Aia Solis @helloaia - Tumblr Blog

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Day 37. Complex thoughts, feelings, and outrage. Oftentimes I find it hard to accept that I am at fault. Although I believe that in any argument, no one is faultless, my ego always, always gets in the way. The process of blooming equates to shattering one’s ego. That from this withered state, we go through that necessary, momentary enlightenment. Hoping to be that flower this empty world needs, a glimpse of my ‘true nature’. Satori.

#lockdown diaries

Day 28. Having totally lost all track of time, I had to open my calendar app to see what day it was. Sleepless nights have become the norm, and paranoia seems to have died down as well. Or maybe, has it made me numb?

The feeling of contempt towards the system have subsided as well, and slowly, I have accepted the fact that I will never see change, at least in this lifetime. I am somehow getting used to the unusual, the irony. Not having to think about work, bills, and sometimes even disinfection in our household. It is strange getting comfortable not having to think of my future at all, if I were to be honest.

Despite the apathy, I still force myself to believe that things happen for a reason, and cringe at myself for sounding so cliche about it. Like one of those “necessary” paths in life that we have to take that are meant to hurt us. Nothing more, nothing less.

What I’m looking forward to.. is the collective change (if there will be any) that awaits us at the end of this lane. And hopefully, not just the new life skill we acquired, and the bangs we neatly cut.

#lockdown diaries #film photography #35mm

This place brought out the worst and the best in me. I am ecstatic that I am moving but I can’t deny the fact that this place, no matter how dark it is—literally and figuratively—will be deeply missed. It holds a special place in my heart and undeniably part of who I am now.  In the last two weeks of living here, I’ve decided that I will be capturing ‘monumental places’ that holds a story about a 26-year-old millennial who once breathed, and almost lost it, at 2307.

 —

 This post has been sitting on my drafts for (probably) 3 years now.  I just turned 29 a few days ago, currently living in a different place, and I am, still, always on the verge of losing it.

P.S. This photo was part of my first solo exhibit held last Aug 2017 at Nova Gallery entitled “2307″.

#self portrait #selfie on film #film photography #120 #seagull 4b #Ultrafine Xtreme 400

I want nothing but to disappear.

#film photography #35mm #Konica Autorex #Fuji Neopan 400

Just like that, a year have passed.

#film photography #35mm #konica workman #ykl 100

Lost... just like any other day.

#film photography #film #35mm #Canon AE1 Program #Kodak 400TX #black and white

CAMPFIRE SESSIONS: Konica Autorex

Starting this new series called Campfire Sessions. No, it's not going to be about camping (I’m sorry to disappoint you). It’ll be where I put all my insights, stories, adventures and experiences about any film photography related stuff like cameras, films, etc. and share it to whoever film photography enthusiast that finds their way here. I was inspired by my good friend, Isabel's blog.

I want to share my thoughts, my experience, and my technique with you all in hopes that we create a photography community that isn’t afraid of giving and sharing and being kind.

- https://isblberenguer.wordpress.com/2017/03/06/for-you/

We all should!

Anyhoo.. I’ll start this off with my newly acquired Konica Autorex. There’s nothing much to say about it yet since I just got it yesterday. I’ve yet to discover its prowess.

Konica Autorex is a pretty rare SLR. The main reason I wanted it—and the only thing I can think of as of right now worth sharing—is because it is a full frame and half frame combined in one camera. I don’t like owning a lot of cameras because I hate bringing most, if not all, of them during vacations. And I’m not really much a collector I’d say. I’d like to keep those I know I’d be able to use regularly, efficiently, and conveniently. No photographer wants to see a rotting camera displayed on a shelf... or that’s probably just me.

Sharing with you the photos from my first ever roll using said camera. I used a Fuji Neopan Acros 100, developed it with PaRodinal that I got from The Online Warehouse, and scanned it using a Canoscan 9000F.

Still need to pay a visit to Mang Bebot soon!

#film #film photography #Campfire Sessions #Konica Autorex #35mm #black and white #Neopan Acros 100 #Darkroom Diaries

LACK OF COLOR, BUT FULL OF LIFE

I’m back! And hopefully for good. Let’s all kick the retrograde out of our lives!!

Finally got to use my or rather Ino's Kiev 60 after almost half a year of neglecting it because TLR is so much easier to carry than this camera. So we took it out today for a very quick shoot just for me to have a test roll to develop. I think it's almost 2 yrs since I last processed my own B&W films successfully; destroyed a couple of rolls in between because of expired chemicals.

Used Ultrafine Xtreme 400. Souped it in PaRodinal that you can order at Online Warehouse + Fotofabrik Film Processing. Scanned using Canoscan 9000F.

P.S. If anyone wants to learn how to develop B&W film, I can teach you (for free). Paying it forward since I was taught for free as well.

Kiev 60 // Ultrafine Xtreme 400

#film #film photography #medium format #120 #Kiev 60 #Ultrafine Xtreme 400 #black and white #darkroom diaries

RETROGRADE

Still no words to say. I feel like I’ve been going round in circle dragging myself for two entire months. I can’t get myself up and move forward. I want to blame Mercury for this.

Seagull 4B // Kodak Portra 160

#film #film photography #medium format #120mm #Seagull 4B #Kodak Portra 160 #double exposure

SEAGULL 4B

One of the most underrated TLR cameras.

Camera porn photo taken with Canon AE-1P and Fuji Superia 400.

#camera porn #film #film photography #Canon AE1 Program #Fuji Superia 400 #Seagull 4B #TLR #twin lens reflex #medium format #35mm #120mm

This is one of my closest friend, Mish! She’s one of the strongest girls I know who’s very secure with her body and with who she is. I've always wanted that kind of freedom (from all my insecurities). She’s a good epitome of the word GIRL POWER!

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY! It still is in some parts of the globe.

Canon AE-1P // Fuji Superia 400

#film #film photography #canon ae1 program #fuji superia 400 #expired #portraits

ROCK BOTTOM

Fear is okay. Fear means you value your every move and it's okay. Mas maappreciate mo yung life mo dahil dun (you’ll appreciate life even more) . . . Feel it, acknowledge it, but don’t let it take over. You are stronger than you think. I swear.

I was paralyzed by anxiety early this morning, momentarily. No one would even notice if it wasn’t for my face flooded with tears. I was drowning in fear for a good 7 hours.

I recently quit my job. And although I was already planning my exit strategy since last year, I’m still not 100% ready for it. I was driven to the edge. Leaving my day job felt like a failing.

Apart from my fear of instability and uncertainty, I was scared that this feeling I’m having would last for a few more days like it usually does. Ironically, this fear of non-productivity saved me from my sinking self. And of course, with Ino’s undying support and understanding and one of my dearest friends, Iza’s encouraging words.

Canon AE-1P // Fujicolor C200 , YKL 100

#film #film photography #canon ae1 program #fujicolor c200 #ykl 100

BURNOUT

Last January, Mish, Pat, and I got to extra for the music video of 3D: Danao, Dancel, Dumas’ rendition of Sugarfree’s Burnout. It’s one of the OSTs for the movie I’m Drunk, I love you.

I grew up listening to Sugarfree; their Sa Wakas album is my go-to music when I want to let my repressed emotions out. Highschool Aia wouldn’t believe she’ll get to talk to Ebe in her late 20′s, let alone be part of his music video. She would definitely be proud of herself if she knew then.

The music video is embedded below! :D

Canon AE-1P // Fuji Superia 400

#film #film photography #35mm #Canon AE1 Program #Fuji Superia 400 #music video #Burnout #I'm Drunk I love you

WEEKEND AT BAGUIO

Spent the weekend before Valentine’s Day in Baguio with Ino’s family—it’s his grandparents 69th anniversary. It's their family’s tradition to celebrate it every year even though their grandfather already passed away a decade ago. We stayed at his cousin’s place in Camp John Hay. GAWD IT WAS LOVELY! Wishing we’d go back soon!

Despite us being best of friends for more than a decade, it’s my first time to meet his grandma, and some of his relatives who live in the province.

Canon AE-1P // YKL 100

#film #film photography #35mm #Canon AE1 Program #YKL 100

REFLECTION

The start of the year was prolific, to say the least. I was working for almost 31 days straight—that’s how busy I was—but I was not complaining. It felt really good being that productive. I felt normal. It felt like, I am OK. It felt like I have finally overcome and conquered those mental breakdowns-slash-episodes I’ve been having since... forever. I felt in control.

I didn’t want to stop—despite my body giving up on my will—cause I know that if I do, I would lose the momentum and probably crash the rocket I am navigating towards another galaxy, where the grass is so much greener. I’ve totally forgotten the fact that the grass is always greener on the other side. It did crash eventually.

After almost a month of an “attack-free” life, darkness started creeping in again. Just when I thought I’d live free in the light, it pulled me right back in. I actually believed that I don’t have mental health problems, but I proved myself wrong once again. The good thing though is it doesn’t last that long anymore. That’s a win I guess.