Indie semi-selective Lucifer Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel, loved by Collie. Canon compliant and canon divergent. Mun is 30+. Blog includes 18+ themes, no minors.
The mun of this blog has multiple medical and psychiatric conditions and is frequently Not Doing So Hot, which means I may sporadically disappear or my activity may be very up and down. Most notably, I live with autism and borderline personality disorder. This is an illness that causes me to act in ways that may be triggering to others at times. If you need, it's okay to unfollow or block me, to ask me to use a tag for you to filter, or gently offer correction. Please be kind, I am trying my best. Related posts are tagged as #mental health cw and placed under cut. Explanation linked here.
Personal (non-RP) blogs: please do not reblog my posts. The role-play community has its own etiquette that's different from the rest of tumblr.
Memes | The fall (my headcanon) | How I play this Lucifer | blog headcanons masterlist | profile on Pillowfort | current blog promo (reblogs appreciated)
When interacting with alternative portrayals of Lucifer, my Lucifer goes by "Luz" as a nickname, to differentiate.
About muse/portrayal, notes on shipping, other links, and blogroll:
Some quick notes on my portrayal of my Lucifer in default verse
(At present "default verse" is defined as the setup at the end of season 2)
Lucifer is once again staying in the apple tower (his room) at the hotel.
Lucifer is not yet ready to actively return to his duties as King, but he is emotionally supporting Charlie's dream. His direct contribution to the hotel work is primarily using his magic for repairs and maintenance.
Lucifer will likely still be dealing with some of the effects of the whole having been used as a battery thing. This can include chronic fatigue and nightmares, though he will try to hide these things.
Lucifer is not divorced from Lilith, except in cases where we may discuss another ship. Then that ship can exist in its own verse.
Lucifer is not close to the other Sins these days - primary reason is likely due to his depression after his wife left, but it may be more complicated than that (can be discussed ooc)
Extra:
My Lucifer has a cockatiel-based griffin named Presto, who serves (secretly) as his psychiatric service animal. Publicly, Presto would be referred to as his familiar. Presto has the body of a giant housecat, and the personality of a dog... with both cat and bird behaviors.
Presto's icons by @/damnedrainbows !!
(below art though is my own)
Other links:
Verses where Lucifer has kids other than Charlie
Lucifer's Pets
I play my Lucifer as (undiagnosed) AuDHD. Here's what that means.
Verses Info
Ship partners
Blogroll:
@hells-greatestdad (you are here)
@alwayschasingraiinbows (Charlie Morningstar sideblog! very low activity)
@appleduck666 (Lucifer's Twitter. sideblog to this account.)
@colliememes (Meme collection blog. You can reblog anything from there for your own use.)
// it's funny, cuz my methods for writing muses in the past have been entirely just hyperfixation led. I was obsessed with the character, therefore I wanted to play with them and put them in scenarios. Especially if fanficion was lacking or if what was available wasn't what I wanted to see. My portrayal tended to be based largely on "feel". It "feels" like they would act like this. And typically, people felt my muses were in-character. Lucifer started out much like this, when I started my blog two years ago.
Now... well. My methods have changed a bit. My initial hyperfixation with Lucifer in particular was almost manic in nature... like I actually went like two months getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a night and yet had all the energy.
These days my methods for characterization are more developed with a framework and more analysis, more cognitive reasoning processes. (Which is what I love to do.... I actually really enjoy doing analysis and learning the intricate details of a thing.) This has helped me build up more of a tangible framework for my portrayal, one that isn't based only on inarticulate vibes. (But certain hyperfixations do really seem to grant one almost impossible-seeming abilities...)
From what I understand, trauma (and BPD often stems from trauma) involves internalized beliefs that shape our view of the world. It is the various ways we keep ourselves "safe" in a manner that is pathological.
In my case, early life trauma taught me that love can be revoked the instant I do something wrong, especially if I don't understand what I did wrong. Therefore, when people get angry at me, my internal reaction is one of sheer panic and terror. "This person hates me now and they're going to leave me." Hence... Frantic panicked efforts to prevent their leaving. And from their end, my panic makes no sense and seems clearly excessive. Like what the hey bro, I was too busy to reply to your text, why are you acting like I just insulted your mother??
Getting over this, has required taking those early memories and reframing them. It has required catching myself when triggered, pausing, breaking the situation down. Why did I react like that? What was the core thought? How can I reframe this thought? How can I replace that core belief with something healthier?
Core belief: if someone is mad at me, that means I'm worthless
Reframing this into: other people can be angry at me for either legitimate or illegitimate reasons, and this does not define my worth
It really does work, and I hope my ponderings make sense and help
✦ ⋆ 𖤓 ⋆ ✦ 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄 ··· a collection of injuries tended in silence, pain worn like armour, the intimacy of being seen at your worst. genre: hurt and comfort, angst, romance, drama.
• You're bleeding through your shirt. Don't tell me you're fine.
• How long have you been walking around like this?
• I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to see how bad it is.
• You should have told me the moment it happened.
• Hold still. I mean it. Hold still.
• This is going to sting. Bite down on something if you need to.
• You've been hiding this for days, haven't you.
• Who did this to you? I need you to tell me who did this.
• Stop being brave for five minutes and let me help you.
• I've seen worse. I've also seen men die from worse, so let me look at it.
• I found the bandages in the trash. You want to explain that?
• Don't you dare apologize for bleeding on me.
• Your hands are cold. That's not a good sign.
• I'm not angry. I'm terrified. There's a difference.
• Come into the light. Let me see your face.
• You should have stitches. I know you won't go. So sit down and let me do what I can.
• You're white as a sheet and still trying to stand up straight.
• I could hear you in the night. I didn't say anything. I'm saying something now.
• Don't look at it if it makes it worse. Just look at me.
• It's not weak to let someone see you hurt.
• You came to me. Of all the places you could have gone, you came here.
• Lay back. You're not getting up until the color comes back to your face.
• I'm not going to ask what happened. Not yet. First let me fix what I can.
• You've been holding your left side since you walked in. Think I didn't notice?
• This is going to leave a mark. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
• I've patched up a lot of people in my time. None of them scared me like you do right now.
• You could have died out there. You could have died and I would have been the last person to know.
• Sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere.
• You're allowed to make a sound. Nobody's watching.
• I need you to stay awake for me. Just a little longer. Talk to me.
• You're lucky the cut wasn't deeper.
• Stop apologizing for needing help. Stop it right now.
• I've seen what it looks like when someone's used to this. That's what scares me most about you.
• Tell me your name. Tell me what day it is. Stay with me.
• You're going to be alright. I promise you.
• You went back out there after this? With this?
• Nobody takes care of you, do they? That ends tonight.
• I've been gentle with you. I need you to be honest with me in return.
• You're safe now. You're here, you're safe, and I've got you. Just breathe.
Dang. Just thought of someone who was/probably still is mad at me and instead of feeling shame or like I need to hide, my natural thought was "that's okay, they can be mad at me. That's allowed and doesn't define me"
This is how you know the therapy is working
Particularly when that particular situation was a major trigger before, which once had me unable to function for two weeks
// going forward, I think I've focused enough on Lucifer's mental health in terms of defining it. I was mainly trying to get a picture of how his mind works and why he acts the way he does.
That's not to say it'll never be a topic, cuz it is very relevant to him still. Just that in terms of studying his character I'm going to focus more on other aspects from here on.
