radiomilk

parts of me i wish to share but am too scared to face- in poems and sounds

[heavy-radiomilk]

i hope you die boring-

i hope the shell of your soul rots into the sheets where you last held your lover

i hope the windows stay open just a crack

i hope the worm and the bug and the earth feed off of you

and you whittle away into nothing

i hope you help the trees grow

i hope your purpose is peaceful

[heavy-radiomilk]

pin prick pupils.

im running out of bandages

and choking on prescriptions

[heavy-radiomilk]

im a little bit over it and a lot too undone

[heavy-radiomilk]

i keep trying to focus on the future

but the past leaks into everyone i meet

contagious like sickness

i cant recover from

ugly like the night sky

i can’t ever escape

but i hate the sun

so what am i crying for

[heavy-radiomilk]

[heavy-radiomilk]

[heavy-radiomilk]

leave stains on my bed,

i’ll make you angry so you hear me

and now you cant hear me

and i’m stuck in this bed

[heavy-radiomilk]

you don’t want me until im halfway out the door,

you use me as your pleasure

as i fill you with gore -

love intravenous medication,

stop me bleeding for the moment.

my friends try and stop me

so there’s no negotiation-

i think im starting to feel it.

i’ll free you from your useless life

in just a night

you’ve got to keep up

it stops when i decide

its too heavy for your arms to hold,

my heads feeling too light,

limbs going cold,

i think im starting to feel it.

[heavy-radiomilk]

my soul sobs while I sleep-

it dampens my seems

[heavy-radiomilk]

can i lay on you or is that too far?

10 oct

[heavy-radiomilk]

lavender in your garden -

i had the potential to waste

so i wasted it.

imagine things were different-

had the initial bad taste -

and i’d hated it

[heavy-radiomilk]

its not a character trait,

im trading my life for a lie

Even tonight -

after all this time

i still smell u on my clothes

[heavy-radiomilk]

in your bed,

outside-

weather coming down

slow your breath,

so u can hear ur heart beating

does it make u feel less on ur own?

[heavy-radiomilk]

i think we might be going a little too fast for me

is there anywhere we can stop to breathe?

last summer i was all u wanted

kiss me till im healing

now treat me like im not worth it

staring at the ceiling

is there anywhere we can stop to breathe?

i dont wanna miss you while you sleep next to me

[heavy-radiomilk]

think of a memory like sparks and i’ll daydream like gasoline

even when you’re with him

when it should be put to bed

another’s under my covers

his head on the pillow case you made

[heavy-radiomilk]

find myself in strangers beds

but keeping watch of where i step

just in case i fall out of depth

[heavy-radiomilk]

everything i feel is so heavy in my ribs

i want to be angry

and scream at someone about it

and fall into their arms

while they hold me as i sink

from the centre down

untill i ping back with weight sunken and buried