delighting in thunder

A sideblog for witchcraft, mythology, folklore and history. I have multiple witchcraft blogs to better focus on multiple aspects of myself and practice. This blog is primarily focused on hearth witchery, the keeping of house spirits, and working through my shit. Previously @khal-winchester.

[hellishwork]

The gods in the mountains make strange sounds.

K, I guess. 36. I have been in online magical community since Angelfire times. I have multiple witchcraft blogs and social media accounts that I freely switch between as my focus shifts between different parts of my practice. This is just one of them. I have spent the last decade of my life reconnecting to my practice and rebuilding my relationship with spirituality. I am now trying to balance the parts of myself while they rest and heal, and to challenge myself to take part in community again.

2 Parts Traditional Witch. 1 Part Hearth Witch. An Unconventional Sort of Heathen. Former Steward for a Real-Life Kindred Turned Outspoken Critic of Heathen Community. Evil Stepmother on the Outside; Cinderella on the Inside. Forgive me, Father, for I used to be a Reconstructionist. I have been changed for good.

[hellishwork]

I have done a lot of work on my practice and dedicated a lot of time to healing myself in the past decade. I have learned a lot about my family and my background that prompted me to take apart the personal aspects I had built of my practice, and to reevaluate a lot about my life and my worldview. In doing so, I have reconnected with my practice and with myself in ways that I didn't know I needed. And that feels good.

But I still feel like I have a long way to go when in comes to healing still more parts of myself and healing my connection to the person I used to be. I owe her a lot. Despite being misled and lied to about a lot of things, Past Me did a lot of work to build a practice the I could live in. And I am grateful for that. The practice that she built and the decisions she made about rebuilding it have helped me in ways I can't even begin to explain without crying. And, I feel like what I've given her in return is loathing and shame and fear. My past self learned a fear of being herself and of being noticed that feeds into my own life now.

And I think it's time for me to face that. It's time for me to stand toe-to-toe with who I used to be and, instead of chastising that version of myself for deserving to be treated badly, honoring the parts of her that got me to where I am now, that contributed to who I am now. I have a lot of saved posts from around the time that I started learning that fear. And I think, to christen this blog, I want to revisit them and see what has changed about my outlook and praxis, what has stayed the same, what I would do differently now, what I would tell her to do differently, etc. I think that would be a good way to honor her and to honor how far we've come together.