Dreams

dream journal Because more often than not, I would wake up with a story in my head from what I have just dreamed, and over time they would become images in my head with no meanings, and further up they would become into nothing. I only want to record them before that happens ;) I guess I am also doing this to practice my writing, hoping that one day I will write my own story.

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Goodbye

I was at an arid and deserted place, I was getting into a jeep, it was an old lady that drove it, and she was taking me home. I am not sure what was our relationship, but she was willing to drive to where I was just to pick me up.

The trip back was long, all I could see was arid land from both sides with the occasional bush, we did not say a word to each other yet it did not feel uncomfortable. Then, we reached what was supposed to be my destination, I gave her my thanks and was about to get off until I saw her eyes crying… 

Why was she crying? The only words she said afterwards was just a goodbye, as if we were not going to see each other ever again. I could not bear see her crying so I stayed in the jeep with her, but she pushed me out, and just as I was out of the jeep, a huge worm ate the whole car from below.

[heiritus]

Dream Draft: Fire

I was in a world where some people could have some special powers, I was one of them I was able to create fire. There were two main clans that hogged all of these special people, and the two of them were basically at war.

I had a friend belonging to the other clan, and we were tired of the fight, we had a plan to make a huge gathering and then kill everyone once and for all. It is said that these powers were a reflection of who we really are, and as of currently everyone had destructive power. I was able to burn everything with my fire while my friend was able to destroy everything with earthquakes, no one remembers the last time they ever someone with a non-destructive power. Others would have powers such as matter dissolution, thunder strikes, and so on, all of them were like meant to be used to kill or to destroy.

The night that we were to carry out the plan, I made it so a big gathering where all members of my clan would reunite to discuss important matters, there was nothing to discuss but I had already prepared everything to lock everyone inside the building and then I would proceed to burn the building, my friend did the same except that he will bury his building.

When everyone has already gathered in the building, one of the members had approached me saying that he had an important information that I had to know, we went to a private room and inside was another man, a stranger to me. It seems like he had powers and he was recruited to our clan, but there was something peculiar, his powers empathy, he was able to feel exactly what his target was feeling, he had a non-destructive power.

The fact that someone with a non-destructive power exists had made me change my plans, I could not kill everyone in my clan anymore, maybe there is still hope in the future, thus I decided to skip the massacre and take the man with me to the place where I was going to meet my friend after our deed. 

When I arrived, he was already waiting for me, he had his guard up when he saw that I was not alone. He asked me what was the meaning of this, I tried to explain him, but all of the sudden he buried me and the other man with his powers. We were locked under the ground, within a very small chamber, I seemed to be fine, but the other guy had a rock pierced to his chest, he was going cold, he was dying, and we were trapped. All I could do is to use my fire as mildly as possible to keep him warm, to try to keep him alive, to bid my time until someone might be able to find us, hoping that my powers are not only about destruction...

[heiritus]

Dream Draft: The Core

It was a desolate world, everything was covered in a gooey substance that asphyxiated everything. Vegetation and animals has become so scarce these days, there were still some small pockets where this goo was absent. It is said that this goo was alive and that it had a core, it was announced by a group of scientists some time ago, and that if we destroyed the core the goo will go away. Since that announcement, it had become like humanity’s first priority to find the core and destroy it, I included.

But how were we supposed to know where the core was? No description was given at all nor any hint that could help us identify it. Nowadays, the humans were established on big enough pockets where the goo would not suffocate the crops, I myself have never seen them, I myself was always on the move constantly looking for the core and basically trying my best to survive this world.

One day, I could hear not so far from where I was the goo reacting very badly, it was growing bigger and bigger and accumulating in a very specific spot. I ran towards there and I could see the goo trying to absorb a girl. I didn’t think twice to offer help and try to get her out even though the good could also eat me too, as it has been so long since I have seen any other humans. The weird thing is that as soon as I extended my hand, the goo instead of reacting even worse as I have seen before, it subsided and freed the girl.

She was so grateful, I asked her what she was doing alone out here, and she replied me that she was with three others searching for the core, just what you would expect from anyone in the wilds. I didn’t say anything else as I have never seen these areas without goo. She offered me to show me her small village as thanks where I could restock my provisions as well.

It was not far from where we were, and I couldn’t believe it, there were actually areas without goo big enough where people can settle down. In the wilds I would often see a small tree or shrub here and there, but never seen them grow together. She introduced me to their leader, a not so old man of around 50 years old probably, his face was familiar and from his reaction it would seem that he knew me as well. We shaked hands and he asked me if we have seen before, I just replied no.

The girl that I saved was explaining to me that this guy was one of the scientist that announced about the existence of this core and then the guy added about how the core could be actually a person as well, he didn’t had anything to prove it completely but he was hypothesizing it as he was able to find human dna in some of the samples collected, and how all these dna matched a single person. He also went on by saying that the goo can potentially be anywhere, that the only reason there was no goo in this area was because the core’s influence could not reach here, and that if we were to find it, we absolutely cannot bring it to any patch.

It was not long after that comment when I could see the goo spread through this whole area. It was reacting badly, very badly, it absorbed everyone on it within minutes, there was a total of around 50 people. I was the core after all.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: The Ultimate Light

We were on our way to that recently finished temple, they were about to summon the ultimate light, a light so powerful that can pass through anything- there would be no more shadows, no more secrets, no more lies- it would be the final form of the sun. We were the bad ones this time as our aim is to prevent the summon at all cost.

Our group was led by someone known as the master, and amongst his teachings includes how secrets and lies was essential for peace, and a world without it would just unveil the true nature of us as there would be no more shadows to hide our true selves. It was a cult and we all blindly followed his words.

We arrived at the temple, and the ceremony has already started. Our plan involved in planting bombs around the temple and explode it, we were a bit behind schedule so we had to do it all hastily.

Everything was going according to plan, until I heard an unexpected explosion. The temple was still standing, the noise seems to come from our rendezvous point, my logic told me that our plan failed and that I should run away before they catch me too but my intuition said otherwise. I decided to trust my intuition and so I decided to run towards the rendezvous point to confirm what is happening.

As soon as I had visual of the place, I could see that everyone from my cult was dead, they were all killed by a fellow member, he was still standing in there, with a sword piercing through the chest of the master, as soon as he made visual contact on me he ran towards me, and so I ran too. I was lucky that I was still quite far away and was able to escape from him. Later on I also realized that pretty much everyone else is dead too, even the ones that was summoning the ultimate light. There were no place for me to run to, and there was no better place to hide than the temple itself as it was a huge structute, and so I stayed. I found myself hiding at one of the roofs of the temple, with visual to the surrounding jungle as well as the summoning circle at the middle of it.

A few hours later, that man appeared, I could see him walking towards the middle of the summoning circle. He moved around some pillars, and it activated a chain reaction within the temple. Was he summoning the ultimate light? He couldnt be, else why kill those people too?

As all the pillars within the temple was reacting and resonating with the summoning circle, I could start seeing the sunlight dimming bit by bit, as if a shadow was covering the sun. From this day onwards, the sunlight never ever appeared strong again, it was basically night the whole day as the sun was just a bit brighter than the moon itself. I know what I had to do now without the help of my master- I had to confront that guy and learn how to use the temple to bring back the sun.

After all that, he didnt leave the temple, instead he was actively searching for me. Ironically this new world of shadows worked in my favour, the art of disguise and misdirection came naturally for me, I was no longer myself. But this only worked for the first few days as he soon too also took advantage of the shadows.

Then that day came, a girl walked inside the temple, as if looking for shelter, how wrong she was. I had to warn her and make her go away, but as I tried to approach her that man had found me and had me trapped. I was careless and he was about to kill me. But of course, we were in a world of lies, that girl was never real, my own perception has tricked me. I do wonder if anyone at all was able to see the real monster that this man actually is.

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Unbelonging

Time seems to have stopped, it has been forever since the sun has set or see the sky filled with clouds. It doesn’t happen to everything or everyone, it happens to some earlier, while others you can already start seeing signs of being stopped, it is as if time is decaying. The same could be said about matter, there are huge mountains that are being disintegrated bit by bit and people fading away. 

It was all my fault really, it all started when I was able to successfully bring that which was once lost to me by creating a portal to another universe. That object does not belong to this universe, and so the process began. I did not notice this phenomena earlier, but by the time I did the portal was already in control of someone else, bringing to this universe more objects and people that does not belong to this one, accelerating the decay process.

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Crashing Flying Ship

There I was, standing at one of the balcony of this flying ship, waiting until it finally crashes on the ground and killing me along the way, there was not much that I could do to avoid that, in fact, I already did too much as me and my team of four other people were able to stop this super villain, and at a high cost.

Was it all worth it? They say that just before we die we get to see our whole life flash before our eyes, but the only thing that I could think about was whether if all this effort was worth it or not, I mean, in the end all I did was to fight to avoid change, but is it really that bad to change? Villains are after all idealists, always dreaming of a better world, and they are catalogued as villain only because we are afraid of change.

I did not know if my other teammates are alive or not. All I know was that our plan worked, and now…

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Extras

There was a huge storm that was engulfing the whole planet, it started in the oceans and it spread from there to the lands. It was not a normal a storm, we only called it that way because of how chaotic it looks like. Looking up front, it seemed like a bunch of orange-black cubes that keeps stacking and falling down that keeps growing, many scientist has tried to investigate about it, but all probes sent never came back. By now it has already covered most of the planet, with very few places left to go, so you could see many people packed up in the few space left. A storm was approaching to the place where I was staying and people were getting ready to migrate to another place, but this time I decided to stay along with a friend as we saw it pointless to keep on running if the storm will eventually engulf the whole planet.

And the time finally came, the storm was a few kilometers from us, spreading quickly, everyone that stayed behind has gathered together to watch it grow. After the storm has engulfed us, it seems that everyone is fine, but our surroundings have completely changed, what was supposed to be just an empty city with everything else intact, it became like another city with a different set of buildings and landmarks although they all seemed to be torn down. Besides of the change of our surroundings, there was another phenomenon that was happening, everyone but me was remembering that they also possess a secondary name, thus my friend kept asking me why is she also called as “Ann”? My bigger question is how come I am the only one not remembering anything?

After a while, a group of people approached us, they started to ask us many questions, with their first question being if we are remembering our another name. They were mostly telling us that it is okay and that in fact more memories will continue to appear and may last up to a week. They also told us that other people are coming to help us relocate, but what about me that am unable to remember? I was afraid to ask, but it was inevitable as one of those people approached me and started to ask me these questions. It was pointless to hide as they seem to have a database to verify my information so I just told the truth and then they told me that I had to go immediately to a special facility to help me remember faster. I went into a truck with them and it seems that there were other people like me too, I was just glad of not being the only one.

I had to part from my friend now known as Ann and the truck departed. Not many moments after, an explosion happened right in front of the truck, all of those other people went outside to check, I also wanted to go outside to check but apparently I was trapped inside jail-the back of the truck was basically a jail-, I didn’t notice it earlier, so not remembering a second name means something bad then? I could hear that there was a fight outside, all I could do was to listen, and it kept going until another explosion shred a hole in the truck allowing us to escape.

It was Ann, and she killed all those other people, she told me that I was an extra in this place, that’s why I could not remember my other name. It is weird cause just as she said that, I started to remember that extras in this world will cause a paradox making it very unstable, which is the reason why this place everything looks like in rubble, but that was all that I could remember for now, so it means I am not an extra? Anyways, afterwards she proceeded in telling me how she is a rebel in this place and that they would hunt her down eventually along with me so we had to hurry and run away. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just followed her, allowing her to lead the way.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Mirror

I was walking alone through a forest, carrying a backpack carrying camping equipment. I walked and walked, not through a path, but cutting through the bushes and plants. The trees were also very tall, but the leaves were not as green as I expected.

I kept on walking through the forest with no specific objective until I saw a patch of greener trees. Thats when I knew that I had to head towards there. Closing in, I started to notice that the visuals I get from the greener trees doesnt really corresponds to reality, but more like as if they were the reflection of trees from a mirror. As I reached the spot, I could clearly see that the reflections of the green trees came from a tablet of about 4 meters high 2 meters wide, maybe the tablet was really a mirror? But what is it reflecting? The trees around here are not as green as the ones reflected on the tablet.

Looking at the mirror from another angle, I could see a camp already set up. This have gave me the idea that the mirror is actually reflecting a parallel universe, where at the other side someone else has already reached this spot and set up camp. Not long afterwards a person starts approaching to the mirror, and as he came closer, I could start to see that he is someone physically very similar to myself, and yet still had some characteristics that makes him definitely not me.

He had a shard of mirror on his hand. I also had a shard of mirror on one of my pockets. Somehow, I knew what we were gonna do next, have these two mirror shards touch each other through the reflection of the tablet, and as the shards were closing in, I could start to see the future of around this place. There were no more trees, they were all replaced by buildings, the forest was replaced by a huge city, and in its middle a huge building containing the mirror, a gateway between this universe and the other one.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: The House in the Island

I was on a flight, I looked out in the window and all that I could see was a vast aquamarine sea with a bunch of small islands. I was not sure if we were on an airplane or not as I didnt see any wings when I looked out in the window, I have no memory of ever looking out without seeing wings while on a plane.

We landed on one of the island with a huge house. Right after we landed we all got inside the house, no one instructed us to do so, we just did it. Although I had intentions of giving a good look at the supposed to be airplane, I never looked back to check on it. Dont know why, its as if I just walked inside the house in auto mode.

Inside the house, one could say that the layout is not common for a house, in fact, it looked more like a department store, with a wide variety of items on display but readily available for us to use. No one was there to receive us so everyone that came with me just started to scatter within the house as soon as we got inside.

Everything was going alright, until I started to notice that some items seemed very familiar. Not familiar as in I have seen them before but familiar as in I do posses the exact item. Same clothing, same book, same pc… but they cannot be, right?

Suspicion increased when other people started to comment the same thing. Could it be that all objects inside this house are actually ours? If so, how were they moved to this place? And why did I came to this place? This last question freaked me a lot, but I had no answer for such question. I didnt wanted to panic anyone so I kept it to myself and asked the people around to have a walk outside of the house with me.

Funny thing is, no one seems to remember where the door to go out is and we were not able to find it either. And from the look of it no one seems to remember why they came to this place as well. I really wanted answers, but I didnt wanted to panic anyone, and didnt wanted to do anything that looks supicious.

I dont know why, but everyone seemed to be oblivious to the situation and it took a while to find other people that started to feel suspicious about the place. They were two guys and I overheard them talking about how they were not able to find the exit either. I suggested them that maybe we could open the windows and try to get out, they agreed. By the time that I have opened a window, someone shouted to me to not get out. It was another guy, he looked like a hobo as in he was using worned down clothes and long hair and beard, as if he havent washed himself for a long time.

He was an odd one, since I dont remember anyone like him when we arrived. Everyone looked clean and well groomed, and if he was with us I would have noticed, so how come I didnt? Thats when I could really see the whole thing, there were many people more in the house, people just like him, they were just hidden on every nook and cranny available, out of plain sight and we all were just too distracted or maybe we didnt wanted to see them. Why were they hiding? Where they hiding from us or someone else? Do they have intention to harm us? Should I listen to his warning of not getting out?

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Moon Ring

The shadow cast over the moon was very small, as it came the day where the shadow casted would land exactly at the middle of the moon forming a donough shape. During this time the moon became more redish.

I wonder how the shadow could be so small, maybe I am the one in the moon, and I am looking at the planet. It was a great view nevertheless.

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Mills

I came upon a small village where moments ago a disaster had struck upon it. At first I was told that the mills suffered the most damage. I thought they were talking about windmills and so their power source was gone.

As I ventured further in, it turns out that they were talking about watermills, a terrible flood happened and it carried away lots of people too. Debris could be seen everywhere.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Blue Octopus

There was a pier by the other side of the mountain and we had to get there in order to get on our boat. We were a group of three people plus our guide, he was the one that would protect us from any danger we would encounter.

The mountain was a rocky one, there were no trees or bushes at all and it had steam coming out from the surface. While traversing throught the mountain the guide would tell us to hurry up as the blue octopus could appear and that it is very dangerous. It didn’t made sense to me at first, as we were on land and octopuses are marine animals, how could they harm us?

Later on I could see what the guide meant, as the octopus appeared to us. It was a giant blue octopus with some black tribal markings. Luckily we were almost at the edge of the other side of the mountain, and the octopus was almost at the top of the mountain. I could see it shooting white steam out of its mouth.

At the pier, it seems like dinner was already ready when we have arrived, it was baby octopuses. I didn’t mind eating octopuses as I love eating them, but after the sight of the giant blue octopus and how that thing could have killed us I hesitated a bit. They said we were lucky since they were baby albino octopuses, apparently a rare species, but for some reason there were lots of them now in the sea.

We all ate, except the guide, which he ate his own food. Some time later, the guide screamed stop. I could see why, these babies octopuses started to reveal a blackish tribal marks, almost the same as the blue octopus. The guide continued on saying that they were poisonous and we should vomit them out. I tried, but for some reason nothing came out, it was the same for the others.

The guide then said that he will have to go and kill one of the giant blue octopuses. I didn’t understand what is the relationship between the two phenomena, and more importantly I didn’t understand why he had to kill an octopus, afterall, we hired him to protect us from harm, not to kill.

The guide then proceeded on explaining that he could make some antidote, but he would need more poison, and extracting them from babies would take too long so that it is faster to kill a big one where he can extract a lot in one go.

In the end I told him to go. I guess that our fight was inevitable afterall.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Fire by the River

I was specting some kind of acrobatics show by a river. There were lots of ships in the river too, with lots of people inside specting the show. Everything looked so lively, until one of the ships caught fire. They seem to come from the water itself, after a closer look you get to see a blackish liquid in the river, presumably the fuel of the fire.

This is when hell break lose, you see everyone running towards everywhere. But I knew better, the fire will keep on spreading downstream as it gets carried by the water so I ran upstream. It was crazy as it seemed like I were running towards the fire. I tried to convince as many people as I could to run with me on my way. I didnt try very hard to convince them as what I wad asking them to do seemed ilogical and I couldnt waste much time elaborating explanations.

It was hard to run, we were surrounded by the mountains on the left and the river on the right, and the fire was spreading to the land. In the end I was at the top of a mountain, it was pretty much the only way to go. Looking down I could see that the whole place was on fire… there were only around ten people with me. All we could do was to watch the whole place burn.

[heiritus]

Dream flash: Tower by the beach

There was a dilapidated tower made of wood of around 6 floors behind me, it felt as if there were people waiting me inside of it. As for me, I was just standing in front of the beach, it was night and lots of stars and a big moon could be seen in the sky. For some reason I didnt want to go back to the tower, at least not yet.

I went for a walk and it was pure wilderness. There were lots of dried grass and skeletons scattered in the sand… The setting was so bleak, yet I still didnt want to go back.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Stilt Houses

We were living in the middle of the ocean, just above a coral reef, on a group of stilt houses. There were familiar faces, and others completely strange to me. Our food source comes from the animals dwelling in the reef, and our water source comes from the rain. We hunted the fish and we used large pods to collect water. Food has never been a problem as the reef provided for us, but water is becoming more scarce as it is raining less frequently.

As vast and open the ocean might seem to be, it felt as if we were trapped. Although we could go to anywhere in any direction we pleased, we had no destination, no where to go. We used to be more numerous but people have been scraping wood from the houses to build a boat and departed from this place in the next storm, hoping that the strong waves might take them farther.

A storm was approaching, and we had a boat ready to depart. A group was already preparing to leave. I could be part of that group too, but the idea of beginning a journey with no destination always scared me, besides, the less people are left here, the more water left for us as well. But this time was different, my fear of being trapped forever was overpowering my fear of adventuring to the unknown.

Decisions… decisions… do we ever get to decide?

As my fear of being trapped here forever overpowered me, I boarded the boat along with 3 other people and waited for the storm to take us away

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Monolithic Building

A huge building with no windows stood right in front of me, and inside of it was something precious to me that I had to get out. It was tall and made of concrete, as if a monolith. Inside of it were a bunch of screens and cables and as soon as I gave my first step, all the screens were suddenly turned on. All the screens had writings on them with welcoming phrases such as “A new face!” or “Welcome to your new home!” and the sorts, except for one screen where its phrases leaned more towards how I should run away while I still can. But I cant run away yet, I had a blank disc with me, and I was supposed to find a computer where I would extract something important and put it on the disc.

I was running out of time as well, since there were some people that were after me and it wont take them long until they find me, so I had to rush to find where this computer was.

As I was exploring the place, more and more screens appeared, apparently they already knew what I was after and so they were giving me directions of where to go, but I didnt follow them, was not sure if they were trying to trick me. There was still that one screen warning me about the place and that I should escape.

Later on, some screens were announcing that more people arrived, and I knew that they were the same people trying to get me. Apparently they knew the building well, since they were able to control the building, closing and opening doors, shifting walls, etc, and i wouldnt be surprised me if they knew my exact location and they were controlling the building in order to lure me to them. And thats when I stopped finding the room by my own and followed the screen’s instructions.

The instructions were easy, if it said “over here”, then I would go to the hallway next to the screen, and so on. After some moment of following the instructions, a bunch of people appeared behind me chasing me. I knew some people were after me, but didnt knew there were that many. I had to do something quick if I wanted to escape from them, so I entered to the room closest to me and closed the door.

I could hear them smashing door, in an attempt to unlock the door. There was a huge screen in this room, it covered an entire wall unlike the other screens that were around 20 inches, the big screen said that theyll eventually be able to open the door and get to me, and pretty much my only option was to transfer my mind to the computer with the helmet located in the middle of the room.

Now it seems like they have found a way to open the door for sure, and the big screen made sure that I was aware of that by writing it with huge letters. Right afterwards it was telling me that if I dont hurry up, then I might not have enough time to transfer my mind, and it kept reminding me how that was my only option if I wanted to live. To make matters worse it started a count down from 30, at this point it felt as if the screen is trying to make me focus only on the screen and nothing else. When the countdown has reached 5 I have finally decided to put on the helmet, and just as the transfer process started, a small screen located right in front of me had these words written on it: dont do it.

[heiritus]

Dream draft: Museum

The sun was almost set, with just a faint hint of light indicating that it is not entirely dark yet. Was walking in the street alongside with other strangers until I came upon a museum. Judging from the facade, it seemed like a modern art museum, so I decided to visit it.

At the reception there were some sculptures with the shape of letters which spelled the word museum. Thats how i knew it was a museum since there were big windows and you could see these letters from the outside.

As I ventured further in, I could appreciate that it was not exactly a museum. A furniture expo would be a more fitting name to what this place really looked like. The layout of this building is basically divided into countless of rooms, and each room were decorated in a completely different manner. Another reason that made me believe that this seemed more like a furniture expo was the fact that the museums pamphlet had this phrase written on it: there’s a room specially made for you.

Most of the rooms were usually empty, and the very few times I encountered someone else in the same room as me, they were usually alone as well. The people I met on each of these rooms was always looking at a specific spot in the room, as if appreciating the room, and thats when I started to think that this might be a real museum.

Every time I gazed at these people’s faces, I could sense that they were filled with emotions: happy, sad, anger, nostalgia… although their faces were expressionless. I guess that you could say that these rooms are able to evoke emotions in the same manner that art is able to: not everybody will understand it, but if you do, then you can have a grasp at what the author was feeling.

Later on i got into a room with a beach theme and a woman on it. This is when I started to have a very bad feeling about this museum. I suddenly was able to feel what that woman was feeling and it was pure sadness. Some flashback of her past appeared inside my mind and it involved her wedding and how the groom never showed up. The wedding was taking place by a beach, and the room that I was in was exactly the same as the hotel room where she was staying for the wedding. She was alone in the hotel room, crying awfully, and she was pregnant. I could also see some flashbacks from when she started to drink what I suppose is a strong chemical, guessing that it was an attempt to abort the baby.

I didnt like any bit of what I was feeling so I rushed towards another room, leaving the woman alone. This is when I started to understand what the pamphlet meant and what kind of museum this was: one that preserves a moment of our past so we wont forget.

Then I realized that there might be a room specially made for me as well but I havent came upon it yet, and then lots of questions started to rush in my mind, what if I have a very traumatic memory that I have managed to erase completely ? Do I really want remember and relive them? Thats when I started to panic and run from room to room in an attempt to find the exit. Sure, the room made for me might be a happy one, but I had the feeling that it was not the case which made me panic even more. The exit was nowhere to be found, and ironically, as I speed myself up, I was visiting more and more rooms, and this in turn made me even more anxious since I am unable to find the exit, and this would make myself speed up again, and again, and again, until…