Unhinged Karl Heisenberg Posting

exactly what it says on the tin. (it's actually just me posting whatever the fuck I want...)

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg beats the shit out of your landlord in front of his wife and kids.

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg singlehandedly kills the health insurance industry.

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg comes home and picks you up like a comforting teddy bear because it really hurt when he got his EWMN knuckle tattoo.

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Imagine tying Karl Heisenberg to the bedposts with silk rope. He thinks it's for a sexy little surprise, but really you're downstairs on a zoom meeting and you're sick of him always trying to wave to the other meeting members.

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Imagine you're taking Karl Heisenberg to Buffalo Wild Wings the first time. You order him every flavor of hot wings and all the beer he wants, and you have a good time watching him enjoy flavor combos that he never thought possible before.

Next week you take him for Ethiopian food, the next week for Chinese, then Indian. He eats everything he can get his hands on, sips masala chaas, drinks whole kettles of jasmine tea, and he takes his time. The two of you sit for hours at each restaurant, enjoying each dish. Art first he was reluctant to go out, but now each payday brings a treat for him. He gets dressed up for the occasion. He dozes off on the ride home after each feast, only to feel well rested afterwards. He puts on old records and slow dances with you, his way of thanking you for helping him to explore the world in a gustatory way.

Eventually he starts finding recipes for you to cook together, and he develops a deep love for chili crisp and arrachera seasoning.

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Imagine Karl texts you this without context

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg gets mad that you have other blorbos, and gets even angrier when you call him your number-one blorbo.

"Are you calling me fat? Is that what it is now?!"

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(We interrupt this Heisenblog to announce that I'm writing a FTM!Reader/Victor Gideon one-shot. I have the Brain Worms and they're working overtime tonight)

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(And it's going to be done before dawn.)

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/78201886

😎

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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Time to suffer!

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg learns about the hell yeah white baby post and now he says it all the time.

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg trying to explain to you that German people do too have a sense of humor.

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Imagine that Karl Heisenberg is annoyed that you're learning a second or third language but it's not German. Why, you have a perfect teacher standing right in front of you! He's waving his arms emphatically and pacing around as he tells you how he can teach you all the REALLY important words, like Scheisskopf, and you calmly explain that you can already deduce what it means by watching him call the HOA chairperson that word every time they show up to take pictures of your weed-choked, scrap-filled yard. He stomps away into the garage, where he watches Das iTeam, pretending to understand office humor.

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Imagine Karl Heisenberg is shit at constructing furniture from instructions, but he loves to give you advice on how to assemble it properly anyway.

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Imagine you work the night shift and Karl waits up for you every night.

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Imagine you tell Karl Heisenberg that you have cramps, and he gets you a heating pad and makes you get off your feet for awhile.

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Imagine you and Karl Heisenberg give each other shoulder rubs every day after a long shift or a session in the factory. Eventually you both take a couple's massage course, and he has to try to hide his boner the whole time. Everyone can tell by how red his face is, though, and you gently poke fun at him on the way home. He pushes his hat down a bit to hide his face, and as soon as you both get inside he bites you all over as vengeance like an unruly cat.

[heisenposting]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

A sixth chapter has just hit the story!