PLUTO AND THE TRAUMA YOU’VE EXPERIENCED
— THE FIRST HOUSE: A lot of these people suffered bullying from a young age, most likely due to your appearance/something that was completely out of control. Feeling extremely isolated from others in your childhood, like you could never connect with the people around you and, because of that, you’ve learned to be independent and to never trust others. Now, it’s difficult for you to open up even to your closest friends, and you fear that you’ll always feel alone. You can’t stand feeling misunderstood and, because of that, you can be very obsessed with “studying” the trauma you experienced through astrology and therapy, and you feel very triggered when someone misunderstands your intentions and misconstrues your words. A feeling that the world is against you. Someone having “taken” something away from you - your freewill, innocence, power of choice. People who either get repulsed by you or obsessed about you when you’re just sitting there and being yourself, and it’s out of your control which. Having been stalked in the past. A compulsive need to be private and keep things to yourself, a fear that other people are going to take everything away from you, especially the ones you love.. that they’ll turn them against you. Being treated like a sexual object, being sexually exploited. A fear that you’ll never be able to let go of your need for control. A fear that you attract too much chaos/people who are very chaotic themselves into your life. The feeling that, at the end of the day, you’ll always be alone with your fears, sadness and experiences that you haven’t found the courage to tell others. A feeling that you’ll never feel safe or comfortable.
— THE SECOND HOUSE: You don’t understand your own emotions and that gives you a lot of frustration and anxiety. You might’ve struggled your whole life with an emotional intensity that had you swinging from being at your happiest and most cared for in one moment and at the depths of despair and distress in the next. Your sense of self-worth fluctuates with unpreditability and yo can go from being overly confident to extremely insecure. Your passions constantly change and, because of that, it’s hard for you to know what you want to pursue in your life. You might’ve experienced a lot of distrust from others from a very young age, especially when it came to financial matters. You were accused of stealing, lying, perhaps even committing crimes. You felt like you had to work twice as hard to gain people’s trust and your parents, the ones who were supposed to protect you, were the first to be suspicious of everything you did. It’s like people are waiting for you to commit any sort of mistake so they can lash out on you and blame you for everything. You can become unproductive and start procrastinating as soon as you start feeling sad, self-sabotaging your own success because you’re afraid of failure, of putting your heart to something and then, all your efforts going to waste. Fear of losing the ones you love so you become possessive over them, or you attract people who are possessive of you and treat you like their property, making you feel suffocated in relationships. The fear that you’ll never be financially stable because things always go wrong. Looking at life through a pessimistic lens. The fear that you’ll always have enough to just survive. Having to do immoral things for money that left you feeling disgusted at your own actions. People who invaded your privacy for their personal benefit.
— THE THIRD HOUSE: Having been bullied and possibly physically abused in your early school years. A feeling that you had to “survive” school, that it was a place for pain and anxiety instead of learning. This could have given you a tendency to procrastinate in school and to rebel against it, you might’ve missed classes and it was hard for you to focus on your daily schoolwork but then you got to the tests and you got the highest grade due to your intelligence without needing much study. You might’ve constantly heard that you’re wasting your potential and intelligence simply because you didn’t care for school. From a very young age, you might’ve always felt the need to escape your house and neighborhood, and you took every opportunity you could get to stay away, which could have been the source of a lot of arguments at home. You were painted as the black sheep of the family, misunderstood by your parent figures because they couldn’t understand how their toxicity drove you to want to stay away from them and how school brought you trauma and anxiety. Relationship with siblings could’ve been very troubled, parents you pit you two against each other, a feeling that you had to compete with your siblings for their love, that they were the golden child while you were the disappointment of the family. You can also feel a strong need to protect your sibling from your parents and in school, that you want to teach them and be their role model because they had no one to set the good example.
— THE FOURTH HOUSE: You wanted to take refuge in your home when the outside world got hard again, you wanted a place to retreat to and find peace and wisdom, but soon you likely found out that it’s inside your home that the monsters laid. Your parent figures can have been extremely emotionally manipulative, in a way that took you years to understand: they showed you they loved you, treated you like their pride and prized possession, but they also tried to control you, invade your privacy, leading you to feel like an extension of them. You might’ve witnessed toxic and abusive relationship dynamics in your childhood; relationships filled with power-struggles and betrayal, obsession and possessiveness, arguments and competition. A lot of these people had one parent who cheated, making them feel like they had to compete with the other person. The relationship with the mother figure might’ve been a very confusing one: on one hand, you were close to her to the point where you needed each other more than anything, but at the same time, she might’ve been toxic and tried to live vicariously through you, wanting you to live out the dreams she never could. Even if the family home was loving and instilled in you values of hard-work and passion for anything you got involved in, there might’ve been one (or more) particular event that left you traumatized, feeling robbed of your power and strength. The family home can be exhausting, as if your parents expect you to be the one to take care of them and solve their problems. You fear becoming like the ones who mistreated you, you fear never being able to protect others in the way you never were. There might be an inability to trust here; you feel like you’ll never be able to fully trust and be vulnerable with someone because you want to always guard your heart from anyone who has the potential to break it.
— THE FIFTH HOUSE: When you love something, you love hard and this itself can feel terrifying at times. You understand how loyal and devoted you can be towards your passions, and you fear putting your heart into something then watching it fail miserably in front of your eyes. Fear of rejection and failure. You tend to procrastinate and purposefuly avoid going after your passions because you don’t want to watch your dreams die in front of you. There might be a fear of having children here, a fear of raising your kids the same way you were raised or not being able to meet your own expectations, a fear of not being able to emotionally connect with them, a fear of them living through pain and traumatic events without you being aware of it. It can be difficult for you to have one-night stands because you get very emotionally attached to people even if you don’t like showing it. Relationships can be filled with drama, chaos, obsession and lack of boundaries/lack of respect for the others’ privacy. There might be trust and intimacy issues here, where you get involved in casual dating but suddenly you’re jealous of other people who your person is seeing. You try to manipulate your romantic partners in order to feel in control of the relationship, a way for you to subtly self-sabotage your chances at happiness. You might mistake having a big ego for loving yourself, covering your deep-seated insecurities under a cocky attitude. The intensity of your emotions can scare you at times. You compare yourself to others because you fear truly loving yourself. You fear stability, you’re so used to living alongside chaos that you don’t know who you are without it – just the mere idea of sitting alone with your thoughts for a moment of peace can feel scary.
— THE SIXTH HOUSE: A fear that there’s no stability and peace in your day-to-day life because something’s disruptive is constantly happening. Your health doesn’t normally get bad but when it does, it’s awful. A feeling that you live life on survival mode. The death of a pet of your that deeply scarred you. Parents who tried to control you and every little habit of yours in your childhood. being constantly criticized; a feeling that you had to fit a certain image to please others. Being expected to always be at your prettiest and calmest, to be the adult among children, to take on the mature role. A fear that you’ll never be enough in your own eyes, a constant striving for perfection that only leaves you feeling more pained. a fear that you will never cease your need for control. A voice in your head that criticizes everything you do - you have become your own worst enemy. A fear that you’ll keep getting stuck with looking at the world through pessimistic eyes, eyes that have witnessed its cruelty. A fear of losing hope. A fear of not finding a job that fulfills your immense passion, and that you’ll always work too hard without getting the recognition for it. Coworkers who try to gain control over you, who belittle you and see you as their competition, who try to make your life living hell and who, in turn, discourage you from pursuing your career. Being overly sexualized at work. The feeling that it’s going to always be you to solve others’ problems and to be their savior, but at the end of the day, no one will be there for you. It’s like people already expect you to be the strong one so they don’t even ask if you need help. Having parent figures whose health is fragile so you have to take care of them, the feeling that you have to forget your own needs to take care of them.
— THE SEVENTH HOUSE: Always being the therapist friend, the one who holds others’ lives together. Parent figures who had a broken marriage; witnessing toxic relationships in your childhood that left you with a warped sense of what love means. The fear of getting into a relationship that mirrors the ones in your childhood; the fear of becoming just like your parent figures. Betrayal comes from those closest to you – your family members, your best friends, your romantic partners. Associating love with pain and grief and loss. The fear that no one will match your level of intensity and devotion in love, that you’re always going to get involved with people who are flaky, inconsistent, who betray your trust and who try to control you. The fear that you always attract the wrong type of people, that all your relationships are filled with power-struggles, possessiveness, drama and obsession rather than pure, healthy love. In the past, it might’ve been very difficult for you to feel fulfilled in a stable relationship, you always need it to be all-consuming and passionate but then, when it ended, you couldn’t even remember who you were before that person and the pain the end of the connection caused. You might’ve lost yourself and your sense of identity in relationships, giving your 100% to a partner who could only take and never give. Fear of abandonment, rejection, losing the people you love the most. Having been emotionally manipulated in relationships, used in your most vulnerable state.
— THE EIGHTH HOUSE: The death of a loved one that deeply scarred you, fear of intimacy all while feeling a compulsion to engage in it. Sexual experiences could’ve been traumaziting and like the other person was trying to take control of you during the act. There might be a fear of sex due to a fear of surrendering to someone else. Feeling a strong darkness inside of you that threatens to engulf you with every step you take. Fear of your deepest thoughts. Fear both of change and of not changing at all, you might constantly feel stuck, like you’re still holding on to the past when you know you should let go of it and stop giving it the power to control you. A feeling that everyone is always trying to take something from you, to impose themselves on you. Your parents might’ve taken away your money and possessions. A fear of “revealing” yourself to others, and at the same time, that no one will ever truly know you. Fear of someone taking power over you. A strong connection with death, fluctuates between fear of death and fascination with it. A fear from a young age that you only bring destruction wherever you go. Always feeling the need to run away when you get too close to someone, scared of becoming emotionally attached because you know that your love and loyalty knows no boundaries. These people often tend to experience an almost debilitating feeling of powerlessness throughout their childhood and adolescence that can have them stuck in the mentality of “I’m weak and I won’t ever rise above this”, and it takes them a lot to come out of their shell, to accept and embrace their power.
— THE NINTH HOUSE: Having been raised in an environment that didn’t allow you to express your beliefs and personal thoughts; parent figures who tried to control you and mold you however they saw fit into their puppet, parents who enforced their philosophies on you even though you didn’t agree to them. Having your power taken away in your childhood, feeling imposed on, restricted from your freedom, which now makes you feel paranoid everytime someone tries to constrict you in any possible way. Going through life with a “I’ve only got me, I can’t trust no one else” mindset, fear of letting people in due to how much you long to stay independent. You’re at your most self-destructive when you feel that someone is trying to hold you down, control you and manipulate your thoughts. You had to fight for your freedom and individuality so now you can’t stand that being taken away, which can result in a feeling of claustrophobia when in a long-term relationship and sabotaging everything to make sure the other person will leave you so you won’t havee to trust them, rely on them. The fear that your life will never have a purpose and that unpredictable, traumatic experiences will keep happening that completely change your mindset and sense of direction in life. The feeling that the universe purposelly fucks up your life and makes you go through pain in order to change and evolve. The fear that you’ll never be in any way stable and reliable because you go through constant transformations when it comes to your beliefs and thinking processes.
— THE TENTH HOUSE: Being treated like a product and not a person. You might’ve experienced hostility from those in power, as if they’re threatened by your potential and go out of their way to make you feel like you’re less than them. In your workplace, other coworkers treat you like their competition and like you don’t deserve the success you’ve been given, spreading rumours about you or talking shit about you to the boss. You might’ve experienced aggression from “masculine” figures (it doesn’t have to be specifically from men but from those who are agressive, powerful, dominant; those who are older and more “mature”), people who want to take control over you and manipulate you for their benefit. In your career, you can be objectified and perhaps others make you feel like you got the job simply because you’re attractive and not because you worked hard for it, undervaluing you and your efforts. A period in your childhood where authority figures didn’t believe you and ridiculed you when they should’ve listened to you. Having your power stripped away from you in your earlier years, making you crave to have control again – now, you want to be in charge, you want understanding, you want to be in control of yourself; but this can have you trying to exert power over others, manipulate them before they have the chance to manipulate you. You seek control in everything that surrounds you and that heightens your anxiety every time something doesn’t go according to your plans. A feeling that tragedy follows you around, a paranoia that things are going to go wrong any second now. A fear that you’ll always have your talents and habilities underestimated.
— THE ELEVENTH HOUSE: Betrayal from friendgroups, your earlier years might’ve been traumatizing when it came to friendships. It’s like people got close to you for the sole purpose of destroying your self-esteem, of discovering your secrets just so they could air them out to everyone you knew, or spreading rumors about you and wanting you to feel embarrassed/ridiculed of every step you took. It might’ve been very difficult for you to work on your self-esteem and it might still be an on-going battle, where you see yourself as worthless and like people will always use you as the butt of their jokes. Friends who invalidated your trauma, didn’t believe you and went out of their way to befriend the people who hurt you. You fear that you’ll never be able to fit in with the society where you live because your opinions are seen as too controversial and extreme when most of the time they can simply be progressive and open-minded. You might be surrounded by narrow-minded, prejudiced, conservative people. Your parent figures might ridicule your dreams and ambitions and make you feel like you’ll never achieve anything, that you’re too idealistic and delusional. You might feel like you had to disappoint your family in order to go down your own path because they didn’t support you and wanted you to follow in their footsteps. The suffering of the world might deeply affect you and you find yourself paralyzed by injustices that happened to other people as if you felt them in your skin yourself. You yearn for deep and intimate friendships but you might’ve been disappointed over and over again. You give yourself fully to the people in your lives to the point where they start taking you for granted.
— THE TWELFTH HOUSE: You notice even the subtlest changes in others’ behavior, how they said hi in a slightly different tone and what that might imply… being so perceptive of everything that’s going around you feels emotionally draining to the point where you’re left with your anxieties and paranoias of not being enough for others, believing you should be stronger, you should be more reliable, you should be easier to love. Your mind is your greatest enemy and when you sit alone with your thoughts, you hear all the self-doubt, guilt and fears that are threatening to destroy all chance for stability. You can have nightmares that fill you with stress, making you fear go to sleep and you can stay up all night because it’s the only time of the day where you can be by yourself without having to put a mask of happiness for others – during the day, you’re expected to take care of others, to save them, to put their needs above your own, but at night, you can finally breathe. Your childhood can be a blur of moments you can’t comprehend and things you’d rather forget, and you might’ve been ridiculed for your emotional sensitivity. You were told you’re too emotional, obsessive, stupid for giving your heart to the wrong people. You can be very self-destructive as a way to escape reality, wishing you could just turn your feelings off. You repress your emotions and bury them deep within yourself. You might’ve dealed with drug abuse and mental illness/people around you who struggled with it and it affected you deeply. You feel others’ pain as if it’s your own. You fear asking others for help, being seen as weak. You fear that you’ll never be in control of yourself, that your emotions will always be too intense.
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