bloody hell.

[wordsofmylovesuggestions]

I want to make a home with you.

[hellbaztard]

i make myself sick to my stomach.

[hellbaztard]

oh god.

[hellbaztard]

breathe, constantine. just breathe.

[hellbaztard]

i knew this was a bad idea. i knew it. fuck fuck fuck.

[hellbaztard]

what the hell?

[hellbaztard]

fuck.

[aseriesofbaudelaires]

hi just a reminder this was the decade that lemony snicket wrote ‘I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong’ and I think it is the greatest love poem in existence

[hellbaztard]

ah. i love him.

[hellbaztard]

i can go on and on about how i feel better about being with hal when he's far away from me but then i have to go and. invite him to live with me. the hell.

...i mean i won't tell him to leave but. argh.

[hellbaztard]

my stupid mouth

[firstlovesuggestions]

When I say that you bring out the best in me, I mean it. You bring out the softness I was too scared to let anyone see. You inspire me to work hard and achieve great things. You make me want to take better care of myself because now I have someone I want to shine for. You really, truly bring out the best in me.

[nuclearmlm]

vibe check! [falls recklessly in love with you]

[hellbaztard]

i feel like a normal person here.

[hellbaztard]

me looking back at the things i wrote on this blog two hours ago:

[hellbaztard]

and maybe that’s why it’s easier with hal. because he’s not just hal. he’s green lantern. he’s sturdier. he’s often away from earth, too. that works out. that keeps him safe from me.

but now he wants me to meet his family, and he wants me to meet his niece, and now i’m getting ulcers, and things are going so fast it’s giving me whiplash.

[hellbaztard]

i am a bad person. and it’s not that i want to be better. i can’t “be better”. whatever that means.

but i hurt people i love and i know i do and i get close and i hurt them anyway knowing full well what could happen and i don’t do anything to change and i treat people like shit and i say i’m sorry and i’ll change but it’s just a COUNT DOWN to when i’ll muck up again. 

and then they’ll end up dying. or hating me forever.

then i’ll move on, and start the whole bloody process over again.