helena

[helenaludoella]

i miss having a crushhhhh they make life so exciting !!

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listening to mitski with broken, old and wired earphones and i’m 16 again.

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me as paddington?

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i want a petition that only classical music can be played at airports, and a strict prohibition on pop.

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i’m climbing back into that world to write this one my phone, but a few seconds ago i stepped out of my bed to grab my water bottle, after a whole evening of planning and dreaming of a future in my head, talking about it with many people, looking at inspirations and examples,

and the sole of my foot touched the cold floor and suddenly i was a body again. a human under a blanket in a room under stars, and i touched my lips to the warmth of the flesh of my knee and i thought about how long it had been since i felt physically presently human. (since the days i studied outside in the sun i think) i’ve been in my head ever since.

and i wondered about if what it i put my phone down for days, and only lived with books, no studies because they make the time pass in a haze of nerves too. would time slow down and would i be a philosopher? would the narrating voice in my head quiet after a while? would i be a body again, or would i be a dreamer still?

i long to be only a body…

[helenaludoella]

i study with discipline but i am physically incapable of focus and i want to put my books in a deep fryer

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carrie bradshaw has the cutest laugh awh

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i’m in a permanent state of stress, confusion and disappointment oh my god

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my least favourite dreams to have, even more loathed than nightmares! are set in thrift stores with the most beautiful finds and none of them real when i wake up…

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sometimes my eyes fill with tears because the movies in my brain are so beautiful

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i’m laying in bed and i really should sleep but i feel the tingle to buy something prettyyyyyy

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there is a baby sleeping on my stomach …….. i want my heart to stop and to stay like this forever, softly swaying in a swing with a bundle of warmth breathing against my skin

[helenaludoella]

things i love

( a list by helena )

- sleeping intertwined and entangled

- sleepy sweet cats

- vintage designer handbags

- henry mancini, lana del rey, disney music,…

- tall windows, decorated bed frames, beautiful curtains and bathrooms

- steak with pepper sauce and fries

- good books

- people who can play the piano well

- boxes of childhood treasures

- planes

- bouquets and dried flowers

- herringbone gold chains and crystals in jewellery

- sinterklaas

- freshly shaved and showered in new sheets

- tipsy evenings in nightly cities with my friends

- family history stories

- diaries

- love letters

- storms with lighting, thunder, just before the heavy rain, crispy sunny autumn days, warm summer breezes

- when the twilight sky is nearly purple blue

- passionate kisses filled with love

- long hugs

- excitement for classes and studying because it’s so interesting

- my ipad

- beautiful furniture

etc… etc……… etc………………….

🍯🪷🪸🕊️🐘🦎💋🩰🧸💌🔮🕯️

[helenaludoella]

i tasted chai latte for the first time today and it tasted like christmas

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i decided today and i am now a psychology student

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my parents wedding day !!