As I sit here I think over my questionable life choices. I am really fucked up. So fucked up. I kind of fucked that you feel in your bones. This disease incases me and this is the only escape but its not an escape. Its a prsion transfer that typa shit. I have to pass the time to April somehow. April, the date of the bigesst decision of my life, out of my control. This one day will send my life in multitudes of routes. Harvard Me could’ve commited suicide after an acid trip the week after finals. Miami Me could drown on a beach after smoking a joint in between class. Colorado Me could have her heart broken by the one after trying to make a relationship happen. Texas Me could’ve dropped out after being bored by options at school and turning to drugs to dull the pain of life. Boston Me could be a successful stoner but with a coke addiction emerging, Johns Hopkins Me could be the one success or maybe Chicago Me unless the cold dorve her to insanity, Who am I kidding I am already insane. I could also just be destined for success and have six identical pathways with stereotypical forms orf relationships slipped into the seam. But I like this uncertainty as much as I hate it. It keeps me in check. I cant just laze around being deemed of success. I want it to be always fleeting held together by a thin thread working hard to keep it there. I am a paradox I wish for routine but crave uncertainty. Im a stressed stoner. Im a lazy ivy league prospect. Im a skinny couch potatoe. Life is a paradox nothing is as it seems its always changing always evolving never ceasing to be amazing and awer inspiring. This crazy rock floating through space right now is existing at just the right time in the infinite universe just for me to sit here stoned off my ass and think about the awe of that. The universe is for everyone; everyone is extremely rare we are in the small epoch of time where we can be individuals so we as a world are here for the universe as the universe is here for us. Kumbaya. Fuck it up. And Blaze that shit harder
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