It was nearing two in the morning, the fluorescent lights buzzing softly overhead as rain continued to patter against the windows. Seoul never truly slept, but at this hour the city felt quieter, gentler.
You hadnโt planned on leaving the apartment, but sleep simply refused to come.
So now you found yourself wandering the narrow aisles in an oversized hoodie and baseball cap, with a black mask on praying not to be seen at a time like this.
absentmindedly dropping a few snacks, instant ramen, and a bottle of peach iced tea into a plastic basket.
The peach tea made you pause and your eyes lingered on it for a second too long.
Without thinking, you reached for another drink instead. Old habits were hard enough to break. Old memories were even harder.
The cashier was halfway through scanning your items when the automatic doors chimed.
You barely looked up, another customer.
Nothing unusual.
โโฆY/N?โ
Your stomach dropped, that voice. You turned slowly.
Jake stood just inside the doorway, rainwater dripping from the ends of his dark hair. He wore a black hoodie beneath an oversized jacket and a white mask pulled below his chin, clearly not expecting to recognize anyone at two in the morning.
For a second neither of you moved.
His eyes widened almost imperceptibly.
โJake.โ you said carefully hoping not to get caught by anyone given the fact that you still were supposed to stay away from all enhypen members
Your voice came out quieter than you intended and he offered an awkward smile.
โIโฆ wow.โ A nervous laugh escaped him.
โI didnโt think itโd actually be you.โ You returned a small, polite smile. โI could say the same.โ
The silence that followed wasnโt uncomfortable. Justโฆ unfamiliar.
It had been months.
Months since either of you had spoken outside of passing bows at award shows or carefully choreographed greetings whenever both groups occupied the same backstage hallway.
Jake shifted the basket in his hand โCouldnโt sleep?โ You glanced toward the ramen in your bag before letting out a small laugh.
โIs it that obvious?โ โA little.โ
He lifted his own basket. Energy drinks, Protein bars, Instant coffee.
โPractice?โ He nodded.
โFinished about an hour ago.โ โSo did we.โ
Another pause. โYou guys are killing it lately,โ Jake said sincerely. โThe comebackโs everywhere.โ
โThanks.โ
โYou deserve it.โ
You smiled, though it didnโt quite reach your eyes. โSo do you guys.โ
Jake scratched the back of his neck. โWeโre trying.โ
The cashier handed you your bag. โHave a good night.โ he says
โYou too,โ you answered automatically before turning back toward Jake.
โI should probablyโโ
โCan we..โ
He stopped himself.
His expression shifted.
The easy smile disappeared, something heavier settled across his face.
โโฆCan we talk for just a minute?โ You hesitated.
Every instinct told you no. Conversations connected to enhypen almost always led back to one person plus anytime enhypen was mentioned trouble followed.
โI donโt want to make things weird,โ Jake added quickly. โI promise.โ
You looked at him for another long second before giving a reluctant nod.
โA few minutes is all i have, i donโt want to get in troubleโ
The rain had eased into a light drizzle by the time the two of you stepped beneath the convenience store awning.
Cars hissed through puddles as they passed.
Neither of you spoke immediately. Jake rested his hands in his jacket pockets, staring out at the empty street.
โI wasnโt planning on bringing this up.โ
โYet here you are,โ you answered softly. He gave a defeated chuckle.
โFair.โ
Another silence settled between you long enough that you almost turned to leave.
Then
โHeโs not okay.โ Your shoulders stiffened.
You closed your eyes. โโฆJake.โ
โI know.โ His voice was gentle, โI know you donโt want to hear about him.โ
โI really donโt.โ
โI figured.โ He nodded once, accepting the answer. โIโm not here to convince you to go back to him.โ You finally looked over.
Jake wasnโt pleading, he wasnโt angry, If anything, he was just exhausted. โIโm not asking you to forgive him.โ
He swallowed. โI justโฆ I donโt know who else to talk to anymore.โ Your grip tightened around the plastic bag hanging from your wrist.
โWhat happened?โ Jake let out a slow breath.
โThe other nightโฆโ His eyes stayed fixed on the rain, โHe told me heโs thinking about leaving.โ
Your heartbeat stopped. โโฆLeaving what?โ
โThe company.โ
The words barely registered.
โโฆWhat?โ
โThe group.โ
Jakeโs voice cracked ever so slightly.
โHe thinks if he stops being an idolโฆ there wonโt be cameras following him anymore. No scandals. No fans attacking you.โ
He looked down at the pavement.
โHe thinks thatโs the only way heโd ever deserve another chance.โ
For several seconds you simply stared at him, the world around you faded into nothing but the sound of rain.
Finally, โNo.โ
Jake blinked. โWhat?โ
โNo.โ Your answer was immediate. Firm.
โIf thatโs why heโs thinking about quittingโฆโYou shook your head. โโฆabsolutely not.โ
A mixture of disbelief and frustration flashed across your face.
โHe worked his entire childhood for that.โ
โSo I told him.โ
โHe canโt throw away everything because of me.โ you start spiraling, โYou think I donโt know that?โ Jake rubbed a hand over his face.
โIโve been telling him for weeks.โ Your chest tightened painfully.
โHe doesnโt get to do that.โ
โHe says none of it matters anymore.โ
โYes, it does.โ Your voice cracked despite yourself, โIt matters.โ
Jake watched you carefully. โYou still care about him.โ
You laughed once,โIโll probably always care about him.โ
The admission hung between you. โBut caring about someone isnโt the same as being able to love them safely.โ
Jake didnโt argue, because he couldnโt, you looked out toward the rain, blinking hard.
โIf he quits because he thinks itโll fix everythingโฆโ Your voice fell almost to a whisper. โโฆheโs wrong.โ
Jake lowered his head. โI know.โ
You inhaled shakily. โWhen you see himโฆโYou stopped yourself.
Then Your eyes fell to the wet pavement. โโฆNo.โ
Jake waited,but you simply shook your head. โForget it.โ
Without another word, you adjusted the grocery bag in your hand. โI should go.โ
โY/N.โ Jake called out and you paused You paused. โThank youโฆ for listening.โ
You didnโt answer, you simply nodded once before stepping out into the rain.
The cold droplets soaked through your hoodie almost instantly. By the time you reached your apartment building, the groceries were forgotten in your hands.
The only thing echoing through your mind were the words you wished youโd never heard.
Heโs thinking about leaving.
And for the first time in seven monthsโฆ you found yourself opening his contact again.
anyways guys new update this chapter couldโve been better in my opinion๐ but this actually made me feel smth so i hope itโs enjoyable๐ฅน
um guys sorry if youโre trying to read toxic idol heeseung cs someone js told me part 2 got deleted? do you guys know if thereโs anyway i canโt fix that?
Your fingers trembled slightly as you clutched the phone tighter, your voice cracking with the weight of endless lectures and sleepless nights.
Finals were coming around the corner and you couldnโt have been more work crazy.
"I can't do this anymore, Jungwon," you said, pacing the cramped dorm room where scattered papers littered the floor and the air hung heavy with the bitter scent of burnt coffee.
You and Jungwon have been best friends for years. He would always be someone you could count on for anything, especially when youโre stressing about finals week.
The moonlight filtered weakly through half drawn blinds, casting long shadows over your unmade bed and the desk overflowing with highlighted textbooks while the lamp outshines the light.
Your shoulders ached from hunching over notes all day, and a dull throb pulsed behind your eyes, the stress coiling tight in your chest like a fist. Jungwon's voice came through steady and warm on the other end, promising he'd be right over with materials to help.
โDonโt fret, Iโm comingโ
The knock came minutes later, and you swung the door open to find him standing there, backpack slung over one shoulder and a reassuring smile softening his sharp features. Jungwon stepped inside, his lean frame filling the space with an easy confidence, dark hair slightly tousled from the wind outside partially covering his glasses.
"Let me help you study," he offered, setting his bag down and pulling out stacks of notes and thick volumes on advanced calculus and psychology theories. You both cleared a spot on the cluttered desk together, arranging everything in neat piles under the glow of your desk lamp, the pages crisp and promising under their hands. You watched him gratefully while organizing the materials.
Jungwon was hot of course, but you would never act on it, you never thought he would feel the same way. He practically acted like this with all his girls.
You sank into your chair with a heavy sigh, rubbing your temples as the tension from the day pressed down harder. "I've been stressed all day, Jungwon exams looming, no sleep, and this constant knot in my fucking stomach that won't let up,"
you admitted, your voice laced with frustration and vulnerability. โLike itโs genuinely over for me if I donโt pass this semester.
The room felt smaller now as you both focused on studying. Everyone once and a while you would find his caring gaze on you. Time and time again as he suggested they start with the basics. Jungwon leaned closer, his proximity offering support that cut through your exhaustion, his hand resting lightly on your arm as he suggested they what you should start off with.
His touch was nothing new to you, he was always touching.
Jungwonโs fingers lingered on your arm, warm and steady, before he pulled back just enough to flip open the first textbook with a soft rustle of pages. โfirst, limits and derivatives. Weโll tackle one problem at a time,โ he said, his voice low and encouraging, though the faint smirk tugging at his lips hinted at something more.
You nodded, trying to focus on the equations blurring before your eyes, but the knot in your stomach only tightened, your breath hitching every time anxiety spiked.
Everytime you got near him itโs like your sexual fantasies came to life in your head. Since Uni started itโs like Jungwon got this huge glow up and matured in every way possible. You were never able to keep your eyes off of him.
His knee brushed yours under the desk, a casual touch that sent an unexpected spark up your thigh, and you shifted in your chair, acutely aware of the heat radiating from his body so close to yours.
After a few failed attempts at reviewing the material your pen hovering uselessly over the page, mind racing with exam panic, Jungwon set his own notes aside and leaned in again, his dark eyes locking onto yours with that teasing glint. โThis isnโt working, is it? Youโre wound so tight you can barely breathe.โ
He paused, fingers tracing a slow circle on the back of your hand. โIโve got an idea for a better way to unwind. Something... physical. Just between us.โ The suggestion hung in the air, charged and unexpected, making your pulse quicken as playful banter slipped out naturally. โWhat, like wrestling the stress out of me?โ you quipped, voice breathy, but knowing what he meant deep down. This was your deepest fantasy but you wouldnโt ruin your relationship with him over a casual hookup.
His responding chuckle deepened, turning suggestive as he murmured, โMore like making you forget everything else until youโre moaning my name instead of worrying about grades.โ
Your cheeks flushed at the shift, the roomโs dim lamplight casting shadows that seemed to draw you closer, and anxietyโs grip loosened just enough for curiosity to bloom โWait what,โ you ask
Jungwonโs hand slid higher, brushing the curve of your waist as he stood and gently pulled you up from the chair, his body pressing near enough that you felt the solid line of him through his jeans. โLet me help you release it properly,โ he whispered against your ear, lips grazing the sensitive skin there, his assertive tone laced with care.
The textbooks lay forgotten as tension crackled between you, his touch igniting a different kind of heat low in your belly, promising relief far beyond any study session.
You shook your head, pulse hammering against your ribs as the suggestion settled between you like a live wire. โJungwon, weโre friends. Best friends. We canโt justโฆ cross that line because Iโm freaking out over exams.โ Shutting him down immediately knowing deep down this is what you wanted.
The words tumbled out shaky, your hands fidgeting with the hem of your shirt while your body betrayed you by leaning infinitesimally closer. He pulled back at once, giving you space, his expression softening with that familiar care even as his eyes stayed dark with heat.
โOkay,โ he murmured, voice low and even, though the corner of his mouth curved in that teasing lilt you knew too well. โIf thatโs what you want. Iโll sit right here and weโll stare at derivatives until your brain melts. But youโre flushed all the way down your neck, Y/N, and your thighs are pressed so tight I can see the tension. Tell me you donโt feel it too.โ
He stayed true to his word at first, easing his chair an inch away, yet his fingers trailed lightly along the edge of the desk, brushing the outside of your knee in passing ,accidental, yet deliberate enough to spark another rush of warmth low in your belly. โFriends comfort each other,โ he added, tone playful now, the dominant edge threading through the tease. โAnd right now your bodyโs screaming for something better than panic. Imagine my hands instead of these notes, sliding up your thighs, spreading you open on this desk so I can taste how wet you already are for me. No pressure, though. We can pretend I never said it.โ Your breath caught, the denial cracking under the vivid picture his words painted; the knot in your stomach loosened into something molten, curiosity and need tangling until the word โstopโ refused to form.
โI just donโt want anything to change between usโ You say trembling under his touch. โNothing has to. I just want to make you feel better, we can go back to normal I swearโ He says
The silence stretched, thick with the scent of old paper and his warm cologne, until your hand reached out on its own, catching his wrist and tugging him back into your space. โFine,โ you whispered, voice husky with the surrender, โjustโฆ help me forget.โ
Jungwonโs smile turned predatory yet tender as he rose, pulling you up with him so your bodies aligned, his palm cupping the swell of your breast through your thin top, thumb circling your nipple until it peaked. He guided you back against the desk, papers scattering as he stepped between your legs, one hand already working the button of your jeans open while his mouth claimed yours in a slow, claiming kiss that tasted like relief. โThatโs it,โ he breathed against your lips, fingers dipping beneath the fabric to stroke the damp heat of your folds circling your clit with deliberate pressure. โLet me take care of you.โ
His words sent a shiver racing down your spine as his fingers slipped deeper between your folds, stroking the slick heat of your pussy with slow, deliberate circles that made your hips twitch forward instinctively. โGod, youโre dripping all over my hand already, tell me how bad you need this,โ Jungwon growled against your lips, his voice thick with raw emotion and lust.
You gasped against his mouth, the kiss turning hungry and wet as his tongue slid against yours, tasting the lingering bitterness of coffee and the sharp edge of your need, tears pricking your eyes from the overwhelming mix of love and desire surging between you. โFuck, Jungwon, I need you so deep inside me, ruin me, please,โ you moaned brokenly, the confession spilling out like a desperate plea that bonded your hearts even tighter in this forbidden moment.
โLook at you,โ he chuckles โspeaking all dirty for me.โ
Jungwonโs free hand tugged your top upward, exposing the soft swell of your breasts, and he palmed one fully, taking the other one in his mouth, rolling over the stiffened nipple while his other fingers dipped lower to press inside you, two thick digits curling just right against that sensitive spot that had your knees buckling.
The desk creaked under your weight as he eased you back further, scattering more papers, his body crowding between your thighs so you could feel the hard ridge of his cock straining against his jeans, pressing insistently against your inner thigh. โLook at you, so fucking wet and desperate for your best friendโs cock. Say it, baby, tell me you want me to fuck this tight little pussy until you forget everything but us,โ he demanded hoarsely, eyes shining with fierce tenderness and hunger.
โFuck, how can you be so wet for me,โ he murmured, โIs this what you wanted all these years? Huh?โ he murmured, voice rough with approval, lips trailing down your neck to suck a mark just above your collarbone.
He withdrew his fingers only to yank your jeans and panties down in one impatient tug, dropping to his knees right there in the dim lamplight. The sight of him looking up at you with dark, caring eyes sent fresh arousal pooling between your legs; he spread you open with gentle hands on your thighs, then leaned in to drag his tongue flat over your clit in a long, savoring lick that made your head fall back.
โThis pussy tastes so sweet, gonna make you scream my name while I eat you out, my love,โ he rasped between licks, voice cracking with emotion. Jungwon ate you out with focused intensity, sucking the swollen bud between his lips, tongue flicking rapidly while two fingers pumped steadily into your clenching pussy, the wet sounds filling the room alongside your broken moans. โOh god, yes, right there wonnie fuck me with your tongue, Jungwon, Iโm yours forever,โ
He chuckles at the way youโre falling apart right in front of him.
you cried out, hips bucking wildly as pleasure and love intertwined in a storm of feeling. Pleasure coiled tight and hot in your belly, chasing away every trace of exam anxiety, your hands fisting in his hair as you rocked against his face, thighs trembling around his shoulders, sobs of ecstasy mixing with declarations of devotion.
He rose again after you came once, lips shiny and eyes gleaming, quickly shucking off his own clothes to reveal the lean, toned lines of his body and the thick, flushed length of his cock curving upward. โWatch me fill you up, baby, gonna pound this dripping cunt until youโre shaking and begging for more,โ he whispered emotionally, voice laced with dirty promises that made your heart race.
Jungwon gripped your hips and thrust into you in one smooth glide, filling you completely with a shared groan that echoed the deep emotional pull between youโbest friends crossing into something raw and perfect. โYes, fuck, your cock feels so good stretching me, harder, Jungwon, claim me,โ you sobbed, tears of overwhelming love and pleasure streaming down your cheeks. He set a steady, powerful rhythm, each snap of his hips grinding against your clit while he murmured encouragements โThatโs it, let go for me, Iโve got youโ
his hands roaming your breasts and waist with possessive tenderness, interspersed with filthy whispers โTake every inch like the perfect slut for me, my everything.โ
The second orgasm built fast and sharp, your walls fluttering around him as he angled deeper, hitting that spot over and over until you shattered again, crying out his name. โCome on my cock, baby milk me while I tell you how much I love this tight pussy,โ he urged, thrusts growing erratic with passion.
He followed soon after, burying himself to the hilt with a low curse, pulsing hot inside you as he held you close through the aftershocks, both of you breathing hard amid the scattered notes and forgotten textbooks, hearts pounding in unison as whispered
โRelieved now?โ He laughs breathlessly โmhmโ you manage to get out.
โstill friendsโ you both reassure each other at the same time, but no one really believed that, did they?
๐ซง: hi guys this is something i wrote in like an hour tbh it isnโt that good but I just felt like blessing with a post.. a little different from what I usually post but itโs ok๐ค hope you enjoy
Hi guysss Iโm out of my writing block period sooooo iโm going to try and spam write as much as I can but lowk donโt know what to write ab.. Some of you could drop some suggestions that would be great tysm๐ค
ps: itโs my birthday so consider this post a gift from me to you so we all can celebrate!
Seven months.
That was the amount of time you hadnโt spoken to Heeseung. That was the exact amount of time it took for the internetโs collective amnesia to kick in, for the death threats in your request folders to morph into praise, and for KATSEYEโs charts to skyrocket into the stratosphere, you guys were bigger than ever.
Paris Fashion Week had been a so much fun with the amazing outfits and the amazing people, the rumors about the Met Gala invitation were turning from whispered industry gossip into concrete email threads in your managerโs inbox, and the group was, by all definition, thriving. You were surviving. More than surviving, but even more you were flawless.
Tonight, sitting in the back of a blacked out van exhausted from promotion of your latest comeback. Silence cutting through the soaked rain of Seoul after a late night recording session and rehearsal, the silence inside your custom brand partner ship noise canceling headphones felt heavy. It felt like water filling up a room.
Your thumb hovered over your phone screen. The screen was blank, but the ghost of a notification from three days ago seemed burned into the liquid crystal display.
Just saw the new teaser. You look beautiful.
Y/N. Please tell me youโre eating well.
You didnโt reply. You hadnโt replied in two hundred and ten days.
Cutting it off with Heeseung definitely helped with all the pain and guilt that came with the relationship.
Truth is you didnโt completely avoid him. You still saw him at award shows and brand events. The most recent view of him was at the Prada fashion show since both enhypen and katseye were ambassadors.
Every time you guys would find yourself in the same room, you would try your best to avoid eye contact. Looking at him would mean all the feelings would come flooding back into your memory only leaving you more hurt than you were.
But that wasnโt the case for him. Anytime time he could he would stare daggers into you. Like you were the only person in the room hoping he would get a look back but never did. You would feel it though every time. Itโs kind of hard to avoid the feeling of a cold stare especially when you know that cold stare really well.
Your heart still beats for him for sure, but the hate just got better and youโve gotten everything youโve ever wanted in life at this point. Getting back with him would change that.
Heeseung loved hard, but he loved like a drowning man, clutching at you so tightly that both of you were dragged beneath the surface.
His texts back then had been a barrage of hyper fixated checking in, fueled by the toxic idol culture that dictated you couldn't be seen within ten feet of another male artist without a scandal breaking the internet. Every time the rumor would randomly spark back up, he retreated into a shell of dark, quiet paranoia, knowing that it would cause you more pain and that was the last thing he wanted.
"We would never be able to work out," you had texted while he was in that cramped, rented apartment basement he used for late-night producing. The air had smelled like old coffee and damp carpet. "I cannot physically put myself through that againโ you sent the other text.
He had looked at them with those wide, bloodshot eyes, his fingers dug so deep into his own palms they left crescent marks. "Donโt say that," he replied his hands trembling . "Y/N, please. Donโt say that"
But he couldn't change the world. And you couldn't keep breaking your own bones just to fit into his pocket. So, you left.
Now, the van finally came to a halt outside the complex you shared with the girls. Your phone buzzed in your palm, not a text, just a calendar alert for tomorrow's early morning choreography rehearsal.
Stepping out into the cool Seoul air, the rain pricked your skin. You pulled your baseball cap down lower. Inside the apartment, the living room was quiet, the other girls already asleep after their own grueling schedules. You walked past the mirrors lining the hallway, then find your way to your room for the time being.
You sat on the edge of your bed, the city lights reflecting off the ceiling like water ripples. You pulled up his contact info. You hadn't blocked him, you couldn't bring yourself to do it, a final, pathetic weakness you hated yourself for.
The chat history was a monologue of regret.
(2 weeks ago): I passed by the old convenience store today. They still have those specific peach drinks you liked. I bought two without thinking. Iโm sorry.
(1 month ago): The noise doesnโt stop. The only time it was quiet was when I was next to you. Iโm so sorry for how I acted. I was terrified of losing you, and I ended up driving the knife in myself.
Your chest tightened, a familiar, dull ache radiating beneath your ribs. You remembered the way his hands used to shake when he was tired, the way he would press his forehead against your shoulder and just breathe you in like you were his only anchor to reality. He was a brilliant, tragic boy trapped in a machine that didn't care about his soul, and you had been his only sanctuary, it was really good, but when it was bad it was really bad.
Memory flood when you think about the times he would call you drunk in another girls bed, or when you couldnโt go to rehearsal dressed a certain way even though you were just around girls, and even when he punched your best friend in the face for being near you which didnโt happen too long ago.
But at this point you couldn't be a savior anymore. You had to save yourself first.
You locked the phone, tossing it onto the mattress, and pulled the covers over your head, trying to drown out the memory of his voice chanting your name like a prayer in the dark.
heeseung pov
The practice room lights were too bright. They always were. They caught every bead of sweat, every mistimed step, every jagged edge of his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors.
Heeseung sat against the back wall, his knees pulled to his chest, a half-empty bottle of electrolyte drink rolling between his sneakers. Around him, the rest of ENHYPEN was winding down, laughing quietly, gathering their gear to head back to the dorms.
He felt entirely, utterly hollow. Like an empty shell that someone had scrubbed raw.
Seven months without her. Seven months of watching her face on billboards in Times Square, on the screens of luxury boutiques in Gangnam, on every major music chart across the globe. She was magnificent. She was soaring. And every single time he saw her smile in an interview, a cold, heavy stone settled deeper into his stomach: She is happier without you.
He pulled out his phone. His fingers moved on instinct, opening their chat. A sea of blue bubbles on his side, an unreadable wall of silence on hers. He knew he was being pathetic. He knew his texts bordered on harassment, but the desperation inside him was a living, breathing thing that clawed at his throat until he let it out through his thumbs.
Iโm losing my mind, Y/N. I donโt care about the music anymore if I can't share it with you. Please just send a single dot. Just let me know youโre alive.
He didn't send it. He erased it, character by character, his chest heaving with a silent, ragged breath. He settled for something simpler, something that wouldn't make him look entirely unhinged, even though he was.
Itโs raining here. I hope youโre staying warm.
The dorm was silent by 3:00 AM. Practice had finally finished after ages and Heeseung couldn't sleep; his mind was a hyperactive loop of every cruel word heโd ever said to her, every time his own anxiety had turned into an interrogation, every time he had made his own pressure her problem to bear. He had been toxic. He saw it now with a terrifying, crystal-clear clarity. He had been so consumed by the fear of losing her to the industry that he had suffocated the very life out of her.
He walked out to the small balcony, the cold rain misting over his face.
"You're going to catch a cold, Hyung."
Heeseung didn't turn around. He knew the voice. Jake stood in the doorway, a dark hoodie pulled over his messy hair, holding two mugs of warm tea.
He walked over, leaning his forearms against the railing next to Heeseung.
"You're thinking about her again,arenโt you?" Jake stated, not unkindly. It wasn't a question. Everyone in the group knew. They had watched Heeseung turn into a ghost over the past half-year, his weight dropping, his eyes constantly fixed on a horizon no one else could see. Even the fans noticed.
"I can't breathe here, Jake," Heeseung said, his voice barely a whisper against the wind. His fingers gripped the stone railing until his knuckles turned white. "Every song we sing, every stage we do... it just feels like a reminder of what we both traded away to get here. I traded her and she traded
me.โ
Jake sighed, a heavy, sympathetic sound. "You didn't trade her, Heeseung. The situation was impossible. You both were breaking."
"I broke her," Heeseung corrected fiercely, a sudden, raw spike of emotion cutting through his usual lethargy. He turned to Jake, his eyes wide and burning with a terrifying, desperate light. "Iโm thinking about leaving."
The silence that followed was deafening. Jake froze, his mug halfway to his mouth. "What did you just say?"
"Iโm thinking about leaving the group. Leaving the company. Giving it up." Heeseungโs voice didn't waver now; it was steady with the terrifying calm of a man who had already reached the end of his rope.
"If Iโm not an idol, thereโs no scandal. There are no cameras following me. No fans threatening her life. I can just go to her. I can knock on her door as a nobody, throw myself at her feet, and beg her to let me just be near her. I don't need the fame, Jake. I need her."
Jake grabbed Heeseungโs shoulder, his grip tight, almost painful. "Are you out of your mind? Heeseung, look at me. You've given your entire life to this. The group needs you. You love the musicโ"
"I love her more," Heeseung interrupted,
a single tear finally cutting through the grime of sweat and rain on his cheek. His voice cracked, dropping into a deep, groveling plea directed not just at Jake, but at the universe. "I would crawl through broken glass just to hear her say my name without fear in her voice again. Iโll give it all away, Jake. I swear to God, Iโll give it all away if it means sheโll let me love her the right way this time."
Jake looked at his friend, seeing the absolute ruin of a man who had everything the world wanted, but nothing of what he actually needed. He didn't have an answer. He could only hold onto his shoulder as Heeseung buried his face in his hands, finally breaking apart in the quiet, unforgiving dark.
hihi guys first writer chapter..? i think anyway. um excuse my writing i tried my best to get this out here so if it looks shitty, donโt mind. Also pkg my team got disqualified from the world cup today๐ but i guess thatโs fine we made history today anyway. rooting for france from here on out๐ค ok guys bye bye iโm going to celebrate now!
holy shittt two post in one day..๐ค๐ค i might post again today lowk it is 3 am where im at so once i get some rest another chapter should be out also if youโre ready my other smau about jake donโt worry i will show it some love in a couple days๐ um i may add a few more chapters too idk tho i donโt have anything planned i js go with the flow so i will let you guys know ofc!!
wowww post back to back crazy crazy!! also thank you so fucking much for 100 followers holy shit i didnโt think this story would get so much attention but iโm extremely grateful!
um hi guys i didnโt know that my grammar was so shit in my writing from yesterday๐ซฉ iโm sorry like i couldnโt even tell you what most of them say so once again sorry ๐ซฉ
The moment the reality finally sinks in, you break.
You sit on the edge of your bed with Charlotteโs text still open on your phone, tears streaming down your face so fast you can barely see the screen anymore. Your chest aches from trying to hold everything in. The anger. The humiliation. The fear.
An temporary hiatus.
One stupid meeting had cost you everything. It was only temporary sure but this was your everything.
You bury your face in your hands, but it doesnโt help. The sob that escapes your throat is loud enough that even you hear it through the ringing in your ears.
A few seconds later, thereโs a knock at your bedroom door.
โY/N?โ You donโt answer, another knock.
โY/N, are you okay?โ
The concern in the voice only makes you cry harder.The door slowly opens.
The first thing you see is Laraโs worried expression. Behind her are the rest of the members, all looking like theyโve just been woken up.
The second they see your face, every trace of sleep disappears.โOh my God.โ
Sophia rushes forward immediately and sits beside you on the bed. While Manon crawls in too.
โWhat happened?โ
You canโt even speak. You simply hand her your phone.
The room grows silent as she reads the messages.
Then her eyes widen. โWhat the hell?โ
The others gather around.
One by one, they read Charlotteโs text.
The reactions are immediate.
โAre they serious?โ
โA hiatus?โ
โOver one meeting?โ
โThey canโt do that.โ
But everyone knows they can , and they did.
You wipe at your face angrily.
โThey already made the decision. I have a meeting in a couple weeks to decide how to move forward i guess.โ
Nobody knows what to say after that.
For a moment, the room is filled with nothing but silence and the occasional sniffle from you.
Then Megan wraps an arm around your shoulders.
โItโs going to be okay.โ You immediately shake your head.
โNo, itโs not.โ Your voice cracks. โMy career is basically over.โ
โNo it isnโt,โ Daniela says firmly.
โIt feels like it is. The second they make that announcement on Weverse everyoneโs gonna know why.โ
You stare down at your lap.
The tears have slowed, but the anger remains.
Itโs growing stronger with every second and eventually it boils over. Your mind traces back to what Charlotte said earlier about Heeseung
โI hate him.โ The room falls quiet.
You donโt have to explain who youโre talking about, everyone knows.
โHe got off completely fine.โ
Your hands clench into fists.
โNo hiatus. No punishment. Nothing.โ
โY/Nโโ Sophia starts carefully.
โNo.โ
You shake your head. โIt was his idea.โ
The words spill out before you can stop them.
โHe begged me to meet so he could apologize.. I reminded him I wasnโt supposed to speak to him but no, he wonโt ever take that from an answer.โ
You laugh bitterly. โNow look where I am.โ
Nobody interrupts.
Nobody argues.
They simply let you vent.
โHeโs probably sleeping right now without a care in the world while Iโm sitting here wondering if everything Iโve worked for is gone.โ More tears slide down your cheeks.
โI trained for years.โ Your voice breaks again.โYears.โ
The members exchange glaces because they know youโre hurting.
Lara moves closer and takes your hand.โ I donโt think you actually hate him.โ
You look up immediately. โYes, I do.โ
She gives you a look, the kind that says she doesnโt believe you.
โI think youโre angry.โ
โObviously Iโm angry.โ
The room falls silent again. You are angry. The blood in your body is practically boiling at the moment.
Youโre angry at the company, youโre angry at the rules, youโre angry at yourself for agreeing to go, and youโre angry that one choice changed everything.
And maybe youโre angry at Heeseung too because right now itโs easier than feeling scared.
But you canโt help to blame yourself as-well. You know not to meet with him. That there would be consequences
Sophia reaches over and gently wipes away a tear that slips down your cheek.
โListen to me.โ You reluctantly look at her.
โThis isnโt the end.โ
โIt feels like it.โ
โI know.โ She squeezes your shoulder. โBut it isnโt.โ
The others nod in agreement. โYou have fans.โโYou have us.โ โYou have your talent.โ They all chime in one by one.
Daniela points toward your desk where pages of lyrics and notes are scattered everywhere.
โA hiatus doesnโt erase any of that.โ
For the first time all night, you donโt immediately argue.
Because a small part of you wants to believe her.
Even if the rest of you canโt.
The members stay in your room for hours after that, they sit around your bed sharing stories, making jokes, and doing everything possible to distract you.
Eventually, around three in the morning, your tears stop.
The ache in your chest remains, but itโs duller now.
Less sharp and less overwhelming.
As you look around at the girls gathered in your room, something loosens inside you.
The future is still terrifying.
Tomorrow is still waiting.
The hiatus is still real.
But for tonight, at least, youโre not facing it alone.
And somehow that makes it a little easier to breathe.
___________________
Yay! Iโm back๐ค So sorry for keeping you waiting almost a month my goodness but iโve been grinding on summer courses so i havenโt had anytime to put effort into this smau but at least iโve spoiled you guys a bitโฆ any way pls reblog and like๐ alsooo im expanding my tag list so lmk. ALSO (sorry) My format keeps changing so if you notice thatโฆ no you didnโt๐คซ
GENRE/CW: smut, angst, fluff if you squint, porn with plot, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), semi-public sex, car sex, shower sex, oral (fem receiving), fingering, marking, dry humping, slight choking, making out, multiple orgasms, mentions of jealousy, possessiveness, mentions of racing, smoking, drugs, cops. lmk if i missed anything!
WORD COUNT: 26.5k words
SYNOPSIS: You return home after three years of exile only to find your brotherโs cocky best friend Jay still acting like he belongs more than you ever did. What starts as pure hatred and endless fighting quickly turns into something dangerously addictive, but the real question is, how long before you stop pretending you want him gone?
A/N: hihi loves <3 happy jay birth omgg <3 all likes, comments, reblogs are highly appreciated! it keeps me motivated! iloveyou all and happy reading <3
Familiarity was a curse you couldnโt quite grasp.
Being trapped into a series of situations where non-familiar grounds made you feel more at ease than the comfort of your home messed you up more than youโd like to admit, granted, you wanted to label it as the worst experience of your life. Was it because it made you miserable for three years of your lifeโthe life where you were supposed to be enjoying your Uni like a normal young adult?ย
Or because your family sent you away with simply one thing in mindโyour uncanny behaviour, which only stemmed with neglect they provided you with, so, who was to blame for this?
The answer was clear in their faces, filled with tremendous guilt of not being able to take the right decision. Three years had passed by, and it was time for you to be home. It was faintly surprising when you found your favourite childhood dishes ready on the tableโyour brother pulling you into a hug that you couldnโt quite accept without feeling awkward. Sunghoon despised what the situation had come down to, but he was ready to give you the time to adjust.ย
Your parents were the next to engulf you in a bigger embrace, โwe missed you,โ your dad mumbled, making you chuckle at the fact that it was indeed too late to say it.ย
โHave you not been eating well?โ Your mother asked, scanning your face with such delicacyโreminding you of your childhood.ย
โI have,โ you replied simply, trying to get out of the situation without causing more drama, โIโll go freshen up first.โ
You moved past them swiftly, grabbing your luggage, but your brother was quicker to carry it to your room, oh wow, now everyone wished to be nice to you? You bit the inside of your cheek, walking up to your room, completely missing the presence of another person in the house as he chose to stare at you from the sidelines.ย ย
The place was different now, having undergone a few renovations here and there, but your room remained untouched to maintain the sanctity of it. Nothing had really changed per se, but everything had. Yet, you had the luxury to find humour in it, in privacy at least, because your mouth worked faster than your brain in public. Which is exactly why you took your sweet time to rest in your room, till a solid knock on your door took away that peace.ย
You were pissed, reading the well decorated journal youโd somehow managed to keep when you still had the gentle thoughts within you. Now? Not so much. Each turn of the page had you laughingโmourning the person you used to be and what you got roped into, finger caressing every word of that one page which you wanted to rip apart, but also shove it deep into your memory, not wanting to face the consequences of relieving it.ย
Regardless, you stood up with a groan, expecting it to be your brother calling you for dinner simply because you had lost the track of your time wrapped up in the blue coloured bubble. You didnโt even realize you had a nasty frown on your face as you managed to open the door with too much force.ย
โWelcome back.โย
The scoff that left your mouth was loud, coming across the man, the voice you didnโt wish to hear again. Of course he was here, why were you even surprised when this man was more a part of your family than you were? He fit in perfectly, as if he was the child your parents had wanted all along.ย
He leaned against the door with ease, running a hand through his hair, feigning boredom at your reaction of absolute disbelief, the cockiness surrounded him like spikes, reaching close enough to pop that very bubble youโd been resting in, and you hated it, you hated him for taking away everything youโd never gotten a chance to explore.ย
Jay stared at you without any shame, as if youโd been the one intruding his me time, making you shake your head, tongue poking your cheek with annoyance bubbling through. It was the same look he had a few years back, when youโd try to act tough in front of him and heโd see straight through it in seconds, and the worst part was that he still looked just as sure of himself now, like three years hadnโt done a thing to shake his confidence in knowing you, if he knew you at all, that is.ย
โYour parents mustโve kicked you out of your place, granted you still spend all your time here, like a dog we didnโt ask for,โ you crossed your arms, watching him sucking on a lollipop with amusement, as if he knew youโd snap the second youโd see him.ย
โYou sure about that?โ He whispered, stepping in as you stood in your place, not wanting to provide him with the satisfaction of getting to you, โyโknow, this dog knows this house better than you do.โ
It was to provoke you, yes, but that was enough to make you laugh in his face, unimpressed at the new low heโd sunk to.ย
โYeah, so fucking move, or did you forget how the doors work while I was gone?โ You deadpan.ย
โNo, but I did forget how bad your attitude issues are,โ he raised his brows, โthought youโd come back more gentle, dainty even.โ
โAw? Sorry Mr. Park Iโm not altering my personality to fit yours, go find someone else to bother.โ You provided him with a clipped smile that held no respect whatsoever, not that he deserved it anyway.ย
He lets go of the lollipop with a smack, wetting his bottom lip as he stared at you yet again, as if pondering on whether he should push more or just see you break without saying anything, because goshโyou hadnโt changed at all, those years away meant absolutely nothing, if anything, youโd gotten worse with your walls up high, having no space to break in, no, now you talked back freely, effectively pushing him out physically and emotionally.
It was a given that he wasnโt going to move, and you rolled your eyes at the audacity of this man who just happened to be your brotherโs best friend. With how close they were, anyone couldโve mistaken them for being boyfriends. When he still didnโt move, didnโt speak, you started pushing the door shut in his face.ย
You barely register his arm coming full force to hold the door open, not budging, making you realize that he had indeed changed, that once lanky nerd now stood up straight and strong, veins prominent on his pathetically big arms. You try again, and he laughs, he actually fucking laughs out loud at the poor attempt, vaguely surprised at how youโre not holding back, you genuinely want him gone.ย
โY/N! Jay!โ You mom calls out from the kitchen, and your hold falters at how she took your name firstโa thing that you did not expect.ย
Itโs stupid, really, the way your grip loosens like that, like your body reacted before your pride could catch up, and you hate that he notices it, because of course he does, of course his eyes drop for half a second to your hand on the door and then back to your face as he stood right in front of you, stopping the door before it hits you.ย
โFucking leave already,โ you muttered, head hurting now as you turned around.ย
He chuckled, โwhat? Gave up already?โ
โYou canโt be that bored, Jay,โ you sighed, โgo bother your boyfriend instead.โ
Just as you walked outside, you felt his hand wrapping around your wrist, pulling you back against his chestโsomething you did not expect, a groan leaving your mouth at the impact, barely registering the movement at first, โthe fuck?โย
โAre you gonna leave again?โ He murmured, breathing against the shell of your ear.ย
You thrashed in his hold, โlet me go before I call Hoon,โ you clenched your jaw, warning him but he found it amusing.ย
โCโmon, I mean no harm here, yeah? Just answer my question and you get to go, baby,โ he whispered, you could hear the smile in his voice.ย
โWho the fuck do you think you are?โ You managed to push him off, chest heaving.ย
โPark Jongseong,โ he shrugged, and you were annoyed at how he didnโt lose composure no matter what he did.ย
โYeah no fucking shit idiot,โ you sneered, โand you have no right to ask me that when you were the damn reason why I had to leave in the first place.โ
That was the first time he diverted his gaze, that being enough of a reaction for you cause god, you did hate him and had no intentions of letting him get in your way again. If you could, youโd just slap him off his high horse and watch him fall with nothing but pure satisfaction on your face, and just like him, you wouldnโt feel an ounce of guilt within you.ย
โDinnerโs getting cold!โ Your mother called again, the clatter of cutlery following, making your head hurt even further.ย
Jay cleared his throat first, stepping back as if nothing had just happened, running a hand through his hair, staring at you with the same infuriating ease that got you worked upโnot in a good way, never in a good way, and you simply scoffed at the lack of reply, as if he didnโt admit to your accusation by any means.ย
But his eyes said it all.ย
โAfter you,โ he gestured toward the stairs, jaw tight.ย
You stared at him for a second too long, clicking your tongue before brushing past him without another word, making sure to bump into him hard enough he stumbles back, eyes still on your figure heading downstairs, โahโfuck,โ he mumbled under his breath.ย
Things werenโt any better at the dining table with Jay sitting right in front of you, grinning at the joke your father made. It was endearing how your family tried to make everything seem okay, but it wasnโt a one day process and they seemed to realize it too.
โThere you are,โ Sunghoon had said, smiling, standing up slightly as if he might hug you again before thinking better of it, ruffling your hair as if that was any better, earning a punch on his arm for messing up your hair, still happy to have you around finally, initiating small talk.ย
โHow was the Uni?โ You father asked, granted you had stopped contacting them after a while.
โIt was busy,โ you replied, and technically you werenโt lying, the classes did keep you busy, amongst the other activities you took part in.ย
You stiffened the second you felt a feeling creep up your leg, a slow brush against your ankle. It happened again, more deliberate this time, his shoe nudging lightly against your calf before retreating as though he were gauging your reaction. You kept your expression blank, lifting your glass calmly, eyes fixed ahead at the man who made your blood boil.ย
Across from you, Jay looked perfectly composed, nodding at something your father had said, offering a quiet laugh to humour everyone. If anyone looked at him, they would see nothing unusual, of course, they trusted him too much anyway.ย
โDonโt,โ you mouthed, jerking your chin forward to the food so that he focused on eating.ย
His grin widened, and you swore you were one touch away from kicking him, which surprise surprise, is exactly what you did when his leg started trailing up, and you fucking hated how a shiver went up your spine at that measly touch, a choked laugh leaving your mouth as he grimaced.
Sunghoon paused mid sentence at the sound that slipped out of you, brows lifting. โWhat?โ
You cleared your throat quickly, lifting your glass to drink some juice, โnothing.โ
Jay had already withdrawn his leg, adjusting in his seat as if nothing had happened, glaring at you right after and didnโt bother sparing him a glance.
โHow were your grades?โ Your father asked.
โGood,โ you replied, even though they had seen your grades already.ย
โWeโre proud of you,โ your mother said softly.
The words sat strangely in your chest. You nodded once, not trusting yourself to elaborate further, and fuck, why were you so emotional today? All over the place and it was just your first day back.
Under the table, Jayโs foot nudged yours again, not teasing this time, just a brief press before he pulled away. You looked up sharply, but he was already listening to Sunghoon, expression composed, as though he hadnโt done anything at all, asshole.ย
You set your fork down soon after, โIโm tired.โ
โYou barely ate,โ your mother frowned.
โIโm fine, mum, the food was amazing, thank you.โ
You stood before anyone could insist otherwise. Sunghoon looked like he wanted to follow, but he stayed seated when you shook your head lightly. As you stepped into the hallway, you heard the scrape of a chair a moment later.
Jayโs voice came quietly from behind you, โthat kick hurt yโknow?โ
You didnโt turn around, โyou shouldโve learned by now.โ
After getting no reply, you started walking again, ready to sleep, mull over your day and frost into dreamland, shaking Jayโs scent off your mind and body, but he didnโt want that.ย
โStay,โ he said finally, softer than before, โat least this time.โ
Your fingers tightened around the railing as you climbed the stairs, eyes closing at the tone, โthat depends on me, not you,โ you replied without looking back.
And you left him standing there, jaw clenched at how ignorant and distant youโd been, and he knew that he deserved it.ย
Two days had went by and you were frustrated being confined in your room, it was your own decision yes, however it was better than going down and interacting with the man who had forgotten he had his own home to go back to. It did get better when your mother had come up to check up on youโand fuck, you missed being taken care of, missed being the daughter who was loved unconditionally each passing day.ย
However, Jay was adamant about bothering you, the lunch being full of him reminiscing about the old days, to the point he made your father bring out old albums just so he could see how you were as a kid. It was odd how he smiled at a certain picture of you and Sunghoon playing in the tent house you owned, but you knew better to mistake it for fondness, he was too good at acting anyway.ย
He was simply there to bother you.ย
Sunghoon was leaving for a competition, and you did your best to wish him luck, the happiness clear on his face at the statement.ย
Which brings you back to nowโthe dinner was done, and Jay had left somewhere, thank fucking god. But now, you were bored. It was that familiar itch you had, your fingers tightening around your phone as you scrolled through your contacts that youโd never bothered to delete all this while. It was valid, right? To let loose every few days, to meet up with old friends.ย
Nipping at your bottom lip, you pulled up the chat, not expecting the reply to come as fast as it did.ย
You: alive?ย
Jake: whoโs this
You rolled your eyes, as if this man would ever delete your number.ย
You: youโre so fucking annoying jake
Jake: thatโs what you get for leaving meย
You: so dramatic, iโm back
Jake: as in, back in the town?
You: yes obvi
Jake: yeah? and you didnโt bother telling me?
You could picture it clearly, him smirking at the phone, leaning back with a chuckle. It was easier for you to smile at it too.ย
You: now i did
Jake: where are you? be ready in tenย
You: home, be quickย
So, you were actually doing it again, and you didnโt care, a smirk pulling at your lips, grabbing your leather jacket as you changed into something that fit your image better, applying a layer of makeup, knowing it would Jake fifteen minutes to reach, having done it before, way too many times that your body remembered the thrill of it all. Without bothering to turn on the lights, you slipped outside into the cold air, thankful for the absence of Jay who usually sat around the living room at this hour.ย
The low rumble ofย a bike cut through the quiet before you even saw the headlights, that familiar sound rolling down the street, Jake slowed near the curb, one foot dropping to the ground as he pushed his visor up, eyes landing on you without surprise, and you knew he sported that lazy smile under the helmet.ย
He let out a short breath through his nose, โso itโs true, youโre back.โ
โUnfortunately,โ you replied, stepping closer, โyou came quick.โ
His gaze dropped briefly to your jacket, your makeup, then back to your face, something unreadable flickering there before he handed you the spare helmet, which you wore without thinking twice.ย
โI was nearby,โ he answered, which was an absolute lie and both of you knew it.
You climbed on behind him without another word, hands settling at his waist as he pulled away from the curb, the ride swallowed conversation whole, wind cutting through the quiet yet familiar streets slipping into darker roads until the city was distant. And god you smiled, living in the present and radiating happiness that even Jake could feel.ย
He slowed near the warehouse, parking off to the side where the line of cars broke unevenly along the road. The building looked dead from the outside, but the bass leaked through the walls, the ground faintly trembling under your boots when you stepped off, going inside while he stayed close, watching you take a drink from someone without even asking what it was.
A lot of people were pleasantly surprised seeing you back, pulling you into hugs, inquiring about the shit that went down.ย
โYou havenโt changed,โ he murmured, and you shook your head, taking a big sip to feel that warmth around your throat.
โNeither have you,โ you replied, though you didnโt look back when you said it, because you found something far more interesting barely hidden behind all those intoxicated bodies.ย
Of fucking courseโthe man youโd been trying to escape was already here, a hypocrite through and through. He gave you so much shit for surrounding yourself with this crowd as if he wasnโt still an active part of it too. To no oneโs surprise, he was staring at you, a scoff leaving your mouth as you focused back on Jake.ย
โWill he ever leave you alone? He even joined racing because of you back then.โ He asked, leaning in.ย
โI fucking hope he does. I swear, out of all places, he just had to be here? Two minutes and heโs gonna come pick a fight with you,โ you sighed.ย
โTwo minutes? Heโs already walking over,โ Jake smirked, straightening his jacket at the new arrival, and god you did feel the warmth of him approaching, standing right beside you.ย
โYou didnโt even last a week,โ Jay said smoothly, and you gripped the glass tighter, biting the inside of your cheek. Who was he to even keep tabs on you?ย
โYeah, so? Gonna go and snitch again?โ You turned to look at him, taking another sip of the awfully strong drink.ย
He chuckled but there was no humour behind it, โyouโre coming home with me,โ he muttered under his breath.ย
โSays who?โ You asked, incredulous at his ability to never shut up, especially when he made decisions for you as if he had any right to do so.ย
Jay didnโt answer immediately, which was rare for him, his gaze lingering on your face like he was trying to find something familiar there and coming up short every time, because as familiar as the setting was, you had changed. The music boomed around you, people brushing past without noticing the tension sitting between the three of you.
โYou donโt belong here,โ he said quietly, sighing finally in hopes that youโll listen for once.ย
You let out a dry laugh, tilting your head slightly as you looked at him. โAnd you do?โ
โThatโs not what I meant.โ
โThatโs exactly what you meant, thatโs how youโve always been.โ
Jake shifted beside you, close enough that his arm brushed yours, presence warm as always, him being someone you could truly trust. You didnโt miss the way Jay noticed it, the subtle tightening of his jaw, the brief flicker in his eyes that disappeared almost instantly, well, this was the only place where he lost composure.ย
โSheโs not going anywhere,โ Jake said lightly, just stating it with a shrug.ย
Jay finally looked at him properly then, โI wasnโt talking to you,โ he replied.
Jake gave him yet another shrug with an amused smile, unfazed by his hostility, and you could feel the irritation building in Jay in quiet layers. He exhaled slowly through his nose, attention returning to you.ย
โYouโll regret this,โ he said, voice low enough that only you could hear it.
You smiled without warmth, โthen Iโll deal with it, not you.โ
That seemed to be the point where something in him gave up trying to reason, his expression settling back into something distant in a way that felt worse than anger. He held your gaze for one last second before stepping back, making it clear he was done trying, watching Jakeโs arm on your waist as his tongue poked his cheek, walking away.ย
He wasnโt even putting up a fight, and somehow managed to sour your mood further, but you let Jake take over and dance with you, taking your mind off of the man who had left a few minutes back. Time moved strangely after it, and you werenโt sure how long youโd been there, catching up with your friend, but you realized it was late when you took another puff of the joint you and Jake shared, only to hear sirens blazing outside.ย
โOh fuck,โ you muttered.ย
Someone had warned the police, making people surge towards the exit without much care about shoving each other. Jakeโs fingers wrapped around your wrist, โcome on,โ he nodded, and you just followed him, but it was useless with how everyone had jammed the exit.ย
A hand shoved into your shoulder from behind and you stumbled forward, catching yourself against Jakeโs arm, the movement twisting your ankle at a strange angle when you tried to steady your weight. Pain shot up fast and sharp, stealing your breath.ย
Jake felt you tense up immediately. โHey.โ
โIโm fine,โ you said automatically, but your step faltered again when he tried to move you forward. You were, in fact, not fine by any means.ย
Which is why you found yourself at the police station alongside Jake, whoโd refused to leave you behind. It was rather funny if you took your mind off what would happen if your family came to know about this ordeal. Youโd chosen to call Sunghoon despite knowing he wasnโt in the city, and it did not end wellโnot because he was angry, but he was scared, and that was worse.ย
You ended the call before he could ask anything else, before the concern in his voice could turn into questions you didnโt want to answer, especially when he knew exactly what was going on, staring at the dark screen for a moment longer than necessary.ย
โHeโs worried, yโknow? Iโm not close with him, but he did shut everyone out after you left,โ Jake broke the silence as you both curled up in the corner of the cell.ย
โDidnโt bother reaching out regardless, I was waiting,โ you chuckled, and Jake pulled you into a half hug with a dull ache in your ankle, talking about everything and he was probably the only person you could truly confide in.ย
Which is why you didnโt notice someone staring at you with the intensity that could burn holes. He looked disappointed, especially with how you had a smile on your face even after thisโespecially curling up around Jake as if you were sitting on your bed and not in the police station. He knew this would happen.ย
You only noticed Jay when Jakeโs voice faltered mid-sentence, eyes on him now, jaw clenching as to build the walls around you yet again. He simply waited for the officer to open the door.ย
โHere he comes playing your knight in shining armour again,โ Jake mumbled, pulling you closer under his gaze.ย
โIโm fucking screwed, heโs gonna tell everyone,โ you sighed, body heating up as you remembered how it went the last time.ย
โNot this time, trust me,โ Jake muttered into your ear.
The officer was quick to tell how Jay had been gracious enough to bail out you and Jake? You stood carefully, the pressure on your ankle sending a sharp protest upward before dulling into something manageable. Jakeโs hand hovered at your back for balance, but Jay was already there, fingers closing lightly around your forearm firmly, preventing the stumble you would never admit might happen.
โWeight off it,โ he said quietly, making Jake roll his eyes and honestly, you didnโt have it in you to argue any further, signing the paperwork without much chatter, stepping outside finally which had you realizing just how suffocating it was to be inside.ย
โGet home yourself,โ Jay nodded towards Jake, grabbing your hand, pulling you towards his car.ย
โFor fucks sake, sheโs hurt,โ Jake groaned, having had enough of this attitude, taking you to the car instead, โbe careful.โย
This couldnโt be happening at four in the morning, you didnโt wish to think about it, and you certainly didnโt wish to see the look on Jayโs face, who only opened the door and waited, eyes lowering down to your ankle which seemed to be swollenโand he cussed cause fuck he shouldnโt have left you alone. What would Sunghoon say?ย
โText me, okay?โ Jake asked and you nodded, squeezing his hand and thanking him.ย
You chose to look out the window, โHoon called you then?โ You asked, a few minutes after he started driving, nearing home.ย
โYeah,โ he replied, eyes on the road.ย
It was clear he didnโt wish to speak further, and you shook your head, โyou didnโt have to come anyway,โ you seethed out.
โYouโre unbelievableโgetting into trouble and what do I get? Not even a thank you?โย
โOh iโm sorry, you wanna be thanked? I didnโt ask you to come here, Jay,โ you replied, nails digging into your palm.ย
โWell, I still fucking did.โ He was frustrated, steering the car into the parking, stopping now, staring at you, โI always will.โ
โWhatโโย
He got out before you could even ask what he meant by it. Well, that was intense, your eyes closing as you leaned against the seat. The door on his side shut harder than necessary, the sound echoing through the quiet street, and you stayed exactly where you were, fingers still curled against your palm. He came around to your side a moment later, opening the door.ย
โI can get myself out,โ you muttered, shifting forward.ย
โYeah, whatever,โ he replied, stepping closer when you limped, and it was humiliating the way his warm arm closed around you, โstop fighting everything.โย
โIโm notโโย
You were braced up against the car for the second before Jay decided that heโd had enough, he was tired. His arm slid behind your back, and under your knees in one swift movement that left you breathless more from shock than anything else. He lifted you like it was nothing, walking ahead.ย
โPut me down,โ you snapped immediately, fingers gripping the front of his jacket with a fear of falling down.ย
โWalk then,โ he said flatly, not slowing.
โYouโre soโโ you cut yourself off, jaw tightening, because struggling would only make you look worse and you already hated the position you were in. His hold was firm, and fuck, it was so annoyingly careful, and you could feel the tension in him, the rigid set of his shoulders, the way he refused to look at you as he carried you up the steps.
The front door opened with a quiet click and he stepped inside, nudging it shut behind him with his foot. The house was dark and silent, your parents were asleep. He didnโt really speak as he carried you through the hallway, and you just hoped he didnโt feel how your heart was beating out of your chest.ย
He didnโt slow down until he reached your door, shoulder nudging it open because his hands were still holding you, and the quiet inside your room felt too normal for how loud your pulse still was. He lowered you onto the edge of the bed without a word.ย
The second your balance settled, he stepped back enough to put space between you and whatever had passed in the car earlier.
You let out a breath you hadnโt realized you were holding, fingers braced against the mattress, ankle throbbing and you wondered how it all went so fucking wrong. His attention dropped straight to your feet, to the heels still strapped on despite the pain.ย
You moved first, reaching down when you saw him doing it, you have had enough for the night, โI can take them off.โ
His hand closed lightly around your wrist before you could touch the buckle, โdonโt,โ he said quietly.ย
You stared at him for a second, irritation flaring again but you didnโt pull away, watching how different he looked with shorter hair, jawline sharper now. He crouched in front of you, fingers moving to the strap, undoing it as his fingers caressed the skin over the swell gently, a focused pout on his face which looked cute, juxtaposing the feeling within himโand gosh you could never call him that to his face. The clasp clicked open finally, and he slid the heels off slowly, one at a time, setting them aside near the wall instead of dropping them where he was.
It was such a small, stupid detail and it made your throat feel tight for no reason you wanted to examine.
โHappy?โ You muttered, leaning back slightly, watching him instead of the ceiling.
โNo,โ he replied, already standing again, turning and leaving because he knew if he stayed a second longer, heโd overstep the boundaries.ย
You took in a deep breath once he was gone, โheโs crazy,โ you mumbled to yourself, โcrazy, crazy, crazy.โย
For a moment you just breathed and wondered why he was always around, why didnโt he let you forget about his existence, why did he have to be so awful about his presence, and act so fucking nice when you were vulnerable, actions never matching his words. You didnโt realize how long youโd been staring at nothing until the door opened again, softer this time, like he was making sure not to wake anyone.
He didnโt turn the light on. The faint spill of dim lights from the hallway followed him in, enough to see the towel in his hand, already damp around the edges where the ice pressed through the fabric. You pushed yourself upright a little before he even said anything, because of course he would come back, because of course he wouldnโt just leave it alone.
He set the ice on the bedside table first, then looked at you properly for the first time since the car, โmove,โ he said quietly.
โJay, why are you doing this?โ You asked, shifting your leg toward him without arguing this time, too tired to fight something that would happen anyway. His hand slid under your ankle just long enough to lift it, settling the cold against the swelling with careful pressure. The chill made you inhale sharply.
He didnโt comment on it, or on the question you asked, he just adjusted the towel once, making sure it stayed in place before letting go.
โYou didnโt have to come back,โ you said after a moment, voice lower now.ย
โI know.โ
You almost laughed, because he kept saying that like it explained anything, typical Jayโhim and his two word replies.
He stayed where he was for a few seconds longer than necessary, caressing the softness of your skin, then straightened, hands falling uselessly at his sides before he shoved them into his pockets like he needed somewhere to put them to ground himself, because whatever was happening felt way too serious, too intimate.ย
โYou should sleep,โ he said.
โYou should go home,โ you replied automatically.
His jaw shifted slightly, like he almost said something else, then decided against it, โyeah,โ he said finally.
He moved to the door, paused with his hand resting against the frame, and for a second you thought he might turn around, might finish whatever sentence heโd left hanging downstairs, but just as usual, he didnโt.ย
โJay,โ you called out before you could stop yourself, making him stop and turn around, โwill you tell myโmy parents?โ
He chuckled, cause why did he even bother to expect you saying any other thing, โI wonโt.โ
โThank you,โ you replied, looking elsewhere, โfor everything, for the night.โ
Turns out, you still could surprise him with nice words.ย
You missed the way the corner of his lip twitched before he nodded, leaving yet again. The hallway light disappeared when he closed the door behind him, leaving only the faint cold against your ankle and the quiet hum of the house settling back into place.
You lay back slowly, staring at the ceiling again, body finally heavy enough to believe the night was over. The space heโd left behind didnโt feel empty, yet it was unfinished in a way that indicated how it wasnโt the end, just the start.ย
You woke up to a very concerned Sunghoon, barely realizing it was nearing evening and youโd so easily slept through the day. What you didnโt expect was to see Sunghoon rushing back home, nearly in tears at the thought of you being in trouble.ย
โAre you okay? Hurt anywhere? Fuckโโ
โSunghoonโIโm okay,โ you gulped, sitting up straight, gasping when he pulled you into a warm hug.ย
โIโm sorry, wonโt leave you alone again,โ Sunghoon mumbled, all his brotherly instincts coming back.ย
He remembered that day when he was seven and youโd thrown a tantrum, wanting to visit the park and feed the ducks. He had taken the responsibility to take you out without informing your parents about it, and he felt the most guilty little kid alive when you fell down and scraped your kneeโhe was scared. It didnโt compare to the day when your parents found out about your drug usage and illegal racings, even though he was just as clueless, he hated himself for not convincing your parents enough to let you stay.ย
He called you each day for the first month, but once he started with his own uni lectures, it was hard to do soโand when he tried again, youโd given up, feeling abandoned.ย
โIโm so sorry,โ he mumbled, clearly regretting a lot.ย
Your bottom lip quivered, and at that point, it was you coddling Sunghoon as he went on describing how much heโd tried to stop your parents, how he missed his sister, each word making your chest tighten with sadness. That conversation was really important, especially with Sunghoon practically begging for forgiveness and you accepting his apology, trying to turn a new leaf. However, him saying he wouldnโt let you go out alone made you groan before you both started chuckling.ย
Jay watched it all happen, the door being slightly ajar, smiling without even processing any bit of it. This was the second time heโd seen you truly smile after coming back, he didnโt like that the first one was with Jake of all people. Jay rushed to leave the second he saw Sunghoon standing up, almost tripping in the process, but he somehow managed.ย
It was easier to lie to the family after having Sunghoon onboard with you, as heโd promised to not tell anyone. Your excuse? You tripped in the bathroom. As horrendous it sounds, it was plausible, and well, you got extra chicken nuggets for dinner! Alongside the absence of Jay, who had apparently gone back home to get some work done, which is why the house was more silent than youโd like to admit.ย
The extra nuggets didnโt do much cause by the time the house settled, the ache in your leg had deepened into a heavy pressure that made sleep feel irritating. You tried to sleep an hour before giving up, and goshโeven standing up took effort because of your ankle. You waited until the dizziness passed, then eased your weight onto your good leg and moved toward the door, keeping one hand along the wall for balance.
The hallway was dark, the kitchen darker. You were a few steps from the counter when your foot slid slightly on the tile, just enough for your balance to be tipped forward, and you could barely make out what to reach out for in the darkness.
Then a warm hand caught your arm, another steadying your waist, holding you steady, and a bit too close for your likingโmaking you yelp in surprise.ย
โShh, calm the fuck down,โ Jay muttered as you breathed hard, pushing him off of you, which did not work out.ย
โThe fuck are you doing here? Mum said you went back home,โ you huffed.
โPlans change,โ he hummed, the vibration of his chest rumbling against your side because god, he was still holding you that close. He didnโt even sound apologetic, just bored as usual, โand lucky for you I did, or youโd be face-planting into the linoleum right now.โ
You tried to wrench your arm out of his grip, but his fingers only tightenedโreminding you of that irritating strength heโd developed while you were gone. โI didnโt ask for your help. I was fine.โย
โSure. So you asked your mum where I went?โ He smirked, catching on to what youโd mentioned.ย
โOh fuck no, they just told me without having to ask,โ you muttered, lying because, you did in fact as them about it. You started moving, trying to get out of his grip.ย ย
โStop squirming, Y/N. Youโre going to hurt yourself more, and Iโm not explaining to Sunghoon why his sister is crying on the floor at three in the morning.โ
โIโm not crying,โ you hissed, though the throb in your ankle was making your eyes water. You pushed at his chest again, palms flat against the hard muscle that shouldn't have felt so warm through his shirt. โLet go, Jay. Seriously.โ
โFine.โ
He didnโt step back. Instead, his hands slid from your waist to your hips, and before you could even process the indignity of it, he hoisted you up. You gasped, hands instinctively clutching his shoulders for purchase as he made you sit on the kitchen counter with effortless ease.
โYouโre such a dick,โ you whispered, though the bite was lacking because your heart was hammering against your ribsโfrom the scare, you told yourself. Definitely just the scare.
โAnd youโre welcome,โ he countered smoothly, stepping into the space between your knees before you could close them. It was a rather possessive move, trapping you against the granite. He leaned in, one hand resting on the counter beside your thigh, trapping you in. โNow, are you down here for water, or were you planning to escape again?โ
You couldnโt see him, but your eyes had adjusted enough to gather his silhouette, the sharpness of his jawline. He smelled like mint and that faint, expensive tobacco scent he seemed to carry now, intoxicating in the small space.
Without having to answer, Jay gathered that you were hungry when he heard that small rumble from your stomach, and he found it funny when you moved in embarrassment, but he didnโt let you move.ย
โClassy,โ he murmured, his thumb grazing the side of your hip, a ghost of a touch, โI take it the dinner wasnโt enough.โ
โShut up,โ you hissed, face burning. You tried to shove at his chest again, but it was like pushing a brick wall, โI swear Iโll scream and Sunghoon will kill you if he sees us like this.โ
โLike what? Like youโre enjoying spending time with his best friend?โ The words were a whisper, dangerously close to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine that had absolutely nothing to do with the cold kitchen tiles. He didnโt wait for you to answerโdidnโt give you the satisfaction of stuttering out a denial. Instead, he finally pulled back, the loss of his body heat leaving you feeling strangely exposed in the dark.
Jay had already grabbed two packs of ramen, and you wondered just how well versed he was with the kitchen to be doing all this in darkness.ย
โIโm going back to bed.โ
โTry it,โ he challenged, not even looking at you. โYou hop one step on that ankle and Iโll tie you to the counter. Donโt test me, Y/N. Iโm fucking tired.โ
You stayed put, seething, watching the way his shirt pulled taut across his shoulders as he cracked an egg into the boiling water with one hand. It was annoying how competent he was. How very steady.
A few minutes later, he was done. He didnโt bother with bowls. He grabbed the pot handle and two pairs of chopsticks, balancing a water bottle under his arm, leaving you in the dark, asking you to stay put as he went upstairs to keep the food inโyour room?
โWeโre moving,โ he stated, walking back toward you now.ย
โI can eat here. Itโs a fucking kitchen.โ
โAnd your parentsโ bedroom is directly above us. Unless you want to explain why weโre having a midnight feast together, weโre going to your room.โ He said, stepping into your personal space again.ย
โI can walk,โ you insisted, sliding your good leg off the counter, โI donโt need you toโโ
โYou can limp,โ he corrected, cutting you off. โAnd Iโm not waiting for you to drag yourself down the hallway.โ
Before you could even plant your feet, he moved. One arm hooked behind your knees, the other around your waist, and he swept you up against his chest like you weighed absolutely nothing. You gasped, hands instinctively clutching his shirt, your face buried in the crook of his neck. That scent flooded your senses, and you hated it, hated him.
โPut me down, you jerk,โ you whispered harshly, though you didnโt struggle. You couldnโt when his grip was practically iron.ย
โShut up,โ he grunted, kicking the kitchen door open. He carried you down the dark hallway with ease, he went straight to your room, maneuvering you through the door before kicking it shut with his heel.
The way he dropped you on the bed was gentle, keeping in mind your bruised ankle, grabbing the pot he kept on the table.
โEat,โ he ordered, placing the steaming pot on a magazine in the center of your duvet.
โIโm not eating out of the pot with you,โ you glared, though the spicy steam was making your mouth water.
โSuit yourself.โ Jay climbed onto the bed opposite you, sitting cross-legged. He claimed his side of the mattress with an arrogance that made your blood boil, his knee knocking against yours, he didnโt pull back.
He took a bite, chewing slowly, eyes locked on yours. โMore for me.โ He shrugged.ย
Your stomach growled again, louder this time. Jay smirked around his chopsticks, and gosh, was it embarrassing.ย
โFine,โ you snapped, snatching the other pair from the tray. You leaned in, fighting for space over the small pot. โMove your big head.โ
โWatch your elbows,โ he muttered, but he shifted slightly, just enough to let you in.
โYouโre hogging the egg,โ you accused, eyeing the single poached egg floating in the chili oil. You reached for it, Jayโs chopsticks clattered against yours instantly.
โI cooked, I eat,โ he murmured, not even looking up.
โIโm the injured party hereโI need protein for healing!โ You shoved his hand aside, or tried to, leaning in further, โgive it up, Jay.โ
โMake me,โ he challenged, his voice dropping an octave, slipping from annoyed to amused.
You huffed, abandoning strategy for speed, and lunged. You managed to snag the yolk, but before you could pull back, Jayโs hand shot out. He didnโt grab the chopsticksโhe grabbed your wrist.
The contact was electric. His fingers wrapped around your pulse point, halting you mid-air. The sudden stop made you gasp, and you looked up, ready to snap at himโbut the words died in your throat. He wasn't looking at the food, he was looking at you. He had leaned in to block you, and now his face was terrifyingly close, eyes dark, dilated in the dim light, tracking the movement of your throat as you swallowed. The playful arrogance was gone, replaced by that heavy, suffocating intensity that gave you goosebumps.
โYou are,โ he whispered, his thumb brushing the sensitive skin of your inner wrist, โsuch a brat.โ
โAnd youโre a fucking bully,โ you breathed back, but you didnโt pull your hand away. Your heart was thudding so hard against your ribs you were sure he could hear it in the silence.
Jayโs gaze dropped to your lips, the air between you thickened, charged with three years of resentment and something else you couldnโt quite name. He leaned forward, just a fraction of an inch, and your breath hitched.
โJay,โ you exhaled, a warning or an invitation? You werenโt sure which at this point.ย
He tilted his head, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief second as if he was fighting for control, or maybe losing it. His face was so close now that you could feel the warmth of his breath on your cheek.
โTell me to stop,โ he murmured against the corner of your mouth, his voice rough, โtell me to get out.โ
You stared at him, lips parted, your brain screaming at you to push him away, to dump the noodles on his lap, to do something. But your body was frozen, leaning into his gravity. You stayed silent as his lips brushed against yours, just barely, but enough to make you gasp, the silence only making it worse.ย
Just then, the sudden vibration of your phone against your thigh brought you back to reality, as you both froze, especially Jay who stared at the lit up screen displaying Jakeโs name, making him pull back in annoyance. He didnโt say a word as he slid off the bed, standing up and smoothing his shirt down with a jerky motion, his face twisting into that cold, unreadable mask you hated.
โJay, waitโโ
โAnswer it,โ he cut you off, his voice flat. He didnโt look at you. He was already retreating, putting distance between you like the last five minutes hadnโt happened, โdonโt let me keep you.โ
You blinked, the whiplash of his mood making your head spin. You grabbed the phone just to stop the buzzing, silencing it, but your eyes were glued to his back. He stopped at the door, one hand gripping the frame, knuckles white.
A sudden, stupid urge to provoke him bubbled upโmaybe to get a reaction.
โYou know,โ you started, forcing a breathless laugh as you leaned back against the headboard, โif I didnโt know any better, Iโd say youโre jealous.โ
You waited for the retort, the scoff, the keep dreaming, princess.
But Jay didnโt say anything. He didnโt even turn around, just stepped into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind him with a soft, final click, leaving you alone in the dark with a silenced phone and a heart that was beating way too fast.
The door clicked shut behind Jay, yet he didnโt have it in him to walk away just yet. His hand hovered over the cold brass handle, knuckles white, as he stood frozen in the hallway, listening to the silence on the other side. He half-expectedโmaybe half-hopedโthat you would chase after him, fling the door open, and yell something bratty that would give him an excuse to turn around and finish what he started.
But of course, you didnโt.ย
Instead, he heard the faint thud of your phone hitting the mattress, followed by a heavy, frustrated sigh. Jake.
The name twisted in his gut like a knife, and it was ugly. It wasnโt jealousyโhe told himself, forcing his feet to move, forcing his breath to even out. He wasnโt jealous of a guy who looked like he peaked in high school. It was just annoyance. By the time he reached his own room (well, guest room), slamming the door hard enough to rattle the frame, he had convinced himself that the heat pooling low in his stomach was nothing but anger. You were a problem to be managed, not a temptation to be indulged, and gosh, he was done slipping.
It was when you entered the kitchen the next morning, things began to get worse. Jay didnโt even look at you, didnโt pass a snarky comment, nor did he bother bringing up what had almost happened last night. In fact, Jay didnโt even look up from his coffee. Apparently he thought silent treatment would help, and boy did he stretch itโfor four whole days.ย
He became a ghost in your own fucking house. If you walked into a room, he walked out. When your mother asked him to help you change the ice pack because you were struggling to balance, he did it without a word. He knelt at your feet, his hands warm and efficient on your skin, but he stared at the wall the entire time. He didnโt tease you about your swollen foot. He didnโt thumb the sensitive skin of your arch like he had in your bedroom. He simply acted like he was doing his job, which he didnโt even need to do actually.ย
It effectively drove you insane.ย
You tried to provoke him. You played music too loud, you wore the short shorts he hated, you even talked loudly on the phone to Jake in the living room, laughing at jokes that werent exactly funny, just to see if his jaw would tick.
Jay just turned the volume up on the TV, his expression bored, completely unmoved, so unbothered.ย
He was denying you the one thing you craved more than his kindnessโhis attention. He was starving you out, weaponizing his indifference to put you back in your place, and the worst part was, it was working. The silence made the memory of his breath on your lips feel like a hallucination, making you question if he had ever looked at you with anything other than annoyance.
By the fifth night, the itch under your skin was unbearable. Your ankle could finally hold weight. The swelling was gone, leaving only a stiff ache when you turned too fast, but you were done being the invalid, and you were absolutely done being ignored.
If Jay wanted to pretend you were invisible after the shit he pulled then you were going to make sure you were the only thing he could see, ditching the sweatpants for a pair of shorts and a cute tank top, just casual enough for dinner. The roasted chicken smelled amazing for sure, the light conversation going on as Sunghoon urged you to sit next to him.ย
And then there was Jay, looking infuriatingly at ease with his hair styled back, specs on, clad in a black button up with sleeves rolled up for the Uni presentation he had for some module earlier today. He didnโt bother looking up when you enteredโof fucking course.ย
โFinally,โ your mother smiled, gesturing to the empty chair across from Jay. โWe were waiting for you. Leg feeling better?โ
โMuch better,โ you said, your voice clear and bright. You pulled the chair outโthe wood scraping loudly against the floorboards, a jarring sound that made Sunghoon winceโand sat down, โI think Iโm fully healed, actually.โ
Jayโs gaze remained fixed on the water jug in the center of the table. He reached out and poured himself a glass.
โThatโs great news,โ your father beamed, passing you a plate.
โIt means I can finally go out again,โ you replied, locking your eyes on Jayโs profile. โCatch up on everything I missed.โ
Jay took a sip of his water, not reacting as he placed the glass down with a soft clink and turned to your mother. โThe chicken tastes excellent, Mrs. Park.โ
Oh the fucking audacity.
You stabbed a piece of potato with your fork. He was really going to do this? He was really going to sit three feet away from you, in your house, eating your food, and act like you were a ghost? Two could play a game. And you remembered exactly how he played it.ย
You pressed your toes against the side of his calf, just above his sock line, making him freeze mid bite, jaw tightening but you didnโt stop, dragging your foot up slowly, mimicking the exact move he had pulled on you the night you returned.ย
โSo, Jay,โ you said, your voice dripping with innocent sweetness, โYouโve been quite busy working on the presentation, howโd it go?โย
Jay set his fork down, clearing his throat, reaching for his water again, but his eyes stayed glued to your father, โuhโyeah. It went pretty well.โย
You hummed, nodding as you pressed harder, digging your arch into the muscle of his calf. He flinchedโa tiny jerk of his leg that rattled the table.ย ย
โEverything okay, Jay?โ Sunghoon asked, mouth full of potatoes.ย ย
โFine,โ Jay gritted out, his voice tight.ย
You almost laughed, letting your foot slide higher, hooking your toes behind his knee. Jay choked on his water. He coughed, slamming the glass down a little too hard, water sloshing over the rim. Your mother looked concerned, reaching over to pat his back, but Jay waved her off, his face flushing and god it was amusing.ย
He shot a glare across the tableโfinally. It was brief and filled with a warning that made you shiver. Stop it.
You smiled back, taking a calm sip of your juice. Make me.
He tried to shift his leg away, but the table legs boxed him in. He tried to trap your foot between his ankles, clamping down hard, but you were quicker. You slipped free, grazing the inside of his thighโdangerously highโbefore retreating to his shin. His composure was cracking. You could see the strain in his shoulders, the way his knuckles were white where he gripped the edge of the table.
He stood up abruptly, โIโm done,โ he mumbled, โI forgot I have a deadline for an assignment.โ
Everyone sat there all confused, especially Sunghoon with a comical expression on his face, โwhat is his problem?โ He asked.ย
โIโll go check on him,โ you rolled your eyes, knowing that Sunghoon wonโt get up mid dinner, he liked food way too much to abandon it midway.ย
You followed him upstairs, knowing heโd be in the guest bathroom, opening the door without knocking. Jay was standing at the sink, gripping the marble edge so hard the veins on his pathetically big arms popped out. His head was hung low, shoulders bunched, his breathing heavy and ragged in the small, tiled space.
โThat was a fast exit, Jongseong,โ you smirked, leaning against the doorframe before closing the door behind you with a small click.ย
Jay looked at you, his bored, indifferent mask now gone, replaced with this dark look you knew so well. He took two long strides, invading your space until your back hit the cold tiles of the wall.ย
โYou think youโre so brave when thereโs a tablecloth to hide behind, huh?โ He hissed, his voice dropping, sending a shiver straight up your spine. He slammed his hand against the wall next to your head, trapping you, โyou spent all of dinner trying to get a rise out of me. Well, here I am. What now, Y/N?โ
โWas just asking about your presentation,โ you shrugged even though your heart was hammering against your ribs, โor were you too distracted by my foot to remember that?โย
Jay let out a dry, humorless laugh, his face inches from yours, โahโyou want to play games, baby? Fine. But youโre all talk, yโknow?โ
He leaned in, his nose brushing yours, his thumb grazing your chin to tilt your face up harshly. โTouch me right now. No table, no parents, no Sunghoon to distract you. Prove you arenโt just a brat looking for something you canโt even handle.โ
He expected you to chicken out, but instead, you reached outโhand flattening against his chest, your fingers curling into the fabric of his black button-up. You could feel the frantic rhythm of his heart beneath your palmโmatching yours beat for beat. You didnโt stop there, sliding your hand upward, your thumb brushing over his pulse point at the base of his throat before gripping the back of his neck, pulling him down just that extra inch.ย
โIโm not scared, Jay,โ you whispered against his lips, and for a second you even forgot what was the purpose behind this, just what exactly did you wish to achieve here? But that didnโt stop you, โare you?โ
โYou have no fucking idea,โ he rasped out, voice breaking as he leaned his forehead against yours, โhow much I wanna ruin you right now.โ
Jay swore he heard you whimper, something you stopped before it could get out, but the way your thighs pressed together was a dead giveaway.ย
โThen do it,โ you challenged, trying to sound normal, โif youโre not scared, then fucking do it.โ
He didnโt need to be told twice, the last syllable barely left your lips before his restraint shattered. He didnโt lean in, he came full force, one hand tangling into your hair to yank your head back, exposing the expanse of your throat, while the other arm slammed against the door behind you, muttering something like fuck it.ย
His mouth crashing onto yours, a gasp leaving your mouth at the taste of him, the sound swallowed by his mouth as his tongue swept inside, deepening the kiss with a starving rhythm that made your knees buckle instantly, gripping your waist harder, fingers digging into your skin through the thin fabric of your top.ย
โThis what you want?โ He groaned against your lips, biting down on the bottom one before soothing it with a gentle swipe of his tongue, โwant me to kiss you? Teach you some manners? Do more, hm?โย
You couldnโt answer, couldnโt think past the friction of his thigh slotting between yours with a pressure that made you whimper for real this time. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down, needing to be closer, needing to erase the distance heโd kept between you with nothing but heat, because this didnโt mean anything.ย
โYouโre shaking,โ Jay mumbled, tilting your head before slotting his lips onto yours again, โbecause you know you want me.โ
โI donโt,โ you lied, the denial breathless and weak against his mouth, but your body betrayed you instantly. You arched into him, a desperate move that brought your hips flush against his, the friction sending a jolt of electricity straight to your core.
โLiar,โ Jay hissed, his hand leaving your waist to slide down the curve of your spine, gripping your ass. He hauled you up, forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist, pinning you against the door so that every inch of you was at his mercy, โyouโre dripping for it. I can feel it.โ
He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there, sucking hard enough to leave a mark that would scream his name to anyone who looked. One hand kept you anchored to him, fingers digging into your flesh, while the other slid under the hem of your tank top.ย
โIs this better?โ He rasped, his thumb brushing the underside of your breast, teasing just barely, enough to make you whimper his name, โIs this the attention you were begging for at dinner? Being pinned up in a bathroom like a desperate little thing?โ
โJay, please,โ you moaned, your head falling back against the wood, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him harder against you. You didnโt know if you were begging him to stop or to never let go.
โPlease what?โ He pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes blown wide and dark with a hunger that looked terrifyingly likeโlove? His hand moved higher, cupping you through the thin fabric of your bra, his thumb flicking over the hardened peak, โplease stop? Or please ruin you?โ
He didnt bother waiting for an answer, kissing you again, messy and wet, swallowing your cries as he ground his hips against yours, the hard ridge of him pressing against your cunt. It was too muchโthe sensation of his hands on your skin, the taste of him, the overwhelming, suffocating reality that you belonged to him completely in this moment.
The pleasure was a sharp, blinding spike that cut through the anger, but right behind it was the terror. He was consuming you. He was taking everything you had to give and breaking you down until you were nothing but a trembling mess in his arms, and the worst part was, he knew it. He was in control, and you were unraveling. The realization hit you like a fucking slap.
You shoved at his shoulders, a frantic, jerky movement born of sudden panic.
โStop,โ you choked out, breaking the kiss with a ragged gasp.
Jay froze, his chest heaving against yours, his lips red and swollen, glossy with your spit. He looked dazed, like a man waking up from a fever dream, his hand still possessively claiming the curve of your breast under your shirt.
โI canโt do this,โ you whispered, scrambling down from his hold, your legs shaking.
โY/Nโโ
You pulled the door open and fled into the hallway, running for your room, leaving him standing alone in the clinical white light, the wreckage of his composureโand yours, scattered all over the floor.
You werenโt sure if you even got a wink of sleep last night, especially when you were sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It was a stupid decision to push him, because now you could only think about the kissโwhich was weird granted it wasnโt your first, yet it felt like one. You groaned, throwing the duvet off your overheated body and dragging yourself to the vanity mirror.
The reflection that stared back was a messโhair tangled, lips still swollen and bitten red, eyes rimmed with exhaustion, but your gaze dropped lower, and your breath hitched.ย
It was a bruise, actually, it was a possessive stamp that screamed Park Jongseong. You traced it with a trembling finger, flinching slightly at the tenderness, oh this fucking man had given you a hickey. With a deep sigh, you grabbed your old journal from the nightstand, scribbling down every bit of your dilemma, right after the page where youโd written out your past feelings for your brotherโs best friendโsomething you felt before he snitched on you.ย ย
You slammed the notebook shut, shoving it deep into the drawer as if the leather cover could contain the messy, bleeding ink of your confession. You barely had time to splash cold water on your face and throw on an oversized hoodieโhoping the fabric was thick enough to hide the evidenceโbefore the chaos of your parents leaving filtered up the stairs.
โY/N! Weโre heading out!โ Your mother called from the foyer.ย
You dragged yourself downstairs, watching your parents taking their suitcase out, now standing by the open door with Sunghoon, who looked only half-awake in his sweatpants.
โAre you sure you donโt want to come?โ Your father asked, adjusting his cufflinks. โThe Kims would love to see you. Itโs been years.โ He continues, but you genuinely didnโt wish to attend any wedding full of relatives whoโd love to dissect your life.ย
โIโm sure,โ you lied smoothly, โiโll just spend time with Hoon.โ
โAlright, sweetie. Thereโs food in the fridge. Be good,โ your mother kissed your cheek, oblivious to the fact that being good was the last thing on your mind after last night, but it felt nice, being taken care of and not abandoned again.ย
Your parents finally left, warning Sunghoon to take care of you and the house. โFinally,โ he mumbled, yawning. โI thought theyโd never leave. Do we have anyโwoah.โ He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening as they locked onto your neck.
You froze. You had forgotten to pull the hood up. The hoodie had slipped, just enough to show the bruise on your neck.ย
โWhat is that?โ Sunghoon asked, his voice dropping an octave, the sleepy brother persona vanishing instantly, โis that a hickey?โ
โItโs nothing,โ you snapped, pulling the fabric up frantically, โI burned myself with the curling iron.โ
โThat is not a burn, Y/N,โ Sunghoon scoffed, looking at you with a mix of disbelief and protective annoyance. Then, his expression darkened. โDid Jake do that? When did you even meet him? Did you sneak out again?โ
โOh my goshโno! Just shut up, shush.โ You put your hand on his mouth but he didnโt stop.ย
โI knew it,โ he muttered, pacing away from you, running a hand through his hair. โI knew I shouldnโt have let you go out with him. That prick. Iโm going to kill him.โ
โKill who?โ
Jay stood there. He looked wrecked as if he hadnโt slept much either. He looked at Sunghoon pacing, gaze flickering to you right after, then to the hand you still had clamped over your neck.
โJake,โ Sunghoon spat out, gesturing vaguely at you, โhe gave her a hickey. Can you believe the audacity?โ
Jayโs eyes snapped to you, โIs that so?โ He asked, stepping fully into the room. He didnโt look at Sunghoon. He stared straight at you, challenging you to lie, โJake gave you that?โ
โYโknow, it doesnโt even matter,โ you hissed.ย
โIt does, I need to meet him,โ Sunghoon still paced around, now with a toast in his mouth, โand knock some sense into himโwhen did you even meet him again? Call him right now.โ
That is exactly how you found yourself calling Jake, ignoring sharp glares coming from Jay who was leaning against the kitchen island with his arms crossed, looking like he wanted to snap the phone in half with his mind.
โHey, baby,โ Jake picked up on the second ring, his voice raspy, likely just waking up. โEverything okay? Miss me?โ
โNot really,โ you muttered with a small smile, turning your back on Jayโs burning gaze to whisper into the receiver. โSunghoon saw the burn mark on my neck, and uhโhe thinks itโs you. He wants to talk, just tell him the truth.โ
โOh,โ Jake paused, and you could practically hear the smirk in his voice, โso Iโm taking the fall for your secret boyfriend? Jay perhaps? Damn, youโre cheating on me already?โ
โNever say that again, okay? Now please get your ass here,โ you mumbled.ย
โIโll come by the evening, hm? I have some errands to run,โ Jake replied, unbothered by the fact that Sunghoon wanted to kill him.ย
And so, you said your goodbyes and announced how Jake will come by the evening, much to Jayโs dismay as he walked closer before you could run again.ย
โThis is fucking ridiculous, youโre gonna let him take the credit for my work?โย
โItโs not credit dumbass,โ you whispered back, leaning away from him as Sunghoon finally stopped pacing to glare at the both of you, โItโs a cover story. Unless you want to explain to my brother why his best friend had his tongue down my throat in the bathroom last night?โ
โWhat are you two whispering about?โ Sunghoon demanded, narrowing his eyes, and you rolled yours, going back to your room to, well, dissociate until it was evening and Jake was about to come.
Sunghoon marched to the door, pulling it open before Jake could even knock. You followed nervously, with Jay trailing behind, leaning against the archway with dark eyes. Jake stood on the porch, helmet under his arm, looking effortlessly cool in his leather jacket. He blinked at Sunghoonโs aggressive stance, then offered a lazy, charming grin that made your stomach flipโmostly because you knew Jay was watching it.
โWhere is it?โ Sunghoon demanded immediately, pointing at your neck where your hoodie was pulled up tight, โdid you do that?โ
Jake looked from Sunghoonโs furious face to your terrified one, and finally to Jay. Jayโs expression was terrifying, as if he was daring Jake to say yes.ย
โI can neither confirm nor deny,โ Jake said smoothly, stepping inside, completely ignoring the death glare from the corner, โbut I come bearing gifts.โ He held up a plastic bag. โAnd the new Mario Tennis Fever, if youโre not scared of losing, that is.โ
Sunghoon faltered, his eyes darting from the plastic bag to Jakeโs face. The protective brother act cracked down the middle, revealing the competitive gamer underneath who had been complaining about that specific game being sold out for weeks.
Just like that, the trial was over.
You stood in the hallway, blinking at the sudden shift in energy, while Jay let out a dark, disbelief-filled exhale from the corner. He looked like he wanted to murder someone, and since Sunghoon was currently plugging in the console, his eyes landed on you.ย
โYouโre sitting with me,โ Jay muttered, grabbing you along with him. He steered you toward the plush leather sofa in the back of the room, shoving you into the corner cushion before dropping down right next to you. And he meant right next to you.
The sofa was huge, big enough for four people, but Jay sat so close that his thigh pressed heavily against yours, he spread his legs, claiming the space with an arrogant entitlement that forced you to shrink back, effectively boxing you in between the armrest and his hard, imposing frame. Sunghoon and Jake were already lost to the world, sitting cross-legged on the rug three feet away, screaming as the game menu music blasted through the speakers.
โIn your dreams, Park!โ Jake shot back, laughing.
Jay let out a sharp, derisive exhale through his nose, slumping back against the cushions. He crossed his arms over his chest, his dark eyes boring into the back of Jakeโs head with enough intensity to burn a hole through his skull.
โThis is my hell,โ he deadpanned, โstuck in a room with two idiots fighting over a virtual tennis ball.โ
โTheyโre having fun,โ you whispered back, keeping your eyes glued to the screen, terrified that if you looked at him, youโd do something stupid like lean in. โYou should try it sometime.โ
โI am having fun,โ Jay murmured, and the tone of his voice sent a shiver straight down your spine.
He uncrossed his arms, draping along the back of the sofa behind your headโcasual to anyone watching, but to you, it felt like a cage closing shut. His fingers began to toy with the fabric of your hoodie near your shoulder, an idle motion that was maddeningly distracting.
โNice shot, Jake!โ You blurted out as Jakeโs character scored, desperate to break the suffocating tension Jay was building.
The hand on your shoulder tightened instantly.
โDonโt,โ Jay warned, his breath hot against your ear as he leaned in.ย
โDonโt what?โ you hissed, glancing nervously at Sunghoonโs back.
โDonโt cheer for him,โ he whispered, his hand sliding up from your shoulder to the nape of your neck. His thumb slipped under the heavy cotton of your hood, finding the warm skin there, pressing directly against the sensitive spot right next to the bruise heโd left. โDonโt smile at him. And donโt act like you arenโt thinking about whose hand is on you right now.โ
โJayโโ
His fingers stroked the bruise, a possessive, claiming touch that made your breath hitch in your throat. Sunghoon and Jake were screaming about a tie-breaker, completely oblivious to the fact that Jay was dismantling you inches away from them.
โDoes he know?โ Jay asked, his voice dropping, โdoes your little fake boyfriend know that the mark under this hoodie is shaped like my mouth? Or does he think you got it from a curling iron too?โ
You turned your head to glare at him, but it was a mistake. He was too close. His eyes were dark, dilated, and focused entirely on your lips.
โHe knows enough,โ you lied, trying to sound brave.
โHe knows nothing,โ Jay corrected, his thumb digging in slightly, sending a jolt of pleasure-pain through your system.
โJay!โ Sunghoon shouted suddenly, making you jump. โPizzaโs here! Go get it, Iโm in a match.โ
He kept his gaze locked on you, a cruel, satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he saw the flush rising on your cheeks. He pulled his hand out from under your hood slowly, letting his knuckles drag against your spine one last time before standing up, โsaved by the bell,โ he murmured, walking past you to get the door.
The reprieve was short-lived. When the boxes were sprawled open on the coffee table, the dynamic shifted from the sofa to the floor. You tried to sit next to Jake, hoping for a buffer, but Jay was faster. He slid into the empty space between you and the wall, his long legs sprawling out to cage you in.
โMove over,โ you muttered, nudging his knee.
โMake me,โ Jay replied, taking a slice of pepperoni without looking at you.
Under the concealment of the low table, while Sunghoon and Jake argued about the merits of pineapple on pizza, Jayโs hand dropped to your thigh. It wasnโt a gentle touch. His palm was heavy and hot, gripping the flesh just above your knee with a possessiveness that made your breath hitch.
โSo, Y/N,โ Jake asked, leaning in, โthe fuck is Jay up to?โ He asked, staring at Jayโs hand.ย
โUhโI,โ you stammered, your mind going blank as Jayโs thumb began to stroke the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, inching higher with every word you spoke.
โNeed an escape? Or do you like it?โ Jake asked with a smirk.ย
You glared at him, but he just took a bite of his pizza, his eyes dancing with dark amusement. The friction of Jayโs hand against your jeans was becoming unbearable, a secret heat building low in your belly that had nothing to do with the food.
โI need some air,โ you blurted out, scrambling up before his hand could go any higher.
You didnโt wait for a response. You grabbed your hidden pack of cigarettes from your pocket and bolted for the back patio, sliding the glass door shut behind you. The cool night air hit your flushed face, a welcome relief from the suffocating tension inside. You fumbled with the lighter, the flame illuminating your shaking hands as you took a drag, the nicotine hitting your system with a dizzying rush.
You barely got the second drag in before the door slid open again. You didnโt have to turn around to know who it was. The scent of tobacco and expensive cologne washed over you before he even spoke.
โI thought we agreed on you stopping this,โ Jayโs voice was low, coming from right behind you.
Before you could react, he reached over your shoulder and plucked the cigarette from your fingers. But instead of crushing it, he brought it to his own lips, taking a slow, deep drag while staring at your profile.
โI needed it,โ you whispered, refusing to look at him.
โYou didnโt need this,โ Jay murmured, exhaling a cloud of smoke, stepping closer, crowding you against the railing until your hips dug into the cold metal. โYou needed to escape because you couldnโt handle me touching you while he was right there.โ
โYouโre delusional,โ you snapped, turning to face him.
โAm I?โ Jay challenged, flicking the cigarette into the garden below. He gripped the railing on either side of you, trapping you in the circle of his arms. โYou were trembling at the table, Y/N. You think because heโs in the other room, youโre safe? I could bend you over this railing right now, and by the time he paused the game to look for you, youโd already be finished getting the best pleasure of your life.โ
โYou wouldnโt,โ you challenged, though the tremor in your voice betrayed you instantly, โSunghoon is ten feet away. The glass is right there.โ
โAnd yet,โ Jay murmured, stepping in until his body was flush against yours, pressing you so hard into the wrought iron that the metal bit into your lower back, โyouโre not pushing me away, princess.โ
He didnโt wait for a retort. His hand slid from the railing to your throat, his thumb pressing directly over the bruise heโd left, pulsing with a steady, heavy rhythm. The contact was electric, a live wire connecting his possession to your submission.
โOpen your mouth,โ he ordered softly, his eyes dropping to your lips.
When you hesitated, he used his grip on your jaw to tilt your head back, his other hand sliding down your spine to grip your hip, fingers digging into the denim. He crashed his mouth onto yours, and this time, it tasted of the smoke heโd stolen from you and the dark, bitter desire heโd been marinating in all evening.ย
He kissed you like he was trying to erase the very idea of Jake from your mind, his tongue sweeping into your mouth with a possessive, rhythmic cadence that made your knees buckle. You gasped, the sound swallowed by his mouth, and he took advantage of it, grinding his hips against yours in a slow, deliberate friction that made a jolt of pure heat shoot straight to your core.
โTell me who you belong to," he groaned against your lips, biting down on your bottom lip hard enough to sting, โsay it.โ
โNot you,โ you whimpered, your hands clutching the lapels of his jacket, โnever you.โย
โSo pretty when youโre in denial,โ he spat against your mouth, his hand sliding aggressively between your thighs, the denim of your jeans the only thing saving you from his fingers as he grounded the heel of his palm against your center with a pressure that made your vision white out, โIf I donโt own you, why are you trembling? Why are you so wet youโre ruining these shorts?โ
You choked on a sob, your head falling back, exposing your throat to him. He took it, burying his face in the crook of your neck, sucking a fresh mark right over the old one, claiming you all over again while his hand worked a rhythm against your seam that made your knees give out completely.
โTell Sunghoon, tell Jake. Scream for them right now, Y/N. Let them see you like this, hm? Desperate and dripping for the man you claim you hate.โ
He waited, his hand still applying that maddening friction, his breath hot and ragged against your skin. He gave you the chance, he gave you the out, and you didnโt take it, you couldnโt. You just gripped his jacket tighter, your nails digging into his shoulders, surrendering to the humiliating truth that your body had chosen him long before your mind ever would.
โThatโs what I thought,โ Jay whispered, the cruelty in his voice mixed with a terrifying tenderness.
He pulled away abruptly, the loss of his heat leaving you gasping and cold in the night air. He didnโt look back at the mess heโd made of you, didnโt offer a hand to steady you as you slumped against the railing. He just smoothed down his jacket, fixed his hair in the reflection of the glass door, and slid it open.
โBetter hurry up,โ he called over his shoulder, his voice terrifyingly normal as the sound of the game flooded back out. โPizzaโs getting cold.โ
โI actually like your boyfriend, I approve,โ Sunghoon nodded once you composed yourself and sat down yet again.ย
โHeโs not my boyfriend,โ you blurted out.
Sunghoon paused, a slice of pepperoni halfway to his mouth, blinking in confusion. โWhat? But the neck thingโthe hickey?โ
โHeโs justโugh, I told you thatโs from the curling iron,โ you muttered, refusing to look at Jake, who was currently grinning like the cat who got the canary. You focused intently on the grain of the coffee table, anything to avoid the eyes, โand heโs just flirty. I havenโt seen him in three years, Sunghoon. We arenโt dating.โ
Jake clutched his chest, feigning a dramatic heart attack, slumping slightly against the sofa. โWounded, truly. And here I thought we had something special. I brought you video games and everything.โ
You risked a glance at Jay. He wasnโt looking at Sunghoon or Jake, he was looking right at you. He sat back against the sofa, legs spread with that infuriating arrogance, slowly chewing his pizza. He didnโt look angry anymore, he lookedโsatisfied? He knew. He knew exactly why you were denying it. It wasnโt for Sunghoonโs benefit, It was submission, a direct answer to the question heโd forced out of you against the railing. Not him. You were denying Jake because Jayโs touch was still burning on your skin, because five minutes ago you were begging him not to stop.
โWell,โ Sunghoon shrugged, chewing thoughtfully, completely oblivious to basically everything, โheโs cool anyway! You should date him, just keep the circle small. Plus, heโs better than those other guys you used to hang out with.โ
โIโm not dating anyone,โ you snapped, grabbing a slice of cold pizza just to have something to do with your trembling hands.ย
โSuit yourself,โ Jake hummed, leaning in closer, his arm brushing yours just to test your reaction, and well, Jayโs reaction, โbut Iโm still the favourite.โ
He reached out, his thumb grazing your cheekbone, โyouโve got a little smudge rightโโ
Jay dropped his glass onto the table forcefully, the sound was sharp, silencing the room instantly.
โYouโre practically crowding her,โ Jay said, โback off, Jake. She needs to eat.โ
Jake froze, his smile stiffening at the edges. Sunghoon looked between them, brow furrowed, sensing the sudden spike in temperature but misinterpreting the source.
โRelax, Jay,โ Jake laughed, though it sounded hollow. He pulled his hand back, surrendering the space, holding his palms up in mock surrender, โjust trying to help.โ
โJust saying,โ Jay murmured, picking up his glass again.
He took a slow sip, his gaze sliding over the rim of the glass to lock onto yours, looking at your swollen lips, then down to your hands shaking around the pizza crust, and a ghost of a smirk touched his lips.
โShe looks exhausted,โ Jay finished smoothly, his voice dropping an octave, โlet her breathe.โ
You swallowed hard, your heart hammering against your ribs. He was protecting you. Wait, was he actually? Oh noโhe was claiming you right in front of them.ย
And God help you, you liked it.
The rain had been hammering against the floor-to-ceiling windows for six hours straight now, which was honestly horrible since you were stuck dreading the fact that you couldnโt go out, it was kind of a relentless, suffocating downpour that made the house feel less like a home and more like a cage.ย
It was just past 1:00 AM on Friday.
Sunghoon had gone up hours ago, mumbling something about his class tomorrow, which was odd because why does he have classes on Saturday? But that left you alone in the sprawling, dim living room. You were sitting on the plush rug, your back pressed against the base of the sofa, knees pulled up to your chest. The only light came from the faint, ambient glow of the garden lights filtering through the rain, casting long, distorted shadows across the hardwood floor.
In your hand, a heavy crystal glass rested against your knee. You took a slow sip, letting the amber liquid coat your tongue before swallowing. It helped unclasp the knot of anxiety that had been tightening there all day. It was the good stuff, the twenty-year-old single malt your father kept hidden in the back of the mahogany cabinet, reserved for, well, business deals and celebrations. You werenโt really celebrating, just trying to numb the static in your head.
Every time you closed your eyes, you saw itโthe flash of Jayโs eyes on the balcony, the way his hand had looked wrapped around your throatโlarge, veined, and god terrifyingly possessive. The way he had looked at you when you denied Jake, as if he had reached into your chest and pulled the truth out of your beating heart.
Not him.
You hated that you had said it, you hated that you had given him that satisfaction. But mostly, you hated that sitting here, in the dark, with the taste of expensive whiskey on your lips, you were waiting for him.
โThatโs a waste of a good vintage.โ
The voice was low, wrapping around you in the darkness, and you didnโt react, just tipping the glass back, finishing the swallow before lowering it to your knee, staring steadfastly at the rain-streaked glass.
โIโm not wasting it,โ you muttered, โIโm appreciating it. Go away, Jay.โ
You expected him to lecture you saying put the glass down, Y/N. Instead, you heard the soft clink of crystal against crystal.
Jay walked around the sofa, coming into your peripheral vision, and for a change, he wasnโt wearing his stiff button-down, no styled hair, no watch. He was in a loose gray t-shirt that hung off his broad shoulders and black sweatpants that sat low on his hips. His hair was damp, falling into his eyes, messy and unkempt in a way that made him look somehow prettier.ย
He sank down onto the floor next to you, leaving barely a foot of space between your armsโbut close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off him. He held up his own glass next to yours.ย
โI didnโt ask you to stop,โ he murmured, taking a slow sip, his eyes fixed on the window, โjust said donโt waste it. Sip it, hm?โ
You turned your head to look at him, suspicion narrowing your eyes, โsince when do you encourage my so called bad habits? I thought your job was to police me or whatever.โ
โMy job is to keep you safe,โ he corrected calmly, resting his head back against the sofa cushion and closing his eyes, โIf a drink keeps you from climbing out the window and breaking your other ankle, then Iโll pour it for you myself.โ
โIโm not going to climb out the window,โ you huffed, turning back to the view, though your grip on the glass tightened, โitโs raining anyway.โ
โI know.โ
โAnd Iโm not a child.โ
โDebatable.โ
โShut up.โ
He chuckled, and you sat in silence for a long time, just the relentless drumming of the rain and the occasional rhythmic clink of ice shifting in the glasses, but your heart felt warm. It was terrifyingly domestic. This was your enemy, this man was your snitch, this was the man who had ruined your life three years ago. And yet, sitting here in the dark, stripped of the audience and the expectations, the hatred felt rather heavy. You were so tired of carrying it.
โYouโre shaking,โ Jay said.
He hadnโt even opened his eyes, but somehow he knewโhe always knew.
โIโm cold,โ you lied, taking another sip.
โYeah sure. Youโre a liar,โ he countered softly.
He opened his eyes then, turning his head on the cushion to look at you, watching you for a moment, tracing the line of your profile, the curve of your neck, the way your fingers curled around the glass.
โWhy are you down here, Jay?โ You whispered, โyou have a whole house to avoid me in.โ
โMaybe Iโm tired of avoiding you,โ he said simply.
The honesty knocked the wind out of you, making you gulp. You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, looking away, heart hammering.ย
โYouโre just boredโyou like having a punching bag. You like proving that youโre better than me.โ
โIs that what you think this is?โ Jay shifted, turning his body fully toward you, โyou think I enjoy fighting with you?โ
โOh please, you seem to love it,โ you muttered into your glass, โyou practically vibrate with joy every time you get to tell me what a disappointment I am.โ
โI donโt think youโre a disappointment, Y/N.โ
You looked up, eyes wide, searching his face for the lie, for the sarcasm, only to find that he wasnโt really joking about it, not this time.ย
โDonโt,โ you warned, your voice trembling, โdonโt do that, donโt pretend like you care.โ
โIโm not pretending.โ
He reached out for you, and you flinched instinctively, making him pause, his hand hovering in the air between you. A flicker of something pained crossed his face, there and gone in a second. He waited, giving you the chance to pull away. When you didnโt move, he continued the movement, but slower this time. His fingers brushed against your temple, tucking that same loose strand of hair behind your ear. His knuckles grazed your cheekboneโa touch so agonizingly gentle it made your breath hitch in your throat.
His hand didnโt pull away. His thumb rested on your jaw, the calloused pad of his finger ghosting over the corner of your mouth.
โYouโre still swollen,โ he murmured, his voice dropping to a rough timbre that sent a shiver straight down your spine.
โAnd whose fault is that?โ You breathed, turning your face slightly into his palm without meaning to. You were starving for this, you hated him, but god, you were starving for him to touch you like you werenโt a mistake.
โYours,โ he replied, but the word was a caress, โfor making me go crazy.โ
The air between you thickened, the whiskey making you brave, making you soft. You looked at himโreally looked at himโand saw the way his eyes dropped to your lips, the way his pupils blew wide, swallowing the iris.
โI hate you,โ you whispered, but it lacked its usual bite, sounding more like a plea.
โI know,โ Jay whispered back, his thumb dragging across your bottom lip, tugging it slightly, โtell me again.โ
โI hate you.โ
โGood.โ
He leaned in, just an inch. The scent of him filled your senses, drowning out the logic that screamed at you to run. You found yourself leaning forward too, the magnetic pull of three years of obsession dragging you in. You wanted him to kiss you. You wanted him to erase the last three years with his mouth.
Thump.
A heavy footstep creaked on the floorboards directly above you. Sunghoon rolling over in bed.
The sound shattered the world like glass.
Jay pulled back instantly, the loss of his touch physical, leaving your skin cold and aching. He cleared his throat, the sound harsh in the quiet room, and grabbed his glass, downing the rest of the liquid in one swallow.
The mask slammed back into place. The vulnerability vanished behind a wall of composed indifference, though you saw the tension in his jaw, the way his knuckles were white around the glass.
โDonโt stay up too late,โ he said, his voice tight, rough with regret. He stood up, towering over you again, putting miles of distance between you in a single second, โSunghoon has an early lecture tomorrow. He insists on taking you with him.โ
โJayโโ you started, reaching out, your hand trembling.
โGo to sleep, Y/N,โ he cut you off, refusing to look at you, โbefore one of us does something stupid, again.โ
He turned and walked away toward the guest room, the darkness swallowing him up, leaving you sitting on the floor with a half-empty glass of whiskey and a heart that was beating fast enough to bruise.
The morning light was harsh, unfiltered, and utterly unforgiving as it streamed through the kitchen windows, burning your retinas. You sat at the kitchen island, nursing a black coffee that tasted horrendous, wearing oversized sunglasses to hide the fact that you had stared at the ceiling till 4 AM, replaying the way Jayโs thumb had felt on your lip.
Sunghoon was bustling around the kitchen, shoving textbooks into his bag, looking annoyingly fresh-faced and energetic.
โCome on, letโs go,โ Sunghoon said, tapping the counter with a spoon, โI have a lecture in twenty minutes and if Iโm late, Professor Kim will burn me alive. And youโโ he pointed the spoon at you, โโare not leaving my sight.โ
โI am not a child, Hoon,โ you groaned, dropping your head onto your folded arms, โI can stay home, I wonโt burn it down. I promise not to let any boys in.โ
โLast time I left you alone, you ended up in a police station,โ Sunghoon countered cheerfully, tossing an apple at you, you caught it blindly, โget in the car.โ
You looked up, ready to argue, but your eyes landed on the doorway.
Jay was leaning against the frame, keys in hand.
He was back in his armor, a crisp white button-down, sleeves rolled up to the elbows to reveal the veins in his forearms, black slacks, hair styled to perfection. He looked immaculate, he looked like he hadnโt spent the night drinking whiskey on the floor with you, he almost looked like a stranger.
He caught your eye, his expression being blank, bored even.
โLetโs go," Jay said coolly, spinning the keys on his finger, โtraffic is going to be hell.โ
You grabbed your bag, scowling as you walked past him, making sure to bump his shoulder hard enough to be annoying but not hard enough to start a fight.
โYouโre in my way,โ you muttered.
โAs Iโll always be,โ he murmured instantly, low enough that only you could hear.
You suppressed a shiver and marched to the car.
The ride was suffocating, Sunghoon sat in the front passenger seat, talking about his lectures for the day while you sat in the back, staring at the back of Jayโs head. You watched his eyes in the rearview mirror and he was watching you back. Every time you looked up, he was there, checking on you, his gaze heavy and unreadable.
When you finally pulled up to the University, the campus was a chaotic sea of students. It was loud, crowded, and overwhelming. You stepped out of the car, adjusting your bag, feeling small and out of place in your leather jacket and boots among the sea of polished students.
โOkay,โ Sunghoon said, checking his watch as he slammed the door, โI have to go to the biochem lab. Guests arenโt allowed inside, please stay safe here.โ
โSo I can wait in the car?โ You asked hopefully.
โNo,โ Jay answered before Sunghoon could. He locked the car, pocketing the keys, โitโs too hot inside. Just wait on the bench near the quad. Itโs right in front of the building. Weโll be sixty minutes.โ
โSixty minutes?โ You groaned, leaning against the car, โIโll die of boredom.โ
โStay put,โ Jay ordered, stepping into your personal space. He reached out and fixed the collar of your jacket, a gesture that looked brotherly to anyone watching but felt possessive to you, โdonโt wander off, donโt talk to strangers, and donโt make me come find you.โ
โYes, dad,โ you rolled your eyes, slapping his hand away.
Jayโs lip twitched, but he didnโt smile, โbe good.โ
He turned and walked away with Sunghoon, the two of them disappearing into the crowd of students.
You sat on the bench, sighing, pulling your phone out to doom-scroll. You lasted about ten minutes before the boredom became unbearable. You stood up to stretch your legs, pacing a small circle around the bench, kicking at a loose stone, then a guy approached you when you least expected it.ย
โExcuse me?โ
You stopped kicking the loose gravel, looking up to find a guy in a navy windbreaker standing there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other like he was debating whether to run or stay.
โI know this is random,โ he started, offering a lopsided, dimpled grin that was charming, โbut I saw you waiting and I just thoughtโare you a student here? Or maybe waiting for somebody?โ
You let out a breath, offering him a polite smile, the kind you used to let people down gently, โIโm just waiting for my brother, he has a terrible concept of time.โ
โAhโIโm Jungwon by the way,โ he offered, stepping a little closer, confident but not aggressive, โif your brother doesnโt show up, or if you get tired of waiting, maybe I could get your number? Thereโs a decent coffee spot around the corner, way comfy than this curb.โ
You blinked, realizing he was harmless, just a guy shooting his shot, so you softened your expression slightly, โIโm not interested, sorry, but thanks for the offer, Jungwon.โ
โAh, worth a try,โ he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, seemingly unbothered. โHave a good day, then.โ
โYou too,โ you replied, keeping the small, friendly smile on your face as he turned to walk away.ย
Then the air pressure dropped, a sudden shift in the atmosphere that made the hair on your arms stand up, and you turned your head toward the main building to see Jay standing at the top of the concrete stairs. He was about forty yards away, with Sunghoon next to him checking his watch, completely oblivious, but Jay was motionless, one hand jammed deep into his pocket and the other gripping his phone so hard his knuckles were bleached white.
He wasnโt looking at Jungwon, he was looking at you. He had seen the exchange, the lean in, the easy body language, but mostly he had seen the smile, that soft, unguarded expression you had offered a total stranger, a look you hadnโt given Jay in three years.
โFinally,โ you muttered as they reached the car, trying to ignore the knot forming in your stomach.
Jay didnโt even look at you, walking past you like you were invisible, unlocking the car with a sharp chirp and sliding into the driverโs seat without a word. The drive home was a masterclass in suffocation, Sunghoon chattering about his lab partner and filling the void while Jay drove with a dangerous focus, refusing to turn on the radio or check the rearview mirror, just staring at the asphalt while radiating a cold, dark silence.ย
The atmosphere in the house was no better, it was worse.
For hours, Jay orchestrated a silence so loud it rattled the windows, existing as a ghost in your periphery. If you entered the kitchen to grab water, he would immediately set his glass down and walk out without a word. If you sat on the couch, he would stand up and move to the armchair, angling his body away from you as if your very existence offended him. It was a stark, violent contrast to the blurred lines of last night.
Last night, the air between you had been thick with whiskey and reckless candor, his knee knocking against yours under the table, his eyes tracking the movement of your throat when you laughed. Last night, he had poured your drink with this soft attentiveness, looking at you like he wanted to devour you.
Tonight, he looked at you like he wanted to erase you.
By 9:00 PM, the toxicity was choking you, the whiplash of his mood swings making your skin crawl. You couldnโt breathe in the living room anymore, the air too thick with his unspoken judgment and the memory of how warm he had been only twenty-four hours ago. You stormed into the garage, the motion-sensor light flickering on to reveal the sleek, matte-black body of your motorcycle, and you were surprised to see how your parents hadnโt thrown it away.ย
You yanked the tarp off, dust motes dancing in the harsh overhead light. You grabbed your helmet from the shelf, your hands shaking with a mix of adrenaline and fury, and zipped up your leather jacket, the sound of the zipper loud in the quiet concrete space. You needed wind, you needed speed, you needed to outrun the headache Jay was giving you.
Straddling the bike, you kicked the stand up and turned the key. The dashboard lit up, and you hit the ignition, the engine roaring to life with a guttural growl. You walked the bike down the driveway, the heavy tires crunching over the gravel, the exhaust puffing white clouds into the cold night air. You were just about to kick it into gear when a shadow detached itself from the porch.
โTurn it off.โ Jay stepped into the ring of amber light cast by the streetlamp. He was still in his clothes from earlier, looking pissed, his eyes fixed on the revving engine with cold disapproval.
โOh now youโre talking to me? Move, Jay,โ you snapped, flipping your visor up so he could see the glare in your eyes, your gloved hands gripping the clutch.
โItโs late,โ he stated, his voice flat, โand youโre not riding alone. Itโs not safe.โ
โI didnโt ask for permission.โ You revved the engine, โand Iโm certainly not asking you. Youโve been treating me like a ghost for six hours, you donโt get to pretend you give a damn about my safety.โ
โIโm not pretending,โ he said, stepping right into your path. He reached out and grabbed the center of the handlebars, โIโm just not letting you run off just because youโre in a mood.โ
โIโm in a mood?โ You let out a sharp, disbelief-filled scoff, โIโm leaving because youโre impossible. Last night you were fine, and today youโre looking at me like I committed a felony. I donโt even know what I did, Jay.โ
He didnโt answer immediately. His jaw locked tight, a muscle feathering in his cheek. He looked down at your hands on the grips, then back up to your face, his gaze darkening.
โYouโre too loose,โ he muttered, the criticism slipping out low, โyou let people get too comfortable too fast.โ
You froze, the engine purring beneath you. Too comfortable? You hadnโt seen a soul all evening except him and Sunghoon. Unless. The realization clicked into place. The wait at the university, Jungwon, the polite smile you gave him when you turned him down.
โWait.โ You leaned forward over the tank, searching his face, โIs that what this is? You saw that guy at the pickup spot?โ
Jay didnโt say anything, but his eyes narrowed, giving him away completely.
โYouโre kidding,โ you scoffed, the absurdity of it hitting you, โyouโve been acting like a psycho all night because I didnโt tell a stranger to go to hell? Youโre fucking jealousโoh my god.โ
โIโm not jealous,โ he snapped, the denial coming too fast, โI just donโt like watching you be naive.โ
โYou are,โ you challenged, pointing a gloved finger at his chest, โyouโre jealous, Jay. And itโs pathetic.โ
He stared at you, his chest heaving slightly, caught in the lie but refusing to fold. He didnโt move and didnโt bother defending himself further. He just tightened his grip on the bike, his knuckles turning white, staring at you with an intensity that said everything his pride wouldnโt let him speak.
โGet off the bike,โ he warned.ย
โNo,โ you retorted, done playing his games.
You shifted your weight, kicking the bike into neutral for a split second to stare him down. You looked back at the empty passenger seat behind you, then back to him with a dare carved into your expression.
โIโm leaving, Jay,โ you warned, your voice steady over the purr of the engine, โso either hop on or fuck off.โ
Jay scoffed, but did he have any choice? You were too stubborn for your own good and so, he snatched the helmet from the rack, shoving it over his head, not bothering with the clasp. He swung a leg over the seat behind you, the bike dipping aggressively under his sudden, heavy weight.
The suspension groaned, and suddenly the space was gone. His chest pressed flush against your back, a wall of solid, suffocating heat that cut right through your leather jacket. His thighs clamped against yours, locking you in, and his arms wound around your waist, his hands gripping your stomach not to hold on, but to restrain.
โDrive,โ he commanded, his voice muffled by the helmet but vibrating directly against your spine, โbefore I drag you off this thing myself.โย
You didnโt hesitate, a scoff leaving your lips as you kicked the bike, the rear tire spinning on the gravel, spitting stones before biting into the asphalt. You launched forward, the G-force throwing Jay back against the sissy bar before his grip tightened, crushing the air out of your lungs.
You drove just how you felt, it was angry, tearing through the suburban streets, banking the bike so low on the turns that the footpegs scraped the pavement, sending showers of orange sparks dying in the wind. You pushed the RPMs into the red, the engine screaming, weaving through the late-night traffic with a recklessness that bordered on a death wish.
You wanted him to be scared. You wanted him to tap your shoulder, to beg you to slow down, but Jay didnโt flinch, he knew you liked speed, and how reckless you got with it. He just knew he had to be here, providing some kind of anchor to it.
Twenty minutes of adrenaline-fueled chaos later, you skidded into the empty lot of the old industrial park near the riverโa wasteland of concrete and shipping containers. You killed the engine while the bike was still rolling, letting it jerk to a halt. Silence crashed down instantly, ringing in your ears.
You kicked the stand down and shoved his hands off your waist. You swung your leg over and ripped your helmet off, gasping for air, the cold night hitting your sweat-dampened skin. Jay was already off the bike, slamming his helmet onto the seat, his hair messy, his eyes wild.
โWhat the hell was that?โ He snapped, voice rough as he stared at you being so normal about it.
โThatโs called a bike ride, Jay,โ you shot back, trying to appear calm, but you werenโt even close to it.ย
โThat was not riding, you have a fucking death wish,โ he said, stepping closer and into your personal space before you could even process your bearings.
โAw, youโre scared, hm? You wanted to come along, Jay, you knew very well what you were getting into.โย
โI knew you liked to speed, but fucking hellโi didnโt think youโd lose your mind like that,โ he hissed, eyes dark and fixed on yoursโhe looked as if he wished to shake you and pull you into a hug at the same damn time, โall this cause what? Youโre pissed at me.โ
โIโm pissed because youโve been a ghost all day!โ You yelled, the frustration finally boiling over, stinging behind your eyes. You stepped closer, your boots scuffing against his, refusing to back down, โhonestly, what even do you want Jay? You treat me like Iโm some problem, yet you keep looking right through me for hours, and then you hop on my bike and act like youโre my shadow? Pick a side, Jay!โ
He opened his mouth to bark back, his jaw locked so tight a muscle feathered in his cheek, but then he justโstopped. He saw the way your hands were shaking against the side of your legs, the way your chest was heaving not just from anger, but from the adrenaline crash that was about to hit you like a freight train. The fire in his eyes changedโshifting from pure rage to a heavy, exhausted sort of focus.
โShh,โ he muttered, the sound rough and low.
โDonโt shh me, Iโm not doneโโ
โI said shh.โ He didnโt give you a choice. He reached out, his fingers locking around your wrist with a grip that was absolute. He simply ended up pulling you toward the low concrete barrier that lined the riverโs edge.
He sat down first, the heavy fabric of his jeans brushing against the stone, and before you could even think about sitting next to him, he tugged you forward by the waist, pulling you directly down onto his lap.
โJay, let go, Iโm not doing this,โ you grumbled, trying to twist away, but his arms wound around you like iron bands, locking you against his chest.
โJust stay put,โ he commanded, his voice muffled against the shoulder of your leather jacket. He sounded wrecked. He didnโt let go of your hand, either; he caught it, interlacing his fingers with yours and pinning them against his thigh.
You tried to yank your hand back once, then twice, โIโm serious, Jay. Let go.โ You werenโt sure if you even wanted that, especially when this moment felt too intimate for two people who claimed to hate each other.
โNo.โ He squeezed tighter. โYouโre still shaking, just stay still.โ
You let out a sharp, frustrated breath, rigid against him, but the cold wind off the river was starting to bite, and his body was radiating a heat that soaked right through your jacket. You eventually slumped against him, the fight draining out of you as you rested your head near his neck, surrounded by the scent of his cologne and the lingering smell of exhaust.
For a long time, the only sound was the wind coming off the black water and the faint, metallic tick-tick-tick of the bike cooling down behind you. The adrenaline had completely burned out of your system, leaving you feeling hollowed out and heavy. Jay didnโt move, his thumb just kept tracing a slow, repetitive line over the knuckles of your gloved hand, a steady rhythm that matched the heartbeat thudding against your spine.
โI wasnโt going to crash, you know,โ you murmured, hating how small your voice sounded.
You felt him let out a slow, jagged breath, โcouldโve fooled me,โ he muttered, his voice rough.
โIโm not stupid, Jay. I wouldnโt do that shit with you sitting at the back, and you know it.โ
The rhythmic movement of his thumb paused, โso youโd do it without me? Are you hearing yourself right now?โ His voice held anger but it came out rather quiet, which was scary, โis it because you are pissed, huh? Because of what happened earlier.โ
You pulled back just a fraction, frowning at the side of his neck, โwhat happened earlier? You mean you acting like I didnโt exist for six straight hours?โ
โYou know what I mean,โ he finally turned his head, his eyes were dark in the dim light of the lot, searching your face, โthe guy at the coffee cart.โ
You let out a dry, tired scoff, shaking your head slightly, this was incredulous, โare we really doing this? He just asked for my number, Jay. I didnโt even give it to him.โ
โBut you smiled at him,โ he said it like an accusation, but it lacked the vicious bite from your argument, It just sounded heavy.ย
You stared at him, the realization slowly washing over the lingering anger in your chest. The brooding, the silent treatment, the way heโd gripped you on the bike like he was terrified of letting go, โyou were jealous of a smile? Jay, whatโs wrong with you?โ
Jay swallowed hard, his jaw clenching, not bothering to lie this time, โI hated it,โ he admitted, his voice dropping to a rasp, โseeing him get to talk to you like it was nothingโlike he didnโt have to wade through three years of absolute hell just to get you to look at him, you donโt even look at me unless itโs to fight back.โ
You stared at him, pulling your hand free from his, but instead of pulling away, you rested your palm against his chest, pissed still because he was the one who riled you up each time, calm because communication was a foreign concept when it concerned you both.
โJay,โ you said softly, โyou irritate me so fucking much, then you want me to smile at you when you ignore me?โ Jay groaned at this, yet you continued, โand yes I tried to run cause i was tired of this back and forth, but you wonโt even let me drive, you piss me off I swear.โ
He leaned forward, shifting your position now, resting his forehead heavily against yours. His eyes fluttered shut as he let out a breath he seemed to have been holding since the university, โdonโt do it again,โ he breathed against your skin, not even sure if it was about the guy or the speeding, or well, both, โdonโt drive like that when Iโm right here.โ
โThen donโt freeze me out,โ you countered, your voice barely above a whisper.
He didnโt answer with words. He just shifted his grip, one hand sliding up your back to press you a fraction closer, holding you there until the last of the tremors finally left your hands, staring at you as you rested against his chest, looking so pretty, so peaceful, and Jay swears heโd have done anything to have you back like this.
His eyes drifted back to your lips, gulping before he looked elsewhere.
Eventually, he pulled back, the cold air rushing in to fill the space between you. He looked exhausted. He reached out, his fingers brushing the zipper of your jacket before dropping to your hip, where your keys were clipped.
โGive me the keys,โ he said quietly.
You didnโt argue, you unclipped them and dropped them into his waiting palm. Jay stood up, bringing you with him. He swung his leg over the front of the bike, taking the driverโs seat. You climbed on behind him, the dynamic instantly shifting. You wrapped your arms around his waist, sliding your hands into the front pocket of his hoodie, and pressed your cheek flat against his back, and Jay was just glad you couldnโt see his face at the moment.
He kicked the engine to life, and the ride home was entirely different. He drove with a smooth, protective precision, his body naturally leaning to shield you from the worst of the wind. By the time he pulled into the garage and killed the engine, sealing you both in the warm, amber light, the hostility was gone. He stayed seated, resting his hands on his thighs, and covered your hands with his own.
โWeโre home,โ he whispered into the quiet.
โYeah,โ you murmured back, squeezing his waist. And for the first time all day, it actually felt like it.
The heavy, amber light of the garage clicked off, plunging the space into darkness, but the warmth between you didnโt fade as you both finally stepped off the bike and walked inside. The mudroom was quiet, the sleeping house wrapping around you, but the suffocating hostility that had choked you for the past three years was completely gone.
Jay stopped at the base of the stairs. He didnโt walk past you. He turned, his dark eyes searching your face in the shadows. Before you could even think to put your walls back up, he stepped into your space and wrapped his arms around you.
You let out a shaky breath, your hands hesitantly coming up to grip the soft cotton of his hoodie as you buried your face in his chest. Your heart did a violent, frantic stutter against your ribs, a sudden swarm of butterflies erupting in your stomach. It felt painfully nostalgic and terrifyingly real.
He pressed his cheek to the top of your head, holding you tight enough that you could feel the steady, heavy thud of his own heartbeat mirroring yours, โIโm tired of fighting you,โ he murmured into your hair, his voice stripped of all its armor.
โIโm tired too,โ you whispered into his chest.
He pulled back just enough to look at you. His hand slid up to cup your face, his thumb brushing along your jawlineโagonizingly soft, before he leaned down. The kiss was slow, barely a press of his lips against yours, sweet and hesitant. It wasnโt fueled by anger or jealousy really, it was a quiet apology for the last six hours, and maybe the last three years.
When he pulled away, he kept his forehead resting against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the quiet hallway, โtomorrow,โ he promised, โno more running, princess,ย weโll figure this out, yeah? Weโll talk.โ
โTomorrow,โ you agreed softly, leaning into his touch for one last heartbeat before he finally let you go upstairs, eyes not leaving you till the door of your room closed with a soft thud, him trying his best to bite his lip, not letting the goofy smile spread on his face.
The next morning felt entirely different. You woke up without that familiar dread sitting on your chest, instead, the butterflies were back, fluttering wildly at the thought of facing him. You actually took your time getting dressed, catching yourself smiling at the mirror as you replayed the soft press of his lips and the absolute certainty in his voice. You were ready for that talk, you were ready to finally put the bitterness away.
When you walked downstairs, however, Jay was already gone. Sunghoon was in a complete panic, tearing through the kitchen looking for his notes for a weekend seminar. Before you could even ask where Jay had gone, Sunghoon had practically dragged you into the passenger seat of his car, on a fucking Sunday, insisting he couldnโt leave you home alone and that dropping off his project would only take twenty minutes.
You didnโt mind the detour honestly, leaning against a concrete planter in the campus quad while Sunghoon ran inside, letting the crisp morning air wash over you. You were mindlessly looking around, but your thoughts kept drifting back to the hallway. To the way your heart had hammered when he kissed you. To the undeniable feeling that after three years of hell, you were finally on the verge of something beautiful.
You allowed yourself a small, secret smile, fingertips absently tracing the faint bruise still hidden beneath the collar of your hoodie. Then your gaze caught on a familiar silhouette across the quad.
Jay stood near the library steps, sleeves of his black button-up rolled to the elbows, the morning light catching the sharp line of his jaw. He was not alone. A girl lingered close beside himโlong dark hair swaying as she laughed at something he said, her hand resting lightly on his forearm in a gesture that spoke of easy familiarity. She leaned in as she spoke, the kind of effortless closeness that made something sharp and unwelcome twist deep in your gut.
Moments later Sunghoon reappeared, project folder tucked securely under his arm, his expression already easing into its usual relaxed state, โall done,โ he said, nodding toward the car, โletโs head back before I remember I have another deadline breathing down my neck.โ
You swallowed, keeping your voice deliberately light and casual as you gestured with your chin, โwhoโs that with Jay?โ
Sunghoon followed your gaze and let out a low, knowing chuckle, shaking his head as if the sight were nothing more than a minor inconvenience, โthatโs his girlfriend, Professor Kimโs daughter, Mina. Jayโs been stuck tutoring her for weeks now. You know how it is with him and these academic obligations.โ He ruffled your hair in that familiar, protective way, already steering you back toward the car, โcโmon, letโs get you home.โ
Girlfriend, tutor, Professorโs daughter. The words blurred together into the same bitter refrainโhe had already moved on. Then why was he even actively chasing you? Why did he kiss you? None of it made any sense.ย
You offered Sunghoon a tight, reassuring smile and slid back into the passenger seat, the morning air suddenly too sharp against your skin. The entire drive home passed in silence on your end while he rambled about his seminar. Your mind had already raced far ahead, heart pounding harder than the engine.
The house had fallen into the deep, heavy silence of true night by the time the waiting finally broke you.
You had spent the hours after returning home drifting through the rooms like a ghost, ears tuned to every distant engine hum on the street, every faint creak of the front door. Jay never came back even when the clock ticked past midnight, the lights in Sunghoonโs room eventually went out. The whole house grew still, leaving only the low tick of the clock and the unbearable weight in your chest.
Girlfriend.ย
The word wouldnโt leave you, it wrapped around the memory of his desperate kiss until the contradiction felt like it would split you open. Why chase you so fiercely if he already had someone else? Why kiss you like you were air and he was drowning, only to vanish the very next day?
You were exhausted by the hope, exhausted by letting him unravel everything you had spent three years rebuilding.
At half past three you stood up in the dark, pulled on your leather jacket, and slipped downstairs without a sound. The back door clicked shut behind you like a quiet goodbye, right now you only needed your bike. You swung a leg over, kicked the engine to life, and twisted the throttle hard.
The wind slammed into your face, cold and merciless, ripping the tears from your eyes before they could fall. You leaned forward and let the road swallow you whole, chasing the only thing that had ever made the ache feel smaller.
You didnโt look back at the house, not even once.
The city thinned out behind you, streetlights stretching into long ribbons of gold as the road opened up. Every mile felt like another promise you were breakingโto yourself, to the fragile peace you had tried to rebuild. But peace had never felt like enough when Jay was involved, it never had.
Headlights flared in your mirror, bright and unrelenting. At first you thought it was just another late-night driver, then the black car surged forward, pulling level with you on the empty stretch of roadโJayโs car.
Your stomach dropped, he leaned across the console, window down, hair wild from the wind rushing through the cabin. His face was tight with panic and something darker, something that looked too much like fear.
โY/N!โ His shout cut through the combined thunder of engines, โslow the fuck down! Pull over!โ
You clenched your jaw and twisted the throttle harder, the bike surging forward. The wind whipped his voice away, but you heard the raw edge in it. He matched your speed effortlessly, one hand white-knuckled on the wheel. โStop the bikeโyouโre going to get yourself killed!โ
The accusation in your chest finally tore free, โgo home to her!โ You screamed back, voice cracking against the night, โyour girlfriend, your student, whatever the hell she is! Iโm done being the one you chase when itโs convenient!โ
Jayโs expression shattered, โwhat? Who?โ
โI saw you at the uni!โ
It took a few seconds, but Jay eventually realized, โsheโs not my girlfriend! Mina is Professor Kimโs daughterโIโm only tutoring her because heโs writing my recommendation letter. Thatโs fucking it. I was driving home from her place when I saw you fly past, pull over, damn it!โ
The words should have softened something inside you, but they only fed the storm. You were too raw, too tired of half-truths and disappearing acts. โLiar!โ You shouted, the wind snatching the sound.ย
โFineโwhoever wins the next mile decides. If I win, youโll talk to me, If you winโleave me alone forever. Deal?โ
You didnโt even hesitate, โdeal.โ
The road became nothing but speed and fury. Your bike screamed beneath you, tires eating asphalt, the world narrowing to the white lines blurring past. Jayโs car roared beside you, dangerously close, his engine fighting for every inch. You leaned lower, pushing harder than you ever had, tiredness creeping up, but also reckless that matched Jayโs desperationโwhich made him faster. His car shot ahead, cutting sharply in front of you and slamming on the brakes.
Tires shrieked, as your bike fishtailed wildly. You fought the handlebars, skidding to a stop inches from his rear bumper, the sudden silence ringing in your ears like a gunshot.
You ripped the helmet off and hurled it to the ground, legs shaking as you dismounted. Jay was already out of the car, door hanging open, chest heaving.
โYou almost got us both killed,โ he yelled, stalking toward you across the empty road.
โGood!โ Your voice cracked, raw and trembling with everything youโd held back for years, โmaybe if Iโd actually crashed youโd finally feel itโwhat itโs like to be left standing there wondering why the hell you even mattered to someone.โ
Jayโs steps faltered for half a second, rain already starting to fall in fat, cold drops that darkened his shirt. He kept coming anyway, stopping so close you could see the way his jaw worked, the frantic rise and fall of his chest. โYou think I donโt feel that every single day?โ His voice was hoarse, cracking, โyou think I havenโt spent the last three years replaying that night I told your parents everything, wondering how the fuck it all went so wrong?โ
You shoved at his chest, hard enough that he rocked back on his heels, but he didnโt step away, โthen why disappear again? Why kiss me like Iโm the only person youโve ever wanted and then spend the whole next day with somebody else? I waited for you, Jay. I sat in that dark house like an idiot while you were off doing whatever the hell you do with Professorโs perfect daughter.โ
โI wasnโt with her like that!โ The words tore out of him, loud and desperate, rain now pouring steadily between you, โMina is just some girl whose dad is holding my entire future in his hands. He asked me to tutor her because sheโs failing and he knows I need that recommendation letter. Thatโs all it is. I was driving home from her place when I saw you fly past on that damn bike. I wasnโt choosing her. I was literally coming back to you.โ
You laughed, but it sounded more like a sob, โcoming back to me? You always say that. You always make it sound like Iโm the one running when youโre the one whoโโ
โI never meant for you to leave!โ Jay shouted, voice breaking completely. Rain plastered his hair to his forehead, water streaming down his face, but he didnโt blink. โI told your parents about the races because I was terrified, Y/N. You were getting in too deep and I panicked. I thought theyโd ground you, talk to you, anything but send you away for three fucking years. I begged them. I told them it was my fault too, that I shouldโve stopped you sooner, thatโs literally fucking why I joined in too, you know itโyou literally fucking know it. I sat in your living room and cried like a fucking kid while they packed your bags. And every single day since you left Iโve hated myself for it.โ
His hands came up to grip your shoulders, not hard, but like he needed to hold onto something real, โIโve only ever liked you. Always. Even when you hated me, even when you looked at me like I was the reason your whole life fell apart. Itโs been youโonly you.โ
You opened your mouth to throw it all back at him, the years, the silence, the way he still made you feel smallโbut Jay didnโt give you the chance. The second your lips parted he surged forward, crashing his mouth against yours mid-retort.
The kiss was messy and frantic, all teeth and desperation and three years of everything youโd both swallowed down. Rain poured over you both, soaking your clothes, making his shirt cling to the hard lines of his chest as he backed you against the car. One of his hands slid into your wet hair, gripping tight, the other pressed flat against your lower back, pulling you flush against him until you could feel every shaky breath he took. You kissed him back just as wildly, nails digging into his shoulders, tasting rain and salt and the raw edge of his apology.
He groaned into your mouth when you bit his lip, the sound low and broken, and the tension between you snapped into something hotter, heavier. Your soaked bodies slid together, hips pressing instinctively, his thigh nudging between yours as the rain hammered down around you like it was trying to wash everything away.
When he finally pulled back just enough to breathe, forehead resting against yours, his voice was wrecked and trembling.
โDonโt run from me again,โ he whispered, thumb brushing a raindrop from yourย cheek with a gentleness that made your chest hurt. โPlease, babyโjust stay.โ
You opened your mouth to throw it back at him, but Jay kept going, voice cracking louder over the downpour, โand that night, years ago, when the cops cameโI got on a bike too. I raced straight into their path, drew every single one of them after me so you could get out clean. I risked everything because I couldnโt stand the thought of you getting caught.โ
Your breath caught hard, eyes widening in genuine shock, โyou what?โ
Jayโs hands came up to grip your arms, fingers digging in like he was afraid youโd vanish, โI never meant for you to leave,โ he said, voice raw and desperate, almost pleading, โI thought theyโd just ground you, talk some sense into you. I begged them not to send you away, I told them it was my fault, that I shouldโve protected you better. Iโve only ever liked you, Y/N. Only you. Even when you looked at me like I was the enemy, even when I hated myself for what I did.โ
You tried to speak, tried to tell him it still hurt, that it didnโt erase the years, but the words barely formed before Jay surged forward and slotted his lips against yoursโhard, cutting off whatever you were about to say.
The kiss was messy and urgent, rain pouring between your mouths as his lips moved against yours like he was trying to pour every regret straight into you. You gasped into it, and he swallowed each fucking sound, one hand sliding into your soaked hair, the other gripping your waist hard enough to pull your body flush against his. His soaked shirt clung to his chest, the heat of his skin burning through the cold fabric as he pressed you back against the car.
โIโve only ever wanted you,โ he mumbled against your lips, voice wrecked, before kissing you deeper, tongue sliding against yours in a way that made your knees weak, โevery fucking day.โ
You tried to pull back to breathe, to argue, but he chased your mouth instantly, kissing you again, slower this time but no less desperate, hips rolling into yours with a slow, deliberate grind that made heat flare low in your belly despite the freezing rain.
โJayโโ you managed between kisses, voice shaky, but he cut you off again, teeth grazing your bottom lip as his hand slipped under the hem of your jacket, palm hot against the bare skin of your lower back.
โDonโt,โ he breathed, forehead pressed to yours, rain dripping from his lashes, โdonโt push me away right now, I canโt take it.โ
Your fingers tightened in his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. The rain hammered down around you, soaking every inch of you both, but all you could feel was the frantic thud of his heart against yours, the way his thigh pressed between your legs, the desperate way his mouth kept finding yours like he was scared this moment would disappear.
โI never stopped wanting you,โ he whispered between kisses, โnot for one second.โ
The words cracked something deep inside your chest, a raw, aching fracture that had been waiting three long years to split open. You kissed him back harder, teeth nipping at his bottom lip, tasting rain and the faint salt of everything youโd both buried for so long. Jayโs hands slid down your sides, fingers digging into the heavy, rain-soaked leather of your jacket as if he needed to hold onto something solid before he lost his mind. The denim of your jeans was plastered to your thighs, cold and heavy, clinging uncomfortably, but the heat radiating from his body burned straight through the wet fabric.ย
You grind against his thigh without thinking, a needy little sound escaping your throat. Jay groaned, low and rough, and pressed his leg firmer between your legs, giving you something solid to ride as the rain poured harder. His hands slipped under the hem of your jacket, palms hot against the rain-chilled skin of your waist, then higher, cupping your tits through your soaked shirt. Your nipples were already tight from the cold and the adrenaline, and when his thumbs circled them slowly, you moaned into his mouth, hips rolling harder, chasing the friction he was offering.
โJayโโ you gasped, voice shaky and raw, barely audible over the roar of the rain, โI was so fucking angry at you, I still am, but Iโโ
He cut you off with another deep kiss, tongue sliding against yours in a slow, filthy drag that made heat pool low in your belly despite the freezing rain, โI know,โ he murmured against your lips, breath hot and ragged, โI know I hurt you, I know I fucked everything up. But right nowโlet me fix it. Let me make you feel good. Please, baby, I need to taste you.โ
You nodded, barely able to speak, heart hammering so hard it felt like it might crack your ribs. Jay dropped to his knees right there on the wet road. Puddles splashed around him, soaking his jeans instantly, but he didnโt care. Rain streamed down his sharp featuresโdark eyes locked on you with raw hunger, water tracing the sharp line of his jaw, strands of wet hair plastered to his forehead. He looked up at you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered, and for him, that was true.
His fingers worked the button of your jeans open with shaking hands, then dragged the heavy, rain-soaked denim down your thighs along with your panties. The cold night air hit your bare skin, making you shiver violently, but Jayโs warm palms steadied your hips as he peeled the clinging fabric away, taking his time, kissing every new inch of skin he revealed. He hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, leather jacket creaking with the movement, and pressed a slow, open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your thigh, then higher, breath ghosting hot over your core.
โFuck, youโre beautiful,โ he whispered, voice hoarse with need, โbeen thinking about thisโdreaming about it every single night.โ
The first slow drag of his tongue up your slit pulled a broken moan from deep in your throat. He licked you like he had all the time in the world, savoring every inch, groaning against your folds as if the taste of you was better than anything heโd ever had. Rain dripped from his lashes onto your skin, cold little shocks that only made the heat of his tongue feel sharper, more overwhelming. He circled your clit with the flat of his tongue, then sucked it into his mouth, gentle at first, then with more pressure, more hunger.
โJayโoh godโโ your hand flew to his wet hair, fingers twisting tight as your other palm slapped against the car roof for balance. The rain kept pouring, running in rivulets down your stomach and mixing with the slick heat between your legs. Your leather jacket felt heavier with every second, water streaming off the shoulders and down your back, but all you could focus on was the way Jayโs sharp jaw worked against your thigh as he devoured you, the way his tongue flicked and swirled and pressed.
He slid two fingers inside you without warning, curling them deep while his tongue flicked faster. The stretch was perfect, the wet sounds of his mouth and fingers mixing obscenely with the roar of the rain. He added a third finger, scissoring you open slowly, carefully, like he was learning every part of you for the first time, like he wanted to memorize how you felt around him.
โYouโre so wet,โ he groaned against you, voice vibrating through your core. โAll for me. Fuck, I love how you taste. I could stay here all night, just like this, making you come over and over until you canโt even stand.โ
You whimpered, hips jerking against his face. The rain made everything slicker, colder, more intense. Jayโs fingers pumped steadily, curling against that spot inside you that made sparks explode behind your eyes as he sucked your clit harder, moaning like he was the one falling apart, like tasting you was undoing him completely.
โIโmโJay, Iโm gonnaโโ your voice broke, thighs shaking around his head, leather jacket creaking as you tried to hold yourself upright.
โCโmon, let go for me,โ he rasped, not stopping for a second, โlet me feel it, baby. I want it all, right on my tongue.โ
The orgasm hit you like a wave, crashing hard and sudden and overwhelming. Your back arched against the car, a loud, broken moan tearing from your throat as you came on his tongue and fingers, thighs clamping around his head, body shaking violently. Jay kept licking you through it, gentler now, drawing it out, prolonging every aftershock until your legs were trembling so badly he had to stand and catch you, pressing you back against the car with his body.
He kissed you immediately, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. The kiss was slower this time, deeper, his hands cupping your face like you were something precious.
โYou okay?โ He whispered against your lips, voice soft but still rough with need, โtell me if itโs too much. Iโll stop if you need me to.โ
You shook your head, breathing hard, fingers still tangled in his wet hair, โItโs not too much, I want more. Donโt stopโdonโt fucking stop.โ
Jayโs eyes darkened, something almost feral flashing across his sharp features. He kissed you again, slower, like he was savouring every second, then dropped back down to his knees without another word. This time he was even more deliberateโtongue tracing lazy, teasing patterns over your clit while three fingers pumped deep and steady inside you.ย
โJayโfuck, that feels so good,โ you gasped, voice cracking. โDonโt stopโplease donโt stop, need it.โ
He hummed against you, the vibration making you jolt, โIโm not stopping until you cum again. You have no idea how long Iโve wanted this.โ
He curled his fingers just right, sucking your clit into his mouth at the same time, and the second orgasm built faster, sharper, coiling tight in your belly. Your hips rocked against his face, leather jacket creaking, rain pouring down your body as you chased the feeling, completely lost in the heat of his mouth and the cold rain and the way he was touching you like he never wanted to stop.
โIโm closeโJay, Iโm so closeโโ
โCome on, baby,โ he murmured, voice muffled against your pussy, โlet go, Iโve got you, cum for me.โ
You came again with a sharp cry, thighs shaking violently around his shoulders, the pleasure so intense it bordered on overwhelming, wave after wave crashing through you until you were trembling and oversensitive and barely able to stand. Jay worked you through it, tongue gentle now, fingers slowing until you were a shaking, gasping mess against the car.
When he finally stood, his sharp jaw was glistening with you and rain. He kissed you slow and deep, hands cupping your face like you were something precious.
โYouโre incredible,โ he whispered against your mouth, voice wrecked, โso fucking perfect.โ
You were still catching your breath, legs weak, when he pulled you closer, forehead pressed to yours under the pouring rain. The rain kept falling, cold and steady, but the heat between you two felt like it could burn the whole world down.
Jayโs hands trembled as he helped you toward the open back door, โinside,โ he rasped, voice wrecked, โnowโI need you.โ
You barely had time to nod before he guided you into the cramped backseat. The space was ridiculously tightโhis broad shoulders brushed the roof, his knees dug into the leather, and there was almost no room to move. But the moment the door slammed shut behind you, the world narrowed to nothing but the two of you. The windows fogged instantly from the heat of your bodies, turning the glass opaque, the rain a constant heavy roar on the roof that sealed you both in your own private storm.
Jay settled between your spread thighs in missionary, his sharp jaw clenched tight, dark eyes locked on yours in the dim, foggy light. Rain still dripped from his hair onto your chest. Your jeans were tangled around one ankle, your leather jacket half-off and sticking to the seat, but none of it mattered. He braced one hand beside your head, the other gently cupping your face.
โWe donโt have a condom,โ he said again, voice low and serious even now, thumb stroking your cheek, โI can stop, I can pull outโwhatever you want, baby. Just tell mw.โ
You shook your head, pulling him down by the back of his neck, โI donโt care,โ you whispered, honest and aching, โI donโt want anything between us, please, JayโI need you inside me.โ
Something in his expression shatteredโraw hunger and relief and so much love it made your chest hurt. He kissed you deeply, then reached down to free himself. His cock was heavy and thick, flushed dark at the tip and already leaking. You swallowed hard at the sight.
Jay stroked himself once, eyes never leaving your face, โweโll go slow,โ he promised, voice strained, โtell me if itโs too much. Iโve got you, baby.โ
He lined himself up and pressed the head against your entrance. The stretch was immediate and intenseโhe was big, thicker than youโd expected, and even after everything heโd done with his mouth and fingers the burn made you gasp. He pushed in just the tip, then stopped, letting you adjust, forehead pressed to yours.
โBreathe for me,โ he whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, โthatโs itโyouโre doing so good, so fucking good for me.โ
You whimpered, nails digging into his shoulders through the wet shirt, โJayโyouโre so big. Fuckโโ
โI know,โ he murmured, voice shaking with restraint, โIโve got you, just relax, hm? Let me in, baby.โ
He eased in another inch, slow and careful, eyes locked on yours the whole time. The car was so cramped that every tiny movement made the leather creak beneath you as the rain hammered the roof. The fogged windows trapped the heat and the scent of rain-soaked leather and sex. Your soaked jeans were still tangled around one ankle, your leather jacket half-off and sticking to the seat, but none of it mattered. Another inch. You gasped, thighs trembling around his hips.
โTalk to me,โ Jay breathed, pausing again, thumb stroking your cheek, โdoes it hurt?โ
โA little,โ you admitted, voice small and honest, โbut donโt stop. I want it.โ
He groaned softly and kissed you again, deep and slow, as he pushed in further. It took long, careful minutes โ every inch earned with kisses and whispers and his thumb circling your clit to help you relax. When he finally bottomed out, buried to the hilt inside you, you both let out shaky, broken moans.
โFuck, fuck, fuck,โ he whispered against your neck, voice cracking, โyou feelโperfect. So warm around me, I canโt believe this is real.โ
He stayed still for a long moment, letting you adjust, forehead pressed to yours while the rain continued its endless rhythm on the roof. Then he started moving, slow, deep rolls of his hips that made the car rock gently beneath you. Every thrust dragged against that spot inside you that made sparks burst behind your eyes.
You wrapped your legs around his waist as best you could in the tight space, pulling him closer, โJayโharder,โ you gasped, โI can take it, please.โ
He gave it to you, still careful at first, but deeper, faster, the wet slap of skin and the creak of leather mixing with your moans and the roar of the rain outside. His hand found yours, lacing your fingers together above your head as he fucked you.
โLook at me,โ he whispered, voice raw, โI need to see you.โ
You did, and in that cramped, fogged-up car, with the rain pouring down around you, you reached your high againโhard, clenching around him, crying out his name like it was the only word you knew. Jay followed soon after, burying himself deep and spilling inside you with a broken groan, hips stuttering, face pressed into your neck like he never wanted to let go.
He stayed there, still inside you, breathing hard against your skin while the rain continued its endless rhythm on the roof. Neither of you moved for a long time.
He stayed there, still buried deep inside you, breathing hard against your neck while the rain hammered the roof like it was trying to drown out the world. The fogged windows had turned the car into a small, steamy cocoon, the leather seats slick beneath your bodies, the air thick with the scent of rain, leather, and sex. Jayโs sharp jaw rested against your collarbone, his breath hot and uneven, one hand still laced with yours above your head like he couldnโt bear to let go even for a second.
Eventually he lifted his head, dark eyes soft but still burning as they met yours in the dim light, โyou okay?โ he whispered, voice hoarse, โdid I hurt you?โ
You shook your head, a shaky, breathless laugh escaping you, โnoโit was perfect. You were perfect, but Iโm not done with you yet.โ
Jayโs eyebrows lifted, that familiar cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth even now, โoh? Greedy tonight, are we?โ
โShut up,โ you muttered, pushing at his chest until he sat back against the seat. The cramped space made it awkward, but you didnโt care. You swung one leg over him and straddled his lap, settling on top of him in the tight backseat. The position put you in control and you liked it. You reached between you, wrapping your hand around his thick, still-hard cock, stroking him slowly. Jay hissed, head falling back against the seat, sharp jaw tight as he watched you with dark, hooded eyes.
โFuck, babyโyouโre really gonna ride me like this?โ He groaned, hands gripping your hips, fingers digging into the wet denim, โafter everything, you still wanna be in charge?โ
You leaned down, brushing your lips against his ear, โyou had your turn,โ you whispered, voice bratty and breathless, โnow itโs mineโunless youโre scared you canโt handle it.โ
Jay laughed, low and rough, but his grip on your hips tightened, โscared? Of you? Never, but if you think you can take all of me again so soon, go ahead. Show me what youโve got.โ
You lined him up and sank down slowly, the stretch still intense even after everything. You gasped, thighs trembling as you took him inch by inch, the cramped space forcing you to stay close, chest to chest. Jayโs hands stayed on your hips, guiding you but not forcing, his breath hitching every time you sank lower.
โEasy, my love,โ he murmured, voice strained, โdonโt rush it. Youโre so fucking tight around meโfuck, just like that.โ
โShut up,โ you hissed, even as you moaned, sinking further. โYouโre so big itโs ridiculous. How the hell do you fit?โ
Jayโs sharp jaw clenched, a smirk flashing across his face, โyouโre the one who wanted it raw, remember? No complaining now, princess. Take it.โ
You bottomed out with a broken moan, both of you cursing under your breath. For a moment you just sat there, forehead pressed to his, breathing the same air, the rain still hammering the roof like white noise. Then you started moving slow, rolling your hips in teasing circles at first, testing the angle, feeling every thick inch of him inside you. Jay groaned, hands sliding under your jacket to grip your bare waist, thumbs digging in hard enough to leave marks.
โFuck, look at you,โ he breathed, eyes dark as he watched you ride him, โso pretty when youโre on top of me like this. Taking every inch like you were made for it.โ
You picked up the pace, rising and sinking faster, the wet slap of skin mixing with the creak of leather and the roar of the rain, โdonโt get cocky,โ you gasped, nails digging into his shoulders, โyouโre the one whoโs been chasing me for days. Whoโs the desperate one now?โ
Jay laughed, but it came out broken as you ground down hard, โme. Iโm the desperate one. Always have been for you.โ He thrust up to meet you, making you cry out, โbut youโre the one who ran out here in the middle of the night just to get fucked by me, so whoโs really desperate?โ
โAsshole,โ you moaned, but you rode him harder, bouncing properly now, the angle hitting that perfect spot with every drop. The car rocked noticeably, the fogged windows completely opaque, the confined space making every movement more intense.
Jayโs hands roamed, one sliding up to squeeze your breast, the other gripping your ass to help you move, โyeah? Call me an asshole when you cream all over my cock, hm? Thatโs my girl.โ
You leaned forward, biting his neck, making him hiss, even though you fucking loved hearing that, โyour girl? You wish. You donโt get to claim me after disappearing on me again.โ
He groaned, hips snapping up harder, โtoo bad, babyโIโm claiming you right now. Every inch of this pussy is mine, say it.โ
You laughed breathlessly, even as you clenched around him, โmake me.โ
Jay cursed, one hand tangling in your wet hair, tugging your head back so he could kiss you filthy and deep while you kept riding him. The kiss was all tongue and teeth, messy and angry and perfect. You kept moving, rolling and bouncing, the leather creaking beneath you, the rain a constant roar that made everything feel even more private.
โFuck, you feel so good,โ he groaned against your mouth, โso wet, I can feel you dripping down my balls, baby. Youโre making such a mess.โ
โShut up,โ you moaned, but your hips stuttered, the dirty words going straight to your core, โyou talk too much.โ
โAnd you love it,โ he shot back, smirking, โyou love when I tell you how good youโre taking me. How deep I am inside you. How no one else will ever feel this good to you again.โ
You rode him harder, chasing the edge, thighs burning but refusing to slow down, โyouโre so fucking full of yourself.โ
โYeah?โ He thrust up sharply, making you cry out, โyouโre the one whoโs full of me right now, baby.โ
You came with a loud, broken moan, nails raking down his chest, body shaking as the orgasm crashed through you. Jay followed right after, groaning your name as he spilled deep inside you again, hips stuttering, arms wrapping tight around your waist like he never wanted to let go.
You collapsed against his chest, both of you breathing hard, skin slick with rain and sweat. The rain was still hammering the roof, the car still fogged up, the world outside completely forgotten.
After a long minute Jay kissed the top of your head, voice soft but still rough, โwe should probably head homeโbut first, your bike.โ
You lifted your head, still dazed, โshitโmy bike.โ
He smiled, small and tired, and kissed you gently, โItโll be safe. No one uses this road at night. Iโll come back for it first thing in the morning myself, I promise. Right now I just need to get you home with me. Where you belong.โ
You nodded, melting into him, โhmmโtake me home.โ
The drive was quiet and peaceful. The rain tapped softly against the windshield, the wipers moving in a gentle rhythm. Jay didnโt say much at first, just held you closer whenever the car turned a corner, like he was afraid the night might steal you away again. The warmth of his body seeped through your damp clothes, chasing away the last traces of the cold rain. Every so often his thumb would press a little firmer on your thigh, a silent reminder that he was really here, that this was real, that you were with him.
When he finally pulled into the driveway, the house was dark and still. He turned off the engine and turned to you, leaning in to kiss you slow and sweet, like he had all the time in the world now, smiling into the kiss.
Inside, you left a trail of wet clothes behind you as he led you to the bathroom. He turned the shower on hot, steam quickly filling the small space. He undressed you with gentle hands, peeling the soaked leather jacket from your shoulders, then your shirt, then the heavy jeans that had clung to your legs all night. Every touch was careful, reverent even. He stepped under the shower with you, pulling you against his chest, the hot water cascading over both of you like a fresh start.
His hands soaped your skin slowly, washing away the rain, the road, the fear. He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, your lips, murmuring soft things between each touch. The water made everything feel warmer, safer, more intimate. He lifted you gently, your back against the tiled wall, legs wrapping around him, and slid into you slow and deep. There was no rush this time, just long, tender strokes, his forehead pressed to yours, eyes locked as he moved inside you. You moaned softly into his mouth, clinging to him, the steam and the heat and the love making everything feel safe and overwhelming all at once. You came with his name on your lips, soft and trembling, and he followed right after, spilling inside you with a quiet groan, holding you close like you were the most precious thing heโd ever held.
Afterwards he dried you with a warm towel, wrapped you in one of his big hoodies, and carried you to your bed. He tucked you under the blankets and climbed in beside you, pulling you into his arms. You curled against his chest, his hand stroking your back in slow, soothing strokes. The room was quiet except for the distant sound of rain against the window. Jayโs fingers traced lazy patterns on your skin, his breath warm against your hair. After a long moment he spoke, voice barely above a whisper.
โI love you,โ he said softly, the words slipping out like theyโd been waiting years to be said, โI love you, Y/NโIโve loved you for so long. Even when I thought Iโd lost you forever, even when I thought you hated me. I love you.โ
Your heart started beating out of your chest, heat creeping up your neck. You lifted your head to look at him, fingers tracing the line of his sharp jaw in the dark, โI love you too,โ you whispered, the words coming out easy and true, โI love you, Jay. I never stopped, not even when it hurt.โ
Jayโs breath caught. He searched your eyes for a second, almost disbelieving, โyou donโt have to say it back just because I did, baby,โ he said quietly, voice gentle, โI know I hurt you. I know itโs going to take time. You donโt have to say it if youโre not ready.โ
You smiled softly and cupped his cheek, โIโm ready,โ you told him, voice steady and full of warmth, โI mean it, I love you.โ
Jayโs eyes softened completely, and he leaned in to kissed you slow and deep, like he was pouring every feeling into it. When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours again, a small, grateful smile on his lips.
โI donโt deserve you,โ he whispered, but there was no sadness in itโonly quiet wonder, โbut Iโm going to spend every day trying to.โ
You smiled against his chest, already drifting off in the safety of his arms, โgood, because Iโm not going anywhere.โ
With that softness surrounding your being, you both fell asleep in each otherโs warmth, smiles never leaving your faces. Jay watched you sleep, planting a soft kiss on your forehead as he tightened his hold on you, drifting into the dreamland.ย
So, when the next morning you woke up to an empty bed, you wondered if it was truly a dream, or a joke of some sort. The spot beside you was cold, panic hitting you instantly. Your heart slammed against your ribs as you sat up, clutching the sheet to your chest. Had he left?ย
Thatโs when the door creaked open.
Jay stepped in, hair messy, wearing the same clothes from last night, now dry. He was holding a key in one hand and your helmet in the other, and when he saw your face all wide-eyed, worried, a little scaredโhis expression softened immediately.
โHey, baby,โ he said gently, setting the helmet down and crossing the room in two strides. He climbed onto the bed and pulled you into his arms, kissing you slow and deep, like he was trying to erase the fear, โIโm right here, I just went to get your bike before anyone else could. Itโs safe in the garage now, yeah? Iโm not going anywhere, my love, I promise.โ
You melted into the kiss, fingers curling into his shirt, the panic fading under the warmth of his mouth as he got under the covers with you again.
Right then the door opened again.
โY/N?โ Sunghoonโs voice called out as he stepped inside, still half-asleep, rubbing his eyes, โwhat do you want for breakfastโโ
He stopped dead when he took in the scene in front of himโyou and Jay frozen, lips still inches apart, bodies tangled under the sheet, Jayโs hand still cupping your face. It would have been rather comical how Sunghoonโs eyes had widened, but nothing seemed funny at the given moment.
You and Jay looked at him, then at each other, the words leaving your mouth at the same time.
wait hi guysโฆ this isnโt normal for me but I was writing a story DEAD FREQUENCY but lowkey idk if i should continue itโฆ if you have read it or could read it for me and lmk if you enjoy so i have motivation to continue๐ I donโt just wanna focus on smau all the time so idk lmkkkk!!
a/n: after a long awaitโฆpart three is here. if youโre still interested tysm for continuing to read iโve just been so busy with my job and graduation parties but i pulled an all nighter for this. also i had so much planned for this chapter but tumblrs stupid 30 image limit rule i had to cut some out but they will be included in part four. ALSO if you watch love island we need to talk so comment or send me an ask i must have someone to talk ab it with. Thatโs all much love๐ (if there are any mistakes pls forgive me it was lowkey rushed)