FIRST DATES: WHO PAYS?
- equal opportunity dating -Â
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So the age-old debate continues, should a guy pick up thetab on a date? And here, Iâm referring to a first date. My answer -well duh dude. However, a few specific âexcusesâ Iâve heard from femalesas to why a woman should never pick up the tab truly irk me to the core - and need to be addressed.
âDo you know what it costs to look like this?â
This one baffles me because women are not the only ones whoinvest in their appearance. Women claim they spend hundred (nee,thousands!) of dollars in image upkeep, between salon visits, lingerie, and makeup. You get the idea. Call me simple, but I prefer a woman who is makeup and leggings free, over the girl that wears A) more makeup than a Kardashian and B) wears leggings everywhere besides the gym. Point being, I donât mind flaws. Actually, I prefer to see them so I can accurately gauge someone. Believe it or not, men DO care about their appearance. Do you think a perfectly trimmed beard, Italian loafers, and a custom three piece suit can be had at Supercuts and H&M? No, we dress to impress too and our looks are all premeditated and require some serious dough.
âMen should defiantly pay because they make more moneyâ
I will admit, that in an age of Tinder, texting, and booty calls, men MUST differentiate themselves by properly âcourtingâ a girl. Part of this experience includes paying for the first date, as old-fashioned as that may sound. But letâs be honest - dating ainât cheap. The standard used to be a dinner and a movie but that can easily wind up costing north of $150. For most young professionals, that is a lot to drop on someone you just met. There are a lot of guys (young and old) who can barely afford rent, let alone socks. No guy should have to live off Top Ramen for a month or max out his credit card to impress a girl. So remember sometimes the best date and most reasonable one is just a walk through the park or grabbing a coffee.
Men have two gifts to provide women - to protect and provide. Taking a girl out and picking up the tab is an easy way to partially demonstrate these gifts. But a woman must acknowledge this generosity through a simple âthank youâ, or to even âdo the danceâ and offer to pay. YES offer to pay! It used to be men ALWAYS paid for dates but yet again this occurred in an era where men also courted women based on their family dowries. Money will always matter in dating but try to eliminate it from the start; focus less on on dinner, drinks, and entertainment and more on getting to know the other person. Â
SHE/
This can be a loaded question, but the answer really is quite simple - Yes, a man should pay. Why? In the beginning, the man must be the pursuer and show an interest beyond just a casual fling.
Before anyone starts screaming about feminism and equal opportunity - I'm with you. I have never relied on a man for money, support, or to boost my self-confidence. I am fully able to "take care" of myself and consider my independence a source of deep pride and gratitude. I have an amazing mom to thank - she ingrained a wonderful sense of self-confidence in each of her three daughters. It's not a haughty, self-centered confidence, but a healthy respect of your self worth. If any man wants to spend time with me, they have to work for it. I am special enough - and so is every woman. Have the confidence to expect the best.
Iâve dated struggling artists, bartenders, younger guys, older guys, rich ones, poor ones, entrepreneurs, and musicians and on and on. Despite the profile, one aspect of dating became clear â when a man didnât step up to pay on a first date, the relationship never amounted to anything. Perhaps the guy was too young, inexperienced, rude, financially incapable - whatever the reason, it's not an excuse. And honestly, when a man doesn't step up, it makes me feel awkward. I know intrinsically he's not that into me. It's as simple as that ladies.
If someone isn't in a financial position to pay for a nice dinner, then ask me for a coffee â or a drink a dive bar, a walk in the park. It's not about spending money, but the experience. More important than the experience is the effort a man demonstrates. Effort is key.
Women may hate to admit it, but men want to pursue. It's ingrained in their DNA for better or worse. And part of pursuing is taking care of a woman with simple gestures such as picking up the tab.
If you find yourself gravitating towards men who do not make a demonstrated effort to spend time with you, do some self reflection as to why you allow such people into your life. Work on getting your internal house in order, and the men you attract will reflect your new self-confidence. And yes, they will pick up the tab, no questions asked. You deserve it.