Trying really hard

hi im holly im a wine mom except i dont drink and i have 0 kids

[kaliforhnia]

Tell him you’re excited to have his last name and then marry his brother

[cuteautumn]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[teesadutta]

[hotdaughter-deactivated20140329]

*adds like 30 question marks to things that arent even questions*

[completelywastedlight]

overhearing straight boys talk about girls is so terrifying

[suspend]

boys who arent afraid to tell u when they miss u are the best

[geothebio]

[piercedshut]

Reasons why ive been asked to leave class

i said that the government was a bunch of dick heads and we should all just set the white house on fire and kept calling students who tried to defend the government “dick heads in training”

brought 6 whole pizzas in their boxes to class and was blocking the view of students

I kept sneezing during a lecture

Got really mad at some guy who wouldnt shut the hell up behind me and was flirting with some girl so i told him to shut the fuck up and she doesnt want to suck your dick and to take his frat boy ass and move.

Was signing dirty words and funny shit to my deaf friend and making him laugh. But because he’s deaf he didnt realize how loud he was being. so we both got asked to leave

poured water on some kids test after i was done with mine because i saw him copying off me the whole time.

Kept cussing too much during a socratic seminar about censorship to prove a point. and when they got mad at me i said “You trying to censor my words?”

made toast

had a dog in my backpack and said i had to take him to the vet after the class and didnt have time to run home and get him. he puked on the floor. which is why he had to go to the vet.

[piercedshut]

wait i forgot the time i made a shirt with my professors face on in and the moment i walked in and before i even sat down he pointed to the door and said “for gods sake can we have one day without this shit?”

[hedgehogclouds]

I’ve been thinking about Earnest Hemmingway’s six word poem: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” and I actually really love it.The whole premise is that it tells a whole story in only six words.

The immediate thought I had was that its a sad story about a parent who either had a miscarriage or some other terrible accident, causing the baby shoes to never be worn.

However I just now thought it could also be a story of a privileged family who bought far too much for their child and the child could never wear everything the family bought.

This was a really weird moment because I had thought about this poem so much and only ever had one outlook until a minute ago. Im sure theres an actual meaning that Hemmingway stated but I just like to think about the implications anyway.

[pearlrebs-deactivated20170202]

“Sherlock is coming out on Friday” is such a weird thing to say that it doesn’t even register as fact to me

[esteroids]

why?

[gotitforcheap-deactivated201611]

[cyborgsmanifesto]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[4velitta4]

I feel like this could be useful in my future

[shouldnt]

WHERE DOES MY MONEY DISAPPEAR TO it’s like hocus pocus I am brokus.

[memeufacturing-deactivated20161]

find out your shitpost URL

birthday january: nut february: dong march: giraffe april: gogu may: anime june: jokes july: aaaaaaaaa august: police september: shit october: kinkshame november: kawaii december: fuck

first letter of first name a-c: smoker d-f: fucker g-i: succ j-m: puncher n-q: shamer r-u: phobe v: ender wxyz: eater

day of birthday 1-10: 69 11-20: 420 21-28: 666 29-31: 184847388467374

[brassandkickass]

my ritzy bits bring all the cats to the yard and they’re like tubbs has eaten it all

[clairesapphitz]

he was talking about when you’re a little kid but i relate to this as a college student