Heilan listened patiently to Honeymaren, giving her his full attention in a way he rarely did for anyone else. She had a way of speaking that made things feel grounded, manageable—like even the most complicated emotions could be sorted into something practical if you just looked at them from the right angle. And she did make excellent points, ones he couldn’t easily brush aside or overthink into oblivion.
He nodded along every so often, absorbing her words, turning them over in his mind. Because logically, it all made sense. Communication, pacing, giving Sunny space while still being honest about what he wanted—it was all reasonable. Achievable, even.
The real issue sat heavier than all of that.
It wasn’t logistics. It wasn’t timing.
Or rather, the quiet, gnawing fear that maybe—just maybe—he had been the one pulling the strings this whole time.
Because when he thought back on it, really thought back, there was a pattern he couldn’t ignore. The first steps, the small escalations, the moments that shifted them from one stage of their relationship to the next… more often than not, it had been Heilan taking the lead. Inviting, suggesting, nudging. And Sunny had followed, never unwilling, never resistant—but not necessarily initiating either.
And that thought lodged itself uncomfortably in his chest.
What if Sunny had just been going along with it? What if he wasn’t ready for something more, something permanent—and Heilan, in his eagerness, had been gently, unknowingly dragging him there?
It made his stomach twist.
It reminded him far too much of their first kiss.
The memory surfaced so vividly it almost made him smile despite himself—the way his heart had been pounding, how the world had seemed to narrow down to just the space between them. Terrifying in a way that made his hands almost shake, and yet so unbearably sweet that it had felt worth every ounce of fear. He had been the one to close the distance then, too. To take that leap.
And Sunny had kissed him back.
But even now, he wondered—had Sunny been waiting for it, or simply accepting it?
Heilan exhaled softly, running a hand through his hair as he tried to untangle the mess of thoughts. Honeymaren’s advice lingered in his mind, steady and reassuring, but his emotions didn’t quite follow logic as neatly as he wished they would.
“Do you think he’d like the idea—” he started, his voice quieter than usual, almost hesitant. He hesitated again, as if the rest of the sentence required more courage than he expected. “—and is it bad that I kind of am waiting for him to ask me?”
The admission came out shy, almost fragile—so unlike the Heilan people knew. There was no teasing confidence, no easy charm to hide behind. Just honesty, bare and unpolished.
He let out a small, self-conscious laugh, glancing down at his hands.
“I mean… I could ask him. I probably should, right?” he added, though there was no real conviction behind it. His fingers fidgeted slightly, betraying the nerves he couldn’t quite mask. “But I don’t know… I think I just—”
He paused, searching for the right words, something that wouldn’t make him sound as vulnerable as he felt. But there was no clever way to dress it up.
“I want to know he wants it too,” he admitted softly. “Not because I nudged him there. Not because it feels like the next step. But because he… chooses it.”
His gaze drifted, unfocused, as if he could somehow see Sunny in that thought alone.
“And maybe that’s selfish,” he murmured, a faint crease forming between his brows. “Waiting for him to make the move when I already know what I want… it feels a little unfair.”
Another quiet breath left him, steadier this time, though the uncertainty still lingered.
“But at the same time… I think it would mean everything, you know?”
