Enlightened

[hellosweetteach]

This piece of art was like coming home. The abuela’s ability to tie her family together was very reminscient of my maternal grandmother and her relationship with the family. I loved how food brought this family together as it is a common ground for many families.

[hellosweetteach]

Today my boy graduated out of his group addiction therapy. He’s been sober for more than 60 days and it has been a struggle. As a bystander this fight has been excruciating. He has a long way to go but I am so very proud of him.

[hellosweetteach]

Creepy and spellbinding! This is one full of nightmares and perfect for an afternoon of quarantine!

[hellosweetteach]

Get yourself a big dog who likes to cuddle while you read. Book # 3 done! I laughed out loud and cried during this one. My students are already lining up to read Dusti Bowling’s amazing work.

[hellosweetteach]

Book number 2 down from my current quarantine list. Ellen Oh did an amazing job wrapping up some serious scary with humor and family. I will definitely share this one with my class of kiddos.

[hellosweetteach]

Reading my way through the 2020 and 2021 Caudill lists may be a bit easier while I wait out this round of quarantine. This one is masterful. It gives an eye at being a young student and dealing with society, BLM, puberty, teen drama, and school all tied up into a bundle.

[hellosweetteach]

Life finds a way..

The past few years have been some of the most challenging years of my life. This is not where I imagined I would be today. This is not who I imagined I would be today. Eight years ago, I celebrated the last valentines day I would with my husband. I remember, I made his gift. I used a deck of playing cards and wrote, decorated, and varnished my way through 52 reasons why I loved him oh so much. It was a Pinterest win in my book and I was so excited for him to get it even though I had a feeling he might think it a bit cheesy. A coworker of his snuck it into his office so that he would find it on Valentines morning. 

Little did I realize that about a week later I would find myself sitting across from him in our living room while he listed the numerous affairs he had been having not the least of which was with one of my closest friends. I don’t recount this to evoke pity or attention but to say that during that particular February, my life changed. 

I had been a housewife, a substitute teacher...a space-filler. I packed lunches for my children, ran errands, went to PTO events, and picked up messes from my closest allies. I hid myself under long sleeves and poetry written on scraps of paper, keeping my mouth zippered to save myself. My backbone disappeared and was replaced with sticky sweets and mouthfuls of gluttonous decisions. While I had never achieved a dancers physique, my collar bones, once a prized possession, were lost in my shame. 

It has been eight years. Eight valentines days. Eight Christmases and Thanksgiving Dinners. Countless sleepless nights stressing over bills and kids and how to do it all on my own. Phone calls with new found friends, who have become a source of hope and life, where tell-alls and tears went hand-in-hand. Eight years of watching him move on and knowing that I am so much better without him. Eight years of wishing him happiness without malice because I know his is joy is tied to that of my children’s. 2,919 days (approximately - accounting for one leap year) of independence. 

I miss the me before I had to hide. Time has passed and the dark shroud that has surrounded me is no longer needed. I can shed the cloak and break free into the light. It is time to fight for me again.

[hellosweetteach]

Have you ever considered what your obituary would say? Right now mine would be very sad.

“Single mother of five and many more died while watching the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. She is mourned by big dog, little dog, and the nude feline. Leaves behind mountains of children’s books and an over abundance of school supplies.”

This is sad. Send help in the form of single men. Save me from myself.

[hellosweetteach]

My hands are dry. Not like dry but there is still moisture left, dry to the point where they hurt. My skin looks white and cracked and smells like Pinesol from scrubbing my nightmares off the floors. Scrubbing and scrubbing on my hands and knees while tears fill my eyes because my nightmares have started to break free from my sleep and the daytime seems darker each morning.

[hellosweetteach]

Co-parenting is hard in the best of times but it’s the worst of times that brings out ones true self. As of late I find myself walking that dark “worst of times” path. Managing relationships which have been ended previously for a purposeful reason is challenging. The tsunami of feelings and unsaid words makes me uncomfortable to say the least.

For now, I’ll hang with big dog and hope the storm calms by morning.

[hellosweetteach]

Hello fellow procreators, educators, and willing bystanders. I am venturing into the world of Tumblr as an outlet and also in hopes of finding some like-minded individuals who may share some of my inane life experiences. I am one of many titles; child, parent, foster parent, adoptive parent, guardian, grandparent, ex wife, coparent, teacher, leader, friend, and (sometimes) foe. Who knows what will come of this venture but I look forward to what may come!