Dhani snorted a small chuckle at the notion of Aleksey’s allowance of ‘the hard stuff’. It was very generous and though Dhani’s palette was far from refined, he knew this wasn’t only ‘hard stuff’ but ‘good stuff.’ Aside from finally realizing he did have a bit of a problem with alcohol, Warren could taste how much he’d ingested in his blood. It would result in punishment, outright, not questions or a demand for explanation from any other master. Dhani sipped his whisky slowly. Maybe another glass but no more then that. Warren didn’t mind him drinking, but there was a hard limit on how much until his blood became unpalatable.
Dhani swallowed hard at Aleksey’s words but after a moment, nodded. He was right, especially about Daisy, though the stubborn part of Dhani just couldn’t see why he couldn’t still be both. It wasn’t about him. This is what Daisy needed. He was emotional, yes, even selfish sometimes. But Dhani had figured out a large part of the problem.
“I create these expectations for people… I did that to you. I’ve done it to Daisy, obviously. And then I get upset when they aren’t just met but… radically different than what I want.” Another deep breath and a rueful smile. “Oddly enough getting claimed by Warren has helped me place things into perspective. And curbed my drinking and smoking so I can stop running away from my problems, you know?”
Dhani cleared his throat, speaking before he could stop himself. “Warren completely ruined things between us. Me and you. He– when you were gone on holiday, he got a hold of me. Took advantage.” Dhani swallowed hard, shaking his head. It was easier to confess to it now that it was commonplace. That day didn’t seem like such a big deal anymore, other than the fallout between himself and Aleksey.
“I blamed you because you hadn’t claimed me. I blamed you for being gone, for not considering me… Not that you should have, you know, but… Warren threatened to claim me then. And Rafael was getting worse. Dying. I needed a lot of assurances I wasn’t getting. I blamed everything else expect plain bad luck… Or my ridiculous behavior. And I was a coward for not telling you the truth. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t then. I dissolved into this pathetic, emotional wreck… Every time I felt I was getting a hand hold on something it would just slip away… I know I put so much on you for that. Whether you knew it or not. And I’m sorry. Whatever it’s worth. Maybe a little more context and self realization on my part might mean something a bit more…”
Aleksey listened as Dhani spoke, a small scowl shadowing his face at the mention of Dhani being attacked by Warren. While it was long past that didn't curb the dark instinct Aleksey felt in his chest to deliver retribution to the bastard. He exhaled heavily, a small growl rumbling in his chest in frustration. It would do no good to start issues that would impact Dhani's quality of life when he was already suffering.
“I am sorry.” Aleksey said. “I thought, at the time, I was ready to deal with another person relying on me but I.. was still dealing with things myself.” He trailed off, subconsciously moving his hand to his left wrist, the beginnings of a dark scar poking out from beneath the material where he had maimed himself with silver many months ago.
“I was not in a good place myself and it appears we only made each other's situations worse.” Aleksey nodded solemnly before leaning across the desk and placing his hand against Dhani's. It wasn't often Aleksey initiated contact, he mainly reserved that for a few close people, but he had been getting better with his touch adversity.
“For what it is worth, I am truly sorry too, Dhani. While, yes, you may have pushed expectations upon me that I wasn't capable of meeting I was selfish too, merely upping and leaving without a word. I am.. used to doing that.. having people that are interested in my comings and goings outside of a work perspective was something rather new.” He sighed softly.
“I am a very detached person, I am aware it is one of my flaws, but it is something I am working on to better myself. I believe you are bettering yourself too, being able to freely admit your faults because you recognize them now and you can improve on them.” Aleksey patted Dhani's hand idly before sitting back in his chair and withdrawing his touch.
