andrew didn’t choke that boy hard enough. there’s no way in hell you’ve just dragged your family through a riot, realized your little boo thing is missing, and your codependent situationship tells you “you were always going to lose him.” andrew should’ve squeezed til his eyes popped out bc where’s the urgency? why aren’t you also looking for this man who has saved your life, or at the very least has stood between you and your worst fear on multiple occasions? how dare you look at me in my worst hour and presume to know more than I do? do you realize you’ve violated the terms of our agreement by “keeping his secret”? I think andrew underreacted. I think it should’ve taken more people to drag him off the queen. I think that bruise didn’t linger long enough.
and yes this applies especially if kevin said it as a reminder to himself and not just a last minute notice to andrew. his spinelessness will never cease to amaze me and piss me off in equal measure. you promised a ghost from your past a taste of a life he will never get to live, and your contribution to his retrieval (dead or alive) is ambivalent self-righteousness? complacent and complicit asshole, walking that boy to his death and then abandoning him. go straight to hell. and to be fair you’re caught between two people who have protected you over and over again. the power dynamics at play are complex and confusing as fuck. I get it. but to not lift a single finger to help, to only lash out with a statement that is both unhelpful and unnecessary… to have harbored a truth (nathaniel’s desire to play exy) and a lie (neil’s future) and have no sense of responsibility?
Everyone else's bingo is so intense so I tried to make mine more happy bc I don't want to deal with whatever torture Nora is putting Jeremy through just yet.
Julian wasn’t far behind him—cold-chafed, still so thin, but as magnetic and as heartbreaking as he’d been the first time their eyes met. Paul could feel himself smiling. Never in his life had he felt so safe.
“Come and see,” he said, and he reached for Julian’s hand.
Julian didn’t move.
He knew.
Julian inmediately realizing that Paul was planning to kill him is not due to plot convenience. He knew because he sees Paul in a way that Paul never quite managed to see Julian.
Julian's love for Paul was both a curse and a blessing; it was his love for Paul what lead him to almost being killed, but also what saved his life that day, because he knew Paul so well that he was able to see the warning signs, even if it was too late.
He knows that Paul is scared of heights
“You’re afraid of heights,” said Julian, neither pitying nor cruel. “Aren’t you?”
And that he is only this calm when he's the one in a position of power.
“I’ll be able to do it when it’s time,” he would say, though Julian never asked. “It’s only because I know I don’t really need to.”
He knows that Paul is only self assured when he feels like he's becoming the best version of himself.
“Jesus, look at you.” Julian’s eyes were wide, alight with something too shimmering and elusive for Paul to name. “Nothing can touch you, you’re high as a fucking kite. Hold out your hand.”
Paul raised his hand from the gearshift and held it outstretched, flat and steady.
And he can always tell when Paul is lying, or hiding something from him.
He couldn’t lie, not directly, because Julian could always tell.
And then they're going away together, trying to escape from their old lives.
Paul suggests a short hike to "stretch their legs" and Julian knows that Paul goes on hikes to capture beautiful specimens (“I kill them because they’re beautiful, and it’s the only way I can keep them").
Paul goes to look at a hidden ravine, and Julian knows that Paul is afraid of heights except for those times he pushes himself not to be, because there's going to be a reward for his bravery: he's going to better himself, and after all they have done, what could lead paul to achieve the best version of himself?
"Paul could never forget, not quite, that the closeness between them was an illusion. He had no scar to mirror Julian’s, because the wound that had cut them into separate bodies was much older and deeper, invisible. When he kissed Julian, there was always a moment when he believed they could heal the division. But it didn’t matter how urgently or reverently they touched each other, how inseparable they pretended to be. He couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t be parted again, not so long as the separation still existed."
I really love the idea that after the ceramics classes he did with Jeremy, Jean went on to really love art (in all forms) and use it as a sort of coping mechanism
titsay
kianamaiart
areudirty
gummygunk
2087
jimmyeatworldofficial
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
