RhythmofSoul

| Floating rants |

[hemohemoempire]

It was immature of me for spilling all of my thoughts and concerns to a friend.

I always hold a stand to not confess my worrying and concerning that bubbles up throughout my mind to my friends. especially my close friends. Because i found it will get complicated after when i did my confessions.

You know, two people in the same field, working in the same team. but when you pour your concerns which is she might have a different thoughts, it won’t give any different solutions to you instead more burden and regrets to you for confessing. It just.... uncomfortable.

That’s why any study relates or work relates, I always share with my sister. because we are in different fields and somehow we are truly understanding each other. and their thoughts are what i am hoping to accept wholeheartedly maybe... they are my sister and they know what is mingling inside my mind.

So, just now, i somehow spilled few of my thoughts to a friend. and after i read her replies... i don’t know, my hearts and my mind just cannot accept it. and for surely i am still in my right minds to also think about the same thing as she told me and yes, i still doing it. to stay positive till the end. But the way she responds to it, it seems like she thought i don’t. Yeah maybe, my egos seems like building up. But still i just cannot accept the way she wrote to me. It is not that i totally denying what she’s told me. I realize of it before she even wrote about it. again, i just off my mind and pouring all my thoughts to her. and i am regret. completely regret!!

Now, i just thinking to stay cool and act as usual bcs tomorrow i am gonna meet her. and i am truly hoping she won’t talk about what we talked just now. or else i might loose my mood and might or might not be, i will reply her with coldness.

[hemohemoempire]

When a stranger is like a friend and a friend is like a stranger.

edited from Hlovate’s quote

[hemohemoempire]

The Reason

‘When a friend is like a stranger and a stranger is like a friend.’

For 5 years i am in my high school, i’ve my own group of closed-friends.

Then, we aparted to different places. Few in foundation and other were in matriculation including myself.

Afterwards, our education need to continue for more. We’re in degree furthering in our studies. And as the time goes by, only in the Eid holidays we can meet again.

The awkward silence in every conversation we had always the most i wanted to avoid from.

i hate and i don’t want to be in that kind of situation.

But the missing pieces of our joyful memories back in our school days still force me to meet you up even tho it itself tortures me.

The pain inside is helpless.

and i don’t know whatever reason that makes me do feel the pain without injuries.

Mayn, i am such an odd.

i don’t even understand my ownself.

Why i was avoiding them?

Why i was making such silences?

Why i found it is soo hard to bare this?

and Why i feel not happy when i am with them?

This is the questions i mostly asked to myself when i am with friends.

again. Mayn, i am such a weirdo.

and there is no other reason why i am afraid to have a long-friendship with someone.

because my heart already vacant and my feelings already dunk in deep ocean i made.

there is no trust.

and it is getting harder to put a trust.

and the sincerity in friendship is not me who is giving.

Ok. Let me tell a bit of my youth (in havin closed-friends).

in my high school. I’ve got a group of 8.

in my college. I’ve got no group of people but i’ve few heads that i be friend with.

and the present. in my university. I’ve got a group of 6.

after college, i have made my mind that having your own troop of friends is not a bad idea but it can be worst in time.

//This doesn’t mean that i don’t appreciate and love my gang. but some things need to be pushed out from my hidden mind. //

this is bcs in my college, i finally find only one or two heads that i can sorted everything to them. and i don’t feel any boundaries and the strangeness and the awkwardness when i spend my time with them.

after two year passed. The feeling is still the same when i was chatting and calling with them. And that is the feeling i’ve been really looking for and wanting to keep. and we still do chats and make a call even tho it is not frequent. can be months to make a short video call or a year of a call. but the feeling of the events still warms me.

and as the time goes by, the gang i’d when im in my high school was getting quieter and awkwarder.

It is soo strange. and I do hate this feelings happened. I want to make a change. i want to uplift the mood. and the mood was uplifted. but still, it won’t last long like i have always been wanted.

The feelings of being myself.The feelings of saying whatever in my mind.The feelings of not getting awkward.The feelings of having to faking myself.and The feelings of feeling close and having closed friends.

Now, i still find the feelings and the moods are still the same. and i am hopeless of the truth.

Are they are my closed-friends?... or not?

i know i shouldn’t asked myself such a selfish question. But it can’t be help and it always appear in my thoughts.

i am not a ‘let me start the conversation first’ kind of a person.

and i don’t want put a blame on anyone else.

because i just don’t know.... how.. what to do.. just don’t know...

soo, the silence is the best company i could get along when this situation happens.

Lets move on. The present. University life.

I met myself with these 5 heads.

and i found myself being comforts to talk whatever in my mind before them.

and me is being my ownself much more than i ever been before. The feels is the same when i am in college but lil bit difference because there are 10 eyes, 10 ears, 5 mouths and more advices,thoughts and joys are there.

It is strange. It is weird. because it happens just like that.

and the knots are still fresh and new. I don’t want to put all my trusts yet. I still have more years to come for me to test the roots.

and i do hope and pray to Him that this is what my innerself really wants and this is what i’ve been hoping.

but to cuts my friendships with my high school friends and college friends are definitely not what i want to. i want to keep them. i am growing and learning because of them.

Let’s be happy.

[adoretexts]

SEVENTEEN - F.R.I.E.N.D.S opening

a/n - yes i have spent three days making this and honestly, i would watch this show~

[hemohemoempire]

It feels soo old when I am listen to this. but Yes a better video hehe

[hemohemoempire]

I've got lovely family, loyal friends, a nice house, delicious food on the table, money always flow inside my accounts. What more should I ask to fill my happiness in this world? Oh, you forget one very last important thing.You forgot 'of being grateful' part. Always be grateful towards Him.

[hemohemoempire]

Hidup di Dunia ini sudah tidak lama. Tapi sayanglah kalau tidak menggunakan rasa kasih dan sayang yang ada itu kepada semua.

[hemohemoempire]

Little Things

I love to keep things as memories.

and I want beloved ones to do the same.

This morning, I told my parents about having personal book.

and I asked them to write a diary or daily thoughts (hehe)

p/s//;  of course I even promise them to buy for them a cute book. :P

My father, he is such a cutie when he said that he was embarassing to write what he feels and he even say many times that, He is shy and don’t know what to write.

Honestly, when I heard it, I totally can relate on what my father trying to say. Because we are, like father, like daughter..Introvert!

Then, my mother get up and showed to us her completed small notebook which is contained with her daily thoughts and stories.

Cannot deny, of course some tears-falling scene happened.

My mother actually do wrote about my father when he was admitted into a ward due to internal intestine bleeding. It took him months and there were lots of terrifying yet scary moments happened.

Guess what. For the whole months, my mother kept on writing about my father condition and all stuffs including about her missing her children to come back home.(I am literally crying rn while typing this)

I know it is unforgivable for making your old folks missing you soo much that you have never making any calls for days and did not to come back home for months. Their feelings of missings their child is just indescriable.

You know, not all families have Sun and Rainbows all the time.

and not all families faced Rains and Thunder everyday.

In a family, there must be obstacles and ujian that the family members need to face.

But somehow,in all these matters. It doen’t mean that the family are not happy (are in fight or something).

No.

They are still a happy family but with saltiness taste of happiness.

That’s why, for me. It is somehow hard for me to leave my parents alone.

and I am clearly aware that all my siblings has their own commitments.

and Allhamdulillah, they still not forget their responsibility as the son/daughter of my parents.

Back to my agenda,

the main reason that I want both of my parents to write their random thoughts or feelings is because these little writings will be kept as unfolded memories.

If you missing the happy days, you can re-read the moments.

If you are in the midst of sadness, you can let it out in the formed of words.

Mak, Abah;

I love you soo soo much.

Nothing can describe on how much I love and miss you.

If I was your beautiful gift that Allah has given,

You are my precious and loveliest parents that Allah has ever fate me to.

I always pray for you both to be always in the shelter of Allah’s forgiveness and protections.

I always for your best.

If the time is come and Allah take you..

I don’t know if I am ready or not but somehow I will be gladly because you Allah take you on His best day and you are protected from the day of Qiamah.

Ya Allah, please grant my parents, The most highest Jannah.

Forgive them and showered them with all of your blessings.

You know the best.

Give me (and my siblings) times to spend time more with our abah and mak.

To give all of our time with them.

To serve them as a soleh and solehah childrens for them.

Ameen, Ya Rabb.

[hemohemoempire]

Misteri.

Itulah perjalanan hidup seorang yang digelar hamba.

Bukan hamba dunia tetapi hamba-Nya.

Pelbagai ramalan telah kucipta untuk menjawab setiap persoalan yang berligar di minda.

Tetapi telah kulupa.

Satu kuasa yang abadi sudah menulis laluanku.

Sejak roh yang diturunkan memilih jasadku sebagai salah seorang khalifah bumi.

Tetapi aku manusia yang penuh persoalan, masih tertanya tanya.

Apa yang bakal aku hadapi di masa cerah.

Atau apa yang akan ku pilih sebagai pilihan yang tepat dalam hidupku..

Semuanya adalah soalan-soalan yang tidak pernah terhenti dari bermain di jenak hati.

Ku sering soalkan kenapa dan cara.

Sepanjangku lalui hari hariku.

Lagi sekali.

Aku lupa.

Ada yang Maha Menguasai sedang melihatku.

Lagi sekali.

Aku lupa.

Dia sudah tetapkan semua tentang diriku.

Dan aku juga lupa.

Bahawa Dia perintah aku.

Untuk teruskan apa yang aku sedang lakukan.

Asalkan masih dibawah tali pautan-Nya.

Walaupun perjalanan hidupku masih tidak berwarna seperti yang hati manusia aku yang mahu.

Aku yakin bahawa Dia lagi mengetahui warna-warna yang sesuai untuk perjalananku ini.

Yakin.

Setia.

Percaya.

Dia ada disamping aku.

Takdir yang Dia sudah lakarkan untuk perjalananku ini.

Boleh diubah.

Tetapi ingat.

Jangan menyimpang dari apa yang Dia suka.

Aku manusia.

Aku hamba.

Dan aku inginkan hidup yang cerah dan damai.

Tunjukkan padaku Ya Allah.

Berikan aku laluan seperti itu.

Ameen Ya Rabb.

[thehopingheart]

Bersendirian memang sebenarnya mencari nahas. Kerana apabila sendiri, perasaan akan diamukkan memori.

Hlovate - Garpu & Camca (via thehopingheart)

Everyone is living with memories.In past,present and even in the future.There will be a memory or even moment (s) that will stay as something u want to keep in your mind to remember everyday.

If you find a person who is slightly grinning alone-dont ever clumsily called him as a mad one bcz you dont know what he might thinking about at that time.

Most people.Me and you.All of us have been in this kind of situation where our minds keep on floating back to the memories we always fond of and then we started either smiling or even crying to the memories that kept showing in our head.

Some people,have junks of memories with someone who is their most beloved ones either still alive or dead.So,each of the moments with those people will keep playing in his/her mind each time they played the ‘file’.

Nevertheless,ladies and gentlemen;

Start in making more loads of memories with people around you.May he/she is your enemy or your love.Create something that you might be fond of when you are alone and back to the memorylane.

Cherish the moments.

The time will not stay still and forever but the moment in that time will do.

Hasta Lavista everyone.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

[bornbetweentwosigns]

Saya dalam gelap. Dan salah siapa kalau saya tak nampak? Kenapa orang keliling hanya pandai bising. Tapi tak pandai menghulur tangan? Jangan pernah ‘judge’ masa lampau orang lain. Mana mungkin kita tahu jika masa lampaunya tu adalah masa depan kita. Jangan pernah merasa kita mulia jika baju kita putih dan tak pernah bercemar noda, kalau tak pernah kita hulur tangan kepada mereka yang bergelumang lumpur dan kotor. Jangan rasa bagus dengan hanya menggeleng kepala dan bising pada yang salah dan pincang, jika tak pernah kita sinsing lengan untuk membetulkan dan membantu. Jangan menyalahkan mereka yang larut hanyut, jika tak pernah nak cuba tarik mereka yang lemas dan tenggelam. Apatah lagi nak mengajarkan mereka berenang atau meminjamkan pelampung. Moga hari ini, esok dan akan datang adalah yang baik-baik 'je’ sampai ke penghujung nyawa. Moga walau hari ini adalah hitam, kelabu dan kelam tapi esok masih punya harapan untuk jadi pelangi seribu warna. Minta dengan doa.

 Hlovate, Anthem

Translation:

I am in the darkness,

And who’s fault is it if I can’t see?

Why do everyone around me only knows how to talk

But don’t know how to hold their hand out?

Don’t ever judge one’s past, who knows their past could become our future?

Never feel like we are better than others just because our clothes are clean and never got stained by sins, if we never hold out our hand to those who have been stained by mud and dirt.

Never feel that you are better by making noise for the wrong  and broken, if you have never pull up your sleeves to help and repair it.

Never blame those who is lost in the sea, if you have never tried to pull them out of it from drowning. What more teach them how to swim and lend them a life buoy.

May today, tomorrow, and in the future to come be good until the end of our life. Even though today are a black, grey and cloudy day but tomorrow let there be hope to become a rainbow with a thousand colour. Ask in your prayers

(via bornbetweentwosigns)

[error-khai]

Panggilan Illahi

Post yg diinspirasikan oleh Contengan Jalanan dan Schubert’s Serenade - Hlovate. Ayat-ayat ini adalah hasil tulisan Hlovate. Saya cuma menulisnya semula di sini untuk dikongsikan bersama. 

Assalammualaikum.

Mati itu pasti. Aku tahu.

Waktu sampai ajal tiada toleransi. Aku tahu.

Ajal tak kenal usia di bumi. Aku tahu.

Larilah ke ceruk bumi mana sekalipun, maut itu pasti akan datang tanpa kompromi. Aku tahu.

Sama ada ditunggu atau tidak, datangnya sebagai sebuah janji. Aku tahu.

Bayang maut itu boleh datang dengan merangkak, atau boleh datang dengan laju sekilas kilat besi. Aku tahu.

Tapi untuk akal dan hati menerima, bukan semudah itu.

Betul, dalam usia ni kehilangan tu makin terasa sebab akal dan hati dah pandai merasa. Dan kehilangan tu akan makin terasa jika segalanya berlaku secara tiba-tiba.  

Sekelip mata. Hisab dan timbangan amal itu semuanya di bawah kuasa Allah. Pulanglah pada Dia. Moga kepulangan yang bukan sia-sia. Amin.

Kita kena selalu ingat… orang yang kita ingat tu, sayang kita macam mana kita sayang dia. Mungkin dia sayang kita lebih dari itu. Tapi takkan pernah kurang.

Dia orang pergi dulu bukan sebab tak sayang kita, tapi sebab DIA lebih sayang mereka. 

Lagipun, sooner or later kita akan jumpa dia orang balik. Sebab tu kita kena jadi anak yang baik. Selalu doakan dia orang kat sana. Lepas dari azab kubur, lepas dari azab Mahsyar, lepas dari azab neraka. 

And we have to live on. Memang lah things’re easier said than done, tapi tu kan kenyataan. Hilang seseorang dalam hidup bukan alasan untuk kita stop living. Kita bukan selama-lamanya duduk atas dunia ni sampai bila-bila. Siapa tahu, mungkin esok lusa giliran kita pulak. Percaya dengan janji Tuhan. Nanti kita akan jumpa balik dengan dia orang. 

Live a happy life. For them.

Sebenarnya bukan sejauh yang kita fikir. Hanya dipisahkan oleh satu garis je. Life…and death… Garisan tu je yang pisahkan kita. Dan doa tu penghubung yang paling kuat. 

Cara terbaik untuk doakan orang yang dah tak ada dengan kita…

Doakan kebajikannya di alam kubur dan di akhirat, mohon diampunkan dosanya. Kemudian kita mohon dipelihara mereka dari azab kubur, azab Mahsyar, azab akhirat dan azab neraka. Kita mohon agar dilapangkan kubur mereka dengan rahmat-Mu ya Allah, diterangkan kubur mereka dengan Nur-Mu ya Rahman, temankan mereka dengan kasih sayang-Mu ya Rahim.

Doa tu penghubung yang paling kuat antara kita dan mereka yang dah pergi meninggalkan kita. 

Dan sedekahkan apa yang membawa manfaat, yang boleh meringankan azab mereka di sana. Ayat-ayat suci al-Quran yang paling baik. 

Khairiyah: Kita hidup dengan kenangan. Bukan untuk kenangan. Redha dengan pemergian mereka. Redha.  

[aseaofquotes]

Banana Yoshimoto, Kitchen

[mjcodez]

.عَشر خطوات للعناية بِنفسك* ten steps to self care.

[l0ckscreen]

🌷🌵🌺

reblog if u save!

[adotamongalltheotherdots]

Can’t stop looking

[hemohemoempire]

iLived

Live for your life Live for your love Live for your lies that no ones ever told. Live with your might Live with your had Live with your unwanted guilt that no ones ever said. Live because you sure Live because you are hoped Live because you are living that no ones can say so. Live when you happy Live when you in despair Live when you have feelings that no ones can deny. Live in kind Live in good Live in His Mighty that surely makes you feel cool. Live for Him Live for the religion Live for the man-kind that you are blessed with. Live.

[hemohemoempire]

Sneeze and cough you are getting caught on your misfortune thought you loose your laugh with your unbalance weight that makes you feel fright like no one is stand for your fight you feel fault you feel ache and you finish.

thinkandthrow