you think it was the alcohol alone or was it something else?’
‘It wasn’t the drinks, I just…’ she paused again, shifted in her seat as if to stand and leave but Ivar still had hold of her and he kept her seated.
‘I want him to let go.’ she said as her fist clenched with the effort to not pull her arm away from his grasps.
‘Can you tell me why? Are you afraid of this man?’ Floki asked, his tone calm and neutral.
‘No! I just want him to let go- I want him to go so I can talk.’ (Y/N) said with panic rising in her voice as she at last gave in to the urge and began to try pulling herself out her husband’s hold, but she was again unsuccessful.
‘Why can’t you talk with me here?’ Ivar asked, unable to stop himself even though he knew he had been instructed to keep quiet for this exercise.
The sound of his voice seemed to send his wife into hysterics as she increased her efforts to get away from him; successfully standing, but still Ivar held her.
He knew it was only making things worse but he couldn’t release her, he didn’t understand why she seemed so terrified of him. Her tears had soaked through the fabric of her blindfold and her lips quivered as she seemed to barely be holding in sobs.
‘Ivar!’ the doctor shouted as he saw how worked up (Y/N) was becoming.
A strangled sort of noise came from her throat before she looked away from Ivar and faced the direction of Floki’s desk.
‘He’s gonna see…Floki please! I want- I want him to leave.’ she said as she reached up to tear the blindfold off with her free hand.
‘Let go of her! NOW!’ Floki barked with the authority of a military leader.
The outburst was so sudden and loud that it did startle him into letting go, unfortunately (Y/N) was still struggling when he did. She fell without grace and with an audible thud.
She looked up at him, teary eyed and terrified; Floki looked more furious than Ivar could ever recall seeing him in all his life.
‘Ivar, you need to step out in the hall with me. Right now.’ Floki said sternly.