For so long I haven’t really written down anything. Writing down my thoughts and feelings was an escape for me back then. I feel like when I am writing them, it somehow helps me cope with all the emotions I am feeling.
I haven’t written down anything the past years, maybe because the emotions I have right now, isn’t something I want to escape from. It’s something I want to feel and let it grow in me.
Last 2019, I got married. I got married so quickly, everyone was surprised. I was surprised to. I met my husband through bumble. When I used to use online dating apps. I do set my expectation that it will always be a fling thing.
Don’t get me wrong, even thou I set that expectation to myself in the back of my mind. I’m still me, who is a sucker for kilig moments. I easily fall into traps. I met guys that are just into fun. I met guys who are loyal but doesn’t really go into commitments. It came to a point where I told myself, I am done looking for someone. I am done giving my feelings right away.
So when I met Rupert, I wasn’t really expecting anything. (Hell I wasn’t expecting to getting married to him). It was one of the moments where I think oh, its another fun fling.
The first time we saw each other, it was not the typical meet ups where you know it will end as just one hook-up. I met him with my friends. I just imagine how weird it must be for him, to meet someone for the first time and have their friends there. But honestly, the first time I met him, was the first time I also knew he was different. He didn’t really tell me to just reschedule because I was with my friends. He was okay with it. 1 green flag.
The 2nd green flag im giving him. Was he never initiated that he wants a hook-up. I remember we had weeks of talking, meeting up to eat dinner and watching movies. From the North, he would go to BGC after my work just to spend time with me and go home. There was no intent of pushing me to go and sleep with him.
I was very busy with my life when I met him. My out of the country trips. My career moving so fast. I have made big decisions with my life. And he was just there supporting me.
2018 was when I first moved out from home. I moved to Pampanga for work. He would visit me in Pampanga, and go back to qc for work. I am sure, my first few months living alone wouldn’t be as easy if it wasn’t for him.
2019 came, and my dad being himself of course has been bugging me that we should get married. Because he knows he stays with me most times. I thought, well, I am in this relationship not just for fun. I knew it was for the long run. So we decided, well. We don’t really have to wait. We got married a month before our anniversary. My friends told me to not do it. Hell I had doubts.
I was worried that it might be too early in the relationship. But here we are, still married. I have to say it was not easy at all. Marriage is really something else. My priorities shifted. It was not just me that I have to think about. My decisions are not just for myself. I always have to consider him too.
My life really changed. We have been married for almost, 3 years now. I know that’s not too long. But I am very happy with what I have right now.
Coming from a very toxic relationship, I never knew this was the kind of love that I deserve. The love that I don’t need to ask for love, because it is given. Love that will not give you doubts because he never gave me a reason to doubt. Love that is not perfect, but will still choose each other.
Now I understand that love is indeed a choice. That someone can throw everything away, because they chose to.
The feeling of success is different when you have someone with you in the path you took. Having our own car, building our own house. I don’t think I can be able to do this, without Rupert supporting me.
So to my husband (who doesn’t really know I write here), thank you. Thank you for choosing me everyday. For not letting me feel that I should doubt at anytime. Thank you for supporting me with all the craziness that I do. I know someday, all of our dreams will come true. And I wouldn’t choose anyone else to be in this road we’re on.