Reflections

lessons . links . thoughts from my walk with God

[hees1207]

To my silent Asian friends

On Wednesday, my newsfeed was flooded with posts about Alton Sterling’s murder. I was getting ready to go numb again when I saw one of my black friends post: 

“Sometimes I just want to take a black leave. I just want to mourn. I just want to contemplate how to protect myself from my own blackness.”

Then I saw comments on that post. One of them was from her Asian friend who asked, “What’s wrong?”

All sorts of emotions at that comment. Anger. Shame. Frustration. Disbelief. 

What’s wrong?? Seriously?? It’s been two years of media coverage of black individuals being murdered by police officers! TWO FREAKING YEARS. You seriously don’t know what’s wrong?? 

Maybe I’m too quick to judge her friend. But the emotions aren't directed solely at that friend anyway.

My emotions are directed at my Asian friends who consume black culture on a daily basis and still refuse to stand with the black community against the injustice they face. Friends who listen to black artists, talk about black players in the NBA, and use black slang on a normal basis. They’re totally fine talking about the black culture they consume, but say nothing when it comes to the pain and oppression the black community faces. 

I’m not saying that my Asian friends are the only ones who are guilty of this. I know plenty of non-Asian friends who do this. I cringe just as much at their actions. But my Asian friends have been disproportionately silent about the issue of police brutality. I probably have around 30 Asian friends who’ve said something about the racial injustice in this country on Facebook in the past two years. And I’m pretty sure at least 300 of my Facebook friends are Asian.

My emotions are also directed at myself. I’m just as guilty of being silent. Even though this silence from my Asian friends has bothered me throughout the past two years, I haven’t said anything to them. But seeing that comment, “What’s wrong?”.... and then knowing that Philandro Castile was the 559th person to die at the hands of the police in the past 188 days... 

If you are a good friend of mine who is Asian and haven’t considered the injustice that the black community faces... Please ask yourself this question:

Is it really okay to join the black community in listening to their music, watching their athletes, and using words like “lit” or “bae”... and then look away or stay silent when that same community faces violence and asks for your help? 

If you said no... and are willing to ask yourself more challenging questions to begin engaging with this issue... 

Why are we Asians disproportionately silent? 

Do we need time to process these events? It’s been two years of media coverage though. How much longer do we need to process and decide to stand against injustice? 

Do we think that being silent frees us from being responsible for the injustice that the black community faces? Because like I said in my previous Facebook post, not knowing just makes us ignorant, and not doing anything even after knowing makes us oppressive. Do we think that the people who didn’t do anything despite knowing that the Holocaust was happening were innocent? It scares me that I can even make that comparison, but both the Holocaust and the current issue involve four groups of people: People who murder (+ those who support these murders), people who are murdered, people who are fighting against these murders, and people who do nothing and allow the murders to continue. 

Or do we want to avoid the pain that comes from seeing a human being murdered by another human being just because of the differences in skin color? Because the pain we feel is not even close to the pain felt by the black community who lost their members. And the black community doesn’t have the privilege of running away from that intense pain. 

Maybe we just don’t care at all. Maybe we feel that the issues of the black community aren’t ours to deal with. But then do we care about the issues our own community faces? I’m not proud of this, but I really don’t know much about the injustices that my community faces. Because again, the Asian community is disproportionately silent and I have very few Asian friends who raise awareness about those issues. And don’t the issues we face as a community come from the same source as the issues faced by the black community? From the lie that some people’s lives are more important than others? 

If you actually read this far, thank you. I know it’s rough to read what I wrote. It was rough for me to write them out, knowing I was going to post this for people to read. But I had to find a way to initiate a conversation with my Asian friends. Because I love both my black and Asian friends, and I knew my black friends were hurting from the silence of my Asian friends. And because I would be leaving my Asian friends to support the violence through their silence if I didn’t confront them. 

If you’re one of my Asian friends and are now interested in breaking your silence, please listen to the black community before doing anything else. Talk to a black friend. Read an article written by a member of the black community or an ally about how to respond. Understand that police brutality is just one symptom of an unjust system that oppressed the black community for centuries. Get the full picture of where the black community is coming from. I found that these were necessary for me to start posting about police brutality on my Facebook. 

Again, thank you for reading everything I wrote. I hope we can have an in-person discussion about finding our place alongside our black brothers and sisters in fighting against injustice. 

[hees1207]

9+ white hairs

I saw a short white hair sticking up on my head while brushing my teeth... then I discovered 10 or so more. I managed to pluck out 9; my arms got too tired for the other ones. I’m definitely aging faster than my parents did in their 20′s. 

It’s been 3 weeks since I started pharmacy school and it’s been a challenge. I knew things were going to be different, but my anxiety only got worse when I actually entered this new environment. I felt like I was walking on egg shells in the first 2 weeks, always being careful not to offend anyone (multiple, if not all, of my faculty have said, “The pharmacy world is small. Don’t burn any bridges.” So I was constantly wondering if I was burning any bridges already). My brain consistently feels overwhelmed trying to memorize the top 100 drugs, vaccinations and the multiple exceptions to the rules that come with each vaccine, the different values for disease screenings, and so on. Most of my days consist of waking up, driving to school, sitting in class for hours, having an hour break for lunch, sitting in class for hours again, driving home, eating, then studying. 

The hardest thing is that void on campus though. I miss feeling God’s presence around me. School feels cold and hard now, and I really feel like I’m in the dark. And I realize that’s because I’m missing the Christian community that I’m so used to having around. And even though a friend told me that God says I’ll be thriving at school, it’s hard to believe that knowing fraternities are the major source of communities in pharmacy school. Sure, I’ve heard that professional frats are different from the undergrad frats I’m used to seeing; but I have trouble imagining the depth of community coming close to the depth I experienced in InterVarsity and my friendships with God-loving/fearing friends. 

Well, all that anxiety and void finally got to me this past Monday, and I had a moment when I seriously asked myself, “Is this worth it?” It was almost getting physically painful to study and I wasn’t sure if I could handle 4 years of it. And I panicked a little because I realized I was finally at pharmacy school. I was finally where I wanted to be and worked for in my 4 years of undergrad, but I was hitting a painful wall at only 2 weeks in.  

Then I remembered my conversations with few of my closest friends before school started. I remembered them being excited for me and telling me that I’m going to be helping people. 

That felt kinda like a slap. Somehow I managed to forget that my final motivation (God made some changes to it throughout undergrad) for going to pharmacy school was to make healthcare more accessible to the poor. I lost sight of something that had become so core to me just because I was feeling exhausted from studying and anxious about community. 

It hurt then, but it was a necessary moment for me. I needed to see how weak and immature I am and how much I need God to grow me before I can live the kind of life I want to live. Plus I have a reminder on my board now, so I can just look at the bright red words whenever things get rough again. 

Couple white hairs on my head? It’s okay. Getting to the point where I can positively impact the healthcare system is worth the couple white hairs. 

But still... I hope I get my intern pharmacist license soon so I can actually start helping people at health fairs sponsored by the school. And find a community that’ll help me feel God’s presence again on campus, even if it’s not Christian. I’m going need that joy to help fuel me through the next 4 years. 

[hees1207]

Lessons on Suffering - Mourning and Comfort

One lesson that really stuck with me from my missions trip last summer is the lesson on mourning. I remember it as allowing myself to share and sit in the pain of those facing injustice so I can better align my heart to God’s and take action that’s sustainable. Put shortly: Feel then act.

The feeling part comes easily for me. I’m a feeler and I’ve heard several times that empathy/mercy is a gift that I have. Normally I'm excited and happy to hear about potential gifts that God gave me. But when I was reminded of this gift of empathy last semester, I had mixed feelings of excitement and dread. Because I was reminded in the past year that having that gift of empathizing with others, especially with those who are oppressed, meant a lot of pain.

There were so many reasons to mourn: Immigration (especially with children fleeing gang violence in South America), workers rights (low wages was a highlighted issue at USC), violence in the Middle East and Africa, police brutality against the black community, and of course the rise in homelessness in LA (I’m only pointing out the issues that were highlighted in the media for me. There are other issues like human trafficking). It was overwhelming for me, especially the constant news of the police brutality against black men in this nation. I didn’t know how to move on from the feeling part to the action part; I didn’t know what I could do beyond just posting about these issues on Facebook to raise awareness, which I didn’t think was helpful since so many people were already posting about them. And because I was stuck in the feeling part, I think I developed something called compassion fatigue (Revelant Magazine published a piece about it). I felt pretty defeated and simply tired whenever I heard another story of a black man being fatally shot by the police (at one point I thought to myself, “That’s just going to be the norm in the news for a while. Just tune it out”). I just wanted to run away and hide in a cave where I wouldn’t see the often misleading media coverage of the injustices in the world.

There was an obvious action that I could and should’ve taken: Praying constantly. But I think two things stopped me from doing that. One, my focus was on MY actions - what I can and can’t do. Two, I’m impatient; I felt like God didn’t hear my prayers because things only seemed to get worse despite my prayers for peace and reconciliation. 

Something that didn’t stuck with me as much from the same missions trip was a Bible passage that my team leader got for me in a listening prayer soon after the trip ended:

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 Blessed be the God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction... For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope in you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

I’m still not sure how to interpret that in light of the compassion fatigue I felt/feel... But what the passage does is remind me that God cares about those who are afflicted and comforts them. So even though God seems silent or moving much too slowly in all the conflict and tension and division in the country, I have to remember that God cares about justice much more than I do - that He’s the one who gave me the heart to care in the first place. And because He cares, He’ll make sure to establish His justice. I need to keep that truth in mind and continue praying even though I don’t see the change I want to see right now. Because that’s all I can do right now in terms of an action that has a lasting impact. Plus it’s not about my abilities anyway, but God’s ability to redeem and change this world. 

[hees1207]

Lessons on Suffering - Entitlement

I’ve been thinking about suffering a lot these days, more so than usual. The past year was filled with a lot of difficulties. I finally got around to engaging with them now that it’s summer break, and God’s been teaching me some important lessons so I thought I should write them out (writing and editing helps me solidify thoughts). Here’s the first lesson (it’s kinda long, so I bolded the main points towards the end):

The past year held a lot of conflict and deaths that personally affected me and my community. I had a huge fight with my sister in the fall that led to months of bitterness and cold tension at home. Throughout the year several of my close friends had problems with relationships, and towards graduation I learned of several deaths that affected my close friends.

Although conflicts and deaths are always difficult, the ones I faced and saw this year hit me hard. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced so much brokenness this close to me before. Most of my experience with suffering had been through ministry, when I engaged with the hardships faced by the poor and oppressed; I could technically walk away from it when I introverted at home, away from homeless ministry and stories of those facing injustices.

They also hit me hard because I was feeling entitled to a nice, smooth year. It was my last year as an undergrad and there’s a general belief that senior year’s chill. And I definitely complained about it throughout the year, but I didn’t identify the entitlement until the middle of my fellowship’s summer retreat.

I realized that even though my brain didn’t dare blame God, my spirit was yelling, “Why God, why? Why’d You let these things happen?” I wanted God to keep me in a safe bubble where suffering was on the other side, where I can choose when and where to engage with suffering. I was growing bitter because I felt entitled to a nice end to my undergrad career, one filled with celebration and peaceful closure... not one filled with conflict and grief.

I was pretty embarrassed when I realized what was going on for me internally. There was no humility in that entitlement. It suggested that being a senior in college somehow gives me the right to be exempt from the world’s brokenness. It suggested that I have the right to feel wronged when I face the natural consequences of sin, of this world being apart from God. Entitlement silently grew a false sense of superiority in me, an attitude of “I don’t deserve this difficulty,” which suggests that I deserve more than anyone else facing similar difficulties.

But more importantly, my entitlement kept me from looking to God’s promise with hope and expectations. No one, in his earthly lifetime, is exempt from experiencing the consequences of sin, the source of the world’s brokenness. Even if you spend your whole life without suffering, you’ll still face physical death, a guaranteed consequence of sin. But Christians have a God who plans to restore His shalom on earth and has already begun redeeming the world through Jesus.

Yes, the world is broken and suffering sucks. But Jesus will rule in the end, and the trials I face in my earthly life will be nothing compared to the eternal peace and joy I’ll experience in God’s presence.

[hees1207]

7 Unbiblical Statements Christians Believe

The common misconceptions about what the Bible actually says.

Even more conviction for me to read the Bible regularly...

[hees1207]

Nothing I Hold Onto

At church last Sunday, we sang “Nothing I Hold Onto”...

There were two major changes I expected to have in the beginning of the semester: 

1. I will be done with undergrad 2. I will no longer have any ministry responsibilities/obligations 

And because I was expecting these changes, I think I was able to control my anxiety level in the first half of the semester... or maybe not considering that random week of odd breathing problems I had. Well, regardless, I was expecting these changes, and I didn’t feel as bad as I could about them.

But of course... something always happens to throw me into a loop. This time it was my dad coming back to California, which added a third major change in the last two months of my undergrad: 

3. I will be moving to a new place... no idea where as of now

Things are going to be more different than I thought, and the new level of uncertainty has heightened my anxiety. Especially now that it’s been over a month since we’ve been looking for a new place and doesn’t seem like we’ll be near USC. I find myself saying to God, “Why God? I don’t understand. Transition’s hard already, why did You add moving to it?” 

“I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the maker of heaven...

I realized my anxiety stems from my fears on community. 

In undergrad, God has blessed me with close friends who love me despite having seen my dark sides and a community who challenged me and supported my growth in faith and character. And I dread the thought of moving into a new stage in life where I won’t have this community. I calmed myself before thinking, “I’m still in K-town. I’m still close enough to visit people once in a while.” But I don’t even have that comfort now that I don’t know where I’ll be; it almost feels like the ties that could keep me connected to my undergrad community, especially with people in the social justice area, are being cut. 

I fear that when I lose physical proximity to this community, I’ll regress and undo all the development that God’s blessed me with. Who’s going to call me out when I overreact or grow bitter with things? Who’s going to comfort me and encourage me when I fail? Who’s going to challenge me to do things I’d rather not and probably won't do unless I have accountability? What if I grow selfish and ignore the personal command God’s given me to love the poor when I enter the craziness of pharm school and if I move to a suburb? 

What if I get lost and never fulfill the beautiful vision God has given me? 

During my time with this community, I’ve gotten some personal images and words from God that I hold onto. They’re promises from God on who He plans for me to be and how He plans to use me... glimpses of God’s vision for me. And the growth I’ve experienced in the last two years with starting the homeless ministry was a tangible fruit of that vision. 

What if I don’t bear more fruit after undergrad? I find myself holding onto homeless ministry, a sign that God’s serious about His vision for me and that I’m on track in fulfilling that vision. 

The fear may seem irrational, and it probably is... But in the past two weeks, since my leadership in InterVarsity has ended, my desire to engage with God and love the poor has diminished. It might be senioritis hitting me, since my desire to do anything has diminished overall, but still... I have trouble believing that I’d still be on track for fulfilling God’s vision for me unless I have a community that keeps me accountable. 

... I give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me.”

We sang “Nothing I Hold Onto” at church last Sunday. And I felt really encouraged by the lyrics because it reminded me to trust God. To let go of things I’ve known and had from undergrad so I can receive whatever God has for me in the next stage of my life. To focus not on my shortcomings but on God’s ability to redeem and use those who you least expect for Him to use in fulfilling His plans. 

[hees1207]

Connecting with Jesus

I hate when people ask me "What do you do for fun?" or "What do you do in your free time?" because I never know how to answer them. Honestly when I have free time, I sleep or vegetate and watch my Korean shows because I don't want to do anything. And then I feel guilty because I should've done something more productive. 

This question came up again recently as I'm trying to figure out what's going on for me spiritually. The past two weeks have been chaotic for me because God seems to be telling me I'm not okay (but I have no clue what He's talking about) and then I started having trouble breathing normally in addition to my chronic shoulder pain (which I've gotten used to since I first had it in sophomore year). And in this process of trying to figure out what the heck God's talking about, I said to a few people "My life is just school and ministry." 

Which I'm totally fine with. What else would my life comprise of at this point in my life? And I enjoy both of those things. School has its downside but I'm only taking courses that I'm actually interested in this semester, so studying isn't as bad as it used to be (I'm not getting tested on something completely irrelevant to me like the special theory of relativity). And I love doing ministry. I mean, I had times when it felt like a huge burden rather than a blessing, but I don't think I ever considered giving up on it. It's too important to me. 

Why is it so important to me though? Why is my mind constantly running with thoughts on what I should be doing for ministry even though I'm supposed to be taking a Sabbath week? 

Because that's the main way I connect with Jesus now. I feel like I'm actually doing something with Jesus when I do ministry-related things because I know we're on the same page and share the same heart in those times. That's when we smile and love people together. I see Jesus as a ministry partner, someone who I grow and pick fruit with. 

My mind keeps going back to ministry in this Sabbath week because I don't know what else I can do and enjoy with Jesus. I've been dreading quiet times and times I'm supposed to just sit with Jesus because I don't really know how to connect with him (other than the fact that I'm more aware of my breathing problem during those times). Which is weird... because talking and listening is how I spend most of my time with my close friends, and I probably enjoy that more than actually doing stuff with them. 

Maybe it's because I'm not as close to Jesus as I am with my best friends. Ministry did help me improve in my relationship with him: I see him as someone who I share a common passion and mission with... which is a HUGE improvement from an unapproachable savior who I owed a lot of debt to. But I guess I still don't see him as a close companion I can just vegetate with. I guess I still feel like I owe him too much to do that, and I haven't done away with that older brother mentality yet. 

Well, time to pray for my view of Jesus to change again. 

[hees1207]

Reflecting on My Last Semester of Undergrad

This is my last semester as an undergrad. This is the semester that's supposed to be easy and relaxing, especially since I know what awaits me after graduation. But I don't think I've ever felt more lost and busy. 

There's a lot more to do for my classes than I'd expected (what a fool I am to take 4 masters courses on my last semester) and there's a lot more to do for homeless ministry as well. Since the semester's started, my main "hangouts" have been the structured events for my fellowship and sleep-overs at my friend's the nights before my morning classes. I enjoy those times of course, but I haven't seen most of my closest friends from freshman year. Because I've basically had no time to hang out with these friends, and because I fear that I won't be able to hang out with them once we graduate and start our separate careers, I started thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing now. 

I was asking myself, "Is homeless ministry worth the time I'm investing?" I've had a lot of moments in the past year and a half where I asked myself, "Why am I inviting people? I can just go to Skid Row by myself" because I was discouraged by the lack of response and hated speaking in front of people to promote the ministry. I also started questioning whether this ministry actually accomplishes anything at Skid Row since all we're doing is pray and hand out meals. I wondered if I was leading a ministry that promotes students to "consume" their interactions with the homeless at Skid Row to feel good about themselves rather than do long-term good that actually benefits the homeless. 

I was experiencing these doubts because I'd forgotten why I started the homeless ministry. Knowing this, God pushed me to remember the original vision I had when I started taking other students to Skid Row in my junior year. And from reflection, I remembered that my hope was for other students to experience their own versions of the transformation I had after learning about God's heart for the poor in sophomore year. 

I wanted students to see that God had always loved the poor and Jesus had proved that love through his incarnational ministry on earth, which involved facing all kinds of injustices that the poor and marginalized face. I wanted students' hearts to break like God's heart when they saw the darkness at Skid Row, and see the innate value that the homeless have as people created by God regardless of the mistakes that might've led them to Skid Row. I wanted them to fall more in love with Jesus as they realized the immeasurable amount of love that he has for people regardless of their brokenness. I wanted their deepened relationship with Jesus to become a fuel for a just life where they consciously think about the direct and indirect impact they have on the poor. And I hoped that for some students, the trips to Skid Row would become a life-changing experience where God ignites the passion that He placed in them and begins shaping their career path, just like He had for me. And I hoped that these students would eventually bring the long-term change that the homeless at Skid Row need. 

I'm not sure if the homeless ministry that I've led for almost two years now did any of that. But God's been good and faithful to this ministry. He's increased the number of students who are interested in serving the homeless since the fall, and He's blessed me with two partners who are also passionate about loving the homeless and making Jesus' heart for the poor known to other students. He gave this ministry a crazy goal of 100 individuals visiting Skid Row by the end of the semester; I've heard that God pays for what He orders so I'm expecting something that big to happen. And to encourage us in our visits to Skid Row despite the little we can actually accomplish, He gave this ministry an image of stars being left on Skid Row to shine in the spiritual darkness every time a student visits. 

He's also rewarded me personally for the little I've been able to give through this ministry. I still experience a deep joy whenever I visit Skid Row, and I'm starting to know more people there. I've known a man named Tracey for over a year now, and I'm grateful for the friendship we have. I think the biggest gift I've received from leading this ministry is my relationship with Jesus. I didn't connect with Jesus on a personal level until I started visiting Skid Row. I still don't know him at the level of intimacy that I want, but I'm grateful that I share a common mission with him and can partner with him in bringing God's Kingdom to earth, especially for the homeless. 

So yeah. Based on that reflection, this ministry is worth it. And there may be a chance that I focused too much on getting students to Skid Row rather than doing long-term good for the homeless. But ultimately, this is a ministry that God started by igniting a passion I never expected to have, and I'm sure He'll redeem my mistakes to accomplish His plans for the homeless ministry. 

[hees1207]

Doing Nothing is Not Neutral

Matthew 25:41-46

Then he will say to those on his left, "Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me."  They also will answer, "Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?" He will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.

Most Christians know that this is the second half of an entire passage where Jesus awards those who helped the poor and punishes those who didn't. I purposefully quoted only the second half because I think most Christians focus on the first half and end up twisting the lesson of this important passage; it becomes "Help the poor if you want to be blessed" rather than "Help the poor if you want to be blessed and do nothing if you want to be cursed." 

Jesus identifies with the homeless, the poor, the fugitives, the disadvantaged- people who are often marginalized in society. He was born to a teenage mom who technically got pregnant before she got married; he and his family were fugitives who had to flee from Herod; during his ministry, he had no home, no income, no food unless someone provided; and though he was popular with the crowd that followed him, he was a problem in the eyes of those who had power.

Because of these experiences, Jesus feels so close to those who are marginalized, who lack essentials. That bond makes him feel that what they received, he received and what they suffer, he suffered. That's why he blesses those who did something and curses those who didn't do anything for the needy in this passage. Notice that Jesus divides  people into those who did something and those who did nothing- it's not those who helped the poor and those who harmed the poor. I emphasize this point because most people think only those who harm others are rejected by Jesus. Doing nothing doesn't put you in a neutral team; it puts you on the same team as those who hurt the poor. 

Here's the good news. Jesus sees every effort you made to help the unfortunate. And I feel that there are many opportunities to do so- Jesus did say that "You will always have the poor among you..." (Matt 26:11). Here are some ways I can think of to be on Jesus' right when the time comes: 

1. Pray for a heart that cares for the unfortunate- the Jesus I know tends to focus on the heart condition rather than the deed. And it'll be so much easier to actually help the poor, the oppressed if you actually have a heart for them. So ask God for the right heart.  2. Be aware of the injustices in our world- a lot of times we try to stay inside our own bubbles where the biggest problems are our own; and our problems often aren't life-or-death ones. It's SUPER uncomfortable when we realize that a lot of people in the world often face life-or-death situations... and it's easy to feel hopeless when we realize there's little we can do about those problems. But DON'T stay in that feeling of hopelessness; rather be humbled and realize that we need God for this world to become a better one. Go to God for help.  3. Choose one issue and do something- let's be real. You can't solve all the problems in the world; you probably can't even solve a single issue on your own. But you can choose one issue and put all your effort to do something about it. For me, this single issue is homelessness. There's really little I can do to solve this issue at this moment. But I'm trying to take people from my fellowship to Skid Row so they can see the oppression that exists so close to our campus and start growing a heart for the homeless. Maybe in the future, one of these people or I will do something bigger to help the homeless. 

I didn't provide specific practical steps one can take to help the unfortunate. But I think the most important part is to go to God for help. I'm sure that if you ask God for a heart for the poor He'll give you more than just a heart- He'll guide you so that you can do something about these issues. Because that's what He wants- for His people to be the good news to the marginalized. 

[hees1207]

Growing My Mustard Seed

It's been a LONG time since I posted… I've been reflecting a lot on growth so I decided to make a post about that.

The parable of the mustard seed is something that stuck with me ever since I went over it in Mark Study back in my freshman year. I think part of it was because I liked the imagery of trees; I love trees and nature in general. The other part was because I could relate to the mustard seed well being a relatively small Asian girl who didn't say much in large group settings. I loved the idea of growth from a tiny seed to a giant tree; I wanted my faith to grow tremendously so people could see Jesus and God through me. 

Looking back and applying this parable to my journey with God, I was a pretty tough seed to grow. It was easy to plant me but it took years for God to see some progress in my growth. I think I was just a little sprout when I entered college and God really started to grow me. And He sped up my growth in this past year not just in faith but in who I am as a person. 

I'm not just a member of my fellowship now but a leader for the social justice Bible study; I'm discipling someone and helping her become more bold in her faith; and I'm planning trips to Skid Row and working with a ministry there to start a prayer ministry in Skid Row. I'm more outspoken and much more passionate about working with God to bring justice to the world. My heart is getting on track with His to do what He's planned for me to do as part of His greater plan in this world. I can see myself more as a young tree now. Still small but having enough branches and leaves to resemble the big tree I hope to become one day. 

I definitely still have a long way to go to become that big tree. The biggest challenge I face now is being patient and persevering through the blocks that seem to be piling up into an impossible mountain. I think I might have hit the end of a growth spurt and will be struggling for a while to get used to this new spiritual height. 

[hees1207]

[sylviaetran]

Prayer Project: Jesus at the Center

            In Luke 10:25-27, Jesus says that the key to inheriting eternal life is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” This is not just a suggestion – it’s a command! So what does it mean to honor God in everything I do, say, and think?

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[hees1207]

just for fun :]

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What More Could He Have Done For You?

From The Good and Beautiful God by James B. Smith:

Author and speaker Brennan Manning has an amazing story about how he got the name "Brennan." While growing up, his best friend was Ray. The two of them did everything together... They even enlisted in the Army together... and fought on the frontlines together. One night while sitting in a foxhole, Brennan was reminiscing about the old days in Brooklyn while Ray listened and ate a chocolate bar. Suddenly a live grenade came into the foxhole. Ray looked at Brennan, smiled, dropped his chocolate bar and threw himself on the live grenade. It exploded, killing Ray, but Brennan's life was spared.  When Brennan became a priest he was instructed to take on the name of a saint. He thought of his friend, Ray Brennan. So he took on the name Brennan. Years later he went to visit Ray's mother... Brennan asked her, "Do you think Ray loved me?" Mrs. Brennan... shook her finger in front of Brennan's face and shouted, "Jesus Christ- what more could he have done for you?!" Brennan said that at that moment he experienced an epiphany. He imagined himself standing before the cross of Jesus wondering, Does God really love me? and Jesus' mother Mary pointing to her son, saying, "Jesus Christ- what more could he have done for you?"

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Chapter 6: God is Holy

1. God is love. God even loves sinners. But God still hates sin. - Love the sinner, hate the sin.

2. Romans 11:22 - God is both kind and severe. We cannot have one without the other.

3. Agape. To love is to will the good of another; it’s not primarily an emotion. The love...

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God does not make me feel bad or shame me into better behavior. Nor does He use fear or guilt. God's method of change is the highest of all. God's holy love burns the dross of sin out of our lives. It is God's kindness that leads to genuine repentance (Romans 2:4)... "love loves unto purity"

James B. Smith in The Good and Beautiful God

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Chapter 4: God is Generous

1. We have a false thinking of love and forgiveness as commodities to be exchanged for performance. We live in a culture where every person in every situation in every day of our lives treat us on the basis of how we look, act, and perform, so it is difficult for us not...