he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
🪼
tannertan36
NASA
PR's Tumblrdome
Cosmic Funnies
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official daine visual archive
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
$LAYYYTER
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Keni
trying on a metaphor
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
ojovivo
Show & Tell
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
sheepfilms
Misplaced Lens Cap
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Vietnam
seen from T1
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seen from United States
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@heetwin
FROM your head to your toes … *•_
SAW the light in the gold that you discovered ... 🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀masterlist ... .✦ ݁˖ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡟⠀⠹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣶⠖⠒⠒⠛⠀⠀⠀⠙⠖⠲⠶⢦ ⠙⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠛ taglist ... ✶⋆.˚ ⠀⠀⢹⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⡏⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠃⠀⢀⣤⣀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⢼⠶⠛⠁⠀⠈⠙⠶⣴⠀⠀ warnings ... ˙⋆⭑.ᐟ
PLAYLIST ! 🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮
ᯓ ⭑.ᐟ a comprehensive playlist for
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승 !
Lose My Mind (feat. Doja Cat) — Don Toliver
“Die with no regrets, this is my season”
BBE — ANNA & Lazza
“He gets himself a chain with my name,
I’m the best bitch ever”
true story — Ariana Grande
“I’ll play the villain if you need me to,
I know how this goes, yeah”
Girl, so confusing featuring lorde — Charli xcx, Lorde
“Yeah I don’t know if you like me,
Sometimes I think you might hate me,
Sometimes I think I might hate you,
Maybe you just wanna be me”
SUPERSCAR — ADÉLA
“Shut my lips to speak,
Stick to your strategy,
I know you like them weak,
Sold you a piece of me”
Revolving door — Tate McRae
“I confess, I’m not that versatile,
Say I’m good, but I might be in denial”
yes, and? — Ariana Grande
“now i’m so done with caring,
what you think, no i won’t hide,
underneath your own projections,
or change my most authentic life”
KAWASAKI — SANTOS BRAVOS
“I look at you and if you look at me,
I’ll follow you wherever you tell me”
Cinammon Girl — Lana Del Rey
"Like if you hold me without hurting me,
You'll be the first who ever did"
Workin’ Day and Night — Michael Jackson
“You got me workin’ day and night,
And I’ll be working,
From sun up to midnight”
UNA TIPA COME ME — ANNA
“Only my mom understands me
This man tries, but he can’t resist
And I always hate myself for how I treat him
I have an absent look, and snap back a response”
Green Light (feat. André 3000) — John Legend
“Come just a little bit closer,
I just need permission soooo”
No Control — One Direction
“Lost my senses, I’m defenseless,
Her perfume’s holding me ransom
Sweet and sour, heart devoured,
Lying here, I count the hours”
SOLO ANDATA - ANNA
“They want me out, but I stay where I am
I understand very well how the world works”
Change Your Ticket — One Direction
“You should probably stay,
Be with me a couple more days
Come on let me change your ticket home”
M.I.A — KATSEYE
“No, you won’t put a leash on a bitch,
You want more, but you get what I give”
we never dated — sombr
"You are a pretty one,
Nice to romanticize,
But you don't make yourself easy to like"
A.M. — One Direction
“Won’t you stay till the A.M.?
All my favorite conversations
Always made in the A.M.”
Stockholm Syndrome — One Direction
“All my life, I’ve been on my own
I used the light to guide me home
But now together, we’re alone
And there’s no other place I’d ever wanna go”
Season 2 Weight Loss — Harry Styles
“Do you love me now?
Do you? Do you?
Do I let you down?”
Extraordinary Girl — Green Day
“She’s all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying”
Moscow Mule — Bad Bunny
“We’re not a thing,
but we’ve been messing around for a while
No pic on WhatsApp,
and you didn’t save my contact”
Temporary Fix — One Direction
“You can call me when you’re lonely
When you can’t sleep,
I’ll be your temporary fix”
Only Girl (In the World) — Rihanna
“‘Cause I’m the only one who understands,
How to make you feel like a man”
TiO — ZAYN
“I can taste it on your mouth,
And I can’t leave it,
You’re a freak like me,
Can’t you see?”
Matilda — Harry Styles
“You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family
‘Cause they never showed you love
You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up”
hi everyone. i’m sure by now you must’ve heard about jungwon’s weverse live. i’m not going to be the person that oversteps or disrespects boundaries.
enhypen have been the love of my life since 2020, and i stand by that, but there has come a time where the members have verbally taken a stance on the matter and i will not ignore it.
as the leader of enhypen, jungwon speaks for the members. he said what he said and it must be respected.
ot7 enha have gotten me through the hardest periods of my life, and i will never ever forget what they have meant to me. i respect jungwon as a person therefore i won’t be overstepping those boundaries.
i love this group, but i think it’s time i separate myself from the fandom until i can get back in to the rhythm of things later on (especially with their upcoming release in august, it sounds amazing!)
i might suspend writing for enhypen altogether (not that i started any to begin with due to my current ongoing project)
i’m not entirely sure what i will do with light’s out. i aim to keep working on it, but i believe i will have to rewrite some elements of it to respect the peace.
i don’t want to argue anymore, i don’t want to be sad anymore, and i don’t want to be angry anymore.
please understand this.
for those of you who are reading light’s out, you are not unwelcome, and i appreciate your support. i hope we can live in harmony despite my feelings, as it is something i will deal with on my own time!
also, if you guys have any tags i could use to promote light’s out, i would really appreciate it. i want to respect jungwon’s wishes, so this will be the last time i’ll use enha tags in my posts (since i’m mainly working on light’s out right now)
i love engene and i love enhypen. this fandom has brought me so many laughs and so many memories. it will always be a place i can come back to.
sincerely,
stella
hi...i've been gone for forever i am SO sorry...i've been busy and went on a small trip so i've had no time to write after publishing chapter 6. i will start writing chapter 7 as soon as possible and hopefully it should be out within the next couple of days !! i know you guys might want more action out of the chapters so i'll try to do so
PLAYLIST ! 🎧ྀི♪⋆.✮
ᯓ ⭑.ᐟ a comprehensive playlist for
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승 !
Lose My Mind (feat. Doja Cat) — Don Toliver
“Die with no regrets, this is my season”
BBE — ANNA & Lazza
“He gets himself a chain with my name,
I’m the best bitch ever”
true story — Ariana Grande
“I’ll play the villain if you need me to,
I know how this goes, yeah”
Girl, so confusing featuring lorde — Charli xcx, Lorde
“Yeah I don’t know if you like me,
Sometimes I think you might hate me,
Sometimes I think I might hate you,
Maybe you just wanna be me”
SUPERSCAR — ADÉLA
“Shut my lips to speak,
Stick to your strategy,
I know you like them weak,
Sold you a piece of me”
Revolving door — Tate McRae
“I confess, I’m not that versatile,
Say I’m good, but I might be in denial”
yes, and? — Ariana Grande
“now i’m so done with caring,
what you think, no i won’t hide,
underneath your own projections,
or change my most authentic life”
KAWASAKI — SANTOS BRAVOS
“I look at you and if you look at me,
I’ll follow you wherever you tell me”
Cinammon Girl — Lana Del Rey
"Like if you hold me without hurting me,
You'll be the first who ever did"
Workin’ Day and Night — Michael Jackson
“You got me workin’ day and night,
And I’ll be working,
From sun up to midnight”
Green Light (feat. André 3000) — John Legend
“Come just a little bit closer,
I just need permission soooo”
No Control — One Direction
“Lost my senses, I’m defenseless,
Her perfume’s holding me ransom
Sweet and sour, heart devoured,
Lying here, I count the hours”
SOLO ANDATA - ANNA
“They want me out, but I stay where I am
I understand very well how the world works”
M.I.A — KATSEYE
“No, you won’t put a leash on a bitch,
You want more, but you get what I give”
we never dated — sombr
"You are a pretty one,
Nice to romanticize,
But you don't make yourself easy to like"
A.M. — One Direction
“Won’t you stay till the A.M.?
All my favorite conversations
Always made in the A.M.”
Stockholm Syndrome — One Direction
“All my life, I’ve been on my own
I used the light to guide me home
But now together, we’re alone
And there’s no other place I’d ever wanna go”
Season 2 Weight Loss — Harry Styles
“Do you love me now?
Do you? Do you?
Do I let you down?”
Moscow Mule — Bad Bunny
“We’re not a thing,
but we’ve been messing around for a while
No pic on WhatsApp,
and you didn’t save my contact”
Temporary Fix — One Direction
“You can call me when you’re lonely
When you can’t sleep,
I’ll be your temporary fix”
Only Girl (In the World) — Rihanna
“‘Cause I’m the only one who understands,
How to make you feel like a man”
TiO — ZAYN
“I can taste it on your mouth,
And I can’t leave it,
You’re a freak like me,
Can’t you see?”
Matilda — Harry Styles
“You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family
‘Cause they never showed you love
You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up”
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
ᯓ★ taking place during the 2025 formula one season, mercedes’ number one driver, vivianne cole , finds out her seat is on the line after 2024 f2 champion lee heeseung gets promoted to second driver. what could be worse than getting your job stolen by a rookie as the only female driver on the grid?
—✶⋆.˚ pairing - f1driver!heeseung x f1driver!oc
CONTENT WARNINGS ! - written au/series, angst (a lot probably most likely), rivals to lovers (f1 drivers don’t fight 🤧), fluff (at times), suggestive (at some point), depiction of body dysmorphia and negative relationships with food (sorry), mature language use, discussion of misogyny in the industry, slowburn :3, poor family dynamic, and more … ! (will update)
—✶⋆.˚ wc - 8.5k [ongoing!]
ᯓ★ a/n - i’ll try to be as consistent as possible with updates, and eventually i’ll try to get an update schedule released :) don’t be a silent reader and lmk what you think with each release/update ! don’t forget to lmk if you want to be part of the taglist ! 💫
—✶⋆.˚ playlist ! —✶⋆.˚ choose your driver !
CHAPTERS ✧ !
₊⊹ 0. prologue …
₊⊹ 1. pineapple smoothie …
₊⊹ 2. a violent, prolonged, embarrassing death …
₊⊹ 3. unwilling, inevitable failure …
₊⊹ 4. is love enough? …
₊⊹ 5. desperate desire to be loved so delicately …
₊⊹ 6. an acknowledgement of self-expression …
₊⊹ 7. tbd …
₊⊹ 8. tbd …
₊⊹ 9. tbd …
₊⊹ 10. tbd …
₊⊹ more to come !
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
⁶an acknowledgment of self-expression ...
box box | free to push | wc: 2k
warnings: nothing i think???
it was every so often vivianne felt like, maybe, the world was really out to get her.
wishing for a miracle but receiving coal in return.
waking up on christmas day, and instead of receiving a small gift, any gift, her father surprised her with a better mechanic.
or her birthday graced with something similar.
vivianne was thankful, but god forbid she wanted more.
god forbid she wanted to learn more about herself than what her father had taught her to know.
vivianne had a thing for one direction. a very particular, secret thing for one direction.
she had mentioned them once, an accidental yet hopeful confession of self-expression.
her father, then, made it very clear that there was no time to waste on things as insignificant as boy groups.
'they aren't real men' as if he had any right to judge who was and wasn't one, for he had no qualities that made a real man.
aggression and control were no qualities of real men.
so vivianne quietly endorsed one direction. silently. slowly. in her own time when he wasn't around, and her mother would pretend to not know, or maybe she really hadn't known.
except one day, when they had been walking past a shop's window, and front and center was cardboard cutout of a group photo.
vivianne had no time to stop, but she did a double take.
slight hesitation to keep walking forward.
her mother noticed, looked back into the shop, and looked down at her.
an acknowledgment of self-expression.
she leaned down, whispering into 13 year-old vivianne's ear.
"i like the one further to the left"
harry, obviously.
vivianne smiled, and her mother noticed, yet breathed with the inconsitency of someone who wanted their child to accept their attempt at being honest.
"me too"
and it was never brought up again.
so now, turning and lifting slowly out of her seat to stare down the voice behind her, she was sure this day was much like one of her birthdays.
heeseung looked up at her, feigning the innocence of someone who surely had known she wouldn't be staying much longer in montreal.
she hadn't even noticed him walking to his seat, let alone settling his stuff in the upper compartment.
heeseung, on the other hand, had noticed her right away.
she was already comfortable in her seat, but her face was gloomy, frame compressed.
a shape he'd learned to memorize quickly.
vivianne wasn't short by any means, in fact, she was about five foot eight, but he'd always find a smaller version of herself in rooms she didn't know the walls of.
he'd find a smaller version of herself in situations she'd lose sleep for.
most importantly, he'd find a smaller version of herself when she was shuffling through her own thoughts, which is why he made himself comfortable in his seat and only now decided to say something about it.
"why are you here?"
heeseung blinked, every word he'd spent the last 30 minutes rehearsing completely falling out of his conscious stream.
"you following me?"
he blinked some more, entirely unsure of what to say, given the fact that no matter what, she probably wouldn't believe it.
so he settled for a much more direct response.
"no"
vivianne scoffed. her knees were firm into her seat and her arms were draped over the divider, covering his TV.
he hesitated, gripping his phone tighter than before, and looked out his window.
the odds of vivianne and heeseung leaving montreal the same day were very small, the odds of them leaving at the same time even smaller, but the odds of them both preferring window seating were somehow smaller.
they were so alike in this way, it made him happy. honest to god happy. like a child finding another child with their exact same interests, except, this child was not a child at all. just a very reserved, mean, but beautiful woman.
not that it mattered. vivianne had given heeseung no reason to care. yet, a part of him still texted last night, and a part of him was all the more eager for an answer.
"did you.." he paused, pursing his lips.
"get my texts?"
he looked up at her, a moment so vulnerable you'd think he'd just asked her out on a date. he expected dismissal, or the signature eye roll he'd gotten very tired of as of late. instead, she looked taken aback.
vivianne blinked rapidly, shifting back slightly enough to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears.
it was wavy this morning, with a tighter pattern progressing towards the back of her hair, a sight he'd rarely ever gotten to see.
vivianne always kept her dark hair as straight as a pin, a mirror of the way she'd chosen to reveal herself in minute portions. if vivianne had known very little about herself, it was only consequential that she'd create an image unlike the rest of her. for it was much easier to lie, than be comfortable with someone you'd never had the chance of accepting.
so vivianne straightened her hair, without fail, every day.
except today.
and heeseung was there. looking at her. a version of her he too had never had the chance of accepting. the truth was vivianne hadn't allowed him to accept any version of her, and it was straining their relationship. straining their teamwork. getting in the way of his career. his rookie career.
heeseung was young, but not for formula one. he was turning 24 in october, and when you race for an industry that rewards young talent, it's no longer impressive to be 24 years old. unlike vivianne, who was 20 when she started racing in formula one, and he knew that. acknowledged that. thought about it late at night when he'd been running through one of their arguments.
so whatever she was going through. whatever she had gone through. something so unsettling inside him felt like it had everything to do with him. all of a sudden, vivianne was no longer young talent, but rather a scared girl who had sacrificed everything to get here. and heeseung only assumed she did. because vivianne was the best.
vivianne cleared her throat.
"um. yeah, i did" she spoke softly, attempting to avoid eye contact.
heeseung hadn't known how to follow up. she was so hard to entertain, and in return she'd release a hook with no bait. there was absolutely nothing to work with.
"alright." he said, looking down at his lap. could this go any worse?
"yeah. well. i appreciate it"
"okay, cool."
it could. it really could.
"cause i meant it" he added, slightly frightened.
"i know."
heeseung looked up, finally, in hopes of sharing brief eye contact--but vivianne was already comfortable in her seat, so her long hair and frustrated complexion imprinted his mind for the next eight hours.
-- -- --
austria was six hours ahead of montreal, which meant that it was now midnight.
there was something so comforting about late nights in the city. it's true that cities never sleep, but there was nothing more quiet than this.
the bright lights of graz's airport lulled vivianne to sleep in a way she'd never be able to explain. maybe it was a combination of the specific smell airports had, and the smooth floors she'd love to walk through, or maybe it was because airports represented steady motion--which for vivianne was a concept she'd grew to know too well.
people-watching was a way she lived vicariously. a leap into the lives of others she'd never meet, never know, never share dinner with. maybe the idea of that was grounding for her, a reminder that you have the power to decide your own destiny.
she hadn't slept on the plane. she watched a movie she'd never watched before, and thought it was okay at best--too long for her liking, and then tried to read a book she had convinced herself to buy.
something about wanting to get into reading.
when that didn't work she thought she'd sit there and listen to music instead, but after a while the stream of noise got exhausting and she gave up entirely.
which led her to fiddle her thumbs on some game she had installed to kill time, but one game filtered into another, and another, and nothing satisfied the restlessness that came with flying. a big reason why she opted for first class seats when she flew. she knew to avoid flying economy. flying economy was probably one of the closest things to hell on earth.
so now, under the weight of the airport's embrace, vivianne was finally sleepy.
she hadn't even bothered to notice the steps to her left synchronized to hers.
she blinked, brows furrowed, and looked up with drowsy eyes.
for some reason, unbeknownst to her, heeseung decided he wanted to walk with her. as in side-by-side. as in, if someone saw us right now they could assume we're a couple.
she blinked a couple more times, and decided if she'd just keep staring at him maybe he'd go away. a trick of the light, if you will.
he noticed.
he looked down at her but kept walking. he blinked as well. his eyes darted around the surrounding airport, yet she wouldn't give. so, he looked away and focused on getting to baggage claim. after about five minutes, she was still staring.
the many signs finally led them to baggage claim, and even then, vivianne had not stopped staring.
it was unsettling. the ruthless drive of an exhausted woman.
he sighed, put his phone back into his pocket, and looked back at her. blinked a couple times, continued to stare, then blinked again.
during this time, vivianne, in all her glory, had been attempting to point out every imperfection she could think of that heeseung had. she looked, and she looked hard, but all she could find was a long, steady nose, gracious eyelashes, and full, arched lips.
there was a certain benefit that came with being an attractive man in athletics. you could be complete dog-shit but still have a seat where it mattered. either that, or you were a nepo baby, both came with an arguable lack of talent.
of course, her father would preach it like a bell, every new hour.
"too many attractive drivers nowadays."
"notice how there are no ugly drivers nowadays?"
"they don't sign ugly drivers, it's all about popularity nowadays!"
despite this, vivianne's father trained her the traditional way. don't get too confident, he'd say. don't get comfortable, he'd say. media is a waste of time, he'd say. there was always something more worth while for him.
but she knew that it mattered. a good face always mattered.
so here she was now.
maybe it was a coincidence that her teammate was stupidly good-looking, because the talent spoke for itself.
"can i help you?"
even then, she hadn't looked away. no. she raised her chin, squinted her eyes, and skimmed his entire body head-to-toe.
"do you get off on following young, vulnerable women?"
heeseung chocked on his own spit and began coughing uncontrollably. seeing him doubled over in his own miserable state, vivianne couldn't help but laugh dramatically. she looked around the quiet airport, only to find the group at the belt eyeing them in obvious discomfort.
she stopped laughing then, clearing her throat lightly.
she looked back towards heeseung, who was now fully recovered but jarred nonetheless.
"i mean, seriously. why did you leave montreal so early? team booking isn't until next week".
"i could ask you the same thing" he looked at her quietly, eyes round, lips slightly parted. his voice was quiet in comparison to the volume of before.
vivianne looked away.
at that exact moment, her luggage arrived with a timing so miraculous, it was probably the only good thing set to happen to her for the rest of the week.
she rushed over, helped her luggage out of the belt, and settled beside heeseung once more.
she grinned up at him.
"i asked you first".
with that, she walked away, leaving him alone with nothing but the sound of steady motion.
maybe one day he'd be able to get her alone for more than 10 minutes.
a/n: HIIIII!!! sorry this took forever bye. more vivianne and heeseung i guess????? i lowkey hate this chapter BYE
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe @annethebannane
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
⁶an acknowledgment of self-expression ...
box box | free to push | wc: 2k
warnings: nothing i think???
it was every so often vivianne felt like, maybe, the world was really out to get her.
wishing for a miracle but receiving coal in return.
waking up on christmas day, and instead of receiving a small gift, any gift, her father surprised her with a better mechanic.
or her birthday graced with something similar.
vivianne was thankful, but god forbid she wanted more.
god forbid she wanted to learn more about herself than what her father had taught her to know.
vivianne had a thing for one direction. a very particular, secret thing for one direction.
she had mentioned them once, an accidental yet hopeful confession of self-expression.
her father, then, made it very clear that there was no time to waste on things as insignificant as boy groups.
'they aren't real men' as if he had any right to judge who was and wasn't one, for he had no qualities that made a real man.
aggression and control were no qualities of real men.
so vivianne quietly endorsed one direction. silently. slowly. in her own time when he wasn't around, and her mother would pretend to not know, or maybe she really hadn't known.
except one day, when they had been walking past a shop's window, and front and center was cardboard cutout of a group photo.
vivianne had no time to stop, but she did a double take.
slight hesitation to keep walking forward.
her mother noticed, looked back into the shop, and looked down at her.
an acknowledgment of self-expression.
she leaned down, whispering into 13 year-old vivianne's ear.
"i like the one further to the left"
harry, obviously.
vivianne smiled, and her mother noticed, yet breathed with the inconsitency of someone who wanted their child to accept their attempt at being honest.
"me too"
and it was never brought up again.
so now, turning and lifting slowly out of her seat to stare down the voice behind her, she was sure this day was much like one of her birthdays.
heeseung looked up at her, feigning the innocence of someone who surely had known she wouldn't be staying much longer in montreal.
she hadn't even noticed him walking to his seat, let alone settling his stuff in the upper compartment.
heeseung, on the other hand, had noticed her right away.
she was already comfortable in her seat, but her face was gloomy, frame compressed.
a shape he'd learned to memorize quickly.
vivianne wasn't short by any means, in fact, she was about five foot eight, but he'd always find a smaller version of herself in rooms she didn't know the walls of.
he'd find a smaller version of herself in situations she'd lose sleep for.
most importantly, he'd find a smaller version of herself when she was shuffling through her own thoughts, which is why he made himself comfortable in his seat and only now decided to say something about it.
"why are you here?"
heeseung blinked, every word he'd spent the last 30 minutes rehearsing completely falling out of his conscious stream.
"you following me?"
he blinked some more, entirely unsure of what to say, given the fact that no matter what, she probably wouldn't believe it.
so he settled for a much more direct response.
"no"
vivianne scoffed. her knees were firm into her seat and her arms were draped over the divider, covering his TV.
he hesitated, gripping his phone tighter than before, and looked out his window.
the odds of vivianne and heeseung leaving montreal the same day were very small, the odds of them leaving at the same time even smaller, but the odds of them both preferring window seating were somehow smaller.
they were so alike in this way, it made him happy. honest to god happy. like a child finding another child with their exact same interests, except, this child was not a child at all. just a very reserved, mean, but beautiful woman.
not that it mattered. vivianne had given heeseung no reason to care. yet, a part of him still texted last night, and a part of him was all the more eager for an answer.
"did you.." he paused, pursing his lips.
"get my texts?"
he looked up at her, a moment so vulnerable you'd think he'd just asked her out on a date. he expected dismissal, or the signature eye roll he'd gotten very tired of as of late. instead, she looked taken aback.
vivianne blinked rapidly, shifting back slightly enough to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears.
it was wavy this morning, with a tighter pattern progressing towards the back of her hair, a sight he'd rarely ever gotten to see.
vivianne always kept her dark hair as straight as a pin, a mirror of the way she'd chosen to reveal herself in minute portions. if vivianne had known very little about herself, it was only consequential that she'd create an image unlike the rest of her. for it was much easier to lie, than be comfortable with someone you'd never had the chance of accepting.
so vivianne straightened her hair, without fail, every day.
except today.
and heeseung was there. looking at her. a version of her he too had never had the chance of accepting. the truth was vivianne hadn't allowed him to accept any version of her, and it was straining their relationship. straining their teamwork. getting in the way of his career. his rookie career.
heeseung was young, but not for formula one. he was turning 24 in october, and when you race for an industry that rewards young talent, it's no longer impressive to be 24 years old. unlike vivianne, who was 20 when she started racing in formula one, and he knew that. acknowledged that. thought about it late at night when he'd been running through one of their arguments.
so whatever she was going through. whatever she had gone through. something so unsettling inside him felt like it had everything to do with him. all of a sudden, vivianne was no longer young talent, but rather a scared girl who had sacrificed everything to get here. and heeseung only assumed she did. because vivianne was the best.
vivianne cleared her throat.
"um. yeah, i did" she spoke softly, attempting to avoid eye contact.
heeseung hadn't known how to follow up. she was so hard to entertain, and in return she'd release a hook with no bait. there was absolutely nothing to work with.
"alright." he said, looking down at his lap. could this go any worse?
"yeah. well. i appreciate it"
"okay, cool."
it could. it really could.
"cause i meant it" he added, slightly frightened.
"i know."
heeseung looked up, finally, in hopes of sharing brief eye contact--but vivianne was already comfortable in her seat, so her long hair and frustrated complexion imprinted his mind for the next eight hours.
-- -- --
austria was six hours ahead of montreal, which meant that it was now midnight.
there was something so comforting about late nights in the city. it's true that cities never sleep, but there was nothing more quiet than this.
the bright lights of graz's airport lulled vivianne to sleep in a way she'd never be able to explain. maybe it was a combination of the specific smell airports had, and the smooth floors she'd love to walk through, or maybe it was because airports represented steady motion--which for vivianne was a concept she'd grew to know too well.
people-watching was a way she lived vicariously. a leap into the lives of others she'd never meet, never know, never share dinner with. maybe the idea of that was grounding for her, a reminder that you have the power to decide your own destiny.
she hadn't slept on the plane. she watched a movie she'd never watched before, and thought it was okay at best--too long for her liking, and then tried to read a book she had convinced herself to buy.
something about wanting to get into reading.
when that didn't work she thought she'd sit there and listen to music instead, but after a while the stream of noise got exhausting and she gave up entirely.
which led her to fiddle her thumbs on some game she had installed to kill time, but one game filtered into another, and another, and nothing satisfied the restlessness that came with flying. a big reason why she opted for first class seats when she flew. she knew to avoid flying economy. flying economy was probably one of the closest things to hell on earth.
so now, under the weight of the airport's embrace, vivianne was finally sleepy.
she hadn't even bothered to notice the steps to her left synchronized to hers.
she blinked, brows furrowed, and looked up with drowsy eyes.
for some reason, unbeknownst to her, heeseung decided he wanted to walk with her. as in side-by-side. as in, if someone saw us right now they could assume we're a couple.
she blinked a couple more times, and decided if she'd just keep staring at him maybe he'd go away. a trick of the light, if you will.
he noticed.
he looked down at her but kept walking. he blinked as well. his eyes darted around the surrounding airport, yet she wouldn't give. so, he looked away and focused on getting to baggage claim. after about five minutes, she was still staring.
the many signs finally led them to baggage claim, and even then, vivianne had not stopped staring.
it was unsettling. the ruthless drive of an exhausted woman.
he sighed, put his phone back into his pocket, and looked back at her. blinked a couple times, continued to stare, then blinked again.
during this time, vivianne, in all her glory, had been attempting to point out every imperfection she could think of that heeseung had. she looked, and she looked hard, but all she could find was a long, steady nose, gracious eyelashes, and full, arched lips.
there was a certain benefit that came with being an attractive man in athletics. you could be complete dog-shit but still have a seat where it mattered. either that, or you were a nepo baby, both came with an arguable lack of talent.
of course, her father would preach it like a bell, every new hour.
"too many attractive drivers nowadays."
"notice how there are no ugly drivers nowadays?"
"they don't sign ugly drivers, it's all about popularity nowadays!"
despite this, vivianne's father trained her the traditional way. don't get too confident, he'd say. don't get comfortable, he'd say. media is a waste of time, he'd say. there was always something more worth while for him.
but she knew that it mattered. a good face always mattered.
so here she was now.
maybe it was a coincidence that her teammate was stupidly good-looking, because the talent spoke for itself.
"can i help you?"
even then, she hadn't looked away. no. she raised her chin, squinted her eyes, and skimmed his entire body head-to-toe.
"do you get off on following young, vulnerable women?"
heeseung chocked on his own spit and began coughing uncontrollably. seeing him doubled over in his own miserable state, vivianne couldn't help but laugh dramatically. she looked around the quiet airport, only to find the group at the belt eyeing them in obvious discomfort.
she stopped laughing then, clearing her throat lightly.
she looked back towards heeseung, who was now fully recovered but jarred nonetheless.
"i mean, seriously. why did you leave montreal so early? team booking isn't until next week".
"i could ask you the same thing" he looked at her quietly, eyes round, lips slightly parted. his voice was quiet in comparison to the volume of before.
vivianne looked away.
at that exact moment, her luggage arrived with a timing so miraculous, it was probably the only good thing set to happen to her for the rest of the week.
she rushed over, helped her luggage out of the belt, and settled beside heeseung once more.
she grinned up at him.
"i asked you first".
with that, she walked away, leaving him alone with nothing but the sound of steady motion.
maybe one day he'd be able to get her alone for more than 10 minutes.
a/n: HIIIII!!! sorry this took forever bye. more vivianne and heeseung i guess????? i lowkey hate this chapter BYE
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe @annethebannane
social circles — 양정원.
√pairing : nerd!jungwon x popular!f!reader.
√synopsis : with only six months until senior prom aka the biggest event in all of senior year, you have bigger things to worry about... like maybe winning prom queen or graduating with your popularity still intact. failing math, however, was part of none of those things, and neither was being tutored by yang bloody jungwon.
√word count : 792 (teaser).
√content tags : fluff, highschool!au, slowest burn out there, forced proximity, popular x nerd except the roles are reversed and they might have history, won the og loverboy, slight love triangle but like not really, banter banter banter did i mention banter??
√taglist : open ! (comment/send a cheeky lil ask to be added !!)
√release date : tba.
√author's note : hihi blr crew!!!!! first fic the lioness is kinda shitting bricks sweating buckets and all that... also i know i've been edging this fic far too long and uh, imma have to edge yall for a little longer IM SORRY but i promise it'll be delivered soon enough, enjoy the teaser until then my diva crew i promise its finger licking good!!!
√now playing! purple rain by prince & the revolution.
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
ᯓ★ taking place during the 2025 formula one season, mercedes’ number one driver, vivianne cole , finds out her seat is on the line after 2024 f2 champion lee heeseung gets promoted to second driver. what could be worse than getting your job stolen by a rookie as the only female driver on the grid?
—✶⋆.˚ pairing - f1driver!heeseung x f1driver!oc
CONTENT WARNINGS ! - written au/series, angst (a lot probably most likely), rivals to lovers (f1 drivers don’t fight 🤧), fluff (at times), suggestive (at some point), depiction of body dysmorphia and negative relationships with food (sorry), mature language use, discussion of misogyny in the industry, slowburn :3, and more … ! (will update)
—✶⋆.˚ wc - 6.5k [ongoing!]
ᯓ★ a/n - i’ll try to be as consistent as possible with updates, and eventually i’ll try to get an update schedule released :) don’t be a silent reader and lmk what you think with each release/update ! don’t forget to lmk if you want to be part of the taglist ! 💫
—✶⋆.˚ playlist ! —✶⋆.˚ choose your driver !
CHAPTERS ✧ !
₊⊹ 0. prologue …
₊⊹ 1. pineapple smoothie …
₊⊹ 2. a violent, prolonged, embarrassing death …
₊⊹ 3. unwilling, inevitable failure …
₊⊹ 4. is love enough? …
₊⊹ 5. desperate desire to be loved so delicately …
₊⊹ 6. tbd …
₊⊹ 7. tbd …
₊⊹ 8. tbd …
₊⊹ 9. tbd …
₊⊹ 10. tbd …
₊⊹ more to come !
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
⁵desperate desire to be loved so delicately ...
box box | free to push | wc: 2k (longest chap yet wow)
warnings: mention of an orgasm? lol idk
vivianne had 2 weeks.
2 weeks to recover and reevaluate her strategy for the year.
a combination of team meetings and early morning wake-up calls from matt would do it justice,
bring the blood back to her limbs,
for her face was sunken by the color drained from it.
but for now, there was nothing better than the inhalation of warm, sensuous steam.
coating her throat, traveling down into her lungs, and warming down her arms to her hands so her fingertips felt through her hair with a softer touch.
her head was leaned back, her eyes closed, and they were met with nothing but a consistent stream, kissing her face with something she'd never had the chance to experience.
a slow touch of a hand against her shoulders, sliding down slowly till she felt her own hands meet.
she sighed.
she took a deep breath in as she felt the water fall between her shoulder blades, traveling down her back and into the dip of it.
a small arch of the back, as her hands traveled to bundle her hair to the right side of her neck, holding her breath.
she had already washed her hair, already foamed the soap against her worn-out skin--dry with the stress from the weekend.
now, she was bathing in it, letting the water slip through every crack of her body and envelope her curves.
she let out the breath she was holding, and a small whine escaped her mouth, quickly drowned out by the rhythm of the shower.
a release of tension, almost akin to that of an orgasm, or what she last remembered one to feel like.
it had been too long to know.
she imagined it then, eyes closed, the gentle touch of warm hands rubbing away at her wet skin
her hands searched over her breasts, shifted to glide between the curve of them, and down to her lower stomach.
a small cry,
one of restraint, a small beat of hesitance and denial.
she did good, today.
the voice whispered slowly against her ears, and a shiver ran down her spine.
her hands then moved to massage the curve of her hips, slowly, in repeated circles.
the feeling of her hair slick against her spine was chilling, and she cried out once again.
she heard it then,
felt it warm her legs as she sighed out with something between exhaustion and pleasure.
you don't have to be nervous.
vivianne's breath hitched, hands falling to her side.
a painful realization of the broken moment between herself, and a version of someone she couldn't quite get herself to admit.
and in one swift motion, she turned the water off, stepped out of the shower, and wrapped her towel around her tender body.
she looked at herself in the mirror, gazing between both eyes, down to the curves of her lips.
her gaze fell onto her shoulders, and she turned her head to look behind her then, to the empty shower.
steam filtering throughout the bathroom, a temporary source of comfort.
and there she remembered, the cruel reality of what was. of what had just happened between her own desperate desire to be loved so delicately, and the trail of her hands. in this hotel shower.
a pathetic resort at embracing vulnerability, seeking the touch of someone gentle.
vivianne's heart began to thud against her chest, ringing loudly in her ears from the contrast of this quiet bathroom.
embarrassment. guilt. a stream of piteous emotions that made her feel just as sick as earlier today.
she had pictured his face, close against her ear.
his voice, soft like she was always able to remember.
a version of them that didn't exist.
a sob,
then a rise of bile and reflux from before.
vivianne clung to her towel, and ran for the toilet, what was left of her previous meal--kindly forced upon her by matt--emptied itself out with a painful admission.
then, her phone buzzed against the sink's countertop.
she lifted her head slowly, eyes pressed shut, but she forced them open and reached above for her phone.
squinting her eyes, a pair of unfamiliar, not saved numbers had sent her a chilling message.
she read the first line, fingers hovering over each word like it wasn't really meant for her.
"i heard what happened, i hope you're feeling better"
vivianne bit her lip, her heart racing just same as before.
a text bubble appeared, then disappeared, then reappeared again.
for what felt like 5 minutes, vivianne stared at her phone, eager for more.
"i should have come to check up on you, that's what teammates do, no?"
vivianne dropped her phone silently on the tiled floor, moving to sit against the toilet, knees brought up against her chest.
yes, that's what teammates do.
what do they not do?
vivianne shivered, the frightening memory still lingering with the steam present in the bathroom.
another text bubble, long, repetitive.
vivianne sat in agony waiting for the rest of what he had to say, something that would surely make her roll her eyes.
then, like a semi-truck crashed into her hotel room 24 stories up,
"you really did great today. i told you, you didn't have to be nervous".
"we might not be on good terms, but you can talk to me".
vivianne turned her phone off for the rest of the night.
-- -- --
vivianne had woken up some time around 4.30 in the morning.
in a cold sweat, she sprung out of her sheets before she could realize she was even awake.
she reached for her phone, discarded somewhere on the bed as she crashed soon after her shower.
she turned it on, checking the time.
the phone's brightness was overwhelming in the darkness of her room, and she quickly turned the lamp on her bedside on.
heeseung's texts were the first things she had seen, along with some sentiment from matt about "we should start soon" and "see you in austria?".
she rolled her eyes, but sighed in the way she always did when she was secretly grateful about something.
some texts from friends filtered through as well, wishing her a speedy recovery, and congratulating her on a good performance.
then, a missed call circa 5 hours ago.
heart racing, she hovered over the contact's notification, careful not to press anything.
"daddy wolff"
she giggled, laughed, even.
she had set that as her boss' contact name 3 years ago and hasn't bothered to change it since, plus, he knew.
it was nothing new, this dynamic, this comfortability.
vivianne appreciated her boss, after all, he saw a potential in her no one else valued.
he signed her on. he wanted her to drive for him.
when they first met, he congratulated her on her f2 championship, and said he was delighted to start working with her.
young vivianne knew that if she wanted to go somewhere, he would carry her there.
the confidence of a man who was able to spot talent like he'd invented it.
he was kind--in the way that it mattered, at least, and was never unrealistic with her.
that's why, when he looked her, across that room, two days ago,
it hurt all the more to realize that he had true, disappointing doubts.
a brutal honesty that comes with a man who isn't willing to lose, but was anyone?
a voicemail notification followed that of the initial call, and she decided it was simply too late and she was simply too exhausted to hear what he had to say.
vivianne set her phone on the bedside and fell back asleep,
but her brain hadn't shut off without wandering back to those 4 unread messages.
-- -- --
vivianne didn't have friends.
friends definable by dependability, bond, and appreciation.
she had a few, to be fair, but none that she ever felt were truly meant to be.
not because she was too good, but because she wasn't.
despite having several drivers on the grid that truly cared for her well-being, like sunoo, she had spent her entire life questioning whether she was worthy of anyone's time.
she was alone, like most children who are driven to be particularly great at something.
when she made a new friend in school, they'd often ask to play.
this required setting aside time that her father believed she didn't have.
a ruthless deny of self-expression.
so she didn't go, and her friends got tired of her not going, so it was over before it even began.
her poor mother, who'd whisper to her secretly before bed that she didn't have to do this.
but then, would a child's sacrifice of identity mean anything?
would the money gone towards karting mean anything?
vivianne had no friends, she had no interests, and all she had come to develop was a two-dimensional version of the woman she could have been.
so she didn't spend any extra days in montreal.
despite the several texts from other drivers asking her to not do that.
-- -- --
vivianne flew commercial.
she flew first class,
but it was commercial nonetheless.
one of the many things her father would fantasize about was a private jet, and when vivianne finally had the liberty to defy his wishes, she did not hesitate.
not that she wanted a private jet anyway.
it was loud, environmentally intrusive, and unnecessary.
so she sat, comfortably, and finally listened to toto's voicemail.
she bit her lip once, and pressed on the recording.
his voice filtered through her earbuds, a reminder that the message could go in either direction.
her knees folded up to her chest, and she stared out the window.
a small moment, where time slows down and you feel your breath still.
the clouds outside her window had transformed into something more recognizable, unlike the broodiness of a patch of gray skies.
and like the turmoil in her stomach prior to listening to his voice mail, one by one the air cleared.
a compliment.
a true sincere compliment, with sentiments of looking forward to more from her.
she sighed, but smiled afterwards.
despite the fact that she thought second wasn't enough, it was good to hear him compliment her in the same way he used to.
a reminder that maybe things were going to be okay.
to trust herself in this process.
things didn't have to be over. not now at least.
and certainly a text from her father didn't have to matter.
she rolled her eyes without meaning to.
he didn't text yesterday, so what made him want to text today? just to have the last word of a conversation they never had?
her mother had texted her after the race, asking her to take care of herself.
it was this morning when she read more of what she had said, and what rocked her was her mother's last message.
"you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to"
a part of vivianne felt like maybe her mother had truly meant it, and consequently a part of herself had started to believe it too.
but god she wished it were true.
she loved racing, there was nothing more exhilarating than racing, but vivianne was tired.
tired in the way one is after coming home after a long day, and despite meeting body to body with her bed, they remained restless and warm.
but she couldn't leave.
how could anything be worth it after all this time if she just decided to quit?
if she quit, then what would it mean? what would her father have to say?
"i knew you didn't have it in you"
a mocking sentiment of 'i told you so', and she couldn't--wouldn't, give it to him.
vivianne tried not to cry, hoping his text would just disappear, hoping that someone would come sweep her off her feet and take her away to some place she'd be comfortable enough to discover herself for the first time.
she closed her eyes, phone screen still frozen on toto's voicemail.
she took a deep breath in, then blew it out.
"vivianne?"
a/n: IT'S HERE!! i wanna start giving you guys what you want but really i need y'all to yearn for it. chap 6 coming not sure when but it will come.
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
⁵desperate desire to be loved so delicately ...
box box | free to push | wc: 2k (longest chap yet wow)
warnings: mention of an orgasm? lol idk
vivianne had 2 weeks.
2 weeks to recover and reevaluate her strategy for the year.
a combination of team meetings and early morning wake-up calls from matt would do it justice,
bring the blood back to her limbs,
for her face was sunken by the color drained from it.
but for now, there was nothing better than the inhalation of warm, sensuous steam.
coating her throat, traveling down into her lungs, and warming down her arms to her hands so her fingertips felt through her hair with a softer touch.
her head was leaned back, her eyes closed, and they were met with nothing but a consistent stream, kissing her face with something she'd never had the chance to experience.
a slow touch of a hand against her shoulders, sliding down slowly till she felt her own hands meet.
she sighed.
she took a deep breath in as she felt the water fall between her shoulder blades, traveling down her back and into the dip of it.
a small arch of the back, as her hands traveled to bundle her hair to the right side of her neck, holding her breath.
she had already washed her hair, already foamed the soap against her worn-out skin--dry with the stress from the weekend.
now, she was bathing in it, letting the water slip through every crack of her body and envelope her curves.
she let out the breath she was holding, and a small whine escaped her mouth, quickly drowned out by the rhythm of the shower.
a release of tension, almost akin to that of an orgasm, or what she last remembered one to feel like.
it had been too long to know.
she imagined it then, eyes closed, the gentle touch of warm hands rubbing away at her wet skin
her hands searched over her breasts, shifted to glide between the curve of them, and down to her lower stomach.
a small cry,
one of restraint, a small beat of hesitance and denial.
she did good, today.
the voice whispered slowly against her ears, and a shiver ran down her spine.
her hands then moved to massage the curve of her hips, slowly, in repeated circles.
the feeling of her hair slick against her spine was chilling, and she cried out once again.
she heard it then,
felt it warm her legs as she sighed out with something between exhaustion and pleasure.
you don't have to be nervous.
vivianne's breath hitched, hands falling to her side.
a painful realization of the broken moment between herself, and a version of someone she couldn't quite get herself to admit.
and in one swift motion, she turned the water off, stepped out of the shower, and wrapped her towel around her tender body.
she looked at herself in the mirror, gazing between both eyes, down to the curves of her lips.
her gaze fell onto her shoulders, and she turned her head to look behind her then, to the empty shower.
steam filtering throughout the bathroom, a temporary source of comfort.
and there she remembered, the cruel reality of what was. of what had just happened between her own desperate desire to be loved so delicately, and the trail of her hands. in this hotel shower.
a pathetic resort at embracing vulnerability, seeking the touch of someone gentle.
vivianne's heart began to thud against her chest, ringing loudly in her ears from the contrast of this quiet bathroom.
embarrassment. guilt. a stream of piteous emotions that made her feel just as sick as earlier today.
she had pictured his face, close against her ear.
his voice, soft like she was always able to remember.
a version of them that didn't exist.
a sob,
then a rise of bile and reflux from before.
vivianne clung to her towel, and ran for the toilet, what was left of her previous meal--kindly forced upon her by matt--emptied itself out with a painful admission.
then, her phone buzzed against the sink's countertop.
she lifted her head slowly, eyes pressed shut, but she forced them open and reached above for her phone.
squinting her eyes, a pair of unfamiliar, not saved numbers had sent her a chilling message.
she read the first line, fingers hovering over each word like it wasn't really meant for her.
"i heard what happened, i hope you're feeling better"
vivianne bit her lip, her heart racing just same as before.
a text bubble appeared, then disappeared, then reappeared again.
for what felt like 5 minutes, vivianne stared at her phone, eager for more.
"i should have come to check up on you, that's what teammates do, no?"
vivianne dropped her phone silently on the tiled floor, moving to sit against the toilet, knees brought up against her chest.
yes, that's what teammates do.
what do they not do?
vivianne shivered, the frightening memory still lingering with the steam present in the bathroom.
another text bubble, long, repetitive.
vivianne sat in agony waiting for the rest of what he had to say, something that would surely make her roll her eyes.
then, like a semi-truck crashed into her hotel room 24 stories up,
"you really did great today. i told you, you didn't have to be nervous".
"we might not be on good terms, but you can talk to me".
vivianne turned her phone off for the rest of the night.
-- -- --
vivianne had woken up some time around 4.30 in the morning.
in a cold sweat, she sprung out of her sheets before she could realize she was even awake.
she reached for her phone, discarded somewhere on the bed as she crashed soon after her shower.
she turned it on, checking the time.
the phone's brightness was overwhelming in the darkness of her room, and she quickly turned the lamp on her bedside on.
heeseung's texts were the first things she had seen, along with some sentiment from matt about "we should start soon" and "see you in austria?".
she rolled her eyes, but sighed in the way she always did when she was secretly grateful about something.
some texts from friends filtered through as well, wishing her a speedy recovery, and congratulating her on a good performance.
then, a missed call circa 5 hours ago.
heart racing, she hovered over the contact's notification, careful not to press anything.
"daddy wolff"
she giggled, laughed, even.
she had set that as her boss' contact name 3 years ago and hasn't bothered to change it since, plus, he knew.
it was nothing new, this dynamic, this comfortability.
vivianne appreciated her boss, after all, he saw a potential in her no one else valued.
he signed her on. he wanted her to drive for him.
when they first met, he congratulated her on her f2 championship, and said he was delighted to start working with her.
young vivianne knew that if she wanted to go somewhere, he would carry her there.
the confidence of a man who was able to spot talent like he'd invented it.
he was kind--in the way that it mattered, at least, and was never unrealistic with her.
that's why, when he looked her, across that room, two days ago,
it hurt all the more to realize that he had true, disappointing doubts.
a brutal honesty that comes with a man who isn't willing to lose, but was anyone?
a voicemail notification followed that of the initial call, and she decided it was simply too late and she was simply too exhausted to hear what he had to say.
vivianne set her phone on the bedside and fell back asleep,
but her brain hadn't shut off without wandering back to those 4 unread messages.
-- -- --
vivianne didn't have friends.
friends definable by dependability, bond, and appreciation.
she had a few, to be fair, but none that she ever felt were truly meant to be.
not because she was too good, but because she wasn't.
despite having several drivers on the grid that truly cared for her well-being, like sunoo, she had spent her entire life questioning whether she was worthy of anyone's time.
she was alone, like most children who are driven to be particularly great at something.
when she made a new friend in school, they'd often ask to play.
this required setting aside time that her father believed she didn't have.
a ruthless deny of self-expression.
so she didn't go, and her friends got tired of her not going, so it was over before it even began.
her poor mother, who'd whisper to her secretly before bed that she didn't have to do this.
but then, would a child's sacrifice of identity mean anything?
would the money gone towards karting mean anything?
vivianne had no friends, she had no interests, and all she had come to develop was a two-dimensional version of the woman she could have been.
so she didn't spend any extra days in montreal.
despite the several texts from other drivers asking her to not do that.
-- -- --
vivianne flew commercial.
she flew first class,
but it was commercial nonetheless.
one of the many things her father would fantasize about was a private jet, and when vivianne finally had the liberty to defy his wishes, she did not hesitate.
not that she wanted a private jet anyway.
it was loud, environmentally intrusive, and unnecessary.
so she sat, comfortably, and finally listened to toto's voicemail.
she bit her lip once, and pressed on the recording.
his voice filtered through her earbuds, a reminder that the message could go in either direction.
her knees folded up to her chest, and she stared out the window.
a small moment, where time slows down and you feel your breath still.
the clouds outside her window had transformed into something more recognizable, unlike the broodiness of a patch of gray skies.
and like the turmoil in her stomach prior to listening to his voice mail, one by one the air cleared.
a compliment.
a true sincere compliment, with sentiments of looking forward to more from her.
she sighed, but smiled afterwards.
despite the fact that she thought second wasn't enough, it was good to hear him compliment her in the same way he used to.
a reminder that maybe things were going to be okay.
to trust herself in this process.
things didn't have to be over. not now at least.
and certainly a text from her father didn't have to matter.
she rolled her eyes without meaning to.
he didn't text yesterday, so what made him want to text today? just to have the last word of a conversation they never had?
her mother had texted her after the race, asking her to take care of herself.
it was this morning when she read more of what she had said, and what rocked her was her mother's last message.
"you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to"
a part of vivianne felt like maybe her mother had truly meant it, and consequently a part of herself had started to believe it too.
but god she wished it were true.
she loved racing, there was nothing more exhilarating than racing, but vivianne was tired.
tired in the way one is after coming home after a long day, and despite meeting body to body with her bed, they remained restless and warm.
but she couldn't leave.
how could anything be worth it after all this time if she just decided to quit?
if she quit, then what would it mean? what would her father have to say?
"i knew you didn't have it in you"
a mocking sentiment of 'i told you so', and she couldn't--wouldn't, give it to him.
vivianne tried not to cry, hoping his text would just disappear, hoping that someone would come sweep her off her feet and take her away to some place she'd be comfortable enough to discover herself for the first time.
she closed her eyes, phone screen still frozen on toto's voicemail.
she took a deep breath in, then blew it out.
"vivianne?"
a/n: IT'S HERE!! i wanna start giving you guys what you want but really i need y'all to yearn for it. chap 6 coming not sure when but it will come.
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
ᯓ★ taking place during the 2025 formula one season, mercedes’ number one driver, vivianne cole , finds out her seat is on the line after 2024 f2 champion lee heeseung gets promoted to second driver. what could be worse than getting your job stolen by a rookie as the only female driver on the grid?
—✶⋆.˚ pairing - f1driver!heeseung x f1driver!oc
CONTENT WARNINGS ! - written au/series, angst (a lot probably most likely), rivals to lovers (f1 drivers don’t fight 🤧), fluff (at times), suggestive (at some point), depiction of body dysmorphia and negative relationships with food (sorry), mature language use, discussion of misogyny in the industry, slowburn :3, and more … ! (will update)
—✶⋆.˚ wc - 3.0k [ongoing!]
ᯓ★ a/n - i’ll try to be as consistent as possible with updates, and eventually i’ll try to get an update schedule released :) don’t be a silent reader and lmk what you think with each release/update ! don’t forget to lmk if you want to be part of the taglist ! 💫
—✶⋆.˚ playlist ! —✶⋆.˚ choose your driver !
CHAPTERS ✧ !
₊⊹ 0. prologue …
₊⊹ 1. pineapple smoothie …
₊⊹ 2. a violent, prolonged, embarrassing death …
₊⊹ 3. unwilling, inevitable failure …
₊⊹ 4. is love enough? …
₊⊹ 5. tbd …
₊⊹ 6. tbd …
₊⊹ more to come !
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
is love enough? ...
box box | free to push | wc: 1.8k
warnings: panic attack, poor/abusive family dynamic, eating disorder, mentions of vomit
nausea.
like the relentless kind on a hot summer day.
like the kind of nausea you experience when your body is craving release from a substance much akin to poison.
vivianne was poisoned.
from the inside out.
and it started much before the pineapple smoothie.
she got out of her car, and her vision was blurred, her team only a cloudy reflection.
had she not just given that race her all?
or, in better words, had she not loved it?
is love enough?
did love make up for where aptitude lacked?
the crowd roared, but vivianne crawled into herself, looking around frantically.
there he was, as happy as ever.
he rose out of his car, posing for the crowd in that same, ambitious way.
a smile so wide, one she had never seen before.
it was intoxicating and grounding in a sense so frightening,
like vivianne had become self-aware all over again.
out of all 20 drivers on this grid, vivianne was racing 19, but there was only one rivalry that mattered so much, she was willing to die for it.
the scale blinked up at her, a reminder of that extra 10th of a second she could lose if only she tried harder.
heeseung hopped off his car and took his helmet off carefully, but with the slight anticipation of someone who's ready to let go.
vivianne stepped away somewhere quieter, a corner where she didn't need to be reminded of a disappointment so dreadful as this one.
in this game, you're either a winner or a loser.
a touch of a hand. brief. warm.
a reminder of where vivianne still was.
she turned, but was met with an outline of a stranger.
all colors, but none of the correct shapes and depths.
"vivianne?"
the crowd thundered against her ears, and suddenly she had returned back to life, exhaling deeply.
her hand rose to her chest, rubbing away at a pain so pathetic it grabbed at her throat, and vivianne followed it.
stripping her of the voice she's never really had,
not in this sport.
her eyes wet, and before she knew it, she let out a sob mistakable for a cry for help.
heeseung turned around after removing himself from the arms of his team members, who congratulated him. like a capsule of time. a mirrored history of 3 years prior.
his eyes focused on the 2nd place podium, on her car, on the absence of her presence as it so stood.
his eyes darted to third place, park sunghoon.
heeseung's brows furrowed, and sunghoon shrugged in return, drinking from his water bottle carelessly.
heeseung walked away, the crowd's screams only intensifying.
"where's vivianne?" he yelled, incapable of hearing much apart from the stands.
gone.
arms around the shoulders of two medical emergency providers as she was dragged across the paddock.
head unfit to maintain its weight, and it knocked up and down frequently in-between sobs, legs limp.
no, love isn't enough.
a fear so petrifying, she was right back where she started.
13 years old.
holding a cupcake up to her face, it's candle casting warm rays.
alone. nothing but her mother's arms wrapped around her cold body, wishing her a birthday happier than this one.
one where she met the expectations, be it her own or somebody else's.
one where her father didn't come home, trashing the cupcake across the room.
"is that gonna make you any faster?"
vivianne cried, and her mother tried. like she always did. but it never worked.
no rebuttal against her father ever got through to his head.
someone radioed in after some time, a can of her own vomit sitting beside her, a reminder of what she hadn't even eaten that day.
"vivianne is with emergency medical, said she felt sick after the race".
that was the easiest way to put it.
but nothing was as easy as looking up at the podium, wondering if he'll get the chance to stand on it for the very first time that night.
despite that, heeseung hurried over to his team.
"is she gonna be okay?" heeseung pressured, growing impatient.
no one answered. like it hadn't mattered. like it was an inconvenience.
like she was an inconvenience.
yesterday's qualifying, her destroying the car.
her being bad.
"you'll have to go up there without her". someone added, and heeseung froze.
he turned once more, looking up at the podium.
an achievement he had dreamt of his whole life, and every sacrifice he had made to pursue today, this moment, had finally meant something.
it was love, and it had meant something.
if he had to sacrifice one more thing, it would be whatever stood in his way.
-- -- --
what was it like,
to win your first ever race in formula one?
exhilarating-- maybe immeasurable, to be honest.
vivianne watched him on the TV in hospitality, IV dripping slowly through her forearm.
she was supposed to be up there, next to him.
instead, she was here, miserable.
words couldn't describe how out of place, how, different, she felt.
"how exciting" she bumbled, before rolling her eyes and turning over onto her side.
her manager sat quietly next to her, eyeing her with a precision he'd been using for the past 3 years. picking up on what she didn't say. reading between the lines. finding what was missing.
"this is your best placement of the season" he responded, softly.
she lay there, quietly, the volume of the TV focusing so sharply she knew she'd remember what this very day felt like till she couldn't any more.
was it ironic, that this entire weekend, she had been hoping for something good, something great, even,
and when she's so close to it, she receives the second best option, and she isn't even there to accept it.
receiving second best is failure when you know what best tastes like.
"it's not good enough."
her manager sighed, rubbing his face with his hands, sinking into the chair slowly.
"vivianne"
"it's not enough!" she interrupted, a tear sliding down her face.
her manager looked up at her, resting his head in the palm of his hand, elbow on the chair's arm.
there was nothing he could do to change this, to make this less painful for her.
"you need to eat" he added cautiously.
"is that gonna make me any faster?"
he sighed, standing up out of his chair.
"you know they'll disqualify you if you're underweight. they'll say you're--"
"cheating. i know. i've been doing this my whole life". vivianne looked down to the fabric of the couch, stressing with the weight of her body as she lay there, exhausted.
"vivianne, it's not even about that, it's about the fact that you're going to sabotage your own career if you get back into this!" he pleaded from where he stood, pointing towards the TV, champagne flying through the air as the two drivers celebrated each other.
"does it matter?"
a silence so full entered the room, her manager flinching back towards the wall just slightly, brows furrowed.
"which part? you starving yourself sick or losing your career?"
she toyed with the pillow her head rested on.
"both"
her manager frowned, looking down at her semi-lifeless form, a shell of the driver she used to be.
he stepped towards her, getting down on his knees to meet her eye-to-eye.
vivianne avoided his gaze, because even focusing on the TV was better than being like this. vulnerable. raw.
"look at me"
she didn't want to. she couldn't.
she felt nothing but shame, a feeling revisited after years of being comfortable in her body and ability.
"vivianne, look at me."
she did, finally, forcing herself to be present in what seemed to be the unavoidable. coming to terms with that's now, and not what could be. the negative endless possibilities that vivianne thought were soon to be a reality.
her manager took a deep breath, holding viviannes hands as he did so.
she looked down to their hands, then back up, an acknowledgement that she was ready to hear whatever he wanted to say.
"you, are the best driver i've had the pleasure of managing" he started, and to that vivianne looked away, holding back tears.
"and i've managed a lot of people, vivianne. a lot of great, talented drivers--" he paused
"but none of them were like you-- are like you." he added, squeezing her hands tightly.
"you have 13 races left. it's not over yet." he reassured her, and she looked back at him with that inexplicably devastating look on her face.
a tired sculpture of a restless face.
he wiped a tear from her face, pulling her into a hug.
then, she burst into tears.
the anticipation of someone who's ready to let go.
a small whisper, a promise of good news.
"we'll figure this out, together."
"i'm not going anywhere".
these past 3 years had been a culmination of great teamwork and copious amounts of internal efforts, but vivianne's career wouldn't have been possible if not for the drive of her manager, matt.
her first year in formula one was good, better than good if anything. nobody expected it, which is fair seeing as though she was a rookie fresh out of a dazzling formula 2 season.
but vivianne was not okay.
somewhere in the haze, a mixture of unrelenting stomach pangs and sleepless nights were accumulating without warning.
an unexpected failure that strikes in the heat of the moment.
one second you’re in the car, and the next there are heavy, sharp light’s overwhelming your vision, and the smell of sweet disinfectant sterilizes the air.
the hospital.
a feeling unlike any other.
vivianne thrashed and sobbed, asking for her parents, a figment of comfort that was just enough to ease the tension.
she remembered the look on her father’s face.
a spectrum of guilt and disappointment.
had he taught her to be so weak? to lose sight over what truly mattered?
was she taking this sport seriously enough? to sacrifice her career for something so trivial as a tenth of a second?
it was surprising, honestly.
to see that her father, the same man who would argue that—yes—a tenth of a second was worth more than blood in your body, keeping you alive—would disapprove of her methods.
in this game, you’re either a winner.
or a loser.
with that, vivianne was released from the hospital,
but given the fact that her eating disorder had gone completely unbeknownst to her previous manager, before she was able to return to the familiar corners--she was appointed a new manager.
matt.
if not for matt, she would not have recovered.
recovery, not in the way your physical body rebuilds it’s flesh, tissue, muscle, and skin, but in the way your mind reconnects individual protein receptors.
when she wanted to fall back into the cycle, he’d order her food, and sit with her while she ate—a plate in front of himself.
a reminder that she was not alone, despite feeling like the track--the car--was too big for a 21 year old like vivianne.
matt was the only one who believed in vivianne.
the only one, that while in this room, on this track, in this city,
vivianne could rely on.
the only one who'd pick up her frantic late-night calls
and tell her,
you don’t have to be nervous.
?
wait.
a/n: guys im so sorry ive literally been GONE. i’ve been busy just doin other stuff and i haven’t had much time to write. i hope i can release chapter 5 quicker than this i don’t want to disappoint y’all. i know the chapters are short so obviously that means we’re gonna have LOTS of chapters (i don’t want this to be rushed and like i said it’s a slow burn). if you guys ever want more from me that isn’t light’s out just send an ask and i’ll see what i can do! again, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, it’s definitely one of my favorites so far! <3 ik this chapter is a little sad and there's not much interaction between the two but like obviously i need y'all to yearn for it sorry HAHAH
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe
🏁 light’s out. - lhs | 이희승
.⋆ 𖥔 ݁ ˖₊‧.⭒.‧₊˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖ .
⁴is love enough? ...
box box | free to push | wc: 1.8k
warnings: panic attack, poor/abusive family dynamic, eating disorder, mentions of vomit
nausea.
like the relentless kind on a hot summer day.
like the kind of nausea you experience when your body is craving release from a substance much akin to poison.
vivianne was poisoned.
from the inside out.
and it started much before the pineapple smoothie.
she got out of her car, and her vision was blurred, her team only a cloudy reflection.
had she not just given that race her all?
or, in better words, had she not loved it?
is love enough?
did love make up for where aptitude lacked?
the crowd roared, but vivianne crawled into herself, looking around frantically.
there he was, as happy as ever.
he rose out of his car, posing for the crowd in that same, ambitious way.
a smile so wide, one she had never seen before.
it was intoxicating and grounding in a sense so frightening,
like vivianne had become self-aware all over again.
out of all 20 drivers on this grid, vivianne was racing 19, but there was only one rivalry that mattered so much, she was willing to die for it.
the scale blinked up at her, a reminder of that extra 10th of a second she could lose if only she tried harder.
heeseung hopped off his car and took his helmet off carefully, but with the slight anticipation of someone who's ready to let go.
vivianne stepped away somewhere quieter, a corner where she didn't need to be reminded of a disappointment so dreadful as this one.
in this game, you're either a winner or a loser.
a touch of a hand. brief. warm.
a reminder of where vivianne still was.
she turned, but was met with an outline of a stranger.
all colors, but none of the correct shapes and depths.
"vivianne?"
the crowd thundered against her ears, and suddenly she had returned back to life, exhaling deeply.
her hand rose to her chest, rubbing away at a pain so pathetic it grabbed at her throat, and vivianne followed it.
stripping her of the voice she's never really had,
not in this sport.
her eyes wet, and before she knew it, she let out a sob mistakable for a cry for help.
heeseung turned around after removing himself from the arms of his team members, who congratulated him. like a capsule of time. a mirrored history of 3 years prior.
his eyes focused on the 2nd place podium, on her car, on the absence of her presence as it so stood.
his eyes darted to third place, park sunghoon.
heeseung's brows furrowed, and sunghoon shrugged in return, drinking from his water bottle carelessly.
heeseung walked away, the crowd's screams only intensifying.
"where's vivianne?" he yelled, incapable of hearing much apart from the stands.
gone.
arms around the shoulders of two medical emergency providers as she was dragged across the paddock.
head unfit to maintain its weight, and it knocked up and down frequently in-between sobs, legs limp.
no, love isn't enough.
a fear so petrifying, she was right back where she started.
13 years old.
holding a cupcake up to her face, it's candle casting warm rays.
alone. nothing but her mother's arms wrapped around her cold body, wishing her a birthday happier than this one.
one where she met the expectations, be it her own or somebody else's.
one where her father didn't come home, trashing the cupcake across the room.
"is that gonna make you any faster?"
vivianne cried, and her mother tried. like she always did. but it never worked.
no rebuttal against her father ever got through to his head.
someone radioed in after some time, a can of her own vomit sitting beside her, a reminder of what she hadn't even eaten that day.
"vivianne is with emergency medical, said she felt sick after the race".
that was the easiest way to put it.
but nothing was as easy as looking up at the podium, wondering if he'll get the chance to stand on it for the very first time that night.
despite that, heeseung hurried over to his team.
"is she gonna be okay?" heeseung pressured, growing impatient.
no one answered. like it hadn't mattered. like it was an inconvenience.
like she was an inconvenience.
yesterday's qualifying, her destroying the car.
her being bad.
"you'll have to go up there without her". someone added, and heeseung froze.
he turned once more, looking up at the podium.
an achievement he had dreamt of his whole life, and every sacrifice he had made to pursue today, this moment, had finally meant something.
it was love, and it had meant something.
if he had to sacrifice one more thing, it would be whatever stood in his way.
-- -- --
what was it like,
to win your first ever race in formula one?
exhilarating-- maybe immeasurable, to be honest.
vivianne watched him on the TV in hospitality, IV dripping slowly through her forearm.
she was supposed to be up there, next to him.
instead, she was here, miserable.
words couldn't describe how out of place, how, different, she felt.
"how exciting" she bumbled, before rolling her eyes and turning over onto her side.
her manager sat quietly next to her, eyeing her with a precision he'd been using for the past 3 years. picking up on what she didn't say. reading between the lines. finding what was missing.
"this is your best placement of the season" he responded, softly.
she lay there, quietly, the volume of the TV focusing so sharply she knew she'd remember what this very day felt like till she couldn't any more.
was it ironic, that this entire weekend, she had been hoping for something good, something great, even,
and when she's so close to it, she receives the second best option, and she isn't even there to accept it.
receiving second best is failure when you know what best tastes like.
"it's not good enough."
her manager sighed, rubbing his face with his hands, sinking into the chair slowly.
"vivianne"
"it's not enough!" she interrupted, a tear sliding down her face.
her manager looked up at her, resting his head in the palm of his hand, elbow on the chair's arm.
there was nothing he could do to change this, to make this less painful for her.
"you need to eat" he added cautiously.
"is that gonna make me any faster?"
he sighed, standing up out of his chair.
"you know they'll disqualify you if you're underweight. they'll say you're--"
"cheating. i know. i've been doing this my whole life". vivianne looked down to the fabric of the couch, stressing with the weight of her body as she lay there, exhausted.
"vivianne, it's not even about that, it's about the fact that you're going to sabotage your own career if you get back into this!" he pleaded from where he stood, pointing towards the TV, champagne flying through the air as the two drivers celebrated each other.
"does it matter?"
a silence so full entered the room, her manager flinching back towards the wall just slightly, brows furrowed.
"which part? you starving yourself sick or losing your career?"
she toyed with the pillow her head rested on.
"both"
her manager frowned, looking down at her semi-lifeless form, a shell of the driver she used to be.
he stepped towards her, getting down on his knees to meet her eye-to-eye.
vivianne avoided his gaze, because even focusing on the TV was better than being like this. vulnerable. raw.
"look at me"
she didn't want to. she couldn't.
she felt nothing but shame, a feeling revisited after years of being comfortable in her body and ability.
"vivianne, look at me."
she did, finally, forcing herself to be present in what seemed to be the unavoidable. coming to terms with that's now, and not what could be. the negative endless possibilities that vivianne thought were soon to be a reality.
her manager took a deep breath, holding viviannes hands as he did so.
she looked down to their hands, then back up, an acknowledgement that she was ready to hear whatever he wanted to say.
"you, are the best driver i've had the pleasure of managing" he started, and to that vivianne looked away, holding back tears.
"and i've managed a lot of people, vivianne. a lot of great, talented drivers--" he paused
"but none of them were like you-- are like you." he added, squeezing her hands tightly.
"you have 13 races left. it's not over yet." he reassured her, and she looked back at him with that inexplicably devastating look on her face.
a tired sculpture of a restless face.
he wiped a tear from her face, pulling her into a hug.
then, she burst into tears.
the anticipation of someone who's ready to let go.
a small whisper, a promise of good news.
"we'll figure this out, together."
"i'm not going anywhere".
these past 3 years had been a culmination of great teamwork and copious amounts of internal efforts, but vivianne's career wouldn't have been possible if not for the drive of her manager, matt.
her first year in formula one was good, better than good if anything. nobody expected it, which is fair seeing as though she was a rookie fresh out of a dazzling formula 2 season.
but vivianne was not okay.
somewhere in the haze, a mixture of unrelenting stomach pangs and sleepless nights were accumulating without warning.
an unexpected failure that strikes in the heat of the moment.
one second you’re in the car, and the next there are heavy, sharp light’s overwhelming your vision, and the smell of sweet disinfectant sterilizes the air.
the hospital.
a feeling unlike any other.
vivianne thrashed and sobbed, asking for her parents, a figment of comfort that was just enough to ease the tension.
she remembered the look on her father’s face.
a spectrum of guilt and disappointment.
had he taught her to be so weak? to lose sight over what truly mattered?
was she taking this sport seriously enough? to sacrifice her career for something so trivial as a tenth of a second?
it was surprising, honestly.
to see that her father, the same man who would argue that—yes—a tenth of a second was worth more than blood in your body, keeping you alive—would disapprove of her methods.
in this game, you’re either a winner.
or a loser.
with that, vivianne was released from the hospital,
but given the fact that her eating disorder had gone completely unbeknownst to her previous manager, before she was able to return to the familiar corners--she was appointed a new manager.
matt.
if not for matt, she would not have recovered.
recovery, not in the way your physical body rebuilds it’s flesh, tissue, muscle, and skin, but in the way your mind reconnects individual protein receptors.
when she wanted to fall back into the cycle, he’d order her food, and sit with her while she ate—a plate in front of himself.
a reminder that she was not alone, despite feeling like the track--the car--was too big for a 21 year old like vivianne.
matt was the only one who believed in vivianne.
the only one, that while in this room, on this track, in this city,
vivianne could rely on.
the only one who'd pick up her frantic late-night calls
and tell her,
you don’t have to be nervous.
?
wait.
a/n: guys im so sorry ive literally been GONE. i’ve been busy just doin other stuff and i haven’t had much time to write. i hope i can release chapter 5 quicker than this i don’t want to disappoint y’all. i know the chapters are short so obviously that means we’re gonna have LOTS of chapters (i don’t want this to be rushed and like i said it’s a slow burn). if you guys ever want more from me that isn’t light’s out just send an ask and i’ll see what i can do! again, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, it’s definitely one of my favorites so far! <3 ik this chapter is a little sad and there's not much interaction between the two but like obviously i need y'all to yearn for it sorry HAHAH
taglist [open!]
@enhoonxx @katalior @wvndrls @embakamcbappe
just updated my light’s out playlist i’m sorry i haven’t updated in a while but TRUST chapter 4 is in the works !!!
guys pls don’t be afraid to send asks 💔💔💔 i’m currently working on lights out but that won’t stop me from writing other stuff for you guys !!! 🥹🫶
alssooooo what do you guys use for messaging in smaus ?? i have a good one for twt (x) and i can probably use insta for stories etc obviously but idk what to use for messaging 🤧🤧
