hey, you're friends with grace i assume? big fan of your photography.
Yes! She has been one of my best ladies for four years or so now. You're a fan of my photography, what?! Ha, I only am surprised because your work is phenomenal,... I got lost in your post last night at 3 in the morning haha You capture people in such an honest way
I'm just going to leave this here for anyone who is interested in reading 6 pages of my philosophical spewings
It was the very last thing I did for college, so I got really into it and it's pretty deep
An individual is shaped endlessly over the span of time that is one's life, and most of the influence stems from that individual's childhood. I can look back, deconstruct my actions and feelings, and pin-point which instances molded the reasoning for the way I am today. Even though there are so many stand-out happenings in my life that have spurred new beliefs or challenged what I know to be true, and people who have undoubtedly altered my way of being, there is no uncertainty that there is something about me as an individual, that is experiencing all of this through a different set of eyes. What I mean to say is, there are no two souls in the world, or two people who will tell the same account of what life is, on this earth or in this time. Much of what I believe stems from this thought, and it just may be the thesis of my beliefs in this time in my life.
The assignments of fabricating 'policies' of an imagined business that I am managing forced me to disregard my instinctual opposition to them, and ask myself what I would do in a situation of power. In order to solidify one's beliefs, they must look into themselves, and decide what something means to them based on measurable feelings. I have had some practice already in deconstruction of myself thus far in my experience, for in my junior year of high school, in my most trialing class, two of my instructors team-taught a huge project that invoked that same insightful but loaded question, 'Who, exactly, are you?'.
It was an assignment that I took to a study; it is really one of the only assignments I devoted time and thought to; I went outside to walk and think often, spending a lot of time on reflection. I wanted to realize how I became so 'quiet' in school. I was type-casted into this silent self-ostracizing girl who only showed her pure self to very few people. I didn't like how I was and how other people viewed me. I wanted to know why I seemed to be holding back the release of so much of what I had to express.
So I thought and thought and remembered and connected events, and without realizing it, I was paving the path that I would soon dedicate as part of the hypothesis to the meaning of life. I resurfaced things that had impacted me growing up, and could see clearly the reasons for my discontent. I hadn't begun to appreciate my differences from my classmates at school yet; the acknowledgment to the self and individualism came through moving out of my home and known-universe. If no two people can experience any one thing the exact same, how is anyone to want or believe the same as any other? We only have ourselves to process existence; so we must listen to our feelings and act out of intention.
This correlates with the ideas behind the angle I chose in this class for creating policies as a manager. I would never want to work in a place that hired a person to fill a preconceived mold of what an employee looks like to them. I, instead, am looking for a place of work in which has specific needs that need to be met, and want me to be a means to achieve that. What I mean is to say that I want to be a source of insight, and ingenuity as part of the job description. This would mean, of course, that if I am to manage any business, I intend to look for that in my employees. Like with the profound proverb, 'It takes a whole village to raise a child', I would say it takes a whole staff to execute a business, or a team to actualize an idea. A business can never be a single person's law and command, with a mind of conformity in all who work to uphold it. Then, individuals will be discarded if they do not fit, and that business would not get the help of the creative force that a group of people can provide; instead, the company would only be able to reflect a single-minded endeavor, only acting on a small amount of perception.
Meanwhile for me, writing these policies based upon a fictional business that I am managing, is difficult for me to execute, because the concept is composed of so many things that completely oppose what I want to associate with or see myself doing in the future. If I am to have an actual business, it would remain mobile, and most likely just be me selling my product and creating partnerships. So instead of making up meaningless content for my assignments, I decided to go deep into myself and my personal philosophy to really apply the questions to my ideals.
I moved on to senior year a person who was much happier with herself; I had a whole new perception of what reality was both internally and extraneous to me. I had calmed down my anger at the world for sucking so much, figuring out that it never does good to build up negativity about something that I do not have control over. My thoughts along with the environmentally radical classes I took showed me that the only part of my observable universe I have control over is myself, and how I actively choose to perceive it. I can never assume that anyone is seeing or thinking or experiencing even remotely anything I seem to be. However, I can look for good intentions in people, and expect them to act out of love as I try myself.
The class of the most influence my senior year, was called Environmental Economics, or Eco-Eco. It is an oxymoron of a class, because economics by definition does not take into account nature or the natural world. Nevertheless we learned economic theory interlaced with the teachings of the environment and sustainability. My management philosophy most-definitely stems from ideals that were planted in my mind during these teachings. The concept that had the most impact on me, is when we discussed utopian societies, and were asked in groups to meet out of class and build what we imagined could be a sustainable living situation for humanity. I was able to see that there are so many ways to make both humans and the earth thrive; I somewhat devoted myself at that point to being an example of that.
If I am to manage a business, it would fundamentally have to look different from the approaches we have been seeing. My personal findings with how society makes me feel, as well as through inquiries with peers of my generation shows me that I, and countless others feel this aversion to conform to the model of career/family/ownership of capital our parents and their parents and their parents were raised knowing. We feel this sense of wrongness, of unhappiness, and a lot of the time, indifference or apathy to the omniscience of the future. We see it becoming increasingly hard to support ourselves independently with the obligations of debt this country forces upon the masses with its 'insurance' and 'credit'. I see myself having no choice but to completely rebel from buying into this system in which is crippling us all. In order to live a healthy, unoppressed, happy and comfortable life I am going to disobey what ever is telling me I shouldn't.
Since High School, so much has changed for me that is revealing piece by piece another layer of truth, a new exposure of conceived reason, or a thought that massively shifts my understanding of the world. Maybe it is because I am still young; I am still in my developing stage, for I just turned twenty only eleven days ago, and I have been thrown into all sorts of new experiences with every day since these thoughts of deconstruction I mentioned in my earlier analysis. The radical change may also have been determined by the fact that I moved out, and experienced myself in a raw state completely accorded by my own choices. Through all of this pursued self reflection, I have also been evaluating how I feel about those imagined parts of me. So much self love and appreciation has germinated from this; aspects of myself, too, have become surfaced that I no longer want anything to do with, and I continuously work to eradicate those parts of me.
Self-improvement has remained one of my main efforts as a person, and I devote a lot of my action toward it, self-reflection, and a fair and equal amount of letting myself just be. This change in thought was necessary, because I was unhappy with the amount of negative images of myself I used to see. It was to the point where I was unhappy anytime I saw my reflection, and I will not accept that, because that is preposterous. I can think back to far too many instances in my childhood, where my body size and the way I held myself came into family conversation. I had a grandmother that would tell me and my mom that I was getting a 'belly,' and that I need to fix that. Meanwhile, my whole life, my own mother would speak of hating her body, and although she is a beautiful person and it does not matter, she continues to spend decades on an endless 'diet'. I see this as a lifetime struggle for achieving something physically, when it is an internal issue about perception, and I want not to be a part of it.
I am so thankful that part of the focus of the Food and Beverage Management class involved exposure to research and deconstruction of the media and it's portrayal of women and men. The videos and discussion opened many important points that I hope had some sort of impact on the class. These issues are very important to me and they apply directly to my management philosophy. I can only be angry at the circumstances today, being what they are. And I’m not talking about 'rights' at this point, but the fact that we are all being sold this projected vision of what life should be, and meanwhile we allow the continuous retract of our basic needs from reach: watching their costs climb, making it more and more a privilege to be healthy and educated. Its not about men or women anymore; it is about steering the human race off this path that is so vividly amiss, and sickeningly perverse.
If I am to associate with the societal-business world, or any part of the financially locked-in, debt-implied way of living on this planet, in which I will try my hardest not to associate with, I am going to make sure to only advocate that which I believe can demonstrate this possibility of directing the work of the human species to a way of life that can actually let us thrive, including the earth and everything on it. My management philosophy absolutely would have to include making sure that every mission I administer would have the fact in mind, that the only systems that sustain in this universe are those which are a part of nature, themselves. With human power, we can either choose to manipulate and abuse all that this earth offers, or we can work along with it, with the only intention to help it be, for it provides us with all our life.
I will leave this declaration of my momentary, managerial, philosophical viewpoints with a projection of what I wish and intend to fight for, regarding the future for me and anyone who wishes to partake; this is the obtainable utopian society that I can imagine; this is the only conceivable way that I will ever 'manage a business'. : Food, water, and health(nature) are all abundant on this planet. The only way humans can sustainably live here would be to become part of the ecosystem that the earth allows. This would mean living amongst food forests, allowing the animals just to be, and our only concern would be to work to either cultivate yourself, or the community. Either way, our time would be filled with gathering/preparing food, teachings of all kinds, building shelters and conveniences, expressing artistic incentive, and all around making sure we and the land are not disrupted.
Think of a block-style garden: the plants are all grouped by species even if they are not meant to; in order to get them to grow we must provide the water, and it would not be able to survive on its own. In nature, there are layers of life that work with each other to survive. The only way things survive without active human maintenance, are when they are permaculturally sound. Permaculture implies using only what nature already allows and intends to be. For example: fruit trees sporadically, below them, bush or small trees (herbs), ground level, greens and green-leafy vegetables, and all around them, us and animals that participate in the life/growth/death cycle.
Humans would absolutely be able to thrive in this circumstance if none of the industrial-corporate-big fish/little fish-manifest destiny-capitalistic crap existed. If I am to manage anything, it would be seeing to this vision but only working with others' insight and influence. I am not looking to become a ruler of an alternative society, I am looking for a means to thrive.
seeded concord grape/ lemon/ ginger/ herbal tea instead of water (i used rooibos, peppermint leaf and raspberry leaf) and topped with sesame seed BAGELS
are in the oven
my friend Nol and I started making these ~3am last night/thismorning but we went to bed instead so i put the dough in the refrigerator, and weeeeee shall seeeeeeee how they turn out, i'll let you know if its revolutionary
James and I, in the 11th grade made stencils for spray painting. One was of Dwight Schrute's face, made by printing out a two-toned picture and cutting out the black parts. I made a sign that said 'Always eat your vegetables', and James made one that said 'remember, a win-rar is you.' ; I asked him what it mean't but I cannot recall. We took our vandalism utensils to Leghorn Park and fucking massacred it's innocence with our creations. I sprayed my educational sign almost entirely across the pavement leading out from the play-set. Like in alternating sections of the sidewalk path, all the way down for probably 20 of 30 ft. We put Dwight's face in all the places we could think of, including the bus stop walls, in the basketball courts, different parts of the sidewalks, and on the slides and structures. We became satisfied with that, and walked back to his house, spraying little things along the way, pretty much leaving an actual trail of our illegal activity for anyone who wished to investigate. The next day I babysat, and the girls live right next to the same park, so I took them out to secretly examine the damage in daylight, and I got to see a little boy point at one of the vegetable ones and ask his mom what it meant. And I told my girls that it was me, but I don't think they believed me, and they were too young for it to mean something to them. By the next day everything had already been washed off or painted over, except they must not have seen that there was a face on either traffic-directing arrow in the parking lot, which remained there for a little while.
I'm reading my text posts from the beginning of my tumb existence (I highly suggest you do too) I used to write stories after days that happened to me and I was really good at it... I don't know what happened.. I got, really deep about everything and life changed so drastically all up in my psychology. And I actually do know what happened, I just refrained from ever writing about this specific incident or any feelings regarding it.
aaand I'm not going to showcase it now either, but If you 'know' me in person, I bring it up probably a lot.
hehe who am I kidding, no body actually reads this! lol
I just deleted a long string of 'lol's' because it was uncalled for; I've been saying that in person a lot lately, and it was orig in spite of people who actually use it, because I've always been a 'haha' person myself, but lately I've really meant 'lol' and only 'lol' and I have not a synonym or alternative way to say it. like when i used to say epic as every other adjective. that's demonstrated in my old posts... that and fucking every single post was about things I did with Geo also being there, and I talked about him actually a lot. and thats funny because ever since things started to gain mass with him and I, I had left him out of all my tumbl writing whilst meanwhile only bringing up other, more shallow happenings with sex or romance, and also meanwhile my handwritten thought is pretty much comprised of 76% him-related feelings/angst
So I don't know if I just experienced a rebirth in terms of writing just now, you can see by just reading this post and seeing the evolution of feeling. but I had little writing rebirths also the other day and earlier today, so thats pretty cool. .
I Should Be Going To Bed But Instead I'm Writing This
I have been pressured for a couple weeks now to create a tumblr. I caved, and here I sit, making my first post. I suppose I shall tell yall about my day (and when I say “yall,” I mean the one person following me: Lindsey Mason—my best friend of six years.) I was awoken by my mother’s yelling around 10:15am. I rolled out of bed, decided my hair was adequate and touching it would only make it worse, and left the house to take Laya to K9 Country Club. I dropped her off and went to my work to pick up my check. My boss guilted me into working for an hour, despite my attire (sweatpants and a big t-shirt) and my obvious bed hair. She never cleans after herself so I spent the entire hour cleaning her messes, but it’s okay because she paid me for time and a half and I got a fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate safari cupcake for it. The cupcake might have been the best part of my day. It is a genius recipe— moist dark chocolate cake with sweetened-baked cream cheese and chocolate chips on top, usually with cream cheese frosting, but I ate it plain. It was magnificent. She should get an award for creating such a thing. I spent the rest of the day either doing chores such as vacuuming, or dramatically laying on the floor wishing I could take a nap. Then I decided around 8pm I NEEDED to get coffee. I bombarded Lindsey with texts asking her to join me. She questioned my actions and whined and made excuses, but I would’t take no for an answer (even though she never actually said no…or yes for that matter) and I ended up driving to her house and forcing her to get in the car. She secretly was really happy I came. Anyways, it is now an hour past my preferred bed time, and the dream bed across from me is looking rather soft and tempting. I must leave you, tumblr, and venture off into sleepy-dream-land. I have school tomorrow. Good day.
prguitarman
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turnnoffyourmind
stormborns
dededos
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
gummygunk