Dreams Idea Create

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

The wait

9th October'16 (One week later) It's been one week since we have spoken and part our ways. Seems like ages, though. Such a shame that I am still trying to cry over here. Tears are still refuse to flow. The pain is trying to hide, deeper each day. Well, I am putting up a smile, a fake one. Tried getting a date, but I am not able to convince myself to move on. Guilt is written all over my face. Even that guy noticed it. It is 8:30 pm and I am heading to have dinner with my friends. Because sitting alone makes me think about you. And I don't want that. I try engaging myself with work. But you are not the end of me. You cannot make me weak. I am much stronger than this. I can take a lot more than this. I agree you have broken me, but I know a way to fix me. I am soon going to collect all those pieces and put them back together. But I read somewhere,' Once glass breaks, never will it reflect its true identity.' I feel pain deep inside and still having weeny hopes. I fear to take a step ahead of the path. ' Move on' is signified by the path. But I am scared, to get hurt again. I got into the really bad habit to rely on you, take someone's opinion, think ten times before doing something. I have decided to take some steps forward. I have people who I can count on. But you were there too. Someday in the future, we will cross paths like we used to do. That time, I won't see love in your eyes. But would see me and reflect back through those beautiful brown eyes on the story we shaped.

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

The wait (Part-2)

1st October'16

Finally, it was a Saturday. Weekends were the only time I could talk to you. But like every time you were busy; I got no complaints. Nothing to argue. And finally, you replied.One year and thirty-three days today. And I still remember the first time you met me. You tried playing it nicely but we both knew we were nervous.

"This is not working for me. I am not able to do this any longer." You replied.

And like every other girl, I wanted to stop and fight and not let you go. But like the last time, I didn't this time.

I let you go.

"Don't call or text me back, ever." That's all I could say. I don't want your reasons, excuses to leave me alone. They were promises, dreams, and desires which I realized were only mine. You have changed me. Previously, I would have cried, hurt myself, made my life a mess. And now I have no clue.

It as 8:30pm and I knew it was over. The spark, the love, the promises it is all a past. And like a loner, I let you go.

There was a side of me  that wanted to take revenge, hurt you. And there was a side who just sat there smiled because it knew and heard some pieces of me breaking. You have a habit of hugging me from behind whenever we used to sleep. I remember asking " What if one day I part my ways away from you, what would you do?"

"I would be upset but eventually I will move on and heal." you said.

I always knew you were good at compartmentalizing your life. "I want to learn."

"You will eventually."

My back still craves for your touch. And I guess, I achieved that today. But, the price is really high. You know what's funny, I blended to reflect you. Maybe the reason I smiled.

I feel a hole inside me, voices telling me ' You are better than this.' 'Have some self-respect, don't text him back.' ' He's your first love, how are you so calm you need to cry.'

And I don't need to mention which voice is dominating. I tried crying. tears just refuse to flow. I feel the hole is digging itself deeper and broken pieces of me have fallen into it.

'I know you are still are going to wait for him.' A voice said.

Yes, I am. No matter where you are, who you are with. The wait has not ended. But the next time you come back, you won't meet me.

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

The wait.

18th September'16

"Hello!" I said on the phone. It is a Sunday night. And my clock reads ten past eleven. And today it's a year and twenty-three days that we have been together.  

I remember that day when you slept off beside me when we finally decided that we would watch a movie that I like. I was angry, yes, I really was. Then I looked at your face and adored it. You looked so relaxed and your face muscles had a touch of peace. Your mouth slightly open, and your eyelashes sat so perfectly. I could stare at you all night. Well, I tried sometimes, but couldn't ever stay up all night.  

I remember that morning when I was sleeping alone in your room. You went home that weekend. With my innocent love, you became my unregretful habit, a habit of sleeping with you. Your arms all over me. The warmth gave me peace, a peaceful sleep. It was 5:30 in the morning when you came back. The sound of the door knob turning made my wait to a rest. And I knew it was you. My body was so tired to come running at you, take you into my arms, I was not able to open my eyes. I was lying there, sensing your moments. You came towards me, glanced at me. And when your hand brushed over my hair, the joy that thrived inside me got my eyes open. I turned to see you, even though have such a high eyesight, I could spot out your beautiful smile which can light my entire day up.

"Hello, listen I am busy here call you back later, maybe in an hour." I waited but you never called. One year and twenty-four days now that we have been together. I can wait more. More than I can take. More than you can imagine.  

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

Are we cursed?

So it was 26th August 2016, Olympics were concluded. And we Indians were upset that we didn’t win any gold. Well, what can we say; we don’t appreciate silver or bronze.

So it was in the morning that I realized I got my period (menstruation, or whatever you call it). So like every month’s drama and ignorance, I didn’t have pads/sanitary napkins stuffed in my wardrobe. I forget to keep a stock of it. But, how should I remember if I have to hide it, keep it safe in the drawers so no one should see it. Because it’s a sin, against our culture to express it out. ‘What would Grandma say?’ Well, Mom she was menstruating too, many years ago. And ‘Periods, is the reason why you and me are alive on this planet.’

And I had to go out to the nearest medical store. I went and guess what I saw in the display of the store, Pampers, Mamy Poko Pants all the famous diapers for kids. I entered the store and they were two men standing idle, probably waiting for a customer. So I was going through the stuff that they kept in the display. Fairness creams, hair oils and many beauty products related to women and men. But I didn’t see sanitary napkins. For a second, I thought they didn’t have any. One of the shopkeepers came forward to ask me, if I need any help. Yes, I needed. I asked “Do you have sanitary napkins?” He nodded and opened a drawer that is on his side and asked me softly “Which brand and size?”

Really, hiding them, speaking softly about it. It’s a natural biological process, not a crime. “Whisper, the XL wings and I want the bigger packet.” I said. He got it out and something else also, a newspaper and a black plastic bag. So according to him, no one will notice that I am carrying sanitary napkins if I do it in the black plastic bag.

‘Wow!’ I thought. I refused to take the plastic bag (environmentalist) and the newspaper, because I really did not want to hide it. “Ma’am, it’s not allowed like that, it not nice to show it out to people and what would they think.” He said. ‘You know what they would think that I am having my period, like every other normal girl.’ I thought.

I did not say another word. Paid the money in the most disappointed way and walked away.

People out there, If you are out there, listen ‘It’s not a sin.’ It’s the most basic and natural biological process that happens in a woman. Stop being superstitious and making it look like a crime. It’s not a problem; period reflects the health of the women. Regular period indicates that the woman is healthy. We are not cursed; stop locking us in the rooms and not letting us into temples at that time.

Its purity.

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

Care

Guys, please like this page on facebook and participate and promote animal love.

https://www.facebook.com/CARE-255445828129957/

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

About me

I am Srawz as in Srawanthi. Basically, I am a person who lived in a world filled with imagination and aspiration. And I am just 19 year old but have a passion, too many hopes in my heart to live a life filled with adventures, experiences and art. Dream production is not just only about art, it's about the way I lead my life. Travelling and being adventurous are only my outdoor options. So I am living a life at my fullest. Are you?

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

New here!

Well, i wanted my word and love to spread.

So what brings you here?

[hellogirlwithdreamsposts-blog]

For the bigger dreams in you